Who You Are Is Not Where You've Been
by litewrite
Summary: Lara Jean has just started at UNC and Peter at UVA. They always thought that they would get the hang of it but is this going to be possible once life gets in the way? Disclaimer: These are Jenny Han's amazing characters that I have just fallen in love with!
1. Chapter 1

Hi Everyone! I honestly love these characters and these books so much and was little sad at the lack of fanfics, so decided to take matters into my own hands (hahahahahaha!). This is literally my first one and just kinda working off the books for these characters. I have a bit of an outline of the story but not sure if I'll actually do it/people will even want it. Let me know if you like the story and want me to continue because my motivation will definitely be influenced by reviews! Hope you like it! Xxxx

Edit: I think it copied across weirdly, hope it is better now!

Chapter 1

She looks down at her phone as it vibrates on her lap. Quickly she turns it over so it is face down and waits for it to ring out. She tries to turn her head back into the conversation that is happening around her. One of her friends, Claire is making everyone laugh with her story of how she climbed out of a guys window when he went to go to the bathroom after realising she didn't want to hook up with him anymore.

Lara Jean tries to join in the laughter but can't tear her mind away from her vibrating phone. She feels a pang of guilt as her phone vibrates again indicating that a message was left but reminds herself of what happened before this and why she shouldn't feel bad.

She looks at the time – 10:32pm. She will wait until 11pm until she'll reply back asking what he wants. In that time, she stands up to get herself another drink and socialise with more people.

If there is one thing that she has loved most about being at UNC, it is the amount of friends that she has made while here. Sure, she was never too socially awkward or felt isolated enough that she wasn't able to be friends with a lot of people, but with all her past of being best friends with Genevieve then Genevieve hating her and being friends with Chris who always did her own thing, she felt that people judged her before they even knew her or that they already knew things about her before meeting her. It was probably all in her head, but it was enough to make her not want to go out and be friends with more people. She also always had her family who she adored spending time with though now she sees that maybe she was using that as an excuse so she didn't have to realise and dwell over what she was missing out on.

At UNC though, it is another story. No one knows anything about her and everyone is so excited and wanting to meet new people that she is so much more outgoing. She waves hi to everyone she sees walking past in her residence hall and has already get a great study group for all of her courses. On top of that, the Asian association has been incredibly welcoming of her and she has been able to find more likeminded students in the Harry Potter club and baking club. Sometimes she still yearns to be at home with her family but knowing she has so many people around her who enjoys spending time with has been a new and one of the best experiences.

She is pouring herself a cherry coke when another friend, Alex from her study group runs over.

'Lara Jean! How are you?' she exclaims loudly, pulling her in for a hug and swaying dramatically side to side.

'I'm good! How are you?' she returns with the same enthusiasm, still swaying with her in the hug.

'I'm so good! Lara Jean, shhhhhhh, I'll make your drink even better, then we can be on the same level and have funnnnnn!' she tries to whisper to her but fails entirely. From her crossbody bag, she pulls out a bedazzled flask and pours some of the contents into Lara Jean's cup.

Lara Jean laughs. She wasn't looking to have a big night tonight but she hadn't had a drink since arriving at the party and maybe that was what she needed to stop feeling so bad about the other things happening.

'What is that?' she asks, taking a sip from her cup.

'Ah-rum-tum-tum!' Alex says. 'My brother stocked my up with a few bottles for this semester, but don't tell! Though if you want any, I'll happily charge a reasonable price!'

She laughs again at Alex. She was lucky to have such a chill brother who offered to buy her alcohol but was also definitely taking a risk at trying to have it hidden all semester, particularly when her residence hall has just enforced stricter underage drinking rules.

Alex then launches into a rant about how stupid their professor is and how amazing Lara Jean is for helping her. Tyler, another member of their study group walks over to them, pulling them in for a big group hug.

'My nerds!' he yells, refusing to let them squirm out of his hug.

'Tyler!' they both excitedly yell back.

'Tyler, how amazing is Lara Jean…' Alex starts again.

She is still talking when Tyler leans over and whispers to her 'Lol, take a drink every time she says "amazing".'

Lara Jean tries hard not to smile knowing that Tyler is taking a jab at the fact that Alex literally doesn't use anything other describing word than 'amazing', but agrees to join in.

Tyler and she can barely keep up with the rate that Alex repeats the word. They both stand their nodding along, pretending to be interested in her long soliloquy of this semester so far and trying not to laugh as they both struggle to keep drinking. She doesn't know how long it takes but sure enough, her and Tyler both finish their drinks and she is still talking. Feeling the light-headedness start to hit her, she tries to excuse herself and sneak away before Alex can get started on something else.

She walks towards the patio, leaving Tyler with Alex in hopes of finding someone to talk to out there while she can get some air. She looks down at the time on her phone- 11:15pm. What? How did that happen? She thinks to herself.

There are a few text messages for her which aren't surprising.

Hey. I tried to call you.

Sorry about before.

I can talk now.

Can you please just call me?

I'll wait till midnight, then I'm going to bed.

Begrudgingly, she heads towards a corridor and tries to find a quieter spot. Maybe because she is lightheaded and doesn't want to deal with drama, or maybe because she just wants to hear his voice, she decides to call him back.

It rings once before he picks up.

'Finally!' he says as soon as it goes through. 'I've been trying to call you for the last hour.'

'Sorry I was busy.' She says. It comes out a lot meaner than she intended it to.

'What are you doing?' he asks, from his voice she can tell that he is lying down.

'I'm at a house party.' She responds very matter-of-factly.

'On a school night? Covey, what's happened to you?' he laughs, clearly joking at the fact she would have never considered doing something like this in school.

She laughs as well. 'I'm not staying past 1am and I guess I'm just trying to catch up to high school.'

She hears him chuckle before he yawns.

'I wanted to hear all about your day, but I can barely keep my eyes open now.' He says.

'Well you had your chance before.' She retorts.

He lets out a big sigh. She knows that he is also looking for reassurance about what happened earlier and she isn't going to give him any particularly when a bit tipsy.

'I know I'm sorry. I just couldn't.' she can almost hear him pout on the other line.

She lets the silence hang there, letting him know that she doesn't buy that excuse.

'Look, how about I call you tomorrow morning and we can talk more then.' He proposes.

She groans. 'You know I have class tomorrow morning.'

She doesn't want to let him down completely so she asks 'maybe tomorrow afternoon?'

'I can't, I have practice and then a strength session.' He sighs again.

'But then it's Friday night and you know that's when my Harry Potter club meets.' She sighs too.

'Can't you maybe miss it for one week?' he pleads.

'Can't you miss your strength session for one week?' she replies. They are about to go down the same road and the same conversation they had earlier. The one where he wants her to stop doing what she enjoys and she likes, but he doesn't give up anything for her.

'Come on, Covey, you know I can't do that.' He sounds defeated.

'Maybe we should just leave it until the weekend and then we can FaceTime then.' She can feel the tension building in her but doesn't want to let it go. She just wants them to work and to just be them, but its so hard.

'Ok, I'll text you tomorrow when I can and we will try fit a call in between everything and then definitely we'll arrange a long time this weekend to talk.' He pipes up a bit at this.

'Ok, I'll hear from you tomorrow, I guess.' It goes silent between them. So much that both of them want to say and so many words that should be said but, nothing comes out. It starts to almost get awkward until he speaks up again.

'I love you with all my heart, Lara Jean.' She knows that he is reminding her of their contract, what they promised each other and how they were sure that it was going to work between them.

This brings a little smile to her face. 'I love you too.'

Then they hang up the phone.

She walks back into the party and plops down on one of the couches with the same group of people around her that were there when he first rang her. It's now 11:30pm which means that she has another hour and a half until her roommate and her are going to meet to uber back together.

She lets her head roll back onto the top of the couch, floating in and out of the conversation. Though her thoughts keep directing her towards one thing – Peter.

She lets her mind wander off as she thinks back over the last few months of college.

They are still together, which in itself is a massive feat. Though she feels like she is adjusting to constant sense of longing and missing which she isn't used to. It's like she is living in the second week of January. She has had the excitement of Christmas including the Christmas Cookie Bonanza, setting up the tree, decorating the house, doing Christmas shopping and giving presents. Then the next excitement of having New Years Eve and going to a party, making resolutions and taking down all of the decorations and finishing the leftovers. But now there is just the lingering feeling of January as it is all over and it won't be happening again until the next year when they hope it will even bigger and better.

That's how it feels. She misses him so much and just wishes the time could pass faster.

When they first arrived at their respective colleges, they were so sure of themselves and what they had. She called him every night and they would always talk for hours about what they had just discovered, who they had met and what they were enjoying most. He sent her letters of at least 2 pages, reminding her of their favourite times together or about something that happened which made him miss her even more.

Then it all just changed. Not because of her, she reminds herself. After starting off so well, life just got in the way. Well, Peter's life did. The trainings, the sessions and the recoveries on top of class, sleep and being social was taking up so much of his time. He would promise to call her that night and she would cancel everything, waiting for it to come through so they could finally share everything that happened and feel closer, but it was never enough. He never forgot to call her, of course, but the calls just started coming later in the night, or he was just too tired to stay on the call for long, or sometimes would even fall asleep while she was talking. She couldn't blame him because she knows that he is trying his best to do well at Lacrosse and also adjust to college life, but she also realised that she was spending her freshman experience just waiting for him.

After another night of crying, her roommate made her go out and go to every meeting with her clubs, every study group and every party they go invited to as well. It was then that she realised how much she was missing and how big of a chance she had now to really do whatever she wanted. She wasn't just going to parties because her boyfriend was invited, or joining clubs because Margot thought it was a good thing to do, instead it was all for her. Now she wasn't just Peter's girlfriend or one of the Song sister or even the daughter of a mother who has died, but she was just Lara Jean. The exact kind of girl she didn't even know she wanted to be at college.

But she is so conflicted. She loves Peter and she wants to be able to talk to him every day and tell each other everything and never lose the fact that she knows him probably more than any other person in her life, but she also can't stop giving herself a chance to be who she wants to be.

There is so much distance between them now, but they are both still trying to grasp at what is left. They said that they would eventually get the hang of things, maybe getting used to not sharing the little things that happen in life is part of it.

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Bleep. Bleep Bleep. Bleep. Bleep Bleep. Bleep. Bleep Bleep. Bleep. Bleep Bleep.

'Ahhhhhhhhhhh turn it off !' Lara Jean groans, before throwing one of her pillows at her roommate who was asleep.

'Oh, sorry….' Her roommate, Bonnie says groggily.

Bonnie stumbles around towards her desk where her phone is charging and turns off the alarm. She then quickly turns on her heel and jumps right back into her bed.

'Why is it so dark, so cold and so early?' she whines, wrapping herself back up in her covers.

'I don't know' Lara Jean whimpers back.

They both have to get to an 8am class this morning but even at 7:30am, it is too dark outside to make that seem fair.

'Just think, when Thanksgiving break comes and we can sleep in as much as we want.' Lara Jean says trying to get the energy to get out of bed.

'No I can't cause my brothers are up at 6am every morning!' Bonnie cries out, now hiding her head under her pillow.

Lara Jean chuckles at her friend. She has to admit that sharing a room with Bonnie and hearing about the adventures she had with her five younger brothers have made her very appreciative of having just one little sister, even if she is crazy.

'Upsy-daisy!' Lara Jean says while flinging herself out of bed.

She already laid out her clothes last night for this morning and packed her bag, knowing that she wanted to have as much time as possible to sleep. She grabs her toiletries with her and heads to the shower. Usually she wouldn't bother showering for a class this early, but she has a study group after class where they are finishing their group project due tonight and then she has her Harry Potter meeting until late. So if she doesn't shower now then she will spend the whole day feeling gross.

The hot water wakes her up a bit more. She uses her favourite Dove soap, she loves smelling this on Peter so thinks about him when she uses it. She quickly washes her face as well before getting dressed and walking back to her room. When she arrives, she sees that Bonnie has not made any attempts at getting out of bed.

'Bonnie! If you don't get up now, you'll miss your class and you know that you have compulsory attendance!' she urges her.

Bonnie groans and turns over, so Lara Jean tries again.

'If you don't get up, I won't let you have any of the chocolate crossiants I made last night.' She offers.

Immediately Bonnie is out of bed. She quickly grabs her coat and puts on her shoes.

''Aren't you going to change out of your pyjamas?' Lara Jean asks, smiling at her.

'Have I ever gone to an 8am class NOT in my pyjamas?' she quirks back.

Lara Jeans laughs and gives an agreeing nod.

'Now let's go so we have time to heat your croissants up!' Bonnie says excitedly before linking arms with her, picking up both their bags and pulling her outside.

There's nothing that gets Bonnie moving like good food, Lara Jean thinks to herself letting her to be dragged along.

Her UNC Baking club have been working their way through French inspired goods since the end of Halloween. They started with madeleines, then macaroons, then baguettes and have since graduated from savoury croissants to chocolate croissants. They are allowed to use one of the residence hall's kitchens which means they can stay up late just waiting for their creations to come out. The club has truly embraced Lara Jean's love for baking. She was never game to try to make croissants or anything on her own but is slowly learning to get out of her comfort zone of chocolate chip cookies. The majority of the club is made up of girls who are all very lovely and get on well. One of the best parts of living on campus particularly with broke students is also that there are also stomachs to feed. Bonnie swears that she is going to be gaining a Fresher fifty with Lara Jean as her roommate, but she is constantly going to gym and playing sports so Lara Jean doubts that is true. Though having the baked goods has definitely made her a favourite to most around the hall and its almost a tradition to see her going around the rooms with a tray of goodies every Tuesday night and Sunday morning after their meetings and sometimes even more often based on her mood. Lara Jean always found baking to be incredibly therapeutic but even more enjoyable based on the fact that she could share what she made with everyone. She is reminded of when she always did the same thing with her family, but she guesses now she has a MUCH bigger family to cater for which she doesn't mind at all.

Bonnie quickly pulls their croissants out of the microwaves and they both use them to warm their hands in serviettes.

Bonnie bites into hers and moans with pleasure. 'Lara Jean, what would I do without you? I mean, do you realise how awful and lifeless my mornings would be with out and your baking?' she exclaims.

Lara Jean blushes. The other great thing about sharing her baked goods with the people here is how appreciative and grateful they always are. After 18 years of baking, Kitty just critiques or mocks her for her baking even when she enjoys it.

She takes a bit of her croissant as well. The pastry is just so perfectly buttery and flaking, it practically melts in her mouth before a delicious flow of chocolate from the sentence is released from the centre. She sighs in content as well. This was definitely the best way to start this morning.

Then her and Bonnie go running to their classes.

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In between her study group and her Harry Potter meeting, she has a bit of time to herself to grab dinner and make her way across campus to the library.

While walking across, she tries to call Peter. It's on the last ring when he finally picks up.

'Hey'

'Hey' she replies. She can't stop the smile spreading over her face as she hears his voice. 'How was your day?'

'Good, good. Lara Jean, I'm sorry I'm just doing a session with some of my teammates, remember, we'll be done in another hour. Can I call you back then?' he asks.

Her smile drops. 'Yeah, sure, that's fine. I'm just going to my meeting though so I'm not sure if I'll be able to answer let alone talk long until late tonight.'

'Oh, no, ummm, we can talk now then. What's been happening?' He asks.

Already she feels an ache of longing in her stomach. There was so much that she wanted to tell him. She wanted to tell him about how amazing her chocolate croissants were this morning and how she even made the professor jealous while eating it in her class, but then he wouldn't even know that she made croissants because she didn't tell him on Wednesday about that time, or even the time before that when she ruined the batch she made which is how she knew how to make this one perfect. She wanted to tell him about the funny joke she told at her study group where she made a pun about "Shakespeare being Shakes-queer to Shakes-spear through the Shakes-fear of the Century." But she can't remember telling him about them learning about Romeo and Juliet or the nuances of the characters portraying qualities of the modern era or how much she fell in love with the play.

She hesitates. Part of her wants to just spill everything and tell him all the little things that have happened but she knows that he is in the middle of his session and probably just wants summary of everything, just like she will want as well as she doesn't have long until her meeting starts.

With a sigh, she says 'Oh nothing much really, I just had class this morning and then my study group was super productive and managed to finish our project on time which was a W.'

'Oh that's great Covey! How did you hold up after a late one last night?' he exclaims back.

She laughs. 'I might have crashed at about 3pm and needed a sugar hit but other than….' She tries to say positively.

'And I thought that I was struggling to wake up this morning. You must have been hell to deal with.' He says while laughing.

She pouts. 'Maybe… Anyway, how are you going?' she asks. She tries to keep it open to avoid noticing how little they are actually sharing with each other.

'I'm as fantastic as can be, Covey. We just had practice and I had a class and it was all pretty good.' He says. Though he tries to sound sure of himself, she can hear the tension in his voice.

Again, she hesitates. 'That's cool! How's the team shaping up now?'

'Oh we're going to be Champions, I guarantee.' He woops.

She laughs again. She is outside of where her club is meeting and already a few minutes late now.

'I'm really glad to hear that. I have to go now though.' She starts.

He says something to the people around him that the phone muffles. 'oh ok, yeah thanks for calling me, Covey. We'll Facetime tomorrow, yeah?'

'Yeah that sounds good!' she says enthusiastically.

'Ok, I love you.'

'I love you too.'

'Bye'

'Bye'

And just like that she feels more water swept between them.

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She is still smiling as she gets back from her dorm that night. She had the most fun with her Harry Potter club tonight. They spent the majority of the time arguing over whether the movies were right to exclude the storyline about Teddy. It was a very emotional and very endearing conversation. Lara Jean could see that although she is a fan of Harry Potter, she is not as big of a fan as some people. Though it was hilarious watching the arguments that her friends came up with before they scrolled the internet for funny parodies of the movies.

Her, Josh and Margot used to spend hours and hours talking about the Harry Potter books and movies. They always argued over what houses they would be in, though it was so obvious that Margot was Ravenclaw, she was Hufflepuff and Josh was Gryffindor. This all happened when they were about eleven and twelve, so after all the movies finished they never really spoke about it again. Peter made a good effort and read every single book in the series knowing how much she loved them and constantly referenced them daily, but he never was passionate enough about them to argue as he probably knew that she would always win. She giggles to herself as she thinks about him, his Moaning Myrtle ways. She never thought that she would ever be saying this but she actually finds herself missing his adorable pout and the way that he used to kick up a fuss. Usually to make her laugh, of course but she wonders if she would still know what would make him do that just as she used to.

She walks into the lobby of her residence hall and decides to check if she has any mail. She ordered more washi tape as she is almost out of all the 8 rolls that she bought with her. She didn't think that she would go through what she bought with her so quickly but with writing notes and putting up things around her room, it turned out that she needed a lot than she anticipated.

There is no slip telling her to pick up a bigger package from the front desk but there is an envelope for her. She looks at the back and sees the UVA address. Her heart almost skips a beat.

Despite being so tired, she feels a bit more bounce in her step as she takes the stairs to her room. She opens the door quietly and notices that Bonnie is asleep. She carefully steps out of her shoes and grabs her towel, toiletries and pyjamas to shower. She leaves the letter on her bed waiting for her to come back to just before she falls asleep.

She tries to take her time with the shower, but can barely take her mind off the letter. She attempts to reason with herself. It's just another letter, it might not fix everything or say all the things that you want it to and that's ok. She tells herself. She doesn't want to put too much pressure on it and for it to implode.

Brushing her teeth for two minutes feels like forever but soon she is done and skipping down the hall to her room again. She places her clothes from the day in her washing basket, leaves her toiletries in their usual position before cuddling up under her blankets with her night light on and the letter in her hand. She rips it open and takes a deep breath reminding herself of what she was saying in the shower before folding it open and reading.

Dear Lara Jean

I miss you so much. I know that it's hard for you too and I know that we always knew that it was going to be hard, but I never thought that it would feel like this. I know that I am not doing well on my part and that I need to make more time for you and I'm trying. I'm just a bit lost at the moment with school, friends and lacrosse. We will make this work. I promise I love you.

They always have chocolate chip cookies at every meal for us and every time I see them I think of yours. I think of how you just had to take your cookies to the next level and try all those different recipes. Honestly, I don't even both having any here because I know that yours are so much better, I don't really know how yours a better like I can't describe it like you do, but I just know. They aren't as crunchy and it doesn't feel the same. I hope you are proud of the fact that you have ruined cookies for me, hahahahaha.

Just like those cookies we will probably need to try a few ways to figure this out as well, I don't know exactly what yet but we will find a way. I can't wait to see you for Thanksgiving.

Love, Peter.

She can't stop smiling after reading his letter. It was better than she expected and she knows that they can do it, they just need to keep working at it. They are going to try Facetime this weekend and she is going to tell him everything, she decides. Even if they have to stay up all night she doesn't want anymore space between them.

She is smiling as she drifts off to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: LOL, I GOT ONE FOLLOW YAY! This is definitely a super quick update that no one wanted or asked for but I was on a roll so thought I might as well post it! Are these chapters maybe a little too long? I always like long chapters but if we are vibing for more shorter ones, I can definitely oblige! Feel free to be one of the first reviews! Hahahaahahaha! Hope you enjoy this chapter and would love to hear thoughts._

Chapter 2

She can barely contain her excitement as she packs her bag to go home. It's Wednesday and Peter is on his way to pick her up.

She has packed up so much in her dorm. It's going into winter now so she thinks it is definitely time to take her more summery clothes home to make room for all the blankets and pillows she can bring back. Her and Bonnie are playing Taylor Swift's new album and dancing around as they pack. She honestly could not be in a better mood at the moment, she is so excited to see her family, her home and Peter.

It was Halloween weekend the last time she saw him. He drove up from UVA on the Friday night and attended the costume party with her on Saturday. They went as Romeo and Juliet, just like they had planned back in Senior Year. Everyone figured out who she was and no one thought she was an anime character, but that have also been because she was constantly telling everyone and reminding them that she was Juliet and no an Asian character. Peter didn't drink because he is really trying to stay healthy for Lacrosse but they had the best night. Peter is such a people person that he got on with everyone they met. He even managed to get along with her friends from her Harry Potter club though he definitely couldn't understand why some of them were as passionate about it as they were, but he enjoyed the conversation. He even came and baked with her the next morning, which was hilarious as she was quite hungover and he didn't know what to do. She can't even remember what they were trying to cook but she remembers Peter accidentally pouring her water into the mixture after she put it next to the bowl to drink. Her clothes that day were also ruined because of the amount of ingredients that her and Peter got all over each other. The President even almost kicked them out for wasting flour on each other, though she was easily convinced to let them stay after Peter flashed her his best smile and charm. Everyone that day was so envious of her, arriving with this handsome boyfriend and now they constantly ask when she will be bringing him back. She understands the fascination and completely agrees that he is gorgeous, though sometimes wishes they could see that he is so much more than just a handsome boy. After having not seen each other for so long, that weekend was absolutely worth it and it made her suddenly enjoy having a smaller bed when she could fall asleep in his arms. But after that weekend, she can't deny that he just seems more distant than before. She can't quite put it down to a single action or thing that he has done, but for some reason she has just felt that she hasn't been able to reach him quite as well as before. That's probably why the things they don't say are getting to her so much. Sure, she shouldn't expect him to tell her everything about his day, but when he seems this way, she just wants to know more so she can be reassured that he is ok, that they are ok.

Bonnie's voice takes her out of her thoughts.

'Is that sexy beast coming to pick you up?' she asks, seductively.

'By sexy beast, you mean, Peter?' Lara Jean laughs.

Bonnie runs over the photo of Peter and her in a frame by her bed.

'Oh Peter, you sexy sexy beast! How dare you leave me alone here without protection? How do I ever survive with you and your eyes and damn…. Your abs!' Bonnie wails at the photo.

Lara Jean can't stop herself from erupting into a fit of laughter. Bonnie couldn't believe it when she told her that the boy in the photo was her boyfriend and though she is still wary of him, she enjoys glorifying him and his beauty to cheer Lara Jean up.

Suddenly there is a knock at the door and a voice that says 'Uhhhh, do I want to know?'

'Peter!' Lara Jean squeals as she runs to the door.

As opens the door as fast as she can and as soon as she sees him standing there, all of her ill feelings of the last few weeks is forgotten. She throws her arms around him, burying her face into his shoulder.

'Hey Covey' he says softly, rubbing his nose against her neck.

He gently pushes her away and leans down to kiss her. She gets so caught up in it that she completely forgets about Bonnie and she is sure that Peter does to.

Bonnie clears her throat. 'Ummm, I'd go but you two are kinda blocking the doorway.' She says awkwardly.

She breaks away from the kiss and laughs into his chest. She can feel him laugh as well.

'Hey Bonnie' Peter says, flashing her his winning smile.

'Hey Peter, I'll give you guys some time alone…' she draws out the last syllable for emphasis.

'Lara Jean, have the best break and don't bring back too many clothes, you can barely close your wardrobe as is! And wish me luck as I return to hell.' She says, coming to over to Lara Jean for a hug.

Lara Jean moves away from Peter to give Bonnie a big hug. Even though they hadn't known each other for that long, she knows that she will actually really miss Bonnie even if it is just for a few days. They have grown so close and literally spend every second together so it will be weird to adjust to at first.

'Bye Bon-bon! Good luck and we'll talk!' she says into her shoulder.

She slips behind Peter and gives him a pat on the shoulder which surprises him before she walks out of the room. Lara Jean watches the door close behind her, though she is aware of that Peter hasn't stopped looking at her since he walked in.

'I missed you so much.' He whispers before cupping her face and leaning in again to kiss her.

This time, he kisses her with more intensely. These are her favourite kinds of kisses. The kiss feels so urgent, hungry and feels like it has been so long since they last had this feeling. It doesn't take long for him to pull her even closer and deepen the kiss. They are both utterly consumed and she forgot how much she loved kissing this boy and having his hands in her hair.

He moves towards her and carefully leads her to the edge of her bed without breaking their kiss. She feels her covers at the backs of her knees, but barely notices as she is so lost in their kiss. He eventually starts to work his way down her neck towards her collarbone as she sits back on the bed.

She breaks away from him and flashes him a mischievous smile. 'Did you really?' she challenges him.

He smiles at her before pushing her back on to the bed and rolling over her, careful not to put any of his weight on her. She starts to feel her heart race against him, just like it always does whenever he is this close to her. The intensity of his gaze is enough to make her breath catch as she sees all the longing and love that surely mirrors her own.

Then they are kissing again, soft-lipped and open-mouthed just how she loves. After all this time, she doesn't want this to ever end. She missed him so much, the way he feels over her, how it feels to kiss him, just the ability to be able to kiss him.

They are both breathing fast as they break away long enough for him to get his shirt off. He is kissing her along her jawline as she feels his hands trying to undo the buttons of her blouse. He fumbles through the first three then eventually groans and just pulls it off her without bothering with the bottom ones. She giggles at his frustration and pulls him back to her lips.

She can't even describe how it feels to have him next to her again and being able to feel his skin against hers. She brings her hands along his back, making note of how much more muscular he seems and how much more definition she can feel. Not even just his back but everything about him just seems more built and more solid somehow. He begins to move down her neck towards her bra strap. He pulls it down as he goes further her cleavage.

She suddenly feels a tension build up inside her and her breath get a bit faster. She doesn't want him to stop kissing her even for a second. He pulls her up for a moment to get his hands behind her back and moving to kiss her lips. She holds on to his neck as his hands find her bra clasp and his fingers start trying to find the hooks. She can't even think straight and is struggling to control herself.

He almost has it undone, then a blaring noise breaks them from their trance.

They both jump as the ringtone on her phone pierces through the moment they were sharing. She groans loudly not trying to hide that she is annoyed that someone would try ruin this moment for them. She reaches to the table beside her bed and sees that its her Dad calling.

'Hi Daddy.' She says, trying to hide the contempt in her voice but failing miserably.

'Lara Jean, have you left yet?' he asks, concerned.

'No, Peter just arrived. I told you I would text when we were leaving, right?' she asks, again annoyance very clearly in her voice.

'Oh yeah, just thought that I would call and check in though! He says cheerfully. He obviously has missed the signs that she is not happy about his interruption.

Holding onto her waist, Peter flops them back onto her bed so they are lying on their sides. He nestles his head on her chest and snuggles close to her. He is trying to catch his breath and hide the fact that he is annoyed by the interruption as well. She runs her fingers through his hair and starts playing with it just how he likes it, loving the feeling of how silky and soft it is.

'Well we haven't left yet.' She answers. Her frustration has been somewhat relaxed by having Peter next to her.

'Ok well don't forget to text me when you do! Tell Peter to drive safe.' He chirps.

'Okkkkkkkkk…..Love you.' she bemoans, trying to wrap up their conversation.

'Love you too.'

'Bye.' She says before quickly hanging up.

Peter looks up at her as soon as she puts her phone down.

'That was a bit of a mood kill' he laughs.

'Tell me about it' she laughs back, so she is maybe a little glad that they got interrupted.

They spend a few seconds just looking at each other enjoying finally being able to touch and feel each other as opposed to being across a screen.

'How was the drive?' she asks, continuing to play with the ends of his hair.

'Amazing since I knew I was on my way to see you!' he smiles.

She rolls her eyes at his cheesiness though can understand his excitement.

'You'd think you would have driven faster, then huh?' she quips back. She wants to see how far his romance can go.

'I know, I would have gotten arrested for you too but….appparently… it's unsafe for other drivers' he teases.

She laughs at him. She has never thought that he could ever crash or drive dangerously, but she knows that if it was her on her way to see him, she would have definitely been taking the speed limit as more of a suggestion.

'Do you want to take my bags down now and we can go through drive-thur?' she asks, pulling his head up to look at her.

He sighs dramatically and gives her his famous pouty face. 'Covey…..' he whines. 'I haven't seen you in 3 weeks, you gotta give me more action than this!'

She laughs. 'Ok, five more minutes but then we have to go so we can avoid traffic.'

He moves towards her lips. 'Five minutes! Damn, you harsh!'

She hardly gets out a laugh before he crashes his lips against hers and picks up exactly where they left off.

The five minutes goes too quickly, but she knows that they will have plenty of time for more when they get back.

'Ok, five minutes up!' she says, pushing him away from her. Of course, he doesn't listen and continues kissing her down her neck towards her collarbone.

She tries again to push him off, but her own strength betrays her and is hardly enough to move a pillow let alone her boyfriend.

'Come on, just five more' he begs continuing to kiss along her shoulders.

'Nope….' She breathes.

Eventually he stops and looks hard into her eyes. 'Really?' he asks.

With his mouth away from her neck, she can finally think straight. 'Yep!' she pops her mouth on the 'p'. Then she jumps off the bed, picking her blouse up off the floor at the same time.

She puts it over her head and goes to zip up her bag that she just finished packing as Peter arrived. She looks over at him who is now sitting on her bed, pout on his face and sulking with his arms crossed.

'No, no, no, don't give me this attitude, you know we have to beat traffic.' She reasons with him.

He looks at the ground. 'I just missed you so much and I just want to finally kiss girlfriend, but….. no, traffic is more important.' He whines, emphasising the bottom lip of his pout.

She rolls her eyes. 'I am so glad you came to pick me up and take me home. You really are pretty great to drive all this way and back for me.' She says.

She can see the sides of his mouth twitch as he tries not to smile. It's very rare for him to not meet a compliment with a smile and he is also a sucker for positive reinforcement, something that has been true since he was twelve.

'You're welcome' he says, still trying to pout but unable to stop his smile.

She walks over to him and hugs him, squeezing him tight to let him know how much she loves having him here.

He sighs dramatically again. 'Oh, fine, we can go.' He says while wrapping his arms around her waist.

She has to hide her face in his shoulder so he can't see the big smile that spread across her face. Despite everything this was reassurance that she still knew him enough to exactly predict what he was going to do just like she always had. This realisation made her warm inside as she saw that while some things had changed a lot, these little things hadn't.

'Ok, let's try beat the traffic cause the faster I have you home, the sooner I'll get to kiss you again.' He says, giving her a quick peck on the lips before letting go and picking up his shirt off the floor.

She can't stop her mouth falling open as she finally gets a good look at him with his shirt over his head. He has always been really built, but now he is… ripped! She can tell the lines between his six pack are much more defined and there are even muscles on the side of his stomach starting to show. She always can't stop staring down at his v line that is now the most defined that it has ever been. She is still gawking at him when he pops his head through his shirt and pulls it down.

'Like what you see?' he says, raising his eyebrows.

She knows that he is never one to shy away from being admired by others and his head is probably big enough as it is with all the college girls around him.

'Hm, it's fine… I guess.' She tries to play down.

He flashes her a smile letting her know that she isn't fooling anyone.

'Come on, you can stare as much as you want once we get home.' He smiles at her, then he easily picks up her two bags and flings them over his shoulder with one hand in one quick movement.

She picks up the remaining bags she is bringing before opening the door for him. She peeks up at him as he throws his arm around her. Just for a second, she thinks that she sees his smile falter and an unknown distance sparks in his eyes, but then he quickly turns and catches her eye, giving her a wink and she is sure that she probably didn't see anything.

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As soon as they pull up outside of her house, she can barely contain her excitement. She can hear the dogs barking at her arrival. Peter tells her that he is going to get her bags and gestures for her to go up to the house.

She runs up to the door and sees Trina and her dad in the kitchen. She places the box in her hands on the closest side table and runs over to hug them both.

'Lara Jean!' they both say happily.

She embraces them both. The kitchen already smell like someone is cooking and immediately calms her, something she didn't think she even needed until now.

'How are you? How was your drive? Oh my gosh you look so good! You look like you have grown up so much, I can't be the only one seeing that, you see it to right, Dan? We missed you so much.' Trina blabbers before pulling her in for another tight hug.

She laughs at her and all of her questions.

'The drive was good and yes, I am very good! Hahahaha, I hope I haven't grown up too much, it's hardly even the end of my first semester.' She says.

'Lara Jean' her Dad says, before putting his hands on her shoulders and pulling back from her. 'You just look really great.'

She can't stop herself from blushing. 'Thanks Daddy.'

She feels so much more different coming home. When she first go to UNC she thought that she would be a wreck and that she would spend every moment at college wishing that she could come home and be with her family. She had already memorised the bus timetable because she predicted that she would be coming home as much as possible. But from the moment she met Bonnie and everyone else around her, she never wanted to leave. Sure, she missed her family but she was constantly doing something else and meeting new people that she hardly had time to wish to come home. Even now as she walks in, it feels bittersweet to see all the changes - the new painting on one of the walls, the splashback on the kitchen is now a mirror instead of tiles and the photos above the fireplace have been rearranged, but it doesn't make her feel sad or miserable that she missed the changes, instead content with the home being there for those who still live in it.

'Hey Dr. Covey. Hey Trina.' Peter calls out while struggling to walk through the front door with all of Lara Jean's bags.

'Gosh Lara Jean, what did your last slave die of?' Trina jokes with her as her dad goes to help Peter with the bags.

'I know right, I should get a paycheck for all the manual labour I do for her.' Peter comments, placing her bags at the bottom of the stairs.

There is a sudden sound of footsteps running down the stairs and they are all greeted by Kitty.

'Oh Peter, you are back! Hey Lara Jean, where are my snickerdoodles?' she says chirpy as ever.

Lara Jean's doesn't even try to stop her jaw dropping at this. 'Kitty! I haven't seen you for over 4 months and that's the first thing you say to me?' she says in disbelief.

'Oh Lara Jean, we texted a week ago, it's not that dramatic.' She rolls her eyes.

'Well then, you won't get any snickerdoodles until you at least give me a hug.' Lara Jean retorts back. She isn't going to let Kitty get away with this easily.

'Fine.' Kitty sighs, rolling her eyes again.

She walks over and wraps her arms around Lara Jean's waist. For a second, she feels Kitty snuggle into her and almost enjoys the hug but then she quickly lets go and goes running down the hall.

'Yay Snickerdoodles!'

Lara Jean is still quite shocked as Kitty goes running off. Peter flashes her a smile.

'The kid may have developed a bit of an attitude while you were gone.' He says, while rubbing the back of his neck. He probably wasn't shocked by it given that Owen went through a similar thing and treated him the same way when he was that age, but Kitty wasn't Owen and what they had as sister wasn't supposed to be the same. Peter knows that if he had mentioned it while she was gone, then she would have been right on the phone to Margot, organising an ambush to chastise Kitty's attitude.

'Not for long, I hope.' She answers his unspoken question of how she feels about it.

They both then take her bags up to her room while Kitty breaks into her snickerdoodles that Lara Jean baked especially for her at her baking class, even though it meant that she was opting out of participating in learning how to do a croquembouche which she had dreamed of making since they started French baking.

She can't stop the laugh that escapes her lips as she opens her room door. It is exactly how she left it like she asked everyone to leave it as. There were still clothes on the ground and art craft supplies on her desk that mirrored the hectic chaos that ensued the morning before she left. She was so nervous that she barely remembered what she had written down on her packing list and in the end ended up forgetting a bunch of things anyway.

On her dresser are still all of her favourite photos. She thought about bringing them with her to her dorm but it just didn't seem right to have them anywhere else and to have things that so personal just out in the open. There is her favourite photo of her, her sisters and her mum in the middle with a scattering of other photos with her dad, Kitty and Margot around that. There is a photo of her and Peter at Prom last year next to them as well. She used to keep the one of their Sixteen Candles re-enactment beside her bed, but she couldn't bear to leave that one at home or to wake up and not see it as soon as she opened her eyes, so she has that one as well as the photo that Peter chose of them at her dorm.

She feels both at home and like a stranger in her room.

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It's the day after Thanksgiving and she is waiting for one of her friends to pick her up from outside of her house. She isn't sure exactly how these events transpired, but a few weeks ago she realised that the girl in the room across from her, Joey is from a town just near Charlottesville. They soon became close friends and somehow or rather she ended up agreeing to go shop Black Friday sales with her at one of the nearby outlet stores. Lara Jean has never been to Black Friday shopping her life, she much prefers to just get it online and avoid the crazy crowds, but when Joey found out that she had never been, she quickly didn't give her a choice. So here she is standing outside, still feeling incredibly bloated from the massive meal they ate yesterday waiting for Joey to arrive.

She has already texted Peter complaining about how early and how painful this is multiple times but she knows that he won't be up for another few hours, given how much he loves his sleep. She wished he used to wake up earlier and get his workouts over in the morning, so that they could have more time to talk at night but Peter is so prone to falling asleep in class and such a grumpy-bum without a good night's sleep that it honestly isn't really worth it.

Thank goodness she soon sees a car pull into the street and Joey sticks her head out of the window.

'Get in loser, we're going shopping!' she screams in her best Regina-George voice.

Lara Jean laughs and hoists her bag further onto her arm. It's going to be a good experience, she tells herself.

They have a very busy but very successful day of shopping. Lara Jean manages to get great deals on some new make-up, skincare and even some craft supplies she had been eyeing for a while. She also finally managed to replaced some of Margot's trusty clothes that she lost when Margot went back to Scotland for her wardrobe including a big grandpa cardigan, woollen dress, combat boots and the most comfortable knitted jumper. She got a few more things that Joey convinced her would be worth it and feels pretty great about all of her purchases. Joey, on the other hand, brought about an entire store's worth of stock. Lara Jean isn't really sure what she DIDN'T buy herself based on how much she bought, but she got such good deals on everything with 5 for the price of 3 or buying items and getting 50% off, that it was probably worth it. Joey was even telling her that she literally only shops on Black Friday every year so in retrospect, she probably didn't even buy that much.

Joey's house is closer to UVA than it is to Lara Jean's house, so she is going to drop Lara Jean there where she will meet with Peter who is training. She couldn't believe that Peter still had practice over the break though he told her that it wasn't actually practice and just some extra sessions he wanted to do for himself to get better. She hugs Joey goodbye and gets out of her car to be met by Peter running towards her.

'Here let's just put them straight in my boot.' He says, unlocking his car and opening the back for all of her bags.

'Ahhhhh, I am so over shopping and crowds and people!' she whines, dropping her bags in the back.

'Oh Covey, don't talk like that, you are making me jealous.' He smiles at her.

He knows how much she doesn't like to go shopping and even when she does, it is usually at time when it isn't busy so she doesn't have to spend too long there.

'Are you going to be ok just waiting for the next few hours?' he asks, tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear.

'Yep! I have a whole bunch of readings due by the time I get back, so this will hopefully motivate me being here.' She says, dragging her textbook out of her bag and showing him all of the posted notes of pages, she had to take notes on.

'You're such a goody two shoes.' He teases her, while shutting the boot door with one hand and putting his other arm around her shoulders.

'You knew that when you started dating me!' she smiles up at him. He meets her smile and leans down to get her a quick peck on the lips before walking over to the field.

She immediately finds a spot on the bleachers that is right in the sun. It is quite cool for November but the sun warms her up as it sets on the side of the field. She is trying to pay attention to her readings but she can't stop her eyes drifting over to her Champion Lacrosse Player.

Peter is with two of his teammates, both of them are juniors. Apparently they are both eyeing off the captain spot for next year so are trying to get their skills up as much as possible. They have set out coloured markers that they are taking turns are running through while passing the ball between them. Peter is doing so well, but she can't help and notice how he seems a bit more lost and uncertain than usual. He hasn't mentioned much about it, but she knows that he is struggling from being the top star player of their high school team to now being one of the youngest and newest players in his college team. He mentioned it to her once when she was pressing him about missing one of his gym sessions or outside practice sessions, how he wasn't keeping up and needed to prove himself but they hadn't really talked about it much since. He takes so much pride in his Lacrosse that she knows that it hurts him a bit to not be the best at it, though he would never admit it. She would never want him not work as hard as he does at something he loves for her, just like he wouldn't want her to stop having as much fun as she is for him, it's just finding the middle ground.

Eventually it gets too dark for her to be able to read her textbook and for the boys to even see the ball so they call it quits. She is thankful when his teammates walk away without coming over first as she really isn't in the mood to meet people at the moment.

Peter walks over to her until he is towering over her while she still sits on the ground. She had moved to the grass when the sun went out of the line of the bleachers.

She pouts up at him. 'I'm tired.' She whines.

He smiles and plops himself behind her. She leans her back onto him and he wraps his arms around her shoulders.

He plants a warm kiss on her neck. 'Me too.' He says before nuzzling his nose against her.

She sighs in content. There were so many times in her senior year that she had fantasized moments like this. All of time that she and Peter would have after his trainings and after her studying that they could just relish in the comfort of each other. She had almost forgotten what it had felt like to imagine it, let alone feel the reality of it right now.

Peter must be thinking the same thing as he plants more kisses on her neck and whispers 'I wish we could do this more.'

She doesn't want to snap back to reality, but she feels that if she doesn't soon then she won't be able to stop the sinking feeling coming back. 'Yeah but we can't.' The words come out more blunt than she intended.

Peter sighs. 'True. Tell me more about UNC, how does it compare to here?' he asks.

As she thinks about the last few months, she can't resist the smile that comes across her face or the words that come out. She starts describing to him the campus, the residence halls, the resturants on Franklin Street and even a bunch of historical facts about the campus as well. He keeps his face very amused, every so often he laughs or teases her with a Tarheel joke or when he tells that she is getting passionate he softly kisses her neck to bring her back to him.

She has so much more that she wants to tell him about her study groups, courses, Asian association, baking club and dorm, but they are both disturbed by his phone vibrating in his pocket.

'Oh damn!' he says. He pulls it out and answers it.

'Hi mum…..yeah…yeah I'm just at UVA with Lara Jean….. No I won't be staying the night here…. Yes we'll leave now…. I'll see you soon… love you too.' He says, looking at Lara Jean guiltily for interrupting her.

'My mum wants me home, but tell me more when we get into the car.' He reassures her. His pleading eyes reflect her own thoughts of how much they have missed talking like them.

She slips her hands into his and he squeezes it as she keeps talking until they reach his car.

The car ride home is very talkative. They talk more about the campus, their dorms and his Lacrosse. She tries to talk about her friends but Peter gets very confused by all the different names and groups. She then tries to push the subject of Lacrosse but he plays it down and just says that he is still loving it though the look in his eyes says otherwise. They are then talking about Kitty and her recent attitude when they pull out in front of her house.

It's only 10pm when they arrive. She goes to unclip her seatbelt when they are outside but Peter continues driving past her house. He drives up a bit further until they are at the end of the street near large area of grass still left to be sold and developed into a house, where he pulls over and stops the car.

'Uhhhhh what are…' she doesn't get to finish, as Peter quickly leans down and kisses her.

She kisses him back hungrily. Ever since they first saw each other, they haven't had the chance to kiss like this and man, has she missed it. If she had to choose her favourite place to share moments like this with Peter, it would have to be his car. She isn't sure if its because it's where they first kissed when they were for real or if it's just the seduction of being in the passenger seat of Peter Kavinsky's Black Audi that she has always felt since she first got in. She is so lost in the moment that it doesn't even occur to her that she has climbed almost halfway onto his seat.

One of his hands is in her hair just the way she likes it and the other one is around her waist pulling her closer. She starts to feel a tension grow in her body and a hunger to get closer to him. She almost has her leg across his seat when another phone rings.

'I swear if another frigging phone rings…' Peter exclaims angrily.

It takes her a few seconds to get her head together and realise what is happening. Right a phone, she thinks to herself. It's her phone! She scrambles back across to her seat where her bag was at her feet and contained her phone. She pulls it out and it's her Dad.

'It's like he has a sixth sense or something.' Peter mutters as he sees the caller ID.

Lara Jean tries to quickly pull herself together as she answers. 'Hi Daddy!'

'Lara Jean, we saw Peter pull up outside but then he left. Is everything all right?' he says with concern.

'Ahhhh, yeah, yeah! Everything is fine! I just remembered I forgot something when we arrived so Peter drove me back to get it….' She stumbles through her excuse praying that he doesn't ask her exactly what she is talking about or where it is.

'Oh, ok, well how close are you now?' he asks, very much unaware of how bad her excuse was.

'UHHHH, close, like we should be there soon!' she says, ignoring the betrayed look that Peter gives her as she says that.

'You could have given us at least another 15.' He whispers at her.

She ignores him again. 'We'll be there soon. Don't worry, Daddy!'

They then hang up.

Begrudgingly, Peter puts his keys in the ignition and drives them back.

'Do you want to come in for dinner?' she asks. Her and Joey had grabbed food before they went over to UVA so she wasn't hungry after studying but she knew that Peter would be after practice.

'Nah, I'm on that stupid protein thing, remember?' he says.

No, he had never mentioned anything about a stupid protein thing. She tries to ignore the pang in her chest as she answers 'oh yeah.'

She goes to open the car door but it's locked. She gives Peter a questioning look.

He reaches over and caresses her cheeks. 'I know you haven't ever said yes to me before and if you want to commend me for a good effort that's fine too, but…'

She doesn't let him finish and silences him with a kiss. 'I'll leave my window unlocked. Come after midnight though.'

One of his brightest smiles breaks out onto his face. She knows that he has always wanted to stay the night at her house even if it is just sleeping. After the night they spent at UNC, she could finally see why as she adored the feeling of falling asleep in his arms and waking up to see him there. She knew that her Dad would never approve, but Chris had stayed over plenty of times and he even let Ravi stay in the same room as Margot during the summer, so it shouldn't be a big deal.

She runs up to the front door before quickly taking a look at his face as she walks in. He is still all smiley about her finally cracking and letting him come back. She feels the warm rush again of her love for him and the familiarity of how even the smallest things from her can make him so happy and so lit up.

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At exactly 12:01am, Peter sneaks through her window. She was slightly dozing but was immediately awoken as he put his hand on her cheek. He takes off his jacket so they don't overheat and leaves it by the window.

Staring up at him, she can see half of his face lit by the moonlight. As always he looks beautiful and she can't help but marvel at his handsomeness and how it is all for her.

'No Amish bikini, again? Covey, you know it's so hot on you. ' he jokes. She rolls her eyes, of course he would bring up their viral video now.

He slips his shoes off as she peels back the covers, welcoming him in. He slides behind her, curving his body and his arms around her. He snuggles into her neck, planting the occasional kiss. She is grateful that he knows that while she may have let him stay the night with her, that it was still the same room she avoided hooking up with him in and it still held an innocence to it that she didn't want to get rid of. The feeling of being held by him was so amazing. She felt so comforted and protected, something she missed from her bed in UNC.

'I wish it was always like this. It's so easy to have our own lives when we are in the same place. Even if we don't get the day, we would still have nights.' He whispers so softly that she barely hears him.

'I know.' She responds in the same soft voice.

It would. Everything would be so easy if they just got to come home to each other. Instead of finding spare hours between their busy schedules to talk, they could just have endless hours at night to catch up. They could see each other at the end of every night and catch up on every single detail. She could study while watching him play Lacrosse and he could walk her to and from all of her meetings and classes. But would she have been as happy at UVA as she is now as UNC? She isn't sure.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

On the weekend is a 'scratch match' against the Lacross Team for University of Richmond. It isn't expected to be too hard of a match but is just going to be used as a tester for the UVA team to see which players are in the best positions, etc.

Lara Jean is sitting on the bleachers with Kitty. She saw Mrs Kavinsky and Owen arrive earlier but was quite relieved when they didn't see her and sat several rows below them. Although she knows that it is important for her to have a good relationship with her boyfriend's mum, she doesn't have to be a genius to know that Mrs Kavinsky doesn't enjoy seeing her still with her son. The weekend of Halloween, she could hear Peter having quite a tense discussion with her outside of her dorm about his commitment to college and lacrosse. 'I'm also committed to Lara Jean' he had said, which was enough to push the topic of his dad into the argument which never goes well for neither him or his mum. He had come back into her room trying to play it off as usual and she made sure they had a fun night and tried to have him not think about it. When he went home on the Monday, she regretted not bringing it up and voiced her concern to Bonnie as to whether it was wrong of her to just let it slide. But Bonnie could see where she was coming from and that she wanted their weekend to be as happy and as good as possible which she knew wouldn't happen if she tried to broach those subjects. She had intended to maybe bring it up over the phone with Peter, but their calls never lasted long enough for her to feel comfortable about prying into things that have happened in the past.

Her and Kitty jump to their feet to cheer when they see Peter run onto the field with the rest of his team. She can tell that he is nervous because this is the first game that they are playing together as a team but she knows that he can do well. Usually when he runs out, he tries to find her in the crowd but this time she can see that he is avoiding looking into the crowd as much as possible which puzzles her. The captains do the coin toss before returning to their respective teams and then the starting line up run on.

'Why isn't Peter in the starting line up?' Kitty jabs her in the stomach as she asks.

'I don't know. Maybe they don't like having freshman start.' She proposes, hoping that it's the answer.

Peter has never been benched, let alone starting on the bench. Throughout high school, he was the only player that never got a break because as soon as he would be taken off, the team just wouldn't be the same. Although he loved to kick up a fuss about how tired he was and so how much special treatment he deserved, she knew that he really loved the attention and constant positive reinforcement of holding the team together and being really needed.

She can see him on the bench. His knee is shaking up and down which she knows means that he is nervous. He isn't usually nervous when it comes to Lacrosse. He is always so certain of himself and his skills, but already even from just watching a few minutes of the game, she can tell that this is different. Just before Beach Week, when he had his training weekend, he had talked about how much more in shape the guys were and she blew that off because he was also quite fit. Now seeing them on the field, she could see that these guys were something else. Most of them could run the entire length of the field within a few seconds and could throw the ball the same distance at a ridiculous speed as well. UVA always had a very reputable Lacrosse team, but she didn't know that they were at this level.

Soon after, half time is called. She feels like she has been watching a different game from their high school games with this change of speed and agility. The ball changes directions so quickly and both teams are fast goal scorers. UVA is ahead by a far margin as expected, but what is not expected is that Peter hasn't gone on the field the whole time. There had been multiple instances when she saw him stand up and approach the coach before being waved down to his seat again. Even from where she was, she could see the tension in his back and his clenched fists showing that he was upset and angry. She wished that he would actually bother to look over at them once this game.

'Damn, Peter has nothing on these guys.' Kitty says loudly.

'Shhhhhhh… Kitty, don't you ever say that! You know that Peter works so hard on his Lacrosse and he would be hurt if you told him.' Lara Jean scolds at her.

'Yeah that's why I said it when he wasn't here, duh!' she responds.

That attitude has got to go, Lara Jean thinks to herself.

'You'd think that Mrs Kavinsky was going to lay an egg given how stressed she looked over there.' Kitty remarks, pointing down to where they are.

Lara Jean had to agree, Mrs Kavinsky was quite stressed at the moment. She could hear her worrying from where she was about why Peter wasn't on the field and if he would ever get a chance. Lara Jean groans in her head as she can see that this game is going to be the exact ammunition that Mrs Kavinsky will use to put a wedge between them. She'll probably link how him not being on is all Lara Jean's fault when really Peter is still just adjusting to this level.

The next half starts and Peter still isn't on the field. She can feel her own stress rising as she thinks about how hard Peter is taking this on himself. He looks so uncertain from the sideline, something that she isn't used to. She knew that the Lacrosse was affecting him but she didn't know that it was this bad.

Finally he gets let onto the field. Lara Jean cheers him on as he finally has his chance to shine. He has been practicing so hard and doing all of his gym sessions, that surely he can shine. Though immediately, he gets on the field and she can tell that he is frantic. He seems unsure of where to go as the coach is yelling instructions at him as well as his teammates on the field.

'Kavinsky, get on that player!'

'Who's player is this? Kavinsky, come on!'

The yells of his teammates and coach are even confusing her as she watches on. Even when this happened in high school, Peter just trusted his gut and knew what to do but now he looks very lost and confused as he stands between two opposition players unsure of which one to be marking.

He gets passed the ball and takes off running. He is really doing a great job and her and Kitty are screaming at the tops of their lungs for him. He passes the ball off but it isn't fast enough and someone from the opposition intercepts. The two players he was standing between before are now running towards the goal as she watches him sprint to catch them. But its too late. They get the ball and pass between them and it's in the goal.

'Kavinsky! What did you do? Get off the field!' she hears the coach yell.

She feels a lump in the back of her throat as she watches Peter sit down on the bench again. He hardly got a full ten minutes before he was pulled off again. He has his head between his hands as he watches his teams. Lara Jean feels helpless only wanting to tell him how great and amazing he is, but knowing that he is hurting from this. Lacrosse was one thing that he worked towards every day. He used to condition every day, play every game despite any flu or sickness and put everything into his team and teammates, yet here he was not being allowed to play. She wishes that she could say something to him but she knows that he probably just digging Lacrosse deep down with all the other emotions and issues that he won't ever let her bring up.

She is starting to see why she isn't a priority anymore.

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'Hey so my mum wants you to join us for dinner tonight.' He says later when they are in his car after the game.

'Really?' she asks. His mum probably doesn't want her there but just wants to see Peter and knows that he won't come tonight unless she is with him.

'Yeah, come on, you said that you were just eating leftovers tonight anyway because Trina and your dad are visiting your grandma. Surely you don't want another night of turkey.' He smiles over at her.

She was getting sick of all the leftovers and turkey sandwiches she had to eat. She is just scared after watching his mum from the stands at how she is going to react to having Lara Jean there. She takes Peter's lacrosse almost as seriously as he does if not even more, which she may make clear tonight.

With a sigh, she agrees 'Ok, but you better protect me if she starts telling us to break up.' She warns.

Peter winces, remembering back to the last time they broke up because of what his mum had said. Then he takes her hand that he was holding between the console and kissing each of her knuckles.

'Don't worry Covey, I'll be your knight in shining armour.' He grins at her as he says it.

She rolls her eyes. He is such a cheesy dork.

It doesn't take long for them to arrive at his house. She can almost hear her heart pounding out of her chest as Peter takes his keys out of the ignition. He gives her hand one last squeeze before getting out of the car.

He has his arm around her as they walk up to the front door, but has to drop it when he gets out his keys. As they get inside, he helps her with his coat and gestures for her to go on without him while he hangs them up in their coat closet. She has to stop herself from waiting for him and refusing to go in without him by her side.

With a deep breath, she walks into the kitchen. It hasn't changed much. There is still the red an white gingham cloths covering the majority of surfaces and little antique knick knacks on the shelves next to the kitchen as well.

'Hello Lara Jean.' Mrs Kavinsky greets her. She is carrying a bowl of what looks to be spaghetti and a big container with veggies and chicken to the middle of the table.

Lara Jean notices that the table has been set for the four of them and secretly thanks herself for agreeing to come as it would have definitely been worse for her if she refused and they had to pack this setting away because of that.

'Hi Mrs Kavinsky, how are you?' she asks, her voice sounds a little shaky but she hopes that it goes unnoticed.

'I'm good. Were you at the game tonight? I don't remember seeing you there.' She asks.

Lara Jean was almost sure that at one point, she had turned up to the stands and seen her and Kitty but she would rather not question that to her.

'Yes I was. Kitty and I were there but we were up the top of the stands, which is maybe why you didn't see us.' She answer, trying to sound as nonchalantly as possible.

'Ahhh, my apologies. Are you ok with pasta for dinner? I have extra chicken and veggies from Peter's dinner if you would like that instead' she says then puts the bowl and container on the table and starts serving out into each other bowls.

'Yeah, yeah that's great!' Lara Jean scolds herself for saying that way too enthusiastically.

There is a second of silence between them. Lara Jean isn't sure if she should try bring up something else about the game but then she remembers the expression on Mrs Kavinsky's face and chooses not to. She considers talking about Thanksgiving but Peter had mentioned that her dad had tried to make amends with them again over the break and that no one was happy about it, so she can't bring that up.

Luckily Peter walks into the kitchen, solving the problem for them.

'Ah, I'm starved, can we eat yet?' he asks.

Mrs Kavinsky sighs at her son's lack of manners, then goes to the stairs and calls out, 'Owen, we are eating now if you want to join us.'

It's funny that she phases it like as offer because she knows from Peter that having dinner together as a family is a serious thing for them and something that they always try to do given it's just the three of them.

Owen comes trudging down the stairs, his eyes glued to his Nintendo DS.

'Owen, no electronics at the table.' Mrs Kavinsky warns him, outstretching her hand to take the DS from him.

He shoots her a very annoyed look before handing it over.

In that time, Peter ushers her towards the table, pulling out her chair for her. He gives her shoulders a quick rub before going to the seat next to her. Mrs Kavinsky sits directly across from her which intimidates Lara Jean as she tries to vary her eye contact.

Everyone starts eating and for the most part, Mrs Kavinsky is talking to Peter and Owen about a new set of chairs just came in from an estate sale today. She is going into great detail about everything but is only looking between Peter and Owen, something that is very obvious especially when sitting across from her.

Eventually she finishes talking and it falls into silence.

Mrs Kavinsky then turns to Owen and asks, 'how did you think Peter played today?'

Lara Jean sees Peter physically stiffen as she asks her question. She feels worry wash over her about Owen's answer.

'Oh is that what he was trying to do? Guess he wasn't on long enough for me to realise.' Owen sneers at Peter.

Lara Jean goes cold. The last thing that Peter needs is his little brother poking at his confidence in Lacrosse and the fact that he was benched. She can't blame Owen though, as he used to talk like this with Peter all the time about high school lacrosse but from the tension in Peter's jaw and his clenched fists of the table, she can tell that this has cut deeper.

'Owen!' Mrs Kavinsky yells, clearly disapproving what he says.

At the same time Lara Jean cautioned 'Peter…'

Within the next few seconds, Peter has launched out of his chair and gotten Owen in the headlock. He pulls Owen out of his chair while keeping a hold of his head.

'Boys! Stop!' Mrs Kavinsky yells again as she gets out of her chair.

'What was that, squirt?' Peter mocks Owen, while holding him down.

Owen tries to squirm out of his hold and is helpless against his older brothers strength. He starts kicking around his feet but then Peter puts his head closer to the floor.

Lara Jean gets out of her chair as well. She tries to walk over to Peter while avoiding Owen's legs.

'Peter, hey!' she says, not as loudly as Mrs Kavinsky, but its no use.

'Peter, on the count of three, you have to let Owen go.' Mrs Kavinsky scolds him.

Peter just laughs it off.

'1….'

He is still holding Owen down and locking eyes with his mum.

'2….'

The silence hangs in the air between them as they stare each other down. Lara Jean can't help but wish she was out of the room.

'Peter…' Lara Jean pleads one more time. She understand the sibling rivalry particularly Owens attitude but she doesn't want to witness the wrath of his mum when she reaches 3.

With a side glance at Lara Jean, he release Owen. Owen falls straight to the floor where he is on his hands and feet.

'Just because you suck at Lacrosse now…' Owen starts to say before a terrifying look from his mum and Peter stops him.

'Owen! Go to your room now! And you can forget about going to Callum's house after school on Wednesday.' Mrs Kavinsky says loudly to him while pointing up to his room.

Owen's face falls and for a moment, Lara Jean almost feels sympathy for him, but then she remembers all the chaos that he has just stirred up and thinks against it.

'Peter! How dare you manhandle your little brother? I thought you were supposed to be an adult by now.' Mrs Kavinsky says to him.

Peter flinches at her words. She really does know what to say to get reactions out of her sons.

'Now, let's just sit back at the table so we can finish our dinner.' Mrs Kavinsky concludes quietly before going back to her seat at the table.

Peter had mentioned to Lara Jean a few times that his mum was never one to hold grudges and that she always tried to resolve fights immediately rather than dwelling on it, but Lara Jean is still in a state of shock from everything that had just happened. She had seen Owen and Peter playfully fight before but never something like this. That's what reaffirmed to her that Peter was really hurting by this change in his lacrosse.

'Lara Jean, I am so sorry about their behaviours, please sit back down.' Mrs Kavinsky tries again, clearly wanting to move on what just happened.

Lara Jean moves first and sits down which prompts Peter to follow. She has to stop herself from cringing at the awkward silence as they pick up their cutlery and begin eating again.

Lara Jean tries to speak up and make the situation better as the silence is killing her. 'I'm sure that Owen would be fine, he's probably just a little traumatised.' She says light-heartedly.

Peter smiles at her and scoffs. 'No way, when he was first born I used to put him in the washing machine, so that was tame.'

Lara Jean laughs, grateful that Peter can bring some humour into the situation.

Mrs Kavinsky, however, doesn't crack a smile. She very calmly placed her fork and knife down beside her plate and takes a deep breath.

'That kind of behaviour was excusable when you were 5 or 6, but at 18, almost 19 it is embarrassing.' Mrs Kavinky says softly, making it even worse.

Peter puts his cutlery down as well, waiting for what she has to say next.

'But I know why you are acting like this. It's because you are very disappointed with your game. You hardly got any time on and when you did, you looked like you had no idea what you were doing.' Mrs Kavinsky is very blunt and forward to Peter, making Lara Jean feel very uncomfortable.

She goes on. 'You started at the bottom of the team and are still there.'

Peter interrupts her. 'No I'm not, there were other freshman that didn't even get to go on the field today.'

'But you aren't supposed to be other freshman. Do you think those other freshman are on full scholarships? Probably not. But you are and at this rate, there isn't a chance that it won't be taken away from you with how you are playing. You are still adjusting to your classes on top of all of this, but you need to be putting in the hard works. This isn't high school, Peter, you can't just flash a smile to get better, you have to put the work in' Mrs Kavinsky is very stern with her words. She is showing an attitude not dissimilar to the one Lara Jean previously saw last year.

'Why don't you just cut the chase and make your point, already.' Peter replies coldly. He looks agitated sitting at the table.

Mrs Kavinsky turns to Lara Jean. 'I told you last year that Peter had to focus on lacrosse this year because UVA has such a hard program and he is going to be a student athlete. I brought up my concerns about where his mind set would be having a girlfriend in North Carolina and I hate to say it but I think that I was correct. You are both so young and you are both living such different lives and the struggle of keeping up with each other is starting to show.'

She then turns to Peter. 'If you weren't travelling to North Carolina on weeks or wasting time worrying about each other and trying to talk to each other, then you would be able to really focus on your lacross and be the player that we know you to be. We spent so many years on your lacrosse, it would be awful to just let it go.'

Lara Jean can feel tears swelling in her eyes. Peter looks like he can't believe what he is hearing.

'I know that I can't make decisions for you two or force you to break up, but I hope that you put my words under serious consideration.' Mrs Kavinsky finishes talking.

She picks up her plate and cutlery as well as the now empty serving bowl from the table. Then she looks at Lara Jean.

'it was a pleasure having you over as always.' She smiles sweetly at her, but it doesn't quite reach her eyes.

As soon as she gets into the kitchen, Lara Jean feels tears start streaming down her face.

Peter immediately gets out of his trance and pulls her chair closer to her, grabbing her hands in his.

'hey hey hey, don't listen to that. Don't cry, Lara Jean.' He pleads.

Quickly he brushes her tears away and caresses her cheeks. His eyes are looking intensely into her, searching for some kind of release.

'Here, come on let's go.' He says. He puts her arms around her and squeezes her into a hug. He then lifts up and takes her through the front door, grabbing their coats on the way out. He goes to his car and opens the door, nudging her inside as he does.

'What do you want to do now?' he asks her as he climbs through his door. He sounds so lost, just wanting her to say something and put him out of his misery.

'Let's just drive for a bit.' She hears herself say. A drive. That's what she needs to help get her head together.

He takes her hand and starts the car.

They have been driving for about 20 minutes when finally Peter speaks up.

'Lara Jean, you just have to ignore what she has said. You know that you have nothing to do with my lacrosse and you aren't just a distraction, but a top priority in my life.' He pleads to her.

This whole dinner has reminded her of the conversation that her and Mrs Kavinsky shared earlier this year. She also remembers how Mrs Kavinsky warned her of Peter's loyalty and how he would never be the one to let her go or give up on the relationship first. She couldn't deny that what was said was very true. That they were living separate lives and struggling to keep up with each other, but she couldn't imagine not doing it with Peter and they were supposed to get the hang of things.

'I know. I think we just still have a lot of getting used to.' She says, giving him a small smile.

He sighs a massive breath of relief and squeezes her hand.

'I was also really proud of how you played tonight. I know you wished you were on for longer and you wish you played better, but for seeing you play for a college team for your first time, I thought that you were pretty amazing.' She tells him. Her voice remains strong and she squeezes his hand back to further reassure him of her words.

She can tell that he isn't really taking in her words. He nods and smiles back at her. She is tempted to say more but thinks that she may be pushing it. She just wants him to know that no matter what she is so proud of him and is so happy to be by his side despite everything.

They drive around for a bit longer, trying to enjoy the last few hours they have together before the distance again.

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She sees her moonbeam clock flashing that it is 12:30am. Then she hears the knock at the window. A smile breaks out on her face and she unlocks her window for Peter.

'I know that I didn't say much earlier, but I just need you to know that none of it is your fault and my lacrosse has nothing to do with you. We are going to get through this. I love you with all my heart, Lara Jean Covey.' He whispers to her.

She smiles back at him. 'I love you too.' She answers.

That night as she falls asleep, she can't think of anything else but being in Peter's arms and the things that she has to do to make sure that she never leaves them. It's the last night until the next break that he is going to be able to hold her, so the guilt of her dad finding out doesn't even cross her mind.

Please let us just get the hang of things, she wishes in her dreams that night.

 _A/N: HELLO EVERYONE! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I GOT REVIEWS! THANK YOU SO MUCH TO EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED, it absolutely made my day and definitely motivated me to get this chappy out now. HEHEEHEHEHEHE, I actually can't believe how much on a roll I am but all the reviews and faves and follows are keeping me very motivated! I hope you like this chapter, there is so much more of this story to come which I am excited for and can't wait for you to read! Please leave a review, as it really does motivate me more, particularly if you want these quick updates to continue! xxxxxx_


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Lara Jean wakes up with a jolt. Her alarm is blaring in her ears as she reaches across and tries to find the button to stop it. She has already snoozed it twice before and knows that she probably shouldn't do it again. They are in December and so it still dark outside despite it being almost 8am. She feels way too comfortable and warm wrapped up in her blanket to want to face the cold outside. She looks over at Bonnie who is still asleep, not having her have to get up as well makes it so much harder for Lara Jean. With a sigh, she musters up the motivations and pulls of her covers, before quickly putting her feet into her slippers.

It's probably still too early for snow, but she is almost sure that they might get some by Christmas if not late January. She gets dressed for the day, layering on a long sleeve shirt and jumpers under her coat. She grabs her bag complete with her breakfast and lunch for the day as well as everything that she needs for the day. It has now become very normal for her to leave her dorm first thing in the morning and not come back until later that night. She is enjoying constantly being busy with her classes, meetings and study groups, sometimes she just hates having her pack her bag so full and heavy though with everything she needs.

She quickly ducks into the common room near the exit of her residence hall and puts her breakfast focaccia in the microwave. She honestly doesn't think there is any better way of warming herself up and getting ready for the day, then having a warm baked good. Luckily she makes sure to stock up her and Bonnie's stash whenever she can, especially as she is getting stressed about exams, she really loves baking to stabilise her thoughts.

She grabs her warm focaccia from the microwave and eats it while she walks to her class. In her other hand, she pulls out her phone and checks if she has any notifications. She was supposed to call Peter last night, but he didn't answer his phone. She knows that he was probably asleep, but he should have seen her calls this morning and can let her know what is going on. She presses the home button and her heart drops as she doesn't see any from Peter. She stuffs her phone back in her pocket and tries to put her worrying thoughts at the back of her mind for the day.

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'Oh my goodness, this professor is so awful! Like honestly how can he expect to know any of the content for this exam when he teachers it so horribly? Seriously, how has the university not fired him yet for being absolutely incompetent?' Alex is groaning as they are walking out of one of their classes.

'Didn't he write the textbook or something?' Lara Jean asks, zipping up her coat.

'Yeah that's probably the only reason he is still here. Classic employing him for what he apparently wrote instead of his actual teaching skills.' Alex complains while rolling her eyes.

'He is probably trying his best, but I agree that he is probably too smart to be teaching introductory courses.' Lara Jean concedes. She doesn't like speaking too ill of people as she was close with her teachers in high school and can understand all the trials and tribulations of teaching a room full of teenagers with different learning speeds and comprehension.

'Thank you…' Alex sighs, finally happy that she got her point across. She had been telling Lara Jean the entire semester how bad this teacher was but Lara Jean hadn't yet agree with her.

'Can we please find somewhere indoors to study? I am freezing.' Lara Jean says with her teeth chattering.

Her and Alex were about to meet with a study group for one of their courses that has a quiz tomorrow. Lara Jean was so grateful that Alex had all the same courses as her because she was must more extroverted and outgoing than Lara Jean was, so isn't afraid to ask to join people's groups or want to see their notes. She also shares everything she has with Lara Jean, just as she does with her, so it works out for both of them. Lara Jean didn't genuinely believe she would be getting half as good as grades as she is without Alex. She is just so grateful to have had a lot of things all into place at college.

'Yeah sure, let's go to the library. We'll just have to be super suss about our sch-nacks.' Alex says, linking her arm in Lara Jean's and turning them to walk the opposite way.

As they are sitting down and waiting for the rest of their group to arrive, Lara Jean pulls out her phone. Peter finally got back to her but he texted her when she was just starting her classes so she couldn't talk much. In theory, she could, but he and her both know that she is way too much of a goody-two-shoes to be texting while her professor is talking even if it is discrete. She texts him that she is free now and can talk for a bit while she is studying. She keeps looking at her phone for the next 5 minutes while zoning in and out of conversation with Alex and Tyler, who just arrived. She is about to put it down when she gets a reply. 'Sorry, I'm at practice… can we talk later?' he replies. She sighs and texts back 'sure'. She puts her phone back on silence and in her bag, she doesn't know how free she will be later but she'll just need to figure something out.

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'Lara Jean! Tell us!' Alex wails later that night.

Lara Jean is with Bonnie, Alex and a couple of other girls that live in the room across from them. She had just walked back into her room and collapsed on her bed when Bonnie begged her to make her choc chip cookies as repayment for doing her washing, which she was complaining about earlier she was too busy to do. Of course she couldn't refuse and then Alex rang her asking about notes and Bonnie answered, letting her know of their current activity as well which prompted Alex to run over from her residence hall just a few buildings from theirs for Lara Jean's famous cookies. The other girls, Selena and Jen then came down when they could hear Bonnie and Lara Jean's voices. So here she is, currently doubling the recipe for all of the extra hungry mouths for choc chip cookies.

'Nooooooooooo! I don't want to.' Lara Jean protests, mixing the sugar and butter.

'Come on, you about every single one of my sexual colleges adventures, you have to tell us about yours.' Bonnie argues.

'Bonnie, that's because we are roommates and you have to tell me in order to get me to leave for the night.' Lara Jean laughs.

'But seriously like we all already know who is it, unless you've been cheating on Peter which is impossible because you are you and he is a sexy gorgeous Greek god, so just tell us!' Alex tries to convince her further.

Laughing, Lara Jean jokes, 'Damn, are you in love with my boyfriend as well, Alex?'

Alex turns red as the other girls collapse into a fit of laughter at her face. 'No no no, I just…. I mean.. come on, I don't have to be in love with him to appreciate how genetically blessed he is. I know he is all yours, Lara Jean, but damn… he is a good piece of human specimen!'

They continue to laugh at Alex's humour. She always knows how to get herself out of an awkward situation with humour. That's another thing that has been great about being friends with her, Lara Jean rarely ever has an awkward moment when she is around to constantly lighten the mood.

'Stop avoiding the question!' Bonnie cries, she could clearly see Lara Jean trying to divert attention away from what they were talking about.

'I'm sorry, do you want your cookies or not?' Lara Jean sasses back at Bonnie.

'Argh! Fine! But next time you are drunk, I am totally going to get it out of you.' Bonnie warns her, sharing a pointed look with Alex as well who nods in agreement.

Lara Jean tries to hide behind her hair so they don't see her blush.

She didn't know how she was going to be able to tell her new friends that her and her 'greek God' boyfriend still hadn't had sex yet.

After she has finished baking the cookies and sent Alex back to her dorm with a container full of them. Her and Bonnie get back to their room and restock their containers full of baked goods.

'Man, I am so glad my mum gave me heaps of containers when I moved in. I am definitely not using them to store my stationary supplies, but I think she would be proud anyway.' Bonnie grins, quickly taking out one last cookie for the night.

'I was going to bring some more TupperWare from home, but my little sister keeps losing all the lids so Trina said we didn't have enough for me to have some at college.' Lara Jean informs her. She didn't mind too much though as Bonnie had plenty.

'Yeah it's all good, I got us covered! Ok, I'm going to go do my teeth then hit the sack.' Bonnie declares before taking her toiletries to their shower.

Lara Jean lays back on her bed and checks her phone. It is almost midnight which means that Peter will definitely be asleep. She feels the guilt set in as she opens her phone and sees that he has tried to call her a few times this evening. She was fully intending to call him when she got back but she just got dragged away by Bonnie and completely forgot as she was having fun with the girls. There are a few final messages from him just letting her know that he was going to sleep, he tried to call her and they would have to try talk tomorrow.

She spends him back a message apologising for missing his calls and asking that when he gets her message, that he let her know when he would be free to talk.

She then switches off her phone. She goes and gets ready for bed because she is absolutely exhausted and tomorrow is still another day.

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She holds down the power button on her phone to completely shut it off when they are about to start their quiz. To her dismay, Peter had just replied to her text saying he was finished at the gym as she was entering the classroom. She told him she couldn't talk for at least the next two hours as they did their quiz and then learnt more content after.

She does her best in the quiz and is pretty sure that her grade will be alright given that they asked all the questions that her study group had predicted and worked through yesterday. She is walking with Alex and Tyler to go to the grass and eat their lunch. She turns on her phone again and texts Peter that she is now free and can talk. They are going to be having lunch for about the next hour before going to the library to study for a while so this should be ample opportunity for them to talk. She keeps the screen of her phone facing up towards her as she sits and eats her lunch, that way she can see as soon as a message would come through.

They finish their lunch and then start walking towards the library. She still hasn't heard from Peter which must mean he is in class or something. She wants to message him and tell him more, that way they can have some kind of conversation today but stops when she finally sees the bubbles indicating that he is writing something appear.

'Sorry Covey, I'm at the gym, can we talk in an hour?'

Her heart drops as she reads that. She can't talk in an hour, she just had the last two hours free to talk to him before she was supposed to meet Bonnie to go to an exercise class together. She supposes that as she was the reason they missed talking last night that she should skip their exercising and make time for him.

She texts back, 'Yes!' to Peter and then messages Bonnie to pass on the sad news. Bonnie will probably be annoyed at her but will definitely understand the circumstances. Her and Peter haven't had a chance to speak for almost the last 3 days over the phone, which Bonnie already knows and feels sorry for her.

She feels her mood perk up with this news and excitement to finally be able to talk to him. She is actually able to get some productive study done in a short amount of time. When its about 15 minute until the hour she said she would be free, she packs up her study things and says goodbye to everyone. She knows that her and Peter will be talking for a long time so she wants to be comfortable in her dorm before that happens. She even message her Harry Potter club and lets them know that she won't be able to make the meeting tonight, as she doesn't want to cut short any of her time with Peter. She is smiling as she walks across campus to her residence hall.

She gets back to her room just in time. She texts Peter letting him know that he is ready to talk whenever he wants to call her. She puts her speaker on the loudest noise just to make sure she won't miss it.

Half an hour passes and she still hasn't heard from him. No call, no text, no nothing. She begins to worry a bit and eventually tries to call him. It rings out and takes her to his voicemail, she gets chills as she hears his voice through the recorded message, excited to soon be able to hear it for real. She sends him another message asking him if he is ok and able to talk yet.

Then an hour goes by. She can't see him active on any social media and still isn't sure what is happening. She keeps rereading their messages to make sure that they did plan this and she didn't read anything wrong or interpret the wrong time. She feels tears prickling behind her eyes as she stares down at her phone.

An hour after this, Bonnie comes back from exercising and getting dinner. She knows as soon as she looks at Lara Jean's face that something isn't right. Lara Jean though, just lying on her bed and staring up at the ceiling, won't tell her anything until later though. So Bonnie, being the great friend that she is, heats up a few of the cookies they made yesterday and leaves them by her bed while she goes to shower.

Lara Jean can't stop all the negative thoughts from bombarding her head. She can't believe what has happened. She has now sent Peter a totally of 5 texts and tried to ring him 3 times, since they were supposed to talk to each other. She can't understand why this would be happening or why he wouldn't update her on the details. A thought creeps into her head that she basically did the same thing last night but she tries to shut it down. She sits up and nibbles at the cookies that Bonnie left beside her bed. She had just cancelled all the plans that she was really looking forward to, just to end up in her room, alone and waiting for a boy to call her. She is taken back to the start of semester when she spent so many nights like this before realising that she needed to be living her own life instead of spending it, waiting for Peter. She had started to feel so much happier as soon as she was no longer confined to her room and staring at a blank phone screen, but right now, she feels transported back to that time of disappointment and sadness, as if she hasn't changed at all.

Eventually Bonnie comes back from her shower. She asks if Lara Jean wants to talk about it, but is met with a sharp shake of the head. She then grabs her by the hands and forcing her to at least come study with her for the rest of the night. Bonnie remembers when Lara Jean was like this at the start of semester and just selling herself short of having a good time, as soon as someone is there to pull her out of that and get her amongst it, Lara Jean blossoms, which is what Bonnie is determined to have her do right now.

They find a table and soon after a group of other people in their residence hall join them. They are all talking and laughing which makes Lara Jean forget about everything that just happened that afternoon, but Bonnie notices that she still hasn't let her phone leave her side. Tey are both exhausted from staying up so late the night before with the cookies that they call it a early night and go off to bed. Bonnie wrestles Lara Jean's phone off her when she goes to take a shower and clean her teeth. Lara Jean begrudgingly lets her take it off her, figuring that if Peter texts or calls her that she doesn't even really want to reply or answer. As she is showering, Peter finally rings and Bonnie picks up.

'Covey, I'm so sorry, I can totally explain.' He says as soon as it connects.

'Hi Peter, it's Bonnie, Lara Jean is in the shower.' Bonnie says coldly. She doesn't want to step out of line when it comes to her friendship with Lara Jean but it's not fair for Lara Jean to be feeling how she currently is.

'Oh right, is she going to be back soon?' he asks, he sounds a bit embarrassed about what he said earlier.

'Maybe, but she is pretty exhausted after having such a massive week and then spending the whole afternoon waiting for you to call her. You know she literally cancelled everything she had, just so she would finally be able to talk to you and then you don't even bother.' Bonnie speaks harshly.

'Oh really? Damn, look, something just came up and I couldn't talk.' He splutters.

'Oh and you couldn't have just sent her a message to let her know.' Bonnie retorts.

'You should know that if I could have, I absolutely would have.' He snaps back. He is clearly getting irritated by other people's doubts in their relationship.

'No if you weren't so concerned about your life and everything that you do, then maybe you would want to give Lara Jean a chance to live her own instead of expecting her to live her life around yours.' Bonnie pushes back. She had watched Lara Jean through this whole semester being put as a second choice to Peter's schedule and how guilty she felt when she finally started putting her own interests ahead of him, so she wanted to make sure Peter knew.

'Look Bonnie, I don't know what you think you know about my relationship, but I just want to speak to Lara Jean.' He says sternly.

'No Peter, you'll have to try again tomorrow. Like I told you, we are both exhausted and she has a full day of class, study and meetings on Friday, which you would know if you bothered to ask her more about what was going on in her life and so she can't talk to you for hours tonight.' Bonnie declares to him. She isn't sure how Lara Jean would react hearing her speak like this to her boyfriend but she knows its for the best.

'I don't think you have any right to tell me that and make decisions for her. Put her on the phone and I think you'll find she does want to talk to me.' Peter growls back.

'Sorry Peter, you'll have to make time for her tomorrow.' Bonnie purposefully phases her sentence as such to emphasise that he has to make more time for Lara Jean instead of the other ways around.

Bonnie hears him raise his voice in protest back at her but promptly hangs up the phone before she can comprehend his words. She then puts her phone on Do Not Disturb to make sure that his calls and texts stop coming through. She turns around and see Lara Jean at the door, her eyes staring at the ground.

'How much did you hear?' Bonnie asks, shocked. She feels ready to defend anything that she just said to Peter.

'All of it.' Lara Jean says softly. She then shakes her head and looks Bonnie hard in her eyes. 'Thank you. I don't know if I wanted you to do that, but I'm glad you did because someone had to.'

Lara Jean lets out a deep sigh as if she had been holding her breath for a long time.

Bonnie nods and hugs Lara Jean.

'You deserve the absolute best and I'm not saying that Peter isn't that, but I think he needs to know how to be better.' Bonnie says.

Her words relieve Lara Jean. It wasn't that Bonnie was trying to put a wedge between her and Peter or disapprove of him or their relationship, but she really did want to help and improve what they had. She knew that Lara Jean would never want to bring up their problems, as she would never want to spend their precious moments on the call, talking about these that would make either of them sad. Deep down though she is glad to finally hear someone say it and to have Peter know, but she probably can't let him know that yet.

She tries so hard to keep her mind off of him and off her afternoon of disappointment as she drifts off to sleep that night.

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Lara Jean is running with Alex to class, the next day. It's the only class they have that happens straight after another class for one of the other courses where the buildings are the on the opposite sides of campus. They used to just walk over and stroll in late, but the professor said that he was going to start taking attendance as soon as class started so they are running. She can feel herself heating up underneath all of her layers as she runs and her face getting red.

Eventually they arrive with 1 minute to spare. They find a spot near the middle but on the edge of the room to sit. It feels amazing to peel off all of their layers before they start sweating too much as they sit down. As the professor starts calling names, Lara Jean checks her phone. She had so many messages and attempted calls from Peter last night after his conversation with Bonnie that she didn't get to see until they came through this morning after turning off Do Not Disturb. She had sent him a quick message saying that she was sorry she didn't see them and hoped they could talk some time today, if possible though very unlikely.

His text comes through 'Yeah I don't think we can talk today either, you're too busy.'

'If you had just picked up yesterday, we wouldn't have this problem.'

Lara Jean reads the texts and re-reads them, shocked at what is being written. She quickly puts her phone away as the professor catches it in her hands and gestures at her to get rid of it. She can hardly pay attention throughout the entire class as she thinks about his messages. He is making it seem like it is her fault for not being able to talk when she was the one who was waiting for him to call the whole afternoon and he never told her that he wasn't able to. Then telling her that she is the one who is too busy is so unfair, given that she is consistently cancelling her plans to talk to him whereas he never re-schedules for her.

That night she is so happy that her baking club is having a baking class. They have invited in one of the pastry chefs from a bakery nearby who is going to teach them how to do cool cake decorating. It will take a long time though as they have to cook and let their cakes cool, before having a chance to do the icing.

Their cakes are cooking in the oven and some of the seniors who are staying nearby agree to wait for them and then take everyone's out to let them cool, so the rest of them have a good 2 hours to kill. Lara Jean tries to get out her books to start studying but eventually gets out her phone again and rereads the texts from Peter. Bonnie walks into their room soon after and finds Lara Jean looking down at her phone, tears streaming down her face.

'Lara Jean, what's wrong?' Bonnie asks, very concerned.

'I just, I don't know what to do. I want to be with him and just want to talk to him, but I can't keep waiting for him.' She sobs.

Bonnie has heard this a few times before. 'What did he say?'

'He says that I'm too busy and I should have just talked to him last night.' She whimpers, passing over her phone for Bonnie to read their messages.

'Lara Jean, come on! You know that's not true.' Bonnie starts…

'Yeah that's what I thought too at first as well, but now… now… I just want to talk to him but he thinks that I don't want to and it's my fault.' She says before she starts crying again.

Bonnie gets a tissue and passes to Lara Jean, then wraps her arms around her. 'Lara Jean come on.' She says softly.

She is kind of sick of giving her the same pep talk and encouragement all the time, particularly when she doesn't think Lara Jean has done anything wrong, but she can't keep telling that to her if she never believes it herself.

'I know, I know…. I think I've just had a big week and we haven't talked to each other all week, so I'm extra sensitive.' She says, sniffling.

Bonnie smiles at her. 'Do you want to watch a movie or something to destress then?' she asks.

Lara Jean wipes her eyes with the tissue that Bonnie gave her. 'No I'm doing a baking class with my club tonight so that should probably help me out. Actually I probably need to get back. Ah, do I look like I've been crying?' she asks, trying to rub her eyes to look normal.

Bonnie laughs and then gets out her ice roller from the little freezer in their bar fridge. 'Here this will reduce the puffiness and you should look a lot better then.'

Lara Jean smiles at her gratefully before applying it to her eyes.

The baking class was the exact thing that she needed. She finds herself completely transported from all the drama of this last week as soon as she picks up the piping bag and starts doing her designs. The chef comes over and admires her work, she even asks if she might be looking for a job soon and want to come work with her. Lara Jean blushes but informs her that she isn't going to be wanting a job until after her freshman year when she will hopefully have adjusted a bit more to college life. The chef nods thoughtfully and commends her again for her delicacy and artistry in her decorating. Lara Jean's heart warms at these compliments, very flattered that someone like her would think that about her designs. Maybe next year she would try go back to that bakery and get a job, she thinks it would be amazing to be able to get paid for doing a hobby that was so therapeutic and enjoyable to her. The chef takes their cakes to sell the next day at the bakery, which is a good thing as Lara Jean didn't think she had it in her to slice through her the beautiful patterns she took so long to make. Her previous thoughts and emotions are much more subdued as she falls to sleep that night. She dreams about a future where she owns a bakery and is the head decorator who get to design cakes for celebrities and other highly-ranked public figures, she doesn't even think about the fact that at no point in her dream does she see Peter.

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It is finally the weekend and Lara Jean decides to take full advantage of her sleep in. She is still buzzing from the compliments that she got from the chef last night and how happy she felt in her dream. She bounces at her bed and finally she sees that the sun is already up by the time she gets out of bed. She rings her family at home and talks to her dad, Trina and Kitty to hear about everything that has been happening since she last saw them. They spend hours on the phone talking about everything that has happened. They even do their Christmas Cookie Bonanza over the phone where Lara Jean suggest more simple cookies that Trina and Kitty can cook now before promising to make more exciting cookies and flavours when she gets home. She is looking forward to finally being in her element as soon as she gets to come home and add more decorations to the house and start cooking. She then rings Margot to catch up with her. They talk about a lot as well. They discuss how her and Ravi are going and Margot asks about Peter, which Lara Jean tries to keep light and doesn't add many details to in fears of hearing rational advice. They talk about how her Asian association is going and their plans for Margot to come to one of their events when she comes home for Christmas which really excites her. They also discuss presents for Trina, Daddy and Kitty throwing around some ideas that are both thoughtful and affordable.

Just before they hang up, Margot pauses and says, 'Lara Jean, I know I haven't gotten a chance to say this yet and I know it probably doesn't even mean a lot to you, but I have to tell you that I am so proud of you and I am so happy that you have given yourself a chance. I can tell you are getting the most out of your freshman year and I'm just so glad that you are.'

Lara Jean bites her lip to stop herself from tearing up. 'Thanks Gogo, that actually does mean a lot to me.'

They then say their goodbyes and hang up the phone.

She checks the time and realises that she can probably finally call Peter now. He said he had a Lacrosse game today but it should be over by now.

The rings twice before he finally picks up.

'Hey Covey.' He says, Lara Jean can hear a flatness in his voice.

'Peter! How was your game?' she asks excitedly, her heart beating faster hearing his voice.

'Yeah we won…' he trails off.

'Really? How did you play?' she asks enthusiastically again. She is trying to enliven their conversation more as she really just wants them to have a good talk finally.

'I don't want to talk it.' He says bluntly.

'Oh, ummmm ok.' She says softly. 'How has your week been?'

'Uh yeah it's been alright, would have been better if you had talked to me though.' He says with tension in his voice.

Silence falls between them. Lara Jean feels tears in her eyes again. She was so excited and happy to finally get a chance to talk to him but he is just being cold and distant. Even trying to blame her again for this week.

'Oi don't pin this on me, your life is pretty hectic as well.' She pipes back. She says it as light-heartedly as possible to make a joke with a sense of truth to it.

'My life? Yeah sure, Covey, whatever you say.' He says sarcastically. 'Look I can't talk long.'

She feels a tear go down her cheek. 'What? This is the first time we have talked to each other all week and you can't talk long?' she says in disbelief.

She hears him sigh from over the phone, but that doesn't stop her from continuing. 'I know what Bonnie said to you and honestly I am glad she did because right now I can finally talk to you and you are blowing me off for something.'

He scoffs. 'Blowing you off, what do you think you have been doing to me all week?' he asks angrily.

'I did that once! There was one night when I didn't answer your calls and then I spent an entire afternoon waiting for you to call me! What is going on with you?' she asks. She doesn't understand why he is acting this way.

'What's going on? Nothing is going on. You are just trying to phase me out of your life.' He accuses her.

'What? I have been trying to put my life around you and finally when I start putting myself first, you are getting so defensive and blaming me, when you should want me to be doing this. Are you upset with something else?' she asks, knowing that he must be riled up by the game and other things.

'Upset about something else? No Lara Jean, I am upset with you. I have to be working my ass off to get in shape for Lacrosse and get my skills on track as while as keeping up with all of my studies and I just want to be able to talk to my girlfriend at least once a day but she doesn't have time for me. I get what Bonnie said, but the game today, I didn't even get to go on the field. I am barely keeping up with my classes given how often I have to be training and I don't have your notes from school to rely on anymore. So is it so bad of me to just want to my girlfriend to be there for me? To have my girlfriend actually remember that I exist?' he says, raising his voice.

Tears start streaming down her face. 'Peter, you are a great Lacrosse player. You are only in your first semester ever, you can't expect to be the star player already. I am not the one putting this pressure on you to be a great Lacrosse player, I couldn't care less if you even played a sport. So its not fair for you to then expect me to able to save you from all the problems that your obsession with your Lacrosse is causing. I'm not a freaking robot you can just call upon to talk to whenever you want, I have a life as well that I am actually enjoying.' She says harshly.

'Enjoying without me?' he shades her.

'Peter! When I was in high school, the majority of my friends were your friends and the majority of hobbies that I had, I did them alone or not at all. Now I finally have friends of my own and are able to do my favourite things with other people and whenever I want and I think you are jealous of that.' Lara Jean says, realising what may have really being going on between them.

'Yeah you know, maybe I am!' he yells back at her.

Silence falls between them. She tries to move away from the phone as she sobs but is sure that Peter can hear them. He sighs multiple times over the phone.

'I'm sorry, I didn't mean that.' He whispers to her.

She sniffles. 'Yes you did, but someone had to say it. Do you want to break up?' her heart starts to break as she asks.

'No. No way! Never!' Peter answer immediately.

She can imagine him across the phone, his eyes sad and his head hanging low as he hears her propose such a thing.

'Covey, I'm sorry. You are right, I'm just so lost and so confused. Everything is just so different with Lacrosse, school and you, I'm just not getting used to it and I'm taking my frustrations out on you. I'm sorry.' He says softly.

She nods. 'I know. I don't know what I'm doing either but we just have to take it everyday.'

'Yeah, yeah, I know…. We will… Ok, I have to actually go because my mum just arrived to take me home for lunch with her and Owen. We'll talk tonight though, I promise.' He says sincerely.

'I can't, I have something… tomorrow?' she asks hopefully.

He pauses. 'Um I have a few things but yeah we can work around that. I love you with all my heart, Lara Jean.' He says.

Lara Jean smiles. 'I love you too. Bye.'

'Bye.'

Bonnie then walks in as she is trying to wipe away the rest of her tears.

'Sorry I was just on the phone with Peter.' She says when Bonnie gives her a concerned look.

Bonnie sighs and rolls her eyes. 'Wow, again… Man, I tell you if I ever have kids the only advice I'm going to give them about college is to make sure they NEVER go to college with a boyfriend, otherwise they spend all their time crying, like you.' She says with a smile trying to be funny.

Lara Jean tries to smile back but can't. Her words have so much truth and past to them that Bonnie would never know. This is her. She is it. She has become the exact person her mum had tried to warn her against being. The girl at college crying over her boyfriend.

 _A/N: WOOOOOOOOO! Thank you so much to everyone who has left reviews! I honestly really appreciate it and I also love that you write your names as well if you are a guest, I feel like then I actually get to know you! Sorry the roll was slightly interrupted, but I mean if I updated every single day then this story would be over very quickly! Please let me know if you like this story and I am also curious, can anyone guess what song the title is from? Not sure when the next update will be, but may be even sooner than you think if there are lots of reviews (heheheheehe, ok I'll stop now). Hope you all like it and I'll see you for the next Chappy! xxxxxx_


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Lara Jean couldn't stop the thoughts swirling around her head as she went to sleep that night. Everything was going so well, she was so happy except for one thing. Her relationship. She could hear all of the words from her sister, her dad, her mum, Mrs Kavinsky and Peter in her head. Here she was, giving herself the best chance possible to live her life and to enjoy being at college. Everything was so much better than expected except what was between her and Peter. She thinks back to their conversation at Beach Week, the one before they were about to sleep together for the first time. He was saying that he almost wanted her to go somewhere and be temporality unhappy for that she would want to transfer to UVA and he couldn't even see how shitty he was being about that. Maybe that's why he has been in such an awful mood with her through the semester. Maybe he still held onto the hope that without him, she wouldn't give herself a chance and wouldn't enjoy being at UNC as much as she does, so she would try transfer to UVA. Peter would never admit this to her, she knows that if he did feel this way he would be really ashamed by it, but she can't deny that its likely the reason that he seems to be so jealous of her and that she is giving herself a full chance. Well, almost. She is giving herself a full chance until it comes to him and then she is selling herself short. Bonnie's words ran so true to her. Margot would be saying 'I told you so' and she can only imagine her mother giving her a bittersweet smile before giving her the same advice. Their mum saw her roommate struggle with having a boyfriend who she always cried over and so she missed out on so many opportunities, Lara Jean hoped that she was looking down on her and thinking the same way. She loved Peter so much, but she was starting to see that she was becoming someone who Margot, her mum and even herself never wanted her to be.

She feels a tear run down her cheek as she turns over and tries to let herself be engulfed by sleep and thoughts of Peter.

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Her hands are shaking the next morning as she messages him. They are trying to organise a time that they can call and talk to each other. He is busy for most of the day with training, practice and study groups, but suggests he misses a party he was going to go to tonight. Lara Jean agrees and decides to miss her party as well.

Bonnie scowls at her when she hears Lara Jean confess the reason why she can't come that night.

'Lara Jean, come on you have already missed so much for that guy! You have to do more for yourself.' Bonnie begs her.

'I know, but I think this is going to be one of the last things I miss for him.' She tries to say it subtly but her sad expression and the tears grouping in her eyes give her away.

Bonnie's eyes go wide with shock. 'Lara Jean, are you sure?' she asks cautiously.

Lara Jean nods and wipes her tears. 'I don't want to be the girl in her dorm crying over her boyfriend anymore, I've changed too much for the better to allow myself to be that.'

Bonnie gives her a small smile and hugs her. 'Lara Jean, this is a good thing, trust me. I know that you love Peter, but right now you need to take some time to love yourself. If he loves you as much as he claims he does, then he'll still be waiting for you at the end.'

Lara Jean nods into Bonnie's shoulder. 'I know. I just think I need to do it now before I go back and see him over the Christmas break. I also wouldn't forgive myself if I did it during such a sad time for him.' She says.

Peter has always pretended to be ambivalent towards Christmas but Lara Jean knew that it was a sad time for him. He had so many memories of going with his dad to pick the tree and then being surprised by the baubles his mum would bring back from her antique store that they would all use together to decorate the tree. Lara Jean remembers seeing the photos of him, Owen and his dad all piggybacking on each other to let Owen put the star on top of the tree. He always has a bright smile on his face, but at Christmas is when he misses his dad or what his dad used to be to their family the most.

She felt another tear fall from her eye as she thought about what she was doing. She was going to make him even more sad after today, but at least he had the break so hopefully his Lacrosse training wouldn't be interrupted. Even now, Lara Jean has internalized the priority of his Lacrosse training over their emotions, which further confirms her decision.

She does some study for the morning before going to the shops with Bonnie to stock up their ingredients. She has decided that she needs to bake this afternoon in order to relax her and also so she can have comfort food for when she will be really sad. Bonnie constantly tries to keep her attention on other things, but every so often she can feel her eyes shift and her thoughts drift towards Peter. She can't help but see his sad, enormous eyes in her head and how her heart squeezes. But despite how often her thoughts drift to that, she can still feel in her gut that she is making the right decision.

She bakes chai sugar cookies with cream cheese icing. They are sweet enough to be you in a sugar haze and make you feel good for even a few seconds. She practices over and over in her head what she is going to say to Peter. Should she do it straight away or wait for it?

Eventually she walks back to her room, tries to take deep breaths and waits for his call. She sits on her bed watching her phone. She has her tissues right next to her because she knows that she will definitely need them.

Her phone starts to ring and her heart drops.

'Hey Peter!' she tries to say cheerfully.

'Hey Covey, what's up?' he asks excitedly back.

'Not a lot, I'm just talking to you.' She shrugs over the phone.

'Isn't is a pleasure?' she hears him smirk over the phone.

She lets out a single laugh before going quiet.

'Hey, whats wrong?' he asks.

She feel the tears grouping in her eyes again as she hears his thoughtful voice.

'Peter, I'm just struggling.'

'With what?'

'With us.' She says.

He quietly gasps over the phone.

'What about us?' he asks softly.

'Peter, don't you miss me sometimes so much that it hurts? Doesn't it make you really sad when we can go a full week without talking on the phone to each other? Can you not feel the distance that just keeps creeping in between us.' She says, tears are running much faster down her face.

'Lara Jean…' he starts but then trails off.

She waits on the other side of the line. She knows that he is probably trying to not to think about her words but he can't admit that he doesn't feel the same.

'I do feel that, but it's what we have to take in order to be together.' He pleads.

'That's my point. We have to go through so much pain to be together.' She sighs.

'Yeah but the pain is worth it.' He tries to justify.

'Is it though?'

'Yes it is, Covey! Why would you ask that?'

'Because that pain is probably making you a worse Lacrosse player. That pain is making you feel like I am further away and that you aren't enough for me. It's making us mad and angry at each other because of how it is affecting our lives.'

He sighs again. 'It's not like that Lara Jean. My Lacrosse and those feelings have nothing to do with you or the distance. And even if they do, it doesn't matter because not being with you isn't an option.'

Lara Jean couldn't help but feel her heart warm. He was so loyal and amazing. His mum was right when she said that he would never be the one to let her go no matter how much pain he is causing her.

'Do you wish I wasn't enjoying UNC as much as I am?' she asks bluntly.

He goes silent. She can hear him sighing and getting agitated by that question.

'I… No, I am happy.. but I…' he splutters.

'Peter…' she says sternly.

'Ok fine, don't get me wrong I think its great but yeah maybe there is a part of me that wished you were a bit unhappy with UNC and without me.' He admits.

'Without you?' she questions.

He sighs again. 'Yeah Lara Jean, don't get me wrong I think it's great that you are putting yourself out there so much and doing all the things that you love, but it's like you don't need me anymore. No, it's like you don't want me. When we were in school, you talked about how I brought you into this other world and I guess I liked being needed in that. It felt good to be the one to bring the best parts of you that I love so much to the attention of other people. I guess you just don't need me anymore for that though. You are doing just fine by yourself and don't need anyone to take you out and try get you more social because you do that all yourself. Its good, don't get me wrong, but I feel I'm just losing something.'

'Peter…' she tries to interrupt after hearing his confession.

He continues though. 'Even at college, we talked about how I would be the one to teach you things and help us as we got to that next step of our relationship, but we haven't, and I don't know why.' His voice sounds so lost as he says this.

The air goes stale between them as he brings up the topic that they had both been avoiding for so long – sex. Lara Jean felt her heart dip just like it always does when she thinks about this. She knew that she was the one driving the bus and he was fine just waiting for her until she was ready, but she didn't have a good answer to why she wasn't. They had the summer but it just felt too weird to do before she went to Korea because she knew she would be stressing and overthinking about it the whole month if they did and then after they got back, she just wasn't sure. She always thought and knew they would eventually get to the point where sex would just become as normal as kissing or cuddling, but before college, she didn't want to make that trade at any time. They came close a few times but each time, she felt herself stiffen and her mind flew back to Beach Week and she couldn't do it. He couldn't either. He had told her that he didn't want to do it just because they were going to be apart at college before, but she knew that he was probably just expecting it to happen as soon as they went to college. It didn't though. They had only see each other twice so far, during the break and then Halloween weekend. Although they were sleeping in the same bed during the break, she would neither be able to settle her conscious letting anything happen with her dad just in the next room. Then the weekend he was at UNC, he was so exhausted from training and the drive the first night and then they both had a bit to drink at the party the next night, so it didn't happen either.

Lara Jean had considered this today. Maybe she wouldn't be making this decision if they had already had sex and had that opportunity to feel closer to each other, but it comes back to them not having enough or making enough time for each other and the consequences that pain has.

'Peter, you know that I want to take the next step just as much as you and give you that opportunity, but we just don't have enough time for each other.' She sobs as she gets the words out.

'Lara Jean what are you trying to say?' he sounds so hopeless.

'Peter, I'm sorry but I just don't think it's going to work right now. We are both trying so hard not to let go of each other but it just means we are almost choking.' She whsipers as tears continue to stream down her face. Her breath gets shaky and she has to get more tissues for her eyes.

'I….' he tries to say something, but is so hurt by her words.

She just stays on the phone sobbing, listening to him breathing hard.

Finally he clears his throat. 'It's ok, Lara Jean. I, ummm, I'm not ok with you doing this, but I understand why.' He says.

She sobs again at his words. Of course he is so thoughtful and understands.

'I'm so sorry, Peter.'

'No, don't be… I'm sorry… its on me.'

'Peter….'

'Take care of yourself Lara Jean.'

'Peter!' she tries to get his attention again but he hangs up.

Just like that, he is gone.

 _A/N: I'm just going to run and hide now….._

 _Hahahahahaha, sorry about the wait and the short chapter, was trying to put this one off as much as possible because so many people wanted me to keep them together but just know that the next few chapters are going to be much more exciting because of this. I definitely think that they both love each other but would need to recognise that in this story and at this time, it is best for them to be apart. I really liked how much more Lara Jean's character got expanded on like when she and Peter broke up in the second book, but don't worry Peter will definitely still be making important appearances. I'll definitely try to update again soon, I'm just finding it a bit hard to find motivation to write lately, so please review and let me know if you like it!_

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	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

'Lara Jean, can you quit it?' her dad says, half-joking, half-serious.

She keeps bouncing her knee up and down in the passenger seat and it's annoying him out of the corner of his eye.

'Sorry Daddy, I'm trying to stop.' She says with a smile.

He gives her a knowing look.

He came first thing that morning to come and pick her up from Chapel Hill to take her home for the Christmas break. She had gone to a party last night to celebrate finishing their first semester at college and wasn't coping well with the early start. She also couldn't stop thinking about how different it was going to be as soon as she got home and saw everything.

'So Korean food for dinner?' her dad asks, obviously trying to chance the subject.

'Oh I thought Trina didn't like Korean food?' she asks, puzzled.

'Yeah she doesn't, but she is currently on some diet before Christmas so she won't be eating the same as us anyway so I thought it would be good to have whatever you want to.' He says cheerily.

'Really? A diet? She must be a delight then!' Lara Jean says sarcastically.

Her dad tries to hide his smile but gives her a little nod.

She tried to go on a diet over the summer just before her and her dad went on their honeymoon and Lara Jean could have sworn that he had transformed into some kind of monster. If there is one thing that Trina loves, it is her family, her dogs and her chocolate. Kitty eventually convinced her to have a bit of chocolate one night when she was sick of dealing with her negative attitude. It's funny to look at now, but Trina was almost hysterical at that point. Lara Jean didn't even know why she felt like she had to go on that diet anyway, because Trina is already in amazing shape from constantly walking the dogs and regular SoulCycle classes.

'Why is on a diet now though? Isn't winter the season for layering anyway?' she asks.

'That's what I said!' her dad remarks. 'No, she has convinced herself that if she does this now, then she can eat as much as she wants over her break between Christmas and New Years. Something about it paying off more.' He rolls his eyes.

'Huh, not a bad idea, actually.' Lara Jean concedes. 'Is everyone at home still alive?'

'Barely.' Her dad chuckles but gives her wide eyes.

She can't help but laugh. If Kitty had even half of the same attitude that she had at Thanksgiving than that would surely be clashing with a hungry Trina which only results in a very scared and frightful Daddy. Lara Jean is glad that she has already got plans to catch up with friends from school and even friends from college who live close by to her as an escape from what will be a very tense household.

'I've taken the liberty of stocking the house with as many baking ingredients as I think a 5-star bakery would have.' Her dad says.

She smiles at him. 'I can't tell you how happy I am going to be to finally have a kitchen to myself.' She says happily.

At college, unless she is up at midnight baking, she is always sharing the counter top, oven and kitchen space with other people who are also trying to prepare food. Usually it doesn't bother her too much, but it is still annoying constantly having to move out of the way to stop bumping into people and also having to shift another person's food to reach her own. Then at her baking club, it is almost worst because everyone is making the same thing so are needing all the same utensils at the same time. Obviously she understand that there is no other way and is happy to work around it, but she also can't hide her excitement to finally have space to herself to bake whatever she wants.

'Great because I promised Selena I would bake her chai sugar cookies for her party this weekend and one of my other friends, Sarah begged me to bring her some chocolate chip cookies as well.' She gives an exasperated sigh at all the requests for her baking.

'Oh when are you seeing these girls?' her dad tries to ask casually though she can hear a bit of tension in his voice.

'Ummmmmm, I'm staying at Selena's house over the weekend and then I'll either see Sarah at Tyler's little get-together or at Jen's. Which reminds me, can I borrow Margot's car this weekend?' she asks, trying to ignore the traces of hurt on her Dad's face.

'Oh wow, sounds like you're going to be busy then. Gonna have any time for us?' he tries to ask jokingly but she can hear some pain in his voice.

She reaches over and takes his hand, he squeezes hers. 'Of course, Daddy. I still intend on picking Margot up from the airport and I'll definitely be here for Christmas Eve and all of Christmas Day. Honestly it's only like 4 days that I have something else on.' She says.

He gives her an agreeing nod. 'Ok as long as you don't forget us.' He says much more positively.

She squeezes his hand before letting go and sitting her hand in her lap.

'So, since it's so early and Trina's on a diet, any chance we can get a treat from the diner?' she smiles up at him, trying to persuade him.

He is a notorious party pooper when it comes to visits to the diner as he rarely allows them get anything sweet and prefers them to get the more healthy options. Even though as they have gotten the ability to the diner without him, they always splurge on the most sugary option, he still tries to persuade them every time he can.

'Fine, just because I haven't seen you for a while.' He says.

Lara Jean smiles at him again. It's been almost a month since her and Peter broke up.

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She is happily in her element a few hours later. She is surrounded by the enticing smell of sugar and butter as well as a mess of flour, cinnamon and chocolate. She is finishing the dough for the chocolate chip cookies as her chai-sugar cookies are in the oven. She has also decided that she was going to make snickerdoodles as a surprise for Kitty, especially given how excited she was to see them last time she was here.

She also has Bonnie on speakerphone who seems to be suffering from a bit of separation anxiety since going home.

'Lara Jean! Save me, I can't deal with these feral boys!' she cries over the phone.

'Bonnie, I believe the word you are looking for is brothers.' She laughes and responds.

'Argh! Can I just let you know how painful it is watching you bake your cookies without giving me the ability to smell them or taste them?' She complains.

'Oh come on, I'm sure this smell has been imprinted on your nose given the crazy amount of times you have forced me to bake them for you.' She teases Bonnie.

Bonnie stares thoughtfully into the distance. 'I wonder if we could like bottle up the smell of your cookies and I could take it home with me so I could always smell your freshly baked cookies even after college. Or maybe like if you bake one of my shirts with them, then it would always smell that way' she thinks aloud.

'No, I'm pretty sure your shirt would just burn and then smell like burnt polyester.' Lara Jean says before they share a laugh.

'Man, I thought coming home was supposed to be good and all but I feel like college is my home and my home has become the other destination.' Bonnie says with a sigh.

Bonnie has always wanted to leave her home. Since she first started high school, she was looking for interstate colleges for her to go to. She lives in Florida so it is strange to see her in such a different state but definitely explains how she cannot handle the cold whatsoever. It's so different from Lara Jean who would have never guessed that she would enjoy being away from home so much, but she can't deny that Bonnie and most importantly, Bonnie's attitude has played such a massive role in her transition and getting used to the idea. Bonnie can barely think of one negative reason about being away from home, she is never homesick or anything which has definitely rubbed off on Lara Jean. Alex, in her study group, mentioned that her roommate was always calling her mum and dad, and going down to visit them every weekend which made Alex feel a bit more lonely in her room, hence she always likes to hang out in their hall with Lara Jean.

'Wow are you really this cold-hearted or is it just when I'm not there?' Lara Jean jokes.

Bonnie laughs as well. 'I know, you've turned me into a softie!'

They keep talking as Lara Jean finishes baking her cookies. Bonnie tells her all about her old high school friends who aren't in college and how it feels to see them all again still working at their part time jobs. She perks up a lot though when she talks about the party that one of her closest high school friends threw and how much fun it was. Bonnie is such a social butterfly that it's not hard to see why she is able to make so many friends and be in so many places all the time.

Lara Jean is just taking out the last batch of chocolate chip cookies and putting in another tray of snickerdoodles when she hears a key jingle at the front door.

'Sorry Bonnie, I gotta go, my sister is back. Good luck and we'll talk later!' she says as she hurriedly tries to hang up so she can see Kitty.

'You bet we'll talk later. Bye' Bonnie says before they end their call.

She is just about to run towards the door, when she sees it open and she sees none other than Peter Kavinsky with her little sister. In a hurry to hide, she ducks behind the island bench in their kitchen.

'Is anyone home?' she hears Peter ask Kitty.

'Daddy text me and said that Lara Jean was here.' Kitty answers.

'Ah, I wondered why it smelled like baking.' Peter says.

'She better have baked me snickerdoodles or I'm not giving her a hug.' Kitty puffs.

'Me neither' Peter puffs back imitating Kitty's voice.

They share a laugh while a sharp pang stings Lara Jean's heart at his words.

She isn't sure what she is supposed to do. She can hear them shutting the door and taking off their shoes and coats. They are probably going to come straight to the kitchen and then what is she going to do. Maybe she could make a sprint to the front yard, but she doesn't have her boots or coat on. Maybe she could pretend she has fainted so they'll leave her alone. Stupid idea, she says to herself shocked she even thought that would have been plausible. She had to think quick because if she just stayed where she was then Peter would know she is hiding from him and that would just make things awkward between them. Though who is she kidding, it's going to be awkward between them anyway.

She hears their footsteps and voices get closer to the kitchen and quickly pivots on her foot to face the oven while still crouched down.

'Lara Jean, what are you going?' she hears Kitty ask her in an extremely judgemental tone.

Peter and Kitty are both standing over her now waiting for her to answer.

She diverts her eyes between the floor and the oven before stuttering 'I'm, uh, just, uh, checking the cookies in the oven.' She tries to sound as confident as she can.

'From the ground?' Kitty pushes again. Kitty is trying to make Lara Jean admit that she is hiding or doing something else embarrassing so that she can laugh with Peter.

'Yeah you can see them better. Something you would know if you ever bothered to help in the kitchen.' Lara Jean snaps back, letting her know that she isn't going to budge.

She is almost annoyed at Kitty for trying to do this. Kitty has walked in and ambushed her with Peter, then tried to embarrass her as well in front of him. Why couldn't Kitty be more well-versed in the Sister Code or at least taking her back after a break up?

'Ummm, hi Lara Jean.' Peter says, interrupting Kitty and Lara Jean who are glaring at each other.

She takes her eyes away from Kitty to look at him though she can only bear to do so for a split second. Even from just a glance, she can't but think about how good he looks and how handsome he is. She forgot just how much be could take her breath away.

'Hi Peter.' She says, looking down at the ground as she stands up.

'So what are you making?' he says, casually as he sits down on one of the stools at their kitchen table.

Lara Jean isn't fully wrapping her head around what is exactly happening in her kitchen right now. She broke up with Peter, they aren't together, but he is still in her kitchen and talking to her. She doesn't understand.

Her face blushes as she realises that she was just standing there in silence for a bit. 'Ummm, chai sugar cookies, chocolate chip cookies and snickerdoodles.' She says quickly.

'Yay snickerdoodles. I'll give you a hug now.' Kitty cheers before quickly giving Lara Jean a hug. It barely lasts a second as she then runs around to sit next to Peter. He gives her a hand to get on the taller stools.

'Wow, why so much?' he asks, curiously.

Lara Jean can't understand why is continuing to ask her questions. The look on his face told her that he knew exactly why she was quiet for so long and that she was uncomfortable but he just keeps soldiering on.

'Ummm, I'm seeing a bunch of my friends this week and they have requested them as Christmas gifts.' She says, eventually she brings her eyes to meet his. He gives her his best smile and she can't help but smile back. She is also a sucker for that gorgeous smile of his.

'What you're making cookies for your friends, not me!' Kitty pouts.

She gives Kitty a disapproving look. 'Not with that attitude, I'm not.'

Kitty gasps. 'What attitude? I don't have an attitude. Peter, do you think I have an attitude?' she says looking up at him with hopeful eyes.

They both watch as Peter turns his head between them. His neck is probably almost cracking given how fast he is moving it. His face turns red as he tries to decide who to side with. Lara Jean knows that he definitely thinks that Kitty has an attitude given how often she told him that before so she is giving him a very knowing look complete with a little smirk on her lips. Kitty however is giving him a pout and puppy eyes as she begs for him to take her side.

Lara Jean decides to take him out of his misery as he still struggles to answer. 'Kitty, it doesn't matter what Peter thinks because I think you have one and as long as I do, then I'm not baking you more cookies.' She says very matter-of-factly.

'Argh! Fine!' Kitty groans, lifting her head back.

Peter puts his arm around her and rubs her back comfortingly. He is avoiding Lara Jean's gaze. She saw him flinch out of the corner of her eye as she said that it didn't matter what he thought. She didn't mean to hurt him, she was actually trying to do the opposite of that but she still feels a little guilty.

'Ok, um, I think I should go.' Peter says, before swinging his legs around on the stool and standing up.

Lara Jean feels her heart lurch. She was actually enjoying having his company and being near him after so long, even if it was only for a few minutes.

'Sure. Bye Peter.' She says, before turning back to her cookies and putting them on the cooling tray. She makes sure to just say goodbye so he can''t see how much she wants to see him again.

'Bye Peter. I'll see you tomorrow.' Kitty yells in a sing-songy voice as she turns her bottom around her seat.

He gives them a wave and a smile before walking to the door. He has his hand on the doorknob, when he suddenly turns back.

'Actually, Lara Jean would you be able to help me with some of the ice on my windshield? I wasn't able to get it before when I picked up Kitty.' He gives her his best smile again which she can't help but smile back at, even though she feels so flustered inside.

Her and Peter are about to be alone. Even if it was going to be outside, it still made her nervous.

'Sure, I'll just grab the thing we usually use.' She says, then she gets it and puts on her coat and boots to follow him out.

As soon as she looks at his car though, she is very confused.

'wait I thought you had ice…' she starts to say before he cuts her off.

'Nah I just said that so I could talk to you without Kitty.' He smiles at her confusion.

She feels her heart skip as she realises what he said. What does he want to talk to her about? Does he want to get back together?

'I just wanted to check that it is ok with me seeing Kitty. I know she is your little sister and we have broken up and everything, so I just wanted to ask if it's ok with me seeing her while you are here?' he looks at her deep into her eyes.

She almost loses her breath as she gets to look at his eyes again. They are so beautiful. Hazel with tints of green and gold in them.

'Um, yeah it's fine. Don't worry, I knew you wanted joint custody, remember?' she jokes.

He laughs but his smile doesn't reach his eyes. 'So it's not a big deal?' he asks again. She forgot how much this boy wanted reassurance.

'Yes it's fine.' She says again. 'I'm glad that you can prove to Kitty that you are still there for her despite everything.' Her voice trails away.

'Yeah or that she just won't leave me alone and I don't know how to say no to her yet!' he says, exasperatedly.

Lara Jean then laughs. 'She really has you wrapped around her finger.' She comments.

'Ummm, I think that's a bit of an overstatement.' He says pretending to look offended.

'Oh really? Didn't you just go pick her up from a slumber party at 9am? Giving your sleep up for someone is the first step.' She jokes.

He laughs at her statement. 'Yeah it is.' He says looking at her deeply again.

She suddenly realises what she just said and how he responded. He thinks she is talking about when he started giving up his sleep to pick her up from school. Was she talking about that? Was she trying to remind him of what they had? No, she was trying to make a joke about Kitty that he just wrongly read in to.

She knows that her face shows panic as he chuckles at her then before she can say anything. 'Don't worry Lara Jean, I wasn't talking about us. Bye.' He says getting into his car.

So, he wasn't talking about that. Lara Jean is supposed to feel a sense of relief but for some reason she just feels rejected.

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She is sitting on her bed chatting with her friends over messenger. She decided to quickly bake another batch of cookies, this time using one of the recipes she learnt from her baking club, Nutella filled red velvet cookies. They came out amazingly and she made sure to send pictures to her friends.

She looked around her room. She could see all of her photos on the dresser in her room. The photo of her and Peter wasn't there anymore though. She doesn't know what exactly happened but her dad said that Trina took care of it because she didn't want her to come home and be sad. She wasn't sure what that meant. When she had told them what had happened she couldn't help but cry again. She explained everything and they understood why, but she was still just so hurt from everything and couldn't stop sobbing. Trina must have thought that because she was so upset, it would just be worse to let her come home and still see photos of him here, so she probably put it away. She could guess that the photo was likely in her hat box, but she didn't have the heart to check because that would mean possibly seeing that photo again which would hurt her too much. The photos in their dorm were at the bottom of her closet. It felt unfair to rip them or break them, given that Peter had done nothing wrong and she still loved him at the time, so she just hid them away and hopes that by the time she moves out at the end of next semester, she will have enough strength to look at them. As she got ready for her shower, just like every other night, she spent time just looking at her necklace, telling herself that it was wrong to keep wearing it and she needed to take it off, but she never did. Although the necklace was given to her by Peter, it has come to mean so much more to her. She thinks about when she used to just admire it from the window and appreciate its beauty to now when she is wearing it. It's almost a metaphor for her own life, how she was happy just watch it go past until finally she started really being a part of it and living it. It was what she was wearing through her senior year, her graduation, Stormy's funeral, Beach Week, her trip to Korea and her first semester of college. It was also for her first love. She remembers Stormy keeping all of the pieces of jewellery that her admirers gave her and continuing to wear them. Why let something so beautiful that bring so much good to life be ruined by split moment when something bad happened? She used to say. Lara Jean feels like that can apply to her and she shouldn't have to take it off. Peter also hadn't asked for it back and as far as she was concerned, they were in winter so it was almost always hidden from sight by many layers of jumpers and coats, so no one knows.

She is trying to give Alex advice on how to ask her big sister if she can wear something of hers when she sees another message come through. It is from one of the seniors in her baking club.

'Hi Lara Jean. I saw your cookies and was very impressed. We've just had a cancellation and were wondering if you wanted to join our baking class in New York tomorrow. Call me ASAP for more details and to confirm. Xxx'

Lara Jean's jaw dropped. There was a trip that the club was doing where they were getting exclusive access to some amazing bakeries in New York and they were also going to be doing a class with one of the pastry chefs from there. All the spots were first offered to seniors, juniors, then sophomores and freshmen, but they all the spots had been taken by the time it got to her wanting to be a part of it. Now she could be.

She quickly dials the number immediately to talk to her.

'Hey Lara Jean!' Tayla, the head of the club answers her phone.

'Hey Tayla, I just saw your message. Ummmm, what?' she asked, excitedly.

Tayla laughs at her. 'Yeah I know it's super last minute but honestly like you are the most committed baker in our club and have missed barely any meetings and you have brought along so many people as well, so us seniors decided that if you wanted it and were free, you should have the chance to come on it.'

Lara Jean screams into her pillow with excitement after hearing this. 'Really? But I mean is that going to be stepping on other people's toes?' she asks cautiously, she doesn't want to annoy anyone particularly any of the sophomores or juniors.

'No I am positive that everyone would agree that you have put the most work in and deserve this and if they don't then we will tell them.' Tayla reassures her.

Lara Jean feels a massive smile break out onto her face. 'Ok, but I didn't put in a deposit or anything.' She lets her know.

'Oh that's ok. We said that you had to cancel within 48 hours and the girl who did fully accepts that she paid for the trip, so you get to come free! Honestly Lara Jean I don't know what you could possibly be doing which is better than this.' Tayla says excitedly.

Lara Jean laughs fully agreeing with that statement. 'Ok what are the details so I can ask my Dad?' she asks quickly, he was probably about to go to sleep so she had to ask now.

'You are near UVA, right?' Tayla asks.

Lara Jean is surprised that she knows this. 'Ummm, yeah about half an hour away.'

'Ok so the bus is leaving from there at about 9am tomorrow as it is leaving from Chapel Hill at about 6am and picking up some extras there. Then we should be arriving at about 5pm. We'll get settled in and everything, maybe go out for dinner but probably an early night. The next day we then have multiple tours and that baking class, we also will have to check out with our bags so don't bring much. Then we'll be leaving at about 9pm that night so we will be back at UVA at around 6am the next morning.' Tayla says in one full breath.

'Wow, that sounds amazing!' Lara Jean says.

'Yeah it will be so can you come?' Tayla asks urgently.

Lara Jean sprints down the stairs to where Trina and her Dad are in the loungeroom.

'Daddy! Can I please go to New York with my baking club tomorrow?' she begs.

He looks very surprised. 'Weren't you supposed to pick up Margot from the airport?' he asks.

She had completely forgotten about that, but Margot would absolutely understand. 'Yeah but could maybe someone else do that so I can go? Daddy, it's going to be amazing we are going to see the bakery where they shoot 'Cake Boss', as well as go behind the scenes to watch them decorate and also get to see even more famous bakeries and we are even getting a class from one of the top pastry chefs and its all for free because a girl pulled out too late to get her money back.' She says so fast, that she has to catch her breath once she finishes talking.

His eyes grow wide particularly when she mentions that she is getting it all for free. 'Well I guess saying no isn't an option. What do you need me to do?' he asks with a smile.

She smiles and runs to hug him. 'Thank you so much Daddy. Just drop me at UVA at 9am tomorrow and pick my up in two days at 6am, please?'

He thinks about it for a second. 'Yeah I think I should be able to do that.'

Trina smiles at her. 'Or I can do that. I am so jealous of you having the chance to go to New York again!' she excitedly says as she gets off the couch and hugs Lara Jean.

'Thanks so much Trina, I'll just let the girls know and then I have to pack!' she exclaims excitedly before running up the stairs back to Tayla who is waiting on her phone.

She is panting as she screams 'They said yes! I can come!'

She hears Tayla get excited as well. 'Yay! That so great, Lara Jean! Also don't worry about everyone else, we are all massive fans of you and we'll definitely get along!'

'Thanks Tayla, I can't tell you how much it means to me that you have offered me this.' She says feeling incredibly grateful.

'No worries, I'll see you tomorrow morning at 9am at UVA! WOOOOOO! Also remember to pack warm clothes as New York is forecasted to be very cold and even snow.' Tayla warns her.

'Got it, I can't wait! See you tomorrow!' Lara Jean says excitedly. She hangs up the phone and then jumps into her bed, burying her head in her pillow as she screams in delight.

All of her thoughts about this afternoon and Peter are forgotten as she begins packing her bag for tomorrow.

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She can't stop herself from buzzing with excitement as her Dad drives her to UVA. It's so insane that just yesterday she was in the same car completely unaware of what would be happening today. She probably thought that she was going to be spending time with Kitty or just going more baking today before last night. Though when she had seen Kitty this morning, she was saying that she was going to the movies which probably meant that Peter was driving her there. She feels good to be able to avoid any more situations with Peter. She knows she probably needs to get used to it, but she just can't shake the pain in his voice as he tried to say that not being with her wasn't an option before it became their reality.

'Ok, so here's an emergency $20 for your trip.' Her dad says, handing her the note in the parking lot.

'Daddy, you know I don't need that, I have my own money from my allowance.' She said. She already felt guilty that she still had an allowance despite her dad paying so much for college but he insisted on it while they were still adjusting to college and before they got jobs.

'Well then just take it for my own peace of mind. He says with smile before pushing the note towards her.

Reluctantly, she takes it before giving him a kiss on the cheek and getting out of the car.

She has her duffle bag over shoulder as she walks towards where Tayla texted her the bus was going to be picking her up. She can already see one of the juniors she knows from her club sitting on the gutter.

'Hey! You here for the New York trip?' she says, dropping her bag and sitting down next to the girl.

'Yeah are you?' she replied. Lara Jean can't remember her name for the life of her.

'Yeah I am. I got a spot last night.' Lara Jean says excitedly.

'Oh that's so good! I have been so excited for this for the last month!'

Lara Jean shares a laugh with her. They start talking about what will be their favourite places to visit and what they are most excited to see when she sees a familiar figure in the distance.

She quickly whips her head around and notices the car park behind her, or more notably, the black Audi in the car park. She hadn't even seen it there before. Maybe if she acts really consumed in this conversation, he'll just ignore her and keep going.

She launches into the story of how the last time she was in New York she got to taste Levain's chocolate chip cookie and a cookie from Jacque Torres Chocolate Shop.

She is in the middle of saying, 'it's just by the Brooklyn Bridge and it's so picturesque as you walk there and get to eat it in Brooklyn, we even saw…' she trails off as the junior girl keeps moving her attention away from Lara Jean towards where Peter was walking and gives her a pointed look.

'What?' Lara Jean asks, trying to play dumb.

'Ummm, I think that guy is waving at you.' She says, slowly and confused. She also points across the oval.

Lara Jean hesitantly looks over and sure enough, Peter Kavinsky has seen her and is giving her a smile and a wave. Her cover is now blown as the girl is not only looking at him but pointing at him as well which makes it obvious that Lara Jean has seen him. She quickly waves back hoping that he will be satisfied but of course, he isn't and then he jogs over to them.

She has to stop herself from rolling his eyes as he comes closer. Every part of her is wishing that the bus would arrive as quickly as possible.

'Hey Covey!' he says, flashing her his best smile.

'Hi Peter.' She says, obviously faking the excitement in her voice.

He then looks over at the girl next to her and smile at her as well. 'Hey, I don't know you, I'm Peter Kavinsky.' He says offering to shake her hand.

She is staring dreamingly at him as she accepts his hand. 'I'm Polly. It's nice to meet you.'

'Likewise.' Peter respond nodding his head at her.

Lara Jean can see her blush out of the corner of her eye.

'What are you doing here?' he asks Lara Jean, finally breaking eye contact with Polly.

'Waiting for the bus to come to take us to New York.' She answers bluntly, trying to give him a clue that she doesn't really want to talk to him.

'New York, huh? What are you doing there?' he ask curiously.

'Oh just a trip with one of my clubs.' She says again, looking at him as if she is expecting him to leave soon.

'Nice.' He says, looking into the distance. She thinks that he is going to leave but he does the exact opposite and sits down next to her and Polly on the gutter.

'Tell me about the trip.' He states expectantly, at the same time he rolls up the sleeves of his hoodie, making sure to be showing off his strong forearms, probably.

Lara Jean is about to deliver another short answer but Polly beats her to it.

'It's for our baking club and we are going to some of the top bakeries in New York. We are going to be tasting the most amazing foods, even getting access to the operations of them and then we also have a baking class with a pastry chef. Isn't that awesome?' Polly exclaims excitedly, turning her body to fully face Peter.

Lara Jean keeps her eyes staring straight as she nods along to Polly's words.

'Yeah it is? Have you ever been?' He asks her, interested.

Lara Jean has to stop herself from rolling her eyes.

'No I haven't, but Lara Jean has and she was just telling me about some of the amazing things she had eaten when she went. Did you know she even had one of Levain's chocolate chip cookies?' Polly beams at him while delivering this information.

Lara Jean feels her body stiffen and Peter's eyes are on her. She finally brings her eyes to him and sees all sorts of emotions in them. She wonders if he is going to tell Polly that he knows because he was the one that bought it for her. That he was the one that ran to get it for her after she had talked about how badly she wanted to taste it. She remembers how she realised how thoughtful he was, how much he listened to her and how she believed she could do anything with him by her side.

She knows that he remembers all of that as well as he answers softly, 'yeah I did.'

Eventually she tears her eyes away from his as Polly starts to talk about the time she was going to go to New York but got sick. She still feels him looking at her often though, but tells herself that it's probably just leftover feeling from when they were together.

Polly finishes her story and Lara Jean turns to Peter. 'What are you doing here, anyway? It's the break.' She asks.

'Your school might be on break but in the words of my coach, 'your lacrosse skills, fitness and agility will never be.' So I was just getting in a session this morning.' He says looking between her and Polly.

'Oh my gosh, you play Lacrosse for UVA!' Polly states very shocked and excited.

She is about to say something else when the bus swings around and enters the parking lot.

'Oh we gotta go!' Lara Jean says, jumping to her feet.

She reaches for her bag the same time that Peter does. 'Hey I got it.' He says, as she beats him to her straps and picks it up.

'No, it's ok I can carry it myself.' She says very matter-of-factly, flinging the back over her shoulder.

She hears Peter offer to take Polly's bag which she happily agrees to. Lara Jean has her back turned to them so is finally able to roll her eyes.

She quickly throws her bag onto the bus to make sure she can stay a good distance away from Peter. She doesn't know what he wants from her, but coming and chatting up another girl next to her, isn't something she wants to witness more of.

She doesn't even say goodbye to him as she storms up the stairs and on the bus. Tayla has saved her a seat by the window when she gets on which she excitiedly takes. She is starting to feel buzzed again until she looks down at her window and sees Polly and Peter still talking outside. She isn't sure what they are saying but both of them are smiling. Lara Jean has to look away before she starts to cry.

Someone hollers 'Oi Polly, you can get his number when we come back! It's not like you could hook up till the weekend anyway!'

The bus explodes with laughter as Polly blushes, she shakes Peter's hand as she turns to go on the bus. Lara Jean feels sick to her stomach after hearing what that girl said. She sees Peter's eyes searching the bus windows with a smile on his face as the driver starts the bus. Just before they drive away, she locks eyes with him and is sure that he sees how upset and betrayed she feels because his face immediately drops. In the bus mirror, she sees Peter rubbing the back of his head before throwing his arms down like he is annoyed at himself.

He is probably annoyed he didn't get a chance to get Polly's number, she tells herself as she leans back and listens into the conversation around her.

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The trip to New York was incredibly. She is again sitting in her car with all of her goodies from the trip packed securely in her bag in her lap. Her cheeks are almost hurting from smiling so much during the trip. Her Dad is driving her and occasionally looks over at her.

'Did you get any sleep?' he asks with a laugh.

Her eyelids feel so heavy as she tries to keep them open for the drive home. She giggles. 'Not enough. We stayed up late the first night cause we wanted to see all the lights in Times Square and then we were talking on the whole bus trip back.' She says.

It was so exciting to listen in on all the conversations that the juniors and seniors were having. Some of them were talking about whether they were going to get married as soon as they graduated while others had no idea what they were doing with their lives. It's crazy to think that we will be them in another 2 or 3 years.

'Margot is excited to see you.' Her dad tells her.

She nods in response still struggling with her eyelids. She is excited to see Margot as well, but maybe after a nap.

They arrive home and it appears that Margot, Kitty and Trina are still asleep. Lara Jean is relieved as this means she can shower and sleep as well. She washes her hair and tries to soap off the bad feeling of being on a bus for 9 hours, before getting into her pyjamas and going to sleep. It is about 7am when she finally gets off to sleep.

She doesn't feel like she has slept that long but at around 3pm, Kitty and Margot come running into her room.

'Lara Jean, get up!' they yell at her.

Lara Jean groans as she is awoken by the loud noises. She never thought she would find a sound she disliked more than her alarm, but here she was.

'What?' she says groggily.

'We want to do something together!' Kitty says excitedly.

Lara Jean looks at Margot who shrugs at her. Margot definitely sold this to Kitty as allowing her to hang out with the big girls which is probably why she is so desperate to come.

'Where are we going?' she asks, turning over in her bed.

'I'm thinking diner for dinner and maybe even a movie after.' Margot says hopefully.

Lara Jean eventually agrees before getting out of bed and moving to her closet to get dressed.

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After they spend the night together, Kitty has gone to sleep and Margot comes to her room.

'Hey Lara Jean.' She says softly, sitting on her bed.

'Hey Gogo. I haven't seen you in forever.' Lara Jean sighs at her remark.

'I know, so fill me in on everything.' Margot says.

'No, you go first.' She pushes back, she wants to hear more about her before she starts.

Margot breaks down the last few months so well and concisely. She talks about her studies and how much she is enjoying everything, one of her professors even wrote the book that originally got her into Anthropology in the first place. She then talks personal and talks about her friends and Ravi. They seem to still be going strong despite taking a break when she went to Korea and he was in India. Then she talks about her college and how social it is and all the events they have had.

She finishes with a smile on her face and Lara Jean can't help but smile at her as well.

'Now, your turn!' she says, forcefully.

'Finnnnneeee!' Lara Jean complains.

She tells Margot how amazing college has been, about her baking club, her harry potter club, her study groups and her residence halls. She talks about the parties she is going to and the alcohol that is all there and how everyone acts. She spends a bit of time talking about her courses but doesn't mention her professors as she isn't very big fans of them at the moment.

'I'm just so proud of you! I know we already talked about this before and all, but just seeing you now and how much you light up when you talk about it, it's really great, Lara Jean.' She says warmly, once Lara Jean finishes talking.

'Thanks.' Lara Jean says shyly. She isn't used to Margot being so affectionate.

'Do you want to talk about what happened with Peter?' Margot asks, carefully.

Lara Jean sighs. 'No, yes. I don't know. I just I wanted to be with him but I just felt like I was so sad all the time not being able to see him and we just couldn't find a good time to talk and I just felt all this distance between us. I just….' She starts but pauses.

'You just…?' Margot prompts her.

'I just felt like I was becoming the person who Mum warned us not to be.' She says.

Margot nods understandably. 'Yeah you were. That's why I think you did the right thing.'

Lara Jean nods back. That's what she was trying to tell herself as well. Hopefully one day she would believe it.

 _A/N: Hi Everyone! It's your most inconsistent fanfiction author here! Hahahahaha, yeah so this update is coming a lot faster than expected and is much longer as well. I was just in such a writer's block before the last chapter but now like can't stop writing so who knows – you might even get another chappy tonight! I hope this fast update and much longer chapter can encourage more people to forgive me for breaking up LJ and Peter. Also thank you so much to the two reviews that went straight up on my last chapter, you guys definitely really motivated me to get this one out quickly! Please review if you enjoyed as I love to hear your feedback and it really does make me want to write more and write faster! I have no idea when you'll next be hearing from me! xxxxx_


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

She is packing her bag for her weekend with Selena when Kitty walks in.

'What? You're going again?' she moans.

Lara Jean looks over at her surprised. 'Yeah, I'm spending the weekend with one of my college friends. She lives about an hour away.' She says.

She is pretty sure that she has everything. Enough clothes, pyjamas, toiletries, shoes and her cookies. She is trying to jump onto her suitcase in order to shut it.

'Oh ok…' Kitty says softly before leaving her room.

Lara Jean looks at the door as it closes. She can't understand why Kitty almost looked sad, she had been acting like she didn't even want Lara Jean here for some time.

Margot is going to visit some friends as well this weekend, so she wonders if Kitty is going to be ok without them again. Especially after last night when they had such a fun night together as a family again.

She goes downstairs with her bag and drops it at the door before going to the kitchen. Trina is in the kitchen measuring out what looks to be pieces of meat.

'Hey Trina, does Kitty have any plans this weekend?' Lara Jean asks, sitting down on one of the stools.

Trina is still fiddling with the numbers as she distractedly says, 'Uhhhh, I think so. Something about maybe a party this afternoon. Why?'

'I just feel bad that Margot and I are ditching her for the weekend.' Lara Jean whispers, trying to hide how guilty she feels.

'Oh I think she understands. She has the rest of the holidays to catch up with you two anyways.' Trina says casually, still focussing on the scales.

Lara Jean gets a text message from Selena that she is just outside and excitedly jumps off her stool and runs to the door.

'Bye Trina, Bye Kitty, Bye Margot!' she cries as she grabs her bag and races out the door.

She jumps into the passenger seat, meeting Selena's excited smile with her own.

'Who's ready to party?!' Selena screams out.

'I am!' Lara Jean screams back.

They both explode into laughter. Both of them are so alike and always plan on partying really hard but chicken out as soon as they get there. They had literally planned tonight so that they could both party as hard as they want and make sure that they have a place to sleep and will be looked after. Lara Jean is so pumped.

They are dancing and singing to party pop music until they get onto the highway.

Selena turns down the dial. 'So tell me, what have you been up to?' she asks excitedly.

'Wellllll, I went to New York!' Lara Jean answers.

'What? That's so awesome what did you do?' Selena says, trying to turn to her but also trying to watch the road.

'It was so amazing! We went to the bakery where they do all of the Cake Boss filming and we got to see some of their amazingly decorated cakes. Then we got to go behind a bunch of bakeries and got to see all of their massive mixing bowls, rotating ovens and we even got to watch someone decorate a wedding cake that is apparently for some big celebrities daughter's wedding. Then we got a class from a pastry chef where we learnt how to use temper chocolate and make sugar flowers.' Lara Jean recounts her day in New York with such a big smile on her face.

'Oh that's so good! How did you get along with the seniors and juniors? Because they were the only ones going, right?' Selena took a momen to think before asking.

Lara Jean's face warms as she hears how much Selena was paying attention to her complaining about not being able to go during the semester.

'Yeah it was really good. Everyone was super nice and Tayla made such a great effort to include me in everything. I got on really well with, I don't know if you know them, but Charlotte, Amber and I were in a room together so we got quite close.' Lara Jean tells her. The three of them even have a group chat which they exchanged all their photos from the trip together and have agreed they are all going to try to make sugar flowers again which they have to send to everyone as proof.

'Oh yeah, I think I've heard of Amber. She studies pre-med, right?'

Lara Jean thinks about this and nods as she remembers that Selena is right.

'Did you meet Polly at all? She's a junior that used to go to my high school.' Selena gives her a quick sideways look before changing lanes.

Lara Jean tries to hold a smile on her face as she thinks about Polly. She doesn't want to judge her because she is sure that she is a lovely girl, she just can't get the image of her and Peter flirting by the bus before they left out of her head.

'Yeah, I met her. She's really nice.' Lara Jean looks out the window as she answers so Selena can't see straight through her fake smile.

'Really? I mean, I don't doubt she is, but apparently she just had a really messy break up with her college boyfriend before the semester ended. They were together like all through high school and college, so I'm sure she is probably struggling.' Selena informs Lara Jean.

Usually she would be interested to hear this about one of Selena's friends, despite not knowing her well but this just puts a sick feeling in her stomach. Great, she thinks, now her and Peter can comfort each other through their break ups with their high school loves.

She starts to imagine their conversations together as they gossip about her and Polly's ex-boyfriend and how they both hurt them so much.

'Yeah I could tell.' Lara Jean said coldly. She tried to stop herself but Selena had started elaborating more about Polly and Lara Jean just didn't want to talk about her anymore.

'OOOOOOOOOO, icy! What did she do?' Selena leans over, interested.

Lara Jean always tries to give people the benefit of the doubt and rarely has anything bad to say about anyone, so as soon as it looks like she doesn't like someone, Selena and everyone else around her is always interested.

'Nothing.' Lara Jean tries to brush her off.

'Nah, that's not gonna work. Tell me!' Selena pushes back.

Lara Jean rolls her eyes. 'Fine, yeah she and I were waiting for the bus at UVA, then Peter came over to talk to us. She obviously fell for his charm and then they were flirting right in front of me.' She says, looking out at the road.

Her heart hurts as she says those words out loud. She knows that she isn't supposed to be mad, but Peter came over to talk to her and then to be flirting with another girl in front of her, was just purely mean.

'Wait like flirting, flirting or was he just being nice and she was laying it on thick?' Selena questions.

Lara Jean takes a moment to think about that. In the past, she probably would have just said that Peter was being nice and Polly was reading into it, but that was when they were together and she trusted him to never flirt with any other girl. Now, she wasn't sure. He was single and probably was trying to take advantage of that by flirting and being nice to whoever he could.

'I don't know, but I'm pretty sure it was flirting, flirting.' She answers.

'Damn, I tell you, Polly is a barracuda. Don't worry, I'm sure if Peter is as great as you made him out to be then he would never do anything to hurt you, and if he does, then you know that he isn't as great as you thought he was and so good riddance!' She dramatically yells the end of her sentence, flicking her arm as she does.

Lara Jean can't help but laugh. Selena turns up the music again to sing and dance to. Lara Jean occasionally joins in, she is upset at Peter for doing what he did but she also can't forget how upset he looked at himself as the bus went away. This weekend is shaping up to be exactly what she needs.

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She can't believe the amount of people who have come that night. So many people have driven for almost 4 hours to get to Selena's house and Lara Jean is loving it. Alex has even come all the way down from her home to be there tonight.

'Here Lara Jean, finish this.' Alex says, hanging her a red solo cup.

Lara Jean takes a sip. It's really strong and she grmiaces at the taste.

'Nah nah nah, you gotta finish it. Tonight we are letting the party girl out!' Alex says while pushing the cup towards Lara Jean's mouth again.

Lara Jean rolls her eyes.

'Yeah we have to figure out if our theory is true.' Jen pipes in standing next to her.

'What theory?' asks Lara Jean, before taking another sip. She takes a big mouthful and shivers as the bad taste of alcohol runs down her throat, she is already starting to feel a little light headed.

'See Bonnie and I think that you are a party girl in an innocent girl's body, ready to explode after being shaken up by people for so long but Alex and Selena don't think that's the case.' Jen explains to her.

'What?' Lara Jean is shocked at this.

'We aren't saying that you won't be a party girl, but we still reckon you'll be tame when drunk unlike the other two who are convinced you'll be a whole new woman.' Alex justifies, rolling her eyes at Jen.

Lara Jean shrugs and takes another drink. The only other time she has been really drunk was at Trina's Bachelorette Party but that night was in another league of its own given that it wasn't much of a party after she broke up with Peter, again.

She stays talking with Alex and Jen for a bit longer until she finishes her drink with a lot of encouragement from them. She is feeling a lot more lightheaded and getting a floating feeling which is familiar.

She goes to the bathroom and almost struggles to look at her reflection.

She comes back down and notices Selena playing Beer Pong.

'Lara Jean! Come be on my team!' Selena yells at her, dramatically gesturing at her to come over.

Lara Jean makes a pouty face. 'I don't like beer though!' she moans as Selena pulls her into a hug.

'How about vodka shots?' one of the guys on the other side of the table suggests.

Lara Jean's eyes go wide. That is a horrible idea, but she kinda wants to do it. She has never felt comfortable enough to get drunk at a party before. She has always been scared that she didn't know the person's who house it was very well and she wasn't sure if she had to look after people, but now she didn't feel that way. She was literally going to crash upstairs and Alex and Jen were both staying with them and were relatively sober to look after them. Other girls from their residence hall were also sleeping over as well so there were plenty of people to help out.

'No way!' Selena says.

Lara Jean looks at Alex and Jen who have just tuned into the conversation. 'Uh I guess if you guys are ok with that….?' She asks them.

They give her a bright smile. 'Lara Jean, do it! I need so way to redeem myself from ruining your uber rating by throwing up in one, three weekends in a row!' Alex jokes.

Jen joins in. 'Yeah, you once spent three hours with me trying to get me to put clothes on, so it's fair.'

Selena is watching their conversation and giving Lara Jean a shocked look.

Lara Jean smiles at the boys across from her. 'Ok, let's do it! But it's gotta by like 6 cups only for us and you get 10.' She says with a cheeky smile on her face.

One of the them flashes her a smile. 'Oh I like the way you play! We'll see who's left standing at the end.' He says with her, raising his eyebrows as he does.

Selena elbows her in the ribs with a smile as she feels a small blush come over her face.

They start playing. Her and Selena are much better than they thought, but with them having to make 10 and the boys only 6, it is an easy win for them. After the game her and Selena have done three shots each, which Alex and Jen tell her is enough for the moment.

She complains for a minute about how she doesn't feel anything yet, but they both nod unconvinced at her and tell her that it'll all hit at once very soon.

She grabs their hands and drags them to where Selena has a make shift dance floor outside. Usually she would be freezing in just her skirt and knit sweater, but for some odd reason she feels really warm.

They have so much fun dancing and jumping around to all the bangers that play. It is a playlist literally full of just hits from 2008-2013. They all go berserk when 'Teenage Dream', 'Dynamite' and 'Love Story' start playing. Lara Jean is almost sure that she isn't going to have a voice the next day. As they keep dancing, she feels the world start spinning faster and faster and decides she has to sit down otherwise she might fall down. She plops down on one of the couches, with her head back. Alex comes and sits next to her, she places a bucket filled with fluffed tissues in Lara Jean's lap.

'The tissues will stop it from going everywhere.' Alex says, softly to Lara Jean.

Lara Jean can't really understand what she is talking about but nods anyway.

'Alex the camel, has one hump! Alex the camel has two humps!...' Lara Jean starts singing joyfully counting as many number as she can.

She keeps laughing at herself thinking that this is the most hilarious thing she could be singing. Alex laughs a few times but then no longer finds it amusing to be called a camel after some time.

'Ok, sit here with your head near the bucket. I'm going to go get you some water.' Alex says as she stands up off the couch and walks towards the kitchen.

Lara Jean is looking around excitedly. She has to close one of her eyes, as her vision was getting very hazey. She feels someone come sit next to her.

'Hello!' she says cheerfully at them, still trying to recognise who they are.

'Hey Lara Jean, I'm Shawn, we met before playing beer pong.' He says with a bright smile.

She claps her hands in delight. 'Shawn! I'm so glad to see you again!' she squeals excitedly.

She doesn't know why she is doing this or even why she is glad but she just remembers that he was a really good time.

'Too bad you couldn't play as well as you said you could.' She teases him, gently nudging his shoulder.

'Not my fault, you and your friend have some ninja skills.' He quips back. He leans back on her which also tells her that he is on about the same level as her.

'By ninja you mean we don't suck.' She laughs hard at her own joke.

He laughs as well. Then he gives her a big pout. 'Hey that's not fair, maybe I secretly wanted you to win.'

She has no idea what she is doing but somehow she ends up with her hands on her face, trying to push his mouth back into a smile.

'And why would you want that?' she asks, her hands still on his face.

'Cause then I might still have a shot with you.' He flirts.

Lara Jean pulls her head away to see if he is serious. He is giving her a sly smile, looking hard at her.

For a moment, she can see what is about to happen and she wants the next moments to happen. She can see how easy it is for her, with her hands on his face to lean forward and kiss him. That's what he is waiting for her to do. He wants to see if he still has a shot with her, but she has to show him. Kissing someone else, maybe that's exactly what I need right now, she thinks to herself. The intoxicating feeling of having her lips on someone else's and their hands in her hair sounds so appealing right now, but she wants Peter's hair and lips. She tries to shake that thought quickly out of her head. No she doesn't, she tells herself firmly and she is about to prove it. She starts to lean in and sees Shawn close his eyes expectantly, she is just about to touch him….

Suddenly a wash of nausea comes over her and she quickly turns her head towards the bucket. Shawn yelps and jumps back from her in fright.

'Oh man, Lara Jean, you ok?' he says, as he promptly runs behind her and holds her hair.

Lara Jean feels comfort in having his hands in her hair and curses herself for not making her mind up sooner and kissing him faster, but these thoughts only last a moment as she hurls herself over the bucket again.

'Oh, it's ok, Lara Jean, I got you.' She hears Alex say to her and then she feels herself being carried away.

She isn't sure what happens for the rest of the night. She remembers throwing up a lot more, getting showered and then lying in bed, before throwing out again. She doesn't know what time it is when she finally gets to sleep.

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She wakes up and feels really hot. Like sweating hot. She looks around and sees Alex in the bed next to her. She stands up quickly and walks over to the thermostat on the wall. It is set to a much higher temperature then it should be. She turns the dial right off. She then stumbles back to bed as the blood reaches her head. Next to her bed is a bottle that says 'Read Me' in big writing. She takes the top off and starts gulping it down. It's water, thank goodness and she feels as if she has never been this thirsty in her life. She finishes the bottle and puts it back beside her, before lying back down with hopes that the world will stop spinning.

She doesn't know how much later it is when she feels someone nudging her.

'Lara Jean, wake up!' she hears a voice.

She tries to stay asleep.

'Lara Jean, don't make me douse you in water.' They threaten.

She opens her eyes and sees Alex in front of her.

'Come on, get up!' she says, grabbing Lara Jean by her two hands.

She eventually sits up and from there Alex leads her downstairs. She sees that is it already the later afternoon as she sits down in front of a plate of toast an a bottle of hydrolyte.

She takes big gulps of the hydrolyte and bites into her toast.

'How was last night?' Selena asks, as she sits down across from her with a smile.

'Actually really good!' Lara Jean pipes back.

'Man, you don't seem hungover at all.' Alex says looking taken aback.

Lara Jean smiles at her. 'Yeah I don't know. Maybe I just threw up or the alcohol I drank and then I drank heaps of water when I woke up so I feel fine.'

Selena nods her head. 'Yeah I think I'm the same. Cause I was throwing up so much last night but then I woke up feeling fine. But just don't tell Jen cause she is feeling awful.'

Lara Jean mouths thank you to her as Jen slumps down on the chair next to them.

'Why do we drink even though it hurts us?' Jen wails from her seat.

They all try not to laugh at how dramatic she is being. She is almost usually like this after a night out.

'What time is it anyway?' Lara Jean asks, curiously. She can't see any clocks in Selena's kitchen.

'It's about 3pm.' Alex says, getting up to get another piece of toast.

'What!?' Lara Jean reacts strongly.

Selena laughs at her panic. 'Lara Jean, don't worry I'll drive you back tomorrow after you have fully recovered.'

'But what about my dad? He is probably expecting me to be home soon.' She rambles still stressed about the time.

Alex places a strong hand on her arm when she tries to get up from the table and pushes her back down. 'Lara Jean, relax. Your dad rang this morning and I picked up and told him you weren't feeling well and you would be back tomorrow. He agreed that was all fine and just wants you to call him later.' Alex explains.

Lara Jean gives a sigh of relief. She is very glad that she doesn't have to face her dad about not coming home now because Selena and her are probably not in the best shape to be allowed to drive at the moment.

'Wait, I wasn't feeling well? What exactly did you say?' she asks Alex.

Alex gives her a shrug. 'Look I didn't say anything explicit, but let's just say I think he could read between the lines.'

Lara Jean groans. Great, another time that her dad finds out about her having too much alcohol. He has no idea at all about what Margot gets up to, but when it comes to Lara Jean, he seems to know everything. She just hopes that he won't try bring it up or chat to her about when she gets home, given that she rarely goes out and drinks.

That night all the girls decide to have a movie night sleep over just like they would have if they were 10. It is so much fun for them to have a whole bunch of mattresses in the living room in front of the tv, complete with bowls of food and they even bring out their hairbrushes to attempt to braid each other's hair. Lara Jean remembers the sleepovers that her, Allie and Gen used to have and how much she used to enjoy being with them and feeling like she belonged. She was always a little sad that by the time high school came, everyone had outgrown sleepovers because she always loved how close it brought everyone and how it felt like you could say anything and do anything. They even end up putting Bonnie on FaceTime as she wants to make sure that she isn't left out of any juicy secret spills. Lara Jean takes a moment and just looks between all of her newly-made friends, who even despite knowing each other for one semester have already proved that they are the real-deal and some of the most loyal people she will meet. She sends up a quick thank you to the universe for letting her be so lucky to have found such like-minded people in her first semester of college.

She goes to sleep feeling really grateful for where she is right now in life, because despite all the pain and loneliness, it has all brought her to this moment and she feels so complete right now.

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She gets home a bit later the next day and is greeted by Margot and her dad. She walks through the lounge room and sees Kitty busy in the kitchen. She goes and get an apron to try help her.

'No Lara Jean, I can do this myself. I don't want your help.' Kitty urges, pushing Lara Jean out of the kitchen.

'What Kitty! What are you even making?' she asks, as she accepts that Kitty doesn't want her help.

'I'm making fruitcake cookies.' Kitty answers, while pouring ingredients into a bowl.

'What? But you don't even like those?' Lara Jean asks, very confused.

'There not for me.' Kitty says rolling her eyes as if it should be obvious. 'They're for Peter.'

Lara Jean tries to stop her jaw dropping open in surprise at this. 'Why are you making cookies for Peter?' she asks, trying not to sound defensive but from the look that Margot is giving her, she fails massively.

'Because he has been driving me around and being nice to me for the past few days, so he deserves a Christmas present.' Kitty justifies. 'Now can you leave? I don't want you here judging my baking.'

She slowly walks out of the kitchen. She knows that Peter has been driving around Kitty a bit but she didn't know how much. She had to cover her smile when she realised that this was probably just another Song girl taking advantage of how well Peter responds to positive reinforcement. No doubt when Kitty would give him the cookies, she would be insuring that he would keeping driving her around at least for a bit.

Margot comes behind her and puts her hands on her shoulders. 'Ignore her, she is just trying to get a reaction out of you.'

Lara Jean nods in agreement. She decides to go up to her room as she can't stop wincing at all the strange sounds coming from the kitchen. She is under her covers reading a book, when Margot walks in.

'So, tell me about your weekend.' Margot asks with a cheeky smile.

'What? Why? Nothing happened.' Lara Jean splutters out defensively.

'Oh come on, Lara Jean! Give me the goss ! I want to hear about your party! Did you get wasted?' Margot inquires further, even going so far as to come under the covers with Lara Jean.

Lara Jean blushes and tries to hide her face in her pillow.

'You did! Lara Jean, I thought you were never going to drink again!' Margot teases her.

They both flashback to the day after Trina's bachelorette party when she was in so much pain and swore she would never drink again.

'I know, I know, but I swear it's the first time I've done this since starting college.' She excuses.

Margot rolls her eyes. 'For some reason I actually believe that's true. So did anything fun happen?' she asks again, moving closer under the covers waiting for Lara Jean to tell her a secret.

Lara Jean looks up at her ceiling. She can still see her glow-in-the-dark star stickers shining slightly. She doesn't really want to tell Margot about them playing beer pong with vodka shots knowing that she would definitely disapprove or about how Alex had to look after her, but there is something on her chest that she needs to get off.

'When did you feel that it was ok to kiss another guy after Josh?' she asks quietly.

She hears Margot sigh at the question and turn on her back to look up at the ceiling as well. She waits in silence as she can tell that Margot is thinking of how she should answer.

She feels a bit of relief when Margot lets out her third sigh. It tells her that she was right to be concerned that this was worrying her so much.

'I don't know. At first it just felt so wrong and weird. Like when I first went over to Scotland, there was one night where I kissed a guy and I just felt so guilty after it. I don't even know why and I kept telling myself that I had broken up with Josh and so I had no reason and rationale to be feeling like that.' Margot trails off.

'That's how I'm feeling right now.' Lara Jean pipes in, hoping that Margot will say more.

'Yeah I thought that it meant that I wasn't over him and I guess that was why I tried to get back together with him when I came home over Christmas despite knowing that it wasn't really what I wanted or the right thing to do, but I just I was just scared….' Margot pauses for a moment and lets out another sigh.

She turns over and looks Lara Jean in the eyes. 'I was scared that I would never be able to feel what I felt with Josh with anyone else again, so I tried to hold on to it.'

Lara Jean feels a shiver go up her spine as she finally feels understood and has had someone describe exactly how she was feeling.

'It was weird to be kissing someone who wasn't Josh. Even with Ravi, despite liking him a lot and he even asked if he could do it a few times, it felt a bit strange to kiss him. Though eventually those feelings disappeared and the feelings that I have for Ravi grew. I realised that I could feel the way I felt with Josh, in a different way but still the same…. It's hard to explain.' Margot says with honest eyes. A smile comes across her face as she talks about Ravi.

Lara Jean breaks eye contact with her and looks back up at her stickers. She hopes that it's true and what Margot says is possible, because right now, she just can't get Peter and the fear of never finding anyone like him again out of her head.

'Did something happen over the weekend?' Margot asks curiously.

It's now Lara Jean's turn to sigh. 'Yeah, I was pretty tipsy and I was talking to this guy and suddenly I just had this thought like "hey, I could kiss this guy" and I immediately just felt sick to my stomach and I just didn't know how without thinking about Peter.' Lara Jean speaks softly, as if afraid to admit these words to herself.

'Yeah that's how it starts, but don't worry that will past. That is one of the joys of love.' Margot says.

Lara Jean nods her head still gazing up at her stars.

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It is about 10pm when Lara Jean goes downstairs to get a glass of water. Her and Margot kept talking about everything including their mother, Josh, Peter and Ravi. Then Kitty came up and announced she was going to bed and she didn't want to hear any voices talking. After relentlessly knocking telling her and Margot to be quiet, they eventually gave up and Margot went to her room to skype Ravi and she is here. Trina and her dad are already in bed as Trina dragged her dad to a SoulCycle class this morning which has absolutely destroyed him.

As she is filling up her glass, she sees the container of fruitcake cookies on the table with a plate next to them. She smiles at the thought that Kitty would still leave the leftovers out for everyone else. She picks up one and takes a big bite expecting a mouthful full of spices, fruits and deliciousness. Instead she is forced to run to the bin and immediately spit out what is in her mouth.

'What hell is this?' she says out loud as she skulls back glasses of water to get rid of the taste.

She isn't sure what Kitty must have been doing all these years of being in the kitchen with Lara Jean but it definitely hasn't been learning how to bake. The cookies taste awful. There is way too much cinnamon in them and even the ginger is overpowering every other taste.

Lara Jean takes a look in the cupboards and fridge. There is just enough left for another batch. Even though she is broken up with Peter, she still doesn't want to watch him suffer having to finish all of these awful cookies in front of Kitty. She then pulls out all of the ingredients and start making another batch.

She forgot how peaceful it was to do midnight baking. The aromas from the (now-balanced) cinnamon and ginger make her remember that Christmas is just a few days away. She snacks on some of the dried fruit as she bakes with the sweetness making her a little more alert and excited. It is almost 2am by the time the cookies are finished. They smell amazing and taste even better, if that's possible. She sneakily throws out Kitty's cookies, hiding them at the bottom of the bin and places hers almost identically in the container.

She eventually runs upstairs and falls into bed. She can still smell the fruitcake cookies on her. She tries not to think about the last time she felt this way, but maybe because of the conversation she just had with Margot or because of her tiredness, she soon surrenders herself to the memory which makes her smile as she falls asleep.

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' _Come on, my cookies weren't THAT bad.' Peter teases her from the stool in the kitchen._

 _Lara Jean pretends to take a moment to think about that. 'Hmmmm, you're right. They weren't THAT bad, they were absolutely terrible.'_

' _That's it!' Peter declares, before he launches himself around the island and attacks Lara Jean with tickles._

 _She squeals as he goes straight for her stomach. If it wasn't for one of his arm securely around her waist, she would be on the ground for sure._

' _Peter, it's not my fault you can't bake!' she squeezes out between giggles._

 _Eventually her legs give out from underneath her and Peter can't keep supporting her, she is leaning her full weight on him as he slowly kneels to the ground. Before she knows it, they are lying on the ground, she is trying to tickle him as much as she can though he still has her in a fit of laughter. They stay like that for a few minutes more, Lara Jean manages to get some very feminine squeals out of Peter when she gets a few attacks on his stomach, but not many as he immediately gets her back._

 _He finally stops and wraps his arms around her waist. She is panting from laughing so hard as she leans back against him._

 _She scowls up at him. 'That was mean.'_

' _Admit it, you threw me out of your house before you even got a chance to taste those cookies I made.' Peter tests her._

 _Her heart falls as she remembers how badly she treated him. She still can't believe that she would actually think that Peter could possibly tell everyone that they had sex in the hot tub or that it was ok for her to kick him out._

 _She intertwines his fingers in hers and snuggles closer to his neck. 'I'm sorry.' She says softly. She looks up at him through her eyelashes with her best puppy eyes, knowing that he can't resist._

 _He wraps his arms around her and kiss her head. 'Nah, I deserved it.' He whispers to her._

 _She shakes her head. They have argued about this so many times. She consistently denies that he deserved it and thinks she acted wrong but he thinks that he should have done more to shut down the rumours and stand up for her. They can't find a way to agree and she doesn't want to spoil their moment with an argument._

' _Did they really taste that bad though?' she asks, looking up at him with the same expression._

 _He chuckles. 'Yeah not even the neighbor's dog wanted to eat them and I am pretty sure he has consumed his own poop.'_

 _She laughs with him, then she springs to her feet. 'Come on!' she says excitedly, holding her hands out to help him stand up._

 _He jumps when she gets to her feet and still looks surprised as he looks up at her 'Where?' he asks immediately._

 _She feels her heart skip. He doesn't even hesitate to ask why or what they are doing, he just knows that she is driving the bus and he wants to be there._

' _To the store. I'm going to teach you how to bake those cookies.'_

' _Really?' he asks excitiedly, jumping up to his feet as well._

' _Yeah, there's gotta be another plus to having a baker girlfriend instead of you just getting fat.' She teases him._

 _He pretends to look hurt and even puts his hands to his heart. 'What? Are you calling this fat?' he asks shocked. He moves his hands down to the hem of his shirt and pulls it up to show off his gorgeous v-muscle and his abs._

 _Lara Jean shivers as she sees them. It's not like she hasn't seen them or even felt them before, but every time she does she is always in awe of how great he looks and how lucky she is._

 _She is speechless. He drops his shirt, smiles at her and gives her a quick peck on the cheek. 'Yeah I have that effect on women.' He smoulders at her._

 _She rolls her eyes, breaking out of her trance. 'Keep dreaming, dork.'_

 _They have so much fun in the grocery store. They run around all the aisles seeing who can find which ingredient first. People are getting mad at them for disrupting their shopping but they don't care, they are having too much fun with each other to stop. Peter rarely buys any of the ingredients that they need, so he has no idea where they are. At first he tried to just run around the shops and find them, but now he waits for Lara Jean to get closer to them before he comes behind her and grabs her to get in front._

 _She is sneaking towards the flour. She is in the aisle that is across from it, but she can see it through the crack on the shelf. She doesn't know where Peter is, but she is sure that he is watching her. Her eyes dart back and forth as she quickly makes a sprint for the aisle with the flour._

 _She reaches out her hand and almost grabs it, when she is taken out by a massive weight._

' _Peter!' she screams. He has lifted her off the ground and thrown her over his shoulder._

' _Oh no you don't!' he threatens, running away from the flour with her still on his shoulder._

' _You forgot the flour!'s she yells at him, gently hitting his back at the same time._

' _Oh right.' He says ans swiftly spins them around._

' _Peter!' As he spun, he almost put Lara Jean into the stack of cans at the end of the aisle. If she hadn't tucked her head in the last minute, she probably would be left with a very big bump on her head and a very guilty Peter._

' _Oh sorry!.' He laughs. He runs back and gets the flour, before grabbing their basket and going to the checkout._

 _He puts the basket on the checkout and places Lara Jean on there as well._

' _How much for this gorgeous thing?' he says to the cashier, winking at Lara Jean._

 _Lara Jean blushes as he gives her a peck on the lips. The cashier is laughing at them as she begins to scan the items. Of course, Peter wants an audience she thinks to herself but she also can't stop how ecstatic she feels._

 _She eventually gets to her feet as Peter slings her arm around her. 'I'm out of your price range.' She says to him._

' _Right you are. How about a donation?' he quips back._

 _She shakes her head at him. He is so cheesy, she'll let him get away with it this time._

 _That night Lara Jean makes the biggest mess she has ever made in the kitchen. Peter kept trying to take things off her to do because he wanted to do them, but ended spilling things as they did. So here they are sitting on the kitchen floor, covered in flour, sugar and cinnamon waiting for their cookies to finish baking._

 _Peter shakes his head furiously and a cloud of flour falls out of it, not enough to make his hair go back to brown though._

 _Lara Jean laughs. 'Oh you are look like a grandpa!'_

' _At least I'm a sexy grandpa.' He flirts, flashing her a bright smile._

' _Damn I better watch out for all those sexy sphinxes at Belleview trying to steal you away from me.' She jokes back._

 _He takes her hand and kisses it. 'Never. It'll only be you.'_

' _Even when I'm a grandma.' She quizzes._

' _Lara Jean, you're already a grandma.' He says simply._

 _She pretends to look offended. 'That's way harsh.' She remarks, moving away from him._

' _Wait!' he leans forward and grabs her around the waist bringing her onto his lap._

 _He holds her close and brushes some of the flour from her face. 'Nah I like that you're a grandma, it's how I know that I'll still love you when we're old.'_

 _Then his mouth in on hers and there isn't a better combination than sugar and Peter._

 **A/N: Hello! Sorry I didn't update like I said I might a few days ago, but this chapter just kept getting longer and longer so I figured you guys would prefer to wait for a long one, then have a short one faster. I love all of your reviews so much! I love hearing your ideas about the story and won't deny that I might add some of them to the story as well. What do you guys think of the story so far? Are we enjoying it?**

 **I am hoping to get another two chapters up soon then I might take a bit of a break depending on if people are really enjoying the story. Would honestly be amazing if we could finally break 10 reviews for a chapter (despite my sporadic updating!)**

 **Which also if you wondering why my updating is all over the place, I'm on holidays at the moment so sometimes I have a lot of time and can update every day but then others I am very busy!**


	8. Chapter 8

_A/N: Quick add in, so yes the italics in the last chapter are a flashback, sorry that wasn't clear. Also shout out to SK, you are literally predicting my entire story which is awesome! And your reviews are defs not too crazy, I love them!_

Chapter 8

Lara Jean is standing in the kitchen tapping her car keys against the bench. It's easy, just say hello and walk away, it'll be fine she tells herself. Kitty is upstairs getting ready as she waits impatiently downstairs. She really doesn't want to do this, but Margot has gone out, Trina is at SoulCycle and her dad just got home an hour ago from a long night at the hospital. She is looking at the fruitcake cookies now in a tin and wrapped in a red ribbon.

Why did Peter have to stay with Kitty, she thinks to herself. It's not fair that he is this close with her, like Lara Jean isn't close with Owen at all. Though admittedly she never had the same kind of relationship with him that Peter has with Kitty, it still just felt intrusive that he continue to be in her life so much. At the same time though she can't get rid of the nagging feeling that Kitty needs this and that their friendship doesn't necessary have to have anything to do with her.

She is trying to calm herself down. She has to drive Kitty to Peter's house and she is absolutely dreading it. For sure she can remember the way, but what happens once she gets there, does she come up to the door? What happens if his mum answers the door? Is she going to slap her for breaking up with her son? Or maybe she won't come in then she'll just awkwardly sit in the car, but what if he then comes out to her and asks why she didn't come in? She is still stressing when Kitty finally comes down the stairs.

'Are you ready yet?' Kitty snaps at her.

She is hardly shocked anymore at Kitty's attitude. 'Are you sure you want to go now? I think it might start snowing soon.' Lara Jean says, looking out of the window.

Kitty rolls her eyes. 'Yes, look if you could get out of it, I'm sure you would but you can't.' Kitty says sternly to her.

'Ok just let me let the dogs out first before leaving them inside because it's too cold to keep them out.' Lara Jean says hoping that Kitty doesn't notice that she is trying to stall.

She keeps wishing that Margot would come home soon from wherever she is. She takes her time with the dogs, waiting for both of them to go to the bathroom and even plays fetch with them for a while. She tries to ignore Kitty glaring at her from inside the kitchen.

'Lara Jean, come on, I need to go give Peter his gift.' Kitty screams from the kitchen.

His name shoots through Lara Jean like an arrow. It feels so strange to be hearing Kitty say his name without having butterflies or excitement in her stomach. She gives a big sigh and then dawdles towards the door.

'Move move move!' Kitty annoys her, while poking her constantly.

'Oi stop!' Lara Jean yelps.

She slowing puts on her coat, avoiding the icy stare that Kitty gives her. She has her coat on, she can feel her heart beating fast. She is about to see Peter. She doesn't understand why she is so nervous, maybe its from her dream last night, maybe because of what happened over the weekend, maybe because of Polly. She has so many emotions inside her, she isn't sure how to feel.

Kitty eventually drags her to the door and opens the door. With a sigh of relief, Lara Jean sees Margot walking up the stairs.

'Great Margot! You take Kitty, I'm feeling sick!' Lara Jean gets out, pushing Kitty out of the door towards Margot and running up the stairs.

She doesn't know what comes over her but as she gets to her room, she just collapses on the bed and cries. She just feels overwhelmed by everything. It's all building up and she doesn't know what to do. She hopes that a good cry will eventually solve a few things.

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Christmas and New Years pass quickly. She enjoys being in her sisters company and even manages to see a few friends. For New Years, they all go down to see Bonnie in Florida which is so much fun to finally get out of the cold weather even just for a little bit. They have a few more days until they are all moving back to college.

Lara Jean is at home by herself. Kitty is out buying new school supplies with Trina and her dad is at the hospital. She is wrapped up in a blanket, watching her favourite Christmas rom-com 'The Holiday' on the TV. Even though Christmas is finished, it still feels close enough to be watching this again as Lara Jean tries to cope with her denial of Christmas being over. She is up to her favourite part when there is a knock at the door.

She gets a surprise, they aren't expecting anyone to be over any time soon. She walks to the door and peeks out of the window. Her heart starts pounding – it's Peter. She takes a few deep breaths before she opens the door.

'Hey Covey, or should I say Eskimo?' he jokes as soon as she opens the door.

She gets flustered and quickly pulls the blanket down from on top of her head, she had perhaps gotten a bit too comfortable while sitting down. She likes having the blanket around her though as it is covering the fact that she isn't wearing a bra and she is still in her pyjamas despite it being noon.

'What are you doing here, Peter?' She asks. No one is here except her, and he definitely isn't here for that.

'I'm here to give Kitty her present.' He lifts up the brightly coloured bag next to him.

'You got her a present?' she says, shocked.

He looks a bit embarrassed. 'Um yeah, is she here?' He rubs the back of his neck.

Lara Jean quickly glances back inside as if she is checking. 'Uh actually she isn't. Did you want to give that to me or leave it in her room?'

'I can leave it in her room or even just in the kitchen.' He says nodding.

Lara Jean curses at herself for giving him that option because now she has to invite him inside. She steps away from the door to welcome him in and she looks like a dementor ominously following him as she trails behind. Eventually she breaks off and decides to go back to the couch, hoping this will give him the hint that she is busy. Of course, this guy has a freaking A+ at reading the situation wrong and comes and sits at one of the couches next to her.

'The Holiday, really?' he asks in disbelief.

She ignores his comment. 'Why did you get Kitty a present? I mean, you've never gotten her one before.' She finally lets out the question nagging on her mind. Maybe it's just a force of habit but she doesn't ever hesitate asking Peter questions. This one is particularly important as she can't see any reason that he would get her a present now when Kitty's sister is his ex-girlfriend compared to before when at least Lara Jean and him were dating.

'Oh, you know I think she needed it, like after everything that's been going on.' Peter says putting his hands on his knees. She can see his eyes darting around the room.

'Between us?' she adds, confused. Why would he get Kitty a present because of their break up?

'No…' Peter starts carefully. 'Because of everything Kitty is going through at school, didn't she tell you?'

Lara Jean feels uneasy. The look on her face must have given her answer away because Peter looks flustered and then tries to say something before stopping. He is probably trying to figure out whether Kitty would be ok with him telling her things. The sadness and worry in her eyes though must have convinced him because he clears his throat.

'A couple of weeks back…before everything… Kitty rang me after school crying asking if I could come pick her up. I didn't have class that day so I did it and she told me in the car that there were some girls who were being mean to her.' Peter explains softly.

Lara Jean's breath catches in her thought as he reveals the last part.

'I asked her if I could do anything but she wanted to handle it on her own. I've been trying to get her to stand up for herself and she is doing a really good job, I just think sometimes their comments have been getting to her and it's been hard. Just last week, she was supposed to go to one of their party's but they uninvited her just before it started.' Peter speaks slowly, with a sad tone of voice.

'Why didn't she tell me?' Lara Jean says, her voice breaking as she does.

She can see that Peter is getting uneasy because she is upset. 'I don't know. She said she was going to so… I honestly don't know. I told her that she should tell you, if that's what you are trying to ask.'

She goes still. Her breath is getting shaky and she can feel tears coming down her cheeks. Kitty is so lovely and wonderful to everyone, why would they do this to her? She thinks of her when she was younger and how hard she tried to fit in with everyone until she finally figured out how unique she was. She never imagined that Kitty would ever be hurt by anyone. Let alone not even tell her about it. Lara Jean can't describe the sadness, disappointment and guilt in her heart. She was supposed to look after Kitty, it was her job not Peter's.

Peter looks even more uncomfortable now that she is crying. Eventually he moves over to her couch and sits next to her. He puts his hand on her back with his arm still stretched out so that he is keeping his space.

'it's ok Lara Jean. She's really strong and I'm sure she was going to tell you eventually.' Peter reassures her.

'I'm such a bad sister. I didn't even realise this was happening. I had no idea. I used to know everything about her.' Lara Jean says, sobbing harder.

'Hey hey hey, no no, you've been away. It's not your fault. You did everything you could.' Peter's voice is so soft and smooth, it automatically makes her feel better.

She puts her head between her hands and lets out her sobs. Peter moves a little closer, keeping his hand rubbing her back.

'it's ok.' He whispers.

She isn't sure whether it's the emotions of everything or even just having him this close to her, but she feels herself suddenly lean forward into his shoulder. She can feel him stiffen, but then he automatically wraps his arms around her. She sobs into his shoulder, thinking of all the times she should have been a better sister or what her mum would think of her not noticing poor Kitty. She isn't sure how long they stay like that for, with her face buried in his shoulder and him just comforting her.

Her heart aches at how much she misses him. His cologne, his dove soap, even his detergent it all smells like Christmas morning to her. She feels him lean his head down into her shoulder and breath her in. She wonders what this feels like to him. She is probably different to him. She stopped using her Dove soap and has steered far away from coconut shampoo. She doesn't like anything that reminds her of him, because just like now it makes her feel at home.

She isn't sure how long they spend there in each other's arms, but suddenly they hear the front door knob twist and the door swings open. Kitty is in the doorway and from the shocked look on her face, she has definitely seen what happened.

'Lara Jean, what's wrong?' Kitty runs over to her, noticing the tears in her face.

'Kitty! Why didn't you tell me about school?' Lara Jean asks tearfully, leaning away from Peter and reaching over to touch Kitty.

'You told her?' Kitty innocently looks at Peter. She doesn't seem mad, just unsure of how Lara Jean would react.

Peter stands up from the couch and gestures to Kitty to sit down. 'I got you a Christmas present.' Peter says.

Kitty sits down next to Lara Jean and her face lights up as he mentions the word 'present'.

'Really? Oh can I have it now?' she asks excitedly.

He laughs and goes to the kitchen to get it.

'Kitty, why didn't you tell me?' Lara Jean whispers to her, pulling her closer to her.

Kitty gives her a guilty look. 'I guess… I don't know… I just thought maybe you didn't care.' Kitty admits, tears pooling in her eyes.

'Kitty…' Lara Jean breaths in disbelief before pulling her little sister into her arms.

They hug for only a moment as Peter returns and kneels next to Kitty. Lara Jean keeps her eyes trained on Kitty, refusing to look at Peter, scared to realise that what they just shared was nothing. He puts the box in her lap.

'Is it something cool?' Kitty asks, while ripping open the package.

Peter laughs. 'Just open it and see.'

Lara Jean quickly gets up and walks into the kitchen. She feels like she is invading on something and doesn't want to damper their moment because of her confusion with Peter. She is just going to wait for him to leave and then talk to Kitty.

She can hear Kitty squeal in delight and Peter wince as Lara Jean assumes that Kitty jumps on him. She then hears them whispering something but she can't make out exactly what it is. She keeps her back turned as she fills up a glass of water in the sink. She is gulping it down as she hears a voice behind her.

'Lara Jean.' It's Peter.

She doesn't want to look at him. She doesn't want to have to turn around and explain what just happened because honestly she has no idea.

'Thank you for telling me about Kitty.' She says, glancing at him.

He nods. She can see that he is trying to read her face, trying to get some reassurance that what just happened meant something, but she doesn't give anything away.

'Do you want me to stay?' he asks.

There is so much in his question. He isn't just asking to stay to comfort her or to help Kitty but he is asking to stay so they can talk and have another chance, because if their hug has told her anything, it's that they are both missing each other so much.

She bites her lip and shakes her head. 'No, ummm, it's ok. I need to talk to Kitty by herself.' She insists.

Peter's eyes drop. Before she swore she almost saw a spark of hope, but now it's gone. They are both just wanting to go back to what feel familiar, she tells herself and it's wrong.

He nods again and then leaves the room. She lets out the breath that she was holding. Her hands grip the side of the sink as she has to stop herself from going after him. Eventually those feelings will go away, she reminds herself.

She walks into the lounge after she hears the front door shut. Kitty is still sitting on the couch. Lara Jean slides next to her and wraps her arms around her.

'Tell me.' She says assuredly to Kitty.

Kitty's eyes get all sad and enormous as she looks up at Lara Jean.

'I don't know what happened. I just thought that Sophie and Emily were my really good friends. Then one day they decided that they didn't want to be best friends with me. They said we could be friends but I was too loud and annoying to constantly hang around with them.' Kitty pauses as she starts to sob.

Lara Jean rubs her back, encouraging her to continue.

'But you have friends other then Sophie and Emily, right?' Lara Jean delicately asks.

Kitty wipes her nose with her hand. 'Yeah, but I want to be their friend. I just thought maybe if I wasn't as loud and annoying anymore than maybe they would want to hang out with me, but Peter said I wasn't allowed to change myself for them.'

Lara Jean feels a small smile come to her face. If anyone could teach Kitty about self-confidence, then it would be Peter. She feels so grateful that he was here for Kitty.

'Yeah, Peter's right. You should never change yourself for them, no matter how badly you want to be their friends.' Lara Jean reassures her.

'I know…' Kitty trails off.

'So how are you feeling now? Peter said something happened with the sleepover.' Lara Jean prompts Kitty to keep opening up.

She feels her heart squeeze as more tears start to group in Kitty's eyes.

'I got there and I was really excited, but they said that I wasn't invited anymore.' she splutters out before breaking down in tears.

Lara Jean holds her close. 'Oh Kitty, that's awful. You really don't want to be friends with girls as mean as that.'

'That's what Peter said.' She whispers into Lara Jean's shoulder.

Lara Jean pats her hair. 'So what happened after?'

'I rang Peter to come pick me up and he came and took me to ice cream. He then took me to his house cause Owen had friends over and he told me to play with them. They were just playing xbox which I wasn't very good at, but Owen managed to teach me a few things and I kinda had fun.' Kitty says, a small smile creeps onto her face as she finishes talking.

She wants to feel happy for Peter helping Kitty and being so generous, but she can't help and ask the nagging question on her mind. 'Kitty, how come you didn't tell me earlier? I mean, I could have come and picked you up.'

Kitty rolls her eyes. 'No you couldn't. You haven't had any time for me. You and Margot don't even care that we are finally all home together. You would rather spend time with your friends than be with me, so I just figured that you wouldn't have cared or you would have just told me I was being a baby by getting upset.'

Tears fall down Lara Jean's cheeks. She squeezes Kitty tighter despite her trying to squirm away. 'Kitten, I'm sorry you thought that. You always know that you are my number one. I can't bear to think that someone has upset you. I just thought that you didn't want me around with all the attitude you were giving me.'

Kitty sighs. She looks as though she wants to say something but is hesitiating. Finally she takes a deep breath and starts to speak. 'I wasn't giving you an attitude because you were here, I was giving you an attitude because you weren't and I missed you.' Kitty hides her face in Lara Jean's shoulder as she says this.

Lara Jean squeezes her again as new tears fall. Now it all makes sense to her. Kitty has never been an overly emotional person and has constantly teased Lara Jean that she wouldn't miss her. Lara Jean was always the affectionate one that couldn't bear to be away from her sisters and so Kitty never felt alone when she was missing Margot. It makes sense that when Lara Jean was finally gone but not spending as much time with Kitty that she just shut down and tried to close herself off, instead of admitting to Lara Jean her emotions.

Lara Jean kisses the top of her head. 'I missed you too. So much it almost hurt.'

Kitty nods into her shoulder. Her sobs have stopped.

'You know that you can tell me anything. There should be no secrets between us. I promise I'll try come home more this semester to see you, hell, I've even spend the whole spring break with you, no college friends. Kitty, don't you know from causing enough damage in my life that I'll always care about you no matter what.' Lara Jean says to her firmly.

Kitty smiles. They are both thinking about the letters that Kitty sent out that almost caused Lara Jean to die of social suicide, but it also led her to Peter so it wasn't all bad.

Kitty leans away from her and looks up at her with hopeful eyes. 'I saw you and Peter when I walked in. Are you back together?' she pleads.

Lara Jean brushes Kitty's hair from her face and shakes her head. 'No, we're not. I've got a lot to work through before I consider getting any boyfriend, let alone back together with Peter.'

'Is it still ok for us to hang out?' Kitty asks again innocently.

Lara Jean feels a bump in her throat. She thinks about how mad she was before Christmas wishing that Kitty and Peter would stop being friends, but looking at how much he was there for her and helped Kitty despite everything, she knows she can't come between their friendship. 'Yeah it's ok. Just don't expect me to drop you over there 24/7.' Lara Jean jokes.

Kitty laughs. 'Ewwwww, no, I have a max of 2 hours of breathing in the same oxygen as another boy.' She says with a repulsed look on her face.

'That's my girl.' Lara Jean cheers, before hugging Kitty again.

Suddenly Trina walks out of the kitchen with two mugs in her arms.

'I tried to sneak in after I parked the car and heard what was going on. I know it won't be as good as yours, but I made you some Night-Night tea with honey.' Trina tells them with a warm smile.

'Thank you Trina.' Lara Jean says, watching her place them on the coffee table in front.

'I'm also glad to hear you'll be staying at home over spring break, because we all knows what happens to girls when they go THERE.' Trina says, trying to emphasis her point without spelling it out.

Lara Jean laughs.

Kitty pops her head up. 'What happens? Tree, tell me!' she demands

Trina laughs and shakes her head before leaving the room.

'Ok Lara Jean, spill!' Kitty orders.

Lara Jean laughs again and drinks her tea trying to pretend she doesn't know. She really did miss Kitty and I'll make everything better, she promises herself as she takes another sip.

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'Owwwwwwwwwwwwww!' Lara Jean cries out, grabbing her toe.

'See I told you that you were going to hurt yourself if you didn't tidy your half soon.' Bonnie says matter-of-factly from her bed.

Lara Jean frowns at her as she sits on her bed and rubs her toe that she accidentally kicked against her suitcase.

'You don't have to tell me again.' Lara Jean growls at Bonnie.

Bonnie rolls her eyes at her.

Probably due to how tired she is and the hour of night it is now, Lara Jean can't help but respond, 'look if it wasn't for you guys all dragging me to this massive party on Friday then I wouldn't have to do as much work as I am, but because apparently "I have to go", I have to also finish all of my homework for this weekend as well.' Lara Jean imitates Bonnie as she quotes her.

Bonnie gives her a confused look. 'Tell me again why you apparently have to finish all of your homework when you have an extra day of for Martin Luther King, again?

Lara Jean rips back her covers from her bed as she answers. 'Because my annoying professor is giving us a take-home exam on Friday that has to be done by Monday. The party is near Charlottesville which travelling to will take up my entire Friday given the exam isn't released until 4pm and the I'll be staying with my family for the rest of the weekend and trying to spend time with them, so I don't want to have to be finishing other homework as well as this take home exam at the same time.' Lara Jean is panting after she finishes running through her plans for the weekend so quickly.

She is already stressed enough about this upcoming exam, so she doesn't want to have to think about any of the other homework as has to do as well otherwise she won't let herself take a break for even a minute to spend time with Kitty. She's been in the library and study area until almost 1am every night trying to get it all done, so she is starting to get grumpy but knows that it'll all be worth it in the end.

'Did you manage to get it all done?' Bonnie asks, turning off her light after noticing that Lara Jean was crawling into bed to go to sleep.

'Yep I did.' Lara Jean says happily. Tomorrow is Friday and she is so excited to not have to be worrying about anything else except her exam.

'Good, I don't know if I could deal with going to this party if you weren't in a good mood.'

They say their good nights and float off to sleep. A party and a weekend at home is exactly what Lara Jean needs right now.

 _A/N: Woooooooooooooo! Another chappy! I hope you guys liked this one, I know that it's mainly a fanfic about Lara Jean and Peter but I also wanted to add a few moment between Lara Jean and her sisters too. I honestly loved their relationships in the book so kinda wanted to expand on them and give them my own spin as well. Let me know what you guys think. I also tried to throw in a bit more LJ and Peter moments here but don't worry, because more will follow. Next chapter – a party, a bit more from Polly and a surprise appearance from someone else expected to shake a few things up! Again, I appreciate all of your reviews so much so please keep them coming in! We still haven't managed to break 10 yet! Like I said in the last chapter, I'll be posting one more, hopefully tonight and I'll be taking a bit of a break depending on if people are still enjoying the story. Hope you guys like this chapter! xxxx_


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

'IT'S FRIDAY FRIDAY

GOTTA GET DOWN ON FRIDAY

EVERYBODY LOOKING FORWARD TO THE WEEKEND'

Lara Jean, Bonnie, Alex, Jen and Selena are belting the lyrics out of the car window as loudly as they can. Selena managed to convince one of her brother's friends, who is a sophomore to lend them his car, on the condition that she leaves it at her house and then they uber to the party. They are all getting so pumped up and ready for the party that night.

The party was supposed to be one of the best one's of the year. It was for a set of twins, Ethan and Douglas, one of them went to UNC and one went to UVA. They were both juniors and apparently they lived in this insane mansion that they got to trash every year on their birthdays. Ethan went to UNC and Lara Jean actually knew him quite well because he is dating one of the juniors who is in her baking club and Harry Potter club. He reminded Lara Jean a lot of Peter, in the ways that he would try to get invested in his girlfriend's interests despite not loving them nearly as much as her. He was super down to earth and cool to talk to, so he invited her tonight and told her to bring as many friends as she wanted. She was so shocked when this happened because all of the juniors had been talking about the party since the start of college and were bragging about how fun it would be and no freshman would be invited. Understandably all of her girl friends couldn't believe it either when she told them that she was going and she was bringing them as well.

A bunch of the juniors who she went to New York with had already told her some of their crazy stories. One of them accidentally broke a priceless vase while dancing and apparently just left it smashed without telling anyone. Another ended up on the roof trying to perform the Lion King with a cat statue and the best story had to be from one of the girls who jumped out of the window and into the neighbors' pool because she thought she saw a spider. Lara Jean didn't intend to get that crazy but she was definitely hoping to have a good time.

They finally get to Selena's house after absolutely blasting their vocal chords.

'Pre-game?' Selena suggests, as soon as they walk in.

'Who are you and what have you done with the real Selena?' Jen jokes.

Selena has never been a massive partyer or drinker but since their party during the holidays, she has been a lot more open to letting herself go for a night and just having fun.

'Hahahahaahah, what? You thought I could get us a CAR to drive 4 hours but not alcohol.' Selena pretends to look offended that her friends would underestimate her.

Lara Jean shakes her head. Apparently during his junior and senior years, her brother threw a whole bunch of parties which Selena took full advantage of since she always was sober and got plenty of blackmail on him. Now she can basically get him to do whatever she wants, though within reason. Lara Jean opts to just have one drink to pre-game as she doesn't want everyone to think that she is just a freshman who can't control herself.

Later they are all in Selena's bathroom getting dressed. Lara Jean is sitting on the faucet while Alex and Bonnie fuss over her.

'No no no, do a copper metallic not a gold.'

'No, copper metallic is going to clash with the lip colour.'

'Then why don't you choose another lip colour?'

'Because I like this one and it matches her skin tone.'

'I reckon we should go copper and then have a more red lip.'

'Well, Alex you aren't in charge are you?'

'Hey, you're the one who needs me to do the liner?'

'Who said I need you to do anything?'

'You did because you are two incoordinated to be near a person's eyes.'

Lara Jean eventually has to open her eyes after listening to them bicker. She had her eyes closed when they were doing her eyeshadow but can't take their fighting anymore.

'Guys, it doesn't matter, just keep it natural.' Lara Jean tries to calm them down.

'Lara Jean, come one! We're going to be some of the only freshman there, we gotta glam up.' Bonnie says confidently.

'Yeah, actually why don't you decide – which colour copper or gold?' Alex asks, she holds two pots of eyeshadow, one is a copper that has red reflects in it that reminds her of a penny that's just been polished while the gold is deep dark colour which reminds her of the sunset at dusk.

She looks guiltily at Alex. 'Sorry Al, I've got to go with the gold.'

Alex huffs at her choice, while Bonnie cheers and jumps up excitedly.

'Yay, now close your eyes again so we can finish.' Bonnie instructs her.

She does as she is told and she can feel Bonnie brushing the pigment against her eyes. It feels strange, she has never had someone do her make up like this before. Sure, Margot has helped her do mascara but Margot never wanted to encourage Lara Jean that she needed to wear make up in order to look beautiful, that and Margot wasn't very good at it herself. It's nice to have other girls fuss over you and do your make up like her just now.

'Alex, can you please do the eyeliner, because I am too uncoordinated?' she hears Bonnie beg Alex.

Lara Jean's mouth turns up into a smile at her question. Alex and Bonnie tend to butt heads a lot over Lara Jean given that she is often happy to do whatever the other one tells them, but they both have such good hearts and can still get on despite their quarrels.

'Well because you said please.' Alex answers.

Lara Jean isn't sure what happens but soon enough she feels Alex's hand on her forehead, keeping her still and a strange sensation starts from her eyelashes. She has never had her eyeliner done before by someone else, so it feels quite weird when Alex does it.

'Ok you can open now.' Alex allows.

Lara Jean opens her eyes and is shocked when she sees her face. The eyeliner looks so perfect, drawn so close to her eyeline that she notices how much bigger her eyes look. The gold gives it the perfect highlight to match. She is also shocked at how skinny her face looks thanks to the contour from Bonnie. She always looked at the girls who could do their make up so well and just accepted she would never look that way, but here she is right now with this chance and she is in awe. She doesn't feel like herself of course, but she is glad that she won't be looking at herself the whole time and will hopefully make a good impression.

'You have got to teach me how to do this on myself.' She remarks at the mirror.

'Nope, it's the magic touch.' Bonnie says, leaning forward to do her own make up.

Lara Jean then takes turns at curling Bonnie's and Alex's hair. She opts to do her own because she knows just how to make it nice and bouncy, the way she likes. They go downstairs and decide to have a photoshoot with them all looking dressed up and ready for the party. She is wearing a beige knitted dress that has a turtleneck collar. It keeps her nice as warm with a pair of black tights on underneath. She is also wearing her combat boots, 'the perfect amount of edge' as Jen described it. She started to second guess it and thought it could have been too casual, but with some layered gold chains around her neck and her curled hair and makeup, it's come together pretty well, she thinks.

They take so many photos by the fireplace, near the couch, on the deck. They constantly change positions, angles and poses trying to find the best one for the gram. In the uber on the way t the party, Bonnie shows her the photo of them with their arms around with other, laughing on the couch and tells her that she is going to post that first thing tomorrow. Lara Jean almost blushes as she watches her set the same photo as the back drop on her phone.

Sometimes she wishes that she was friends with Bonnie sooner. Not that she wasn't grateful for Chris, but Chris just never made the extra effort or had the same loyalty that Bonnie had. Chris was often asking for favours and needing Lara Jean to do something for her, whereas Bonnie just offers to do things before Lara Jean even asks and almost always makes sure that if she is asking for a favour that it won't be too much for Lara Jean. They are both so grateful to have gotten paired with such a great roommate who understand them almost better than they do.

They eventually arrive at the party. They are late enough that it doesn't look weird but at the same time, early enough that not everyone is super drunk or crazy yet.

'Let's get drinks!' is the first thing Alex says as they walk in.

They walk into the kitchen where there is a bar set up, complete with trays of cocktails on top of it. Lara Jean has no idea how they managed to hire people to make drinks for an entire house full of underages, but she is very impressed. They all go for the berry one which tastes delicious though boasts a hefty 1.9 standards. They decide to go to the lounge to mingle.

'Lara Jean!' she hears called out from behind her.

She whips her head around and sees Ethan and his girlfriend, Cami. 'Hey guys!'

Ethan and Cami both run up to her and give her a hug.

'I'm so glad you could come! What do you think?' Ethan says throwing his arms up and doing a spin.

She laughs at him. 'I think your family has way too much money.'

Ethan pretends to think about that. 'True, which is why we have to get them to spend it all repairing this house after tonight!' he whoops.

She can tell that Ethan is definitely starting to get a bit drunk as he keeps leaning on Cami for support.

'You're drinking tonight, right?' Cami asks her.

'Yeah, a bit.' She says, pointing at the drink in her hand.

'No Lara Jean, come on let loose! That's what freshmans are for! Drinking too much and entertaining us with their antics.' Ethan pouts at her.

'Well given I'm one of the only ones from UNC, somehow I don't think that's going to be happening.' She justifies.

Ethan laughs. Cami leans forward to tell her something. 'Don't worry apparently Douglas invited a whole bunch of freshman so you will have plenty of fish to sort through tonight.'

Lara Jean rolls her eyes. Between her baking club and her Harry Potter club, it seemed that everyone was keen to set her up with someone or just 'get her back out there' to meet new people, something she wants to do only when she is ready.

'Sure, well have fun with that one tonight.' Lara Jean distracts from what Cami just said and points towards Ethan who is stumbling towards the dance floor.

'Don't worry, I won't.' Cami says, rolling her eyes and then trailing after her boyfriend.

She laughs as she watches Cami unsuccessfully try to redirect him away from the pool.

'Come on, girl, finish your drink!' Jen urges her when she sees her there.

'Jennnn!' she whines.

'No Lara Jean, no excuses this is the most insane party of the year. Did you know apparently there is an elevator in this house? Like how sick is that?' Jen says looking around.

Finally Lara Jean finishes her drink so her and Jen go back outside searching for more. Jen makes her double park, picking up two drinks one is a mint mojito and another one look like is has more of a citrus taste. She really wanted to get another berry one, but Jen told her to try a few different ones before committing to one for the rest of the night.

Her and Jen are joined by Selena, as they watch a bunch of guys try do karaoke to High School Musical. It's pretty hilarious watching them try remember the lyrics and sing it as best as they can.

She sees Charlotte and Amber, the juniors who she shared her room with on the New York trip, and gives them a wave. They wave excitedly back at her before running over to her.

'Lara Jean! I'm so happy you are here!' Charlotte says grabbing Lara Jean's hand.

'Have you spotted any cute boys yet?' Amber whispers, leaning close.

When they were in New York, Charlotte and Amber were boy-crazy, looking at every boy walk past them and commenting on how hot they were. They were both very much emotionally unavailable (according to them) so enjoy just having a guy for a night but nothing more. They were trying to convince Lara Jean what a great arrangement it was, but she just couldn't see all the hype. She's only ever been with a boy when they have dated and she has loved them, it feels weird to not allow herself that just to have more of them. She tried telling that to Charlotte and Amber, but they just giggled at her and reminisced of the times when they used to believe the same thing until they had their eyes and opportunities opened.

'No, unfortunately not.' Lara Jean pretends to huff in annoyance.

Amber pouts at her. 'Really? But Ethan said there were supposed to be hot freshman here.'

'Oh, bit of a cougar, are we?' Lara Jean teases her.

Her and Charlotte laugh out loud when Amber's face turns red.

'Look, if he's a freshman from UVA then I'll probably never have to see him again after this which is exactly how I like it.' Amber defends.

Lara Jean laughs again. If there was something that Amber was known for in the baking club, it was for all of her dramatics about running away from boys she had hooked up with before. One guy even came all the way to one of their baking club meetings to try see her again, the poor thing ended up burning his hand on the stove as he tried to make honeycomb and never showed again. Amber has seen him in the class and immediately bolted the other way. Lara Jean has also lost count of the amount of times, she has helped Amber hide in a nearby fridge or cupboard in order to avoid someone walking past. Though as much as Amber dramatized it, she was not ashamed in any way at all. 'You can do whatever you want, as long as you own it' had been her main advice to Lara Jean about college and she was seeing how true it was every single day.

'Well if I see any then I'll let you know.' Lara Jean says, trying to go back to Jen and Selena.

'Nuh uh uh uh, not so fast missy! We've already seen one.' Charlotte grabs her shoulders preventing her from leaving.

'Oh, what has that got to do with me though?' Lara Jean tries again to escape.

'Because he might not be into the whole junior thing and will probably be a bit intimidated by us, so you gotta help us get in. You're also much nicer than we are to freshman.' Charlotte reveals.

Lara Jean chuckles at this. Charlotte and Amber have a very funny humour. They both pretend to absolutely hate freshman as a joke. Lara Jean was able to see through it and laugh at it while in New York but apparently they have upset a few other freshman with their sarcasm.

'Maybe you should try not calling 'little bittle munchkins who's soul hasn't yet been eaten by college'?' Lara Jean jokes.

Amber gives her a shocked look. 'Lara Jean, how dare you suggest something as awful as that! It's not our fault we want to warn you of exactly what's to come.'

Lara Jean smiles at her. 'Fine, where's this freshman I have to prep for you?'

Lara Jean isn't too keen to feed some poor guy to Charlotte and Amber, but she really is looking forward to possibly meeting some more people while she is here.

'Ok, he is ridiculously good-looking, like it's kind of insane how good looking he is.' Charlotte comments.

'But like kind of expected, given we would never try get with a freshman otherwise.' Amber adds.

'I reckon he must be a football player or something, like a sprinter because he seems pretty lean but also like ripped, ya know?' Charlotte keeps describing.

'Yeah his shirt lifted up a bit when he leaned over to pick up his drink and I definitely saw a v-line.' Amber confirms.

'He is also really flirting with everyone as well.'

'Yeah he has winked at me at least twice and at Charlotte, probably even more.'

'His smile is freaking to die for as well. Like every time he flashes it, gosh, I swear I might pass out.'

'I know right, it's so gorgeous, like it honestly just makes me want to drop to my knees there.'

Lara Jean can't help but laugh at these obsessed girls as they describe this guy. 'Ok so what interactions have you had with him so far?' she asks, trying to gauge whether they have even said a word to him.

'Well he was at the cocktail table the same time that we were and we tried to offer him a drink, but he turned it down.' Charlotte starts.

'Then we walked with him int the loungeroom with his friend while he asked us about what college we went to.' Amber continues.

'We then sat down with him on the couch which is when we found out that he goes to UVA and is a plus one to this party, so doesn't actually know the twins.'

'He said he lives close by as well and then he offered to get us more drinks.'

'Now, I know it doesn't sound like a lot but its gets really quick, really fast. Then he came back with drinks for us and started flirting a bit more. He asked us about what our interests and even made a joke about liking a girl who is flexible when I told him I'm really into dancing.'

'He even put his arm on top of the couch behind Charlotte as they were talking which showed he was totally into her.'

'I totally flirted back, you know, by complimenting him and everything and he did the classic thing but always turning it back on me and would always wink at me.'

Lara Jean's eyes widen. This guy has got game, she thinks to herself.

'So then what happened? Like why aren't you still winking up a storm with him now?' Lara Jean asks.

'Well so he had just said something funny, so I was like leaning on him and laughing, you know you do, and then he had his hand on my leg and I almost thought that we could even kiss and then freaking Polly walked in and sat next to him.' Charlotte fumes.

Lara Jean gasps. 'What?'

'Yeah she freaking just walked in and sat between us. Like freaking hell, she annoys me so much. Like I get she broke up with her long-term boyfriend but that doesn't mean she can just take anyone she wants.' Charlotte says getting angry.

'Wait, so what do you need me to do then? You sound like you got him.' Lara Jean is confused and how she fits in.

'Well because I don't want to look desperate by competing with another junior for a freaking freshman, so you have to go and talk to him and talk about how you are freshman and somehow drag him away from Polly and then bring him to us!' Charlotte plans.

Lara Jean doesn't really think this is the best idea. 'Do you think that will work?' she asks.

'Of course, freshman always want to find other freshman at a party. You guys are scared and overwhelmed and what to huddle together.' Amber explains.

'Come on Lara Jean, it'll be so easy. We'll just show you where he is and we can watch him for a bit with Polly then finally you can talk to him and get him over to us.' Charlottle says.

'I don't know.' Lara Jean admits.

Ok, can we just watch him for a bit and you can then decide whether or not you want to do it? Because Lara Jean once you see how gorgeous he is, you'll realise why Charlotte really needs him.' Amber pleads. Charlotte nods in agreement.

She lets out a deep breath. She knows fully well that she will not be helping them but decides to go along with it anyway just to catch a glimpse of him.

Charlotte and Amber lead her through a bunch of rooms until they get to a lounge room. There is a flat screen which is being used to play xbox by a couple of guys on the ground, while there is a big couch against the far wall where there are a lot of people sitting and talking. She can't make out anyone's face in the dim lighting. She gets lead to behind the bar which sits in the corner of the room at an angle, so she just see the couch. She sees Polly sitting on the end of the couch, she has her hand on the person's leg next to her. Lara Jean can't see the guy who Polly is talking to until she reaches right on her tip toes. Eventually she crawls onto the top of the bar to get a glimpse, Charlotte holds her as she reaches around to finally see his face and when she does, she almost falls off the counter.

'Lara Jean! Are you ok?' Amber says, frightened after Lara Jean falls to the ground.

'Yeah I'm fine.' She says quickly.

'Did you see?' Charlotte asks.

Did she see? Of course she saw. She can't erase the image from her brain. The guy who was flirting with Polly, the person who had just been making the moves on Charlotte was none other than Peter Kavinsky.

She nods her head as her mind is still in shock.

Eventually a few people move and they manage to get a spot on the couch, where they can't be seen by Polly or Peter but she can see their backs and hear their conversations.

'Nah with legs like these you could definitely be a rockette!' she hears Peter flirt with Polly.

'Oh no! There's no way I could kick them as high as those girls, that's a very special skill.' Polly says back.

'Look I reckon you could do it with a bit of… practice.' It's not hard to hear the suggestion in his voice.

'What kind of practice are you thinking?' Polly asks.

'I don't know, what kind of practice do you hope that I am thinking?' Peter retorts and Lara Jean feels sick in her stomach.

'That's it!' Charlotte declares and she gets up and walks over to where Peter and Polly are sitting.

'Hey you! I wondered where you got to.' Charlotte says, strolling and standing near the other two.

'Yeah, it's the talented dancer, I see.' Peter remarks.

Lara Jean can't feel any expression on her face, she just is in so much shock right now.

'And you're the little bittle munchkins who's soul hasn't yet been eaten by college.' Charlotte jokes.

She hears Peter let out a hearty laugh. 'Well, I don't know how much soul I've got left after some semester.'

'You never know until it's gone.' Charlotte returns.

'Charlotte, how are you?' they hear Polly ask coldly.

'I'm really good.' Charlotte says sweetly, the tension between them could be easily cut with a knife.

'Why don't you go get a refill?' Polly pushes. Polly is never one to shy away from what she wants.

'Why don't you?' Charlotte responds in the same forceful tone.

'Ladies, come on, no need to fight.' She hears Peter say and he puts his arms on both of their shoulders.

It's in that moment that Lara Jean can't take it anymore. She mutters an excuse to Polly and stands up quickly immediately leaving the room. She leaves the same way that they came in to insure that Peter doesn't see her.

'Lara Jean?' Bonnie asks her surprised, when she storms past her.

'Come get some drinks with me.' Lara Jean just speaks a few words in a tone that she knows will make Bonnie follow.

She grabs two cups from the table and walks into one of the other lounge room where people are talking. She takes one of the cups and skulls down the contents, as she finishes it she hands it to Bonnie.

'Woah, ummmm ok? What are you doing?' Bonnie asks.

'Promise you'll watch out for me tonight?' Lara Jean ignores Bonnie's question.

'Of course' Bonnie confirms.

With that, Lara Jean tips back the next cup and finishes it off as well.

'Do you want to talk about it?' Bonnie asks very concerned.

'Not yet. But I feel better already.' Lara Jean advises.

Bonnie nods. Lara Jean goes and joins Selena, Jen and Alex with a group of guys on the couches by the pool.

She can't pay any attention to their conversation. She was hoping that the alcohol would take the edge off but now she feels everything even stronger and worse.

What was she expecting? Of course, Peter Kavinsky would be acting this way. It actually makes sense. He and Gen got together in seventh grade when he was just over 12, since then he has never really had a chance to be single. He was with Gen, then with Jamila, then with Gen and then immediately he was fake-dating her until they were real dating for almost two years. He was always the one that the girls could look at and could flirt with but never have, until now. He is probably loving having all of the attention from the girls and finally able to use his charm to actually get him somewhere further than just with his girlfriend. It's quite likely that he has gotten right back into the kind of sex life he had with Gen about now as well, especially considering that he had been basically celibate for two years. No wonder he is flirting with everyone. All the freshman standing around him looked so jealous of him having not just two girls but two juniors all over him, he was surely revelling in this attention.

Why is this hurting her so much? Her heart feels like it is breaking all over again. She knows that there is no excuse for her feeling this way. She was the one who broke up with him and in the lounge room, she was the one who didn't want him to stay, but now it just proves that it really is over. Now he is getting with other girls and flirting with other girls, right in front of Lara Jean and there is nothing she can do. She feels so stupid for believing or having an slight sliver of hope that they could have something more that maybe he would want to get back together with her after everything. Maybe that moment on the couch was just their goodbye. They never got a chance to actually say goodbye to each other after they talked on the phone, so maybe that was their last moment together and now everything is just what needs to come after.

She starts feeling paranoid about sitting on the couch. Her eyes keep flicking towards the doors whenever a new person approaches. What would she do if Peter suddenly walked in and saw her? Would she just ignore him? Maybe she should start flirting with someone else so if he sees her then he knows that she has moved on as well?

'Can we go somewhere else?' she asks the group. 'Like is there anywhere quieter?'

Even though Lara Jean wasn't paying any attention to the conversation, it was still hard to her to hear much anyway given that the music was booming in the next room.

'Yeah, actually there's a hot tub if you wanna go.' One of the guys suggests.

The girls look at each other. The hot tub would be cool. They would all be able to make sure that none of the guys pulled any moves on them and they could have fun.

'Yea let's go!' Alex agrees on behalf of them.

They follow the guys out to through the yard where they can see steam up ahead. The hot tub is much better than she expected and thankfully there are already a few other people in there who are just talking. They grab towels from the massive stack near the outdoor table which they use to cover themselves as they strip down to their underwear. Usually Lara Jean would feel incredibly embarrassed to be like this, but as Bonnie pointed out, the steam is so foggy against the crisp air that it is actually quite hard to see anything in it. The girls also help cover each other up as they get in as well.

The water feels so warm, Lara Jean immediately relaxes. She puts her head back against the wall.

They are talking amongst the guys and having a nice conversation, she isn't sure what they are asking but suddenly they are all looking at her.

One of them says 'What about you?'

She looks confused at Bonnie.

'She is single!' Jen sings out.

'What?' Lara Jean asks.

'They were asking your relationship status.' Alex tells her.

'Oh yeah, single and ready to mingle!' she jokes trying to lighten the mood.

One of the guys comes back with a tray of drinks and offers them around.

She downs her, feeling a bit more lightheaded and gets another cup to sip on slowly. She is enjoying the feeling of just being in the hot tub and feeling her limbs get floaty in the water.

'Wait, what? Lara Jean are you single again? Man, I guess I do have good timing.'

She hears a familiar voice in the distance but can barely make out who it is.

'What? Who said that?' she calls out. She crawls across Alex and Selena to swim towards the person who said that.

'Lara Jean, it's good to see you.'

'What are you doing here?' she says shocked at who she is standing in front of.

'I was a few grades below Ethan and Douglas at high school, we've known each other for years. Oh I'm so glad I've seen you because I'm going to transfer to UNC next semester and what's this I hear that you are single?'

She can't stop herself from smiling back at him. Maybe it's the hot tub, maybe it's the alcohol, maybe its because of what she just saw Peter doing, but she is really glad to see John Ambrose McClaren.

The night just got a whole lot more interesting, she thinks to herself.

 _A/N: BAH BAH BAAAAAAAAH! I have literally been waiting for this twist the whole time and am so relieved to have finally reached it! MWAAHAHAHAHAAHA! I'm even more excited about the next part, but I'm definitely just going to take my time writing it, whenever I get to that. Woooooooooo! I hope you guys enjoy this chapter and a few of you have the pleasure to being notified of that just one but TWO updates! I told you guys I was gonna follow through and deliver! So yeah, here is this chapter and like I said, I'll probably take a bit of a break and update a bit later depending on how badly people want me to continue/update soon. I hope you enjoy it all and would love if you guys could leave a review letting me know how you think the story is going._


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

'John Ambrose!' Lara Jean says, excitedly. She doesn't know if it's the alcohol, but she launches herself at him and gives him a hug.

There's something about them being skin to skin that feels so nice and she feels him wrap his arms around her too. Eventually they let go of each other and slides to sit next to him.

'How are you going, Lara Jean?' he asks, with a bright smile on his face.

'I'm good. I'm good. Maybe a little tipsy, but good! How are you?' she remarks.

He laughs at her. 'I'm good as well.'

He takes a moment to look at her with sympathetic eyes. 'I would ask you about how Kavinsky is doing but I'm guessing you don't want to talk about it.'

Lara Jean wonders if he is making this assumption purely based on the fact that she has said she is now single or if John has also seen Peter interacting with so many other girls at the party and doesn't want to ask.

'Yeah, what can I say, the distance got the best of us.' She knows that she doesn't need to justify or tell him anything, but she doesn't want him thinking that it was something else that brought her and Peter apart.

'Yeah I understand completely.' John replies, resting his head back against the side.

'Oh so you and your girlfriend didn't work out either?' she asks carefully. For the life of her, she can't remember his girlfriend's name despite having met her before at Beach Week.

'Yeah, I mean if you and Kavinsky can't make it at UNC and UVA, then me and Dipti definitely didn't have a chance.' He looks at her with understanding eyes.

Lara Jean gives a light laugh. She remembers him saying that Dipti was going to another state much further away that North Carolina for college, though it still sad when it doesn't work out.

'I guess, but you know that's how life works.' Lara Jean tries to lighten the mood so that they don't dwell on their exs for the rest of the night.

'That's true. Who knows it might hardly be a coincidence that both of us have just gotten out of relationships before I transfer to UNC.' John winks at her as he says that.

She tries not to blush. 'Wait, what? Tell me more about this transfer.'

'Well you know how my Dad was super keen for me to go to UNC? Yeah I just worked super hard at William and Mary and got early acceptance into UNC for next year. It's not that I haven't been enjoying William and Mary, but I kind of haven't really been interested in making friends or being as social because I know I'm not going to be there next year. As much as I have also liked living at home and commuting every day, I feel like I'm still kinda friends with the same people and haven't changed or grown as much as I would have liked in college.' John trails off as he talks to Lara Jean.

He doesn't need to say much more, because she understands. 'Yeah that's why I am so happy to be at UNC, cause I have honestly just given it my all instead of only one foot in and one foot out hoping to transfer to UVA.'

She playfully nudges his shoulder. 'I mean, worse comes to worse, I might even be your only friend at UNC.' She laughs.

He laughs with her. 'Wow, what an offer!' he says sarcastically.

She reaches out and hits his arm. 'Oi, I am a great friend to have, thank you very much.' She pouts. 'And one you might need given you've told me that you are a loner.'

'What? Who said I was a loner?' John is smiling at her as he asks.

'You did, when you said you hadn't made any new friends, but you know, that's probably what happens when you take Model UN as seriously as you.' She teases. She isn't sure when their playfulness is coming from, but it feels nice to just be able to joke with someone and she immediately feels relaxed in the way she always does, when talking to John.

He puts his hand to his heart as if he is hurt. 'That was so harsh. It's not my fault you are jealous your model UN career ended in fifth grade. Admit it, you wish you could talk as smooth as me when I was arguing for the Human Rights of China.' He leans closer to her and gives her a mischievous smile.

'Oh boy, the only feelings I had towards you talking about Chinese Human Rights was pity.' She throws back.

They both share a laugh at her insult.

John throws his hands up. 'Fine, fine, you win. You might have to be my only friend at UNC.'

She gives him a shocked look. 'Oh no, can I take it back?' she jokes.

He laughs again, it's a hearty laugh the one the he always gives here whenever they are joking wih each other.

'You've changed Lara Jean. Not much, but you've grown into yourself a lot more. I really like that.' He says, holding her gaze.

She has to move her eyes away as she feels herself shiver under his gaze. 'Yeah I like it too.' She agrees.

'Damn I can't believe not only did you get UNC but you also got the experience that I was hoping to get out of college.' He shakes his head at her.

'What experience is that?' she asks, confused.

'The experience like you have become the person who everyone close to you has known but now it's finally on the surface for everyone to see. You aren't afraid to hide that anymore and you've found new people who you get along with better than anyone from home and who understand you better as well.' He explains to her.

She nods. 'Yeah, yeah I really have.' She feels a warm sensation inside, the one when you feel understood, like someone is finally putting into words exactly why you are so happy and fulfilled.

'Don't worry John Ambrose, it'll happen to you as well. Before you know it, everyone will know what are dork you are but they'll like that about you.' She assures him.

'I hope so.' He smiles at her.

They stay in the hot tub for over an hour. Talking about their courses, their different campuses and how things have changed. She recommends to him the best residence halls for next year where she knows that a few good people are staying. She doesn't mention where she is going next year and he doesn't ask. He then asks her about all the best restaurants and places on Franklin Street and she has a lot to say about that. She describes to him as great the Mexican place is and even how cheap the Chinese takeaway spot is. She watches as he actively listens to everything she says, nodding and constantly asking questions in response. It feels so good to her to have someone who is so interested in everything and wants to hear about every single thing happening at college.

Eventually more drunk people come into the hot tub. She gets pushed onto John's lap. They share an awkward glance as she feels the bare backs of her legs against his. He shifts uncomfortably before suggesting that they get out which she agrees to immediately. She is so grateful that he has a towel waiting for her and proceeds to wrap her in it as soon as she stands up. She can feel herself sober up a little bit which is making her more self-conscious of standing up (particularly in front of him) in nothing but her underwear. Though he is an absolute gentlemen and even turns away when she is changing despite her being covered by her towel. The twins have left out a whole bunch of jumpers and sweat pants just by the hottub which she is grateful for because she honestly can't imagine how difficult it will be trying to get back into her tights and knitted dress when still having a wet body. She changes into a pair of grey sweat pants and a maroon jumper as John asks if she wants another drink which is readily agrees to.

The other girls must have left the hot tub while she was distracted talking to John, so she isn't sure where they are. She waves to them as she follow John towards the cocktail table. Just like before there are still trays and trays of drinks on offer for everyone.

'Ok what do you recommend?' John asks, jumping between each option.

'I love the berry one, though the mint one is pretty good as well, but I really didn't like the citrus one.' She says, picking up two glasses of the berry cocktail.

'Oh we taking two are we?' John teases as he picks up a berry one and a mint one.

'Well unlike you I was actually having fun at college and learning how to drink.' She retorts.

'What? Who said I didn't know how to drink?' he asks.

Lara Jeans narrows her eyes as she gets a mischievous smile. 'Prove it.' She challenges him.

She picks up one of her cups and downs the contents, not breaking eye contact for a second with John. She watches as he realises what she is doing and his eyes widen in excitement.

'Alright.' He says willingly after watching her finish her drink and he tips his cup back as well.

'Mmmmmm, damn Lara Jean, I like this new side of you.' He compliments her and he tries to catch his breath after finishing his drink.

She flashes him a cheeky smile before she leads him inside to go back to sit near her friends.

They sit on the ground side by side, mostly talking to each other and occasionally joining into the rest of the conversation.

'What? Did Lara Jean tell you that the 'Burrito Bar' is the best? Hell no, definitely chez Carlos is way better.' Bonnie argues.

'What? I've been there and I didn't think it was anyway as good as Burrito Bar.' John debates back, he flashes Lara Jean a smile as he stands up for her choice.

'Oh well now I see how you two are friends, you both have awful taste in burritos.' Bonnie rolls her eyes.

'That's right!' Lara Jean looks over at John happily and nudges his shoulder.

She is definitely feeling the effects of the alcohol as she figures that all of her drinks are catching up to her. Since they got back from the hot tub, she is already on her fourth. Luckily John is pretty much on her level as well so they are both enjoying laughing at the most random jokes and going on tangents about their theories of the universe.

He gives her a fake gasp and then nudges her back. She swings away from him then brings her full body weight hurdling towards him, colliding with his shoulder much harder than a simple nudge. She watches as he almost tips over from his sitting position.

'That's it!' Suddenly he jumps on top of her and starts tickling her.

'Ahhhhh!' she screams, as he goes straight for her stomach.

It feels weird being this close to him but she doesn't pay much attention to that feeling as she bursts into laughter.

Suddenly he stops and softly says 'Do you wanna build a snow man?!'

Lara Jean explodes in laughter. She knows that it isn't that funny but just watching him singing frozen just like they did when they were in the snow at Belleview, makes her absolutely crack up.

She puts on hands on John's cheeks and squeezes them together. 'It doesn't have to be a snowman.' She sings through pursed lips to imitate the same tone as the song.

'Ok bye…' John sings with Lara Jean's hands still squeezing his cheeks together.

It sounds and looks so funny that both of them collapse into fits of giggles, with him still on top of her and her hands now resting on his back.

'Yes Lara Jean, get on it!' she hears someone cheer.

She is blushing as she looks over and sees Charlotte and Amber giving her bright smiles and their thumbs up.

She shakes her head in disbelief as John raises his hand and waves at them. All three of them are enjoying watching Lara Jean become mortified by the situation. Eventually she just hides her face in John's chest to try and minimise their amusement.

'If you need protection, just let us know.' She hears Amber call out.

She moves her head away from him so that Amber and Charlotte can see her roll her eyes at them, but when she looks over to where they were before she sees that Peter is now standing behind them, shirt off and towel around his neck. She now notices that Amber and Charlotte are wrapped in towels with only their bra straps covering their shoulders.

'Right back at you.' John interjects, winking at them.

She notices how tight Peter's jaw is set, telling her that he is getting annoyed, but his eyes have stopped flicking between her and john and are now boring into hers with such sadness, that she has to look away.

'Well we're going to the hot tub! Don't do anything that we wouldn't do!' Amber says in a sing-song voice. Then she walks out and Peter swiftly follows her. Just before Charlotte leaves, she points a Peter's back and gives Lara Jean a big thumbs up.

John crawls off her, checking that she is ok. She gives him a smile but it doesn't reach her eyes.

'Was that Kavinsky with them? I'm a bit too drunk to see that far.' He jokes, squinting as he says that.

'No, no it wasn't. I haven't seen Peter for months.' She lies. She knows that it is wrong to do that, but she doesn't want to have to think about this and explain everything that has happened to John all the while Peter hasn't done anything like that with any of the other girls he is getting with.

She decides that she has done enough drinking for the night and opts for water every time someone offers to refill for everyone. She is still sitting next to John but he is carrying much of the conversation with and the rest of the group. He is making everyone laugh with his quick wit and funny jokes. Even a bunch of the guys who are from UNC give him their numbers so that they can get in touch next year when he transfers.

John looks over at her. 'I'm actually really glad we ran into each other Lara Jean. I think this could be the start of something great.' He says incredibly sincerely.

She smiles back at him and pats his knee in agreement, before she excuses herself to go to the bathroom.

She is still feeling a bit light headed but is finally able to have clearer thoughts. She looks hard at her reflection in the mirror. Her makeup is almost smudged off, so she grabs some toilet paper to try clean up the dramatic smudges. It's ok, she tells herself, you are allowed to be with other people and you need to give them a chance. There is no more Peter.

She nods confidently at herself. She isn't trying to convince herself to do anything with John tonight or with anyone, but she can't just shut them all out because Peter saw. Hell, he walked out to be in the hot tub with a bunch of girls without hesitating, so she shouldn't either. With a final nod at herself, she opens the door and exits the bathroom.

'What the fuck, Covey!' she hears before her back is pushed against the wall.

She is now face-to-face with Peter who is staring at her intensely with very little space between them. She feels her heart start to race not only because of the fright, but also just being this close to him after so long.

'What do you want, Kavinsky?' Her voice is cold and unwavering.

'What's going on with you and McClaren?' he shoots another question at her, his eyes still looking hard into hers.

'What's going on with you and Charlotte? Or should I say you and Polly? Or you and any other freaking girl who comes up and talks to you?' Lara Jean retorts, she leans her head up and stares him down.

'You can't be mad at me for talking to other girls. You broke up with me, remember?' Peter takes a step back from her but continues to stare at her as if he has the moral high ground.

'Yeah I know, so don't try get mad at me about John Ambrose.' She declares, she takes advantage of the fact that he has finally stepped away from her and turns to walk down the hall.

She hears Peter make an enraged sound as she turns her back.

'Fine I won't be mad, but seriously, you couldn't find anyone better to rebound from me with?' Peter says, as he swiftly runs past her to stand in front of her.

'Is there anyone who you AREN'T rebounding from me with?' she tries to push past him but he is blocking her way.

'Seriously Lara Jean, just because I'm having conversations with other girls, doesn't mean I'm trying to get with them.' He rolls his eyes at her and talks down.

'Because who doesn't talk about a girls flexibility in a normal conversation? Peter, I'm not stupid so don't try make me out to be.' She spits her words at him. How dare he try to talk down to her or pretend as if she is reading too much into this and he is the perfect angel, she saw what he was saying to those girls and acting with them.

She knows she has caught him when he opens his mouth but then quickly closes it when he realises that he can't defend himself.

'That's what I thought.' She smiles him, then squeezes past him to keep walking.

'Lara Jean, come on, can't we just talk?' he calls out to her.

'Nope.' She calls back as she continues walking. She can't talk to him. If they talk then she'll realise what she has lost and what other girls are getting. She remembers how it felt when she hugged him in the holidays and how her heart ached for him, she doesn't want to go through any of that again. They both just need time to be as far away from each other as possible so that they are can both move on. It's not fair for either of them to still be noticing who they are talking to or hanging out with at parties, that's not how a friendship or any relationship should be.

'Please?' Peter pleads.

She can hear the sadness in his voice and how defeated he sounds. For some odd reason, it flares her up. Why does he want to talk to her? They are broken up. There is nothing left to talk about. They are both doing so much better now that they aren't together, she is finally no feeling bad about putting herself first and doing what she wants and he is having the time of his life being the womanizer that he has always charmed himself to be.

'Peter, why don't you just go pull some moves on some girl in the hot tub?' she responds. She feels just as defeated as him, because she doesn't want to talk, because if they talk then all she will feel is hurt.

'I already did, now I just want to talk to her.' He gives her sad smile as he says that.

'Well then you better go out and find her.' Lara Jean calls out to him over her shoulder walking away.

'Covey.' She hears Peter's amused voice.

She spins around in confusion. What is so amusing about her leaving so he can go talk to the girl he wants to talk to?

'The only girl I've pulled moved on in a hot tub is you.' He says, walking slowly towards her with a smirk on his face.

She feels her cheeks blush. Damn, he's good, she thinks to herself. Bringing out the memory of her going to him in the hot tub and finally kissing him after months of only fantasizing what it would be like and wishing for it to happen.

With a sigh, she walks back and leans against the wall opposite him. 'Fine, talk.' She snaps, hoping to get this over with.

He gives her a funny look. He probably isn't used to be on the direct receiving end of this attitude, usually he would only see it when she would be ranting and getting mad about someone else to him.

'I didn't know that you were here. Douglas told us that Ethan never invites freshman from UNC so I thought for sure you weren't coming.' He says softly, looking down at his shoes.

'How does me being here change anything?' Lara Jean narrows her eyes. She has only witnessed a few hours of being at this party with Peter, so she can only imagined how the last few months have played out for him.

He tips his head back in frustration. 'Do you really need me to spell it out for you?' he asks, trying to avoid the questions.

Lara Jean crosses her arms and just blinks at him expectantly.

He sighs and rubs the back of his neck. 'If I had known you were here, I wouldn't have been so…forward… with any girl.' He confesses, his eyes still on the ground.

Lara Jean rolls her eyes as he tries to excuse his flirting as 'being forward'. 'Me being there didn't stop you flirting with Polly.' She finally confronts him about what happened while she was on the bus.

He sighs again and clenches his fists. 'What else was I supposed to do, Covey? You were literally ignoring me that entire morning, I had to do something to get your attention.' He argues.

'And flirting with another girl right in front on my entire baking club was your best option?' Lara Jean snaps back.

He rests his head back against the wall. 'No it wasn't, but I didn't realise that… until after.' He looks at her, his eyes are sad and enormous, full of regret.

It's not hard for her to believe him. She remembers how annoyed he looked at himself as the bus was leaving and how she was trying to ignore him as much as possible so he wouldn't come talk to her. In saying this though, she is still mad at him for what has happened tonight and wants to call him out on it.

'Ok so you stuffed up by flirting with her before I left for New York, but then what about tonight? You can't tell me that it was because you were trying to get my attention, because you didn't even know I was here.' She corners him.

'I don't know.' He admits.

There it is. Those three words again. The three words that have caused their relationship so much pain in the past and now they are back again. She remembers the second time she broke up with Peter and she asked him whether he would have kissed Gen if she had gone out to him in the hot tub instead of Lara Jean and he had the same answer. The same answer that broke her and truly told her that they were over.

She feels tears grouping in her eyes, while standing in front of him. Maybe because she is just so overwhelmed by everything that has happened tonight or maybe just because he is finally confirming what she had hope didn't exist, he was moving on.

'I can't tell you what you can and can't do, not anymore. We're broken up so you can flirt, kiss or bang whoever you want.' She says with a slight edge to her voice.

He looks at her in disbelief with traces of anger and sadness. 'Is that what you think I want?' he demands.

'It doesn't matter what I think, but for the record, yeah I think you do.' She says firmly to him.

'Well that's better than constantly living like a grandma and baking cakes, obsessing over fantasy books and studying.' He insults her back, clearly hurt by what she said to him.

'Oh Peter, don't you know the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else?' She fires back at him. His insult stung her especially when she was so insecure about her interests and no one sharing them with her in high school, Peter used to make fun of her until he realised how much joy she got from it. Instead of cowering from his words now, she knows that she has made some of her closest friends and had some of her dream opportunities by having those interests and she isn't going to let him insult them.

'Is that advice for me or for you?' he snarks back, his eyes darken.

Lara Jean gives him a smile. 'Both.' She answers. Obviously the advice is only for Peter, but she doesn't want to let him know that given that he is out here flirting with girls in their underwear, she can at last give him the façade that she is doing the same thing as well.

She can tell from the way that his face scrunches up that she has hit a nerve and hit it hard. He tries to look away to calm himself but she can see his fists clenching at his sides and his nostrils flaring. She feels her own heart tug as she considers this new ground. They had never really discussed it, her viriginity. Peter was just letting her drive the vehicle on it all and she was just going to let him know when she was ready, because it was always going to be with him. Before the only question was when, she already had her why in him and their love for each other, but now there were no answers. Now, she honestly had no idea who the person would be, why it would be them or even why it would all happen, she didn't have a clue. There is something about the unknown and knowing that it might not be special or might not happen the way she imagined it would with Peter that pulls at her heart.

'So that's what you're doing with McClaren?' he finally speaks in a soft voice, raw and vulnerable with emotion. He is searching her eyes for any hint of doubt or disgust even.

'Why do you keep bringing him up?' she contests. She is almost a bit annoyed that it's the first thing he mentions is being jealous of McClaren instead of being hurt that he has lost what was supposed to be a special moment together.

'I just don't understand why you would be so stupid to make the same mistake twice. You already tried to rebound from me with him and it didn't work, so why the fuck are you trying it again? He is just a twat that you only feel connected to because at some point in your naïve childhood you thought you could like him as soon as he was out of your reach.' He rages. His voice is still soft, so that no one can hear them.

The tugging that she felt on her heart has completely disintegrated. She looks at him and now she is enraged and annoyed at him. How dare he say this to her? Her 'mistakes' (as he called it) wouldn't be necessary if he could just get himself together and finally know what he was doing. It also wasn't fair that he was able to flirt and hang with multiple girls, but for her, when it is only one, she is being roasted for it. She also flares up thinking about his words about her being naïve and liking him only because he was out of her reach. This is the second time he has brought up something that infuriates her because he isn't seeing how far she has come and how much she has changed. He is still living with this image of her being this girl who needed saving and brought out into the world and taught how to love, when he had already done all of that before and now it was time for her to navigate her life with these skills. She can't believe that she was even considering or hoping that they could get back together, because it is clear to her that he hasn't changed a bit and he would still just be expecting her to be at his beck and call in order to work around his schedule.

Don't say it. Don't say it. You can't take it back after you say it.

'He is transferring to UNC, so maybe I just want to know what it feels like to finally not have to say good night.' The words spill out of her mouth before she can stop them.

Peter flinches as she says those words and his back falls against the wall behind him. He looks at her, his eyes shining with sadness as he comprehends what she just said.

She feels her own tears start to fall as she understand her words as well. Not having to say good night was the main thing that they both wanted in college but it ended up that they got the opposite and not only had to say it every night, but had to say while being miles apart.

'Peter, I'm so sorry, I…' she starts but he puts his hand up to silence her.

'It's ok, Lara Jean. I shouldn't have said what I did. I am sorry.' He says it with a blank look on his face, as if she didn't just shatter his heart to pieces with her words.

He walks away quickly as she stays standing where she is. The only thought that is going through her head is that she has to get out of there. Just get out of there and then she can go home and be able to cry and let out her emotions after this interaction.

She rushes in to where her friends and John were sitting and quickly sneaks behind them to grab her clothes from where she left them. She is much drier now, she is able to go back to the bathroom and get dressed in her tights and dress. She has to take a moment in front of the mirror to pull herself together and wipe away all of the tears that had fallen from her face. When she thinks she looks somewhat presentable she walks swiftly out of the bathroom, she can hear some of her friends calling her name but she powers on towards the door. She doesn't get a glimpse of Peter or John as see leaves, which she is grateful for.

She walks out of the front door and into the yard, breathing in the crisp, cold air. She isn't sure where she is going or what she is going to do next. She just keeps walking down the road, trying to get her thoughts together and stop thinking about the pain and hurt that she has caused herself.

The air is still crisp and the wind is getting harsher and harsher. Eventually she slows down her walk and takes a look around. She has no idea where she is now. She looks at her phone, intending to try get an uber to pick her up and take her home, but she feels her body go cold as she read 3% on the battery life. She didn't think that she had been using her phone at all, but then she remembers that she gave it to Bonnie at one point to play music from.

She is getting messages from her friends wondering where she is. The more she looks around, the more she can't recognise where she is. It is getting cold as well and she can feel the dampness of her clothes start to feel like ice against her skin. She tries to text back her friends, looking around to find a street sign close to her, eventually she gives up and decides to just call Bonnie.

She can feel her panic rising as she looks around and is only surrounded by darkness.

'Lara Jean! Where are you?' Bonnie asks in panic as the phone connects.

'Bonnie, I'm so glad we can talk, I've got no idea where I am.' Lara Jean responds.

'All good, we'll get an uber and come to where you are, whats the closest-'

The phone goes dead and Bonnie is cut short. Lara Jean feels tears springing to her eyes as she realises the situation. Her phone is dead, she has no idea where she is and it is getting really cold in the middle of the night.

Suddenly she whips her head around and sees a pair of headlights coming down the road. She can't see any other cars or anyone else out on the street. It is also getting incredibly dark as none of the houses have their lights on and there are no street lights around. She watches the car coming closer and decides to step back into the bushes, hoping that they will make her invisible in this darkness.

She creeps back and observes the car slowly trudge down the road, something which she finds even more unnerving being alone. Did someone see her? Is this how it ends? A murderer saw a young, innocent girl leave a party by herself and decides to follow her and kill her in the darkness. She feels goosebumps on her skin and her legs begin to shiver from the cold and the fear.

The car gets closer and she sees that it is black in colour. Suddenly it stops. Lara Jean retreats further back into the darkness until she is leaning right up against the bush. She hears the ignition turn off and a car door opens. She feels herself go numb in fear as she realises that the person must have somehow seen her and knows exactly where she is. Maybe if she yells out or screams then someone will come out of their house and help her, but she is so petrified, she doubts her vocal chords could even move at this point. She can sense footsteps on the footpath near her.

'Covey, where are you?' she hears a voice.

With that her legs finally get back feeling as she sprints towards the voice. She collides head on with what she initially thinks is a wall but realises that it is his back. Reflexively she wraps her arms around him and she can't stop the tears of relief flowing down her cheeks.

'Hey hey hey….' Peter splutters. She felt him almost jump out of his skin as she ambushed him from behind with a hug.

He wraps his fingers gently around her wrists and loosens her hold so that he can turn around and wrap his arms around her. She immediately turns into his shoulder and continues to sob.

'Oh Covey, I'm so sorry.' He breathes into her, rubbing her back.

He waits patiently for her to calm down, just like he always does. She keeps her head buried against him as she tries to catch her breath and stop herself from crying again. She can't believe that she is being comforted by her ex-boyfriend again. Eventually her breathing settles and the tears stop. He gently pushes her away to look down at her.

'Come on, Rabbit Eyes, I'll take you home.' He whispers down to her. He wraps his arm around her and leads him to his car. She now sees that it was his Audi that was approaching her before. If she hadn't been so panicked about her phone, she probably would have realised.

They sit in silence for a while.

'Do you have a charger?' she croaks.

He nods and pulls out a cord from the console. She plugs it into her phone and watches as it lights up. She knows that her friends will be incredibly worried about her and hopes she can calm them down and let them know that she found a way home.

She waits, looking down at her phone but sneaking the occasional glance at Peter. He looks tired. His eyes still look sad and defeated, while his mouth rests in a tight line. She has no idea how he knew that she was out there or even why he cared given that she was so awful to him in the corridor. They get closer and closer to her house as she continues to rake her brain for ways that she can start conversation. She messages her friends and lets them know that she caught an uber home to her house. They were going to stay at Selena's, but she very much wants to be alone tonight and she brought her house keys with her, so hopes that she can stay there tonight and then pick her stuff up from Selena's tomorrow. Bonnie asks her why she doesn't want to come to Selena's to which she simply replies 'Peter was there.' Bonnie sends back her understanding and love and promises to make up an excuse for the others so they don't pry. She is again thankful for Bonnie being so understanding, despite her not being Peter's number one fan, she knows how deep of a connection he holds to Lara Jean and she respects that.

Finally they arrive out the front of her house. She is confused at why he hasn't tried to talk to her. It seems weird that he would offer to pick her up and drive her home almost half an hour from his dorm and then not say a single word to her. She breathes a small sigh of relief when she see him turn off the ignition, indicating that he wants to talk for a bit.

When he doesn't say anything, she goes first. 'I'm really sorry about what I said.' She says in a soft whisper.

'Why did you say it?' he asks. He doesn't look angry anymore, he just looks sad and slightly confused.

'I don't know.' She tries.

He gives her an unconvinced look. 'Try again, Covey.' He says lightly.

She gives a big sigh as she thinks about what was running through her head before she snapped at him. 'Sometimes I just think that I'm always going to be that girl who you brought into this world. When we were in high school, I loved being by your side just as much as you loved being needed, but things are different now. I'm not just the girl that you brought to live in your world. I'm the girl living in the same world as you, trying to live my life as best as I can. Sometimes I think you would rather see me how I was in high school instead of who the person I have grown into today and it upsets, or rather, frustrates me.' She looks at him hard as she explains herself.

His eyes flicker as he stares intensely at her, hanging off every single one of her words. He pauses to look out of the window but nods in understanding.

'But that still doesn't excuse what I said.' She adds at the end.

He looks over at her thoughtfully. 'You're right, Lara Jean. I haven't been giving you the respect that you deserve. You truly are amazing and I know it's too late and it probably doesn't mean anything, but I am really proud of what you have done in college…' He assures her confidently.

She nods and reaches for her door, unsure of what to say next and how they go from where they are.

'I know you'll have an amazing life, even if I'm not in it, but just know I'll always be here for you.' Peter says.

She sees his eyes shining in the darkness.

'Right back at you.' She throws back at him.

They share a smile before she opens the car door and jogs up the steps to her house.

She throws herself back in her bed and allows her mind to finally comprehend the night she has just experienced. She can't remember the last time she had so much drama occur in a single night. Overall though, she feels better and good about tonight. She thinks about John and how they are still friendly. She doesn't think about it too much but she feels her heart flutter as she considers having him at UNC next year. She absolutely won't make a move or anything as soon as he does, but it's nice to have that hope, like a butterfly just land on her shoulder. She thinks about the night with Peter and instead of feeling upset or angry, she feels surprisingly content. She knows that they said awful things to each other but after what they shared in the car, they have both recognised that they will each hold a special place in each other's hearts forever. As hard as it was watching him flirt with those other girls, she knows that he would ditch them if she ever needed him. That night she imagines that Peter is a letter, a part of her life that has stolen her heat but right now, she has to fold him up and put him in her hatbox. One day, she'll find his memories again just like Stormy did with her suitors and she will pass them on to her kids as she tells them about the man she was with before the father, the first man she ever loved.

 _A/N: Yay! I'm back, or am I? This chapter actually seems like a pretty good ending to have and to kind of put a ribbon around the story of Lara Jean and Peter. I honestly was kinda planning on ending it here, but YOU GUYS PULLED THROUGH! We literally broke 20 reviews! Ahhhhhh! Which I don't know if that's because I didn't update as quickly or because you guys enjoyed the last chapter more, but definitely resulted in this update coming earlier! (I wasn't going to post until next weekend). I hope you guys like this chapter, how do you think this conversation and this night is going to be affecting Lara Jean and Peter now? Does anyone else want more appearances from John? I really hope you guys like it and I love all of your reviews! Lol I figure that the longer I wait to update, the more people who review, so I might try space my updates out a bit more instead of just cramming them all together so people can give more feedback! Love hearing from you guys and all the silent readers, it's never too late to let me know what you think of the story! XXXXXX_


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

She is running around trying to pack the last of her bags up. The bus is arriving is less than half an hour and she is very likely going to be late if she doesn't leave her dorm right now.

'Lara Jean! I can't believe you are ditching us for our first spring break together!' Bonnie whines, sitting on Lara Jean's bed.

'Sorry Bon-Bon, my sister would probably disown me if I spent another holiday with my college friends over her.' Lara Jean says as she scrambles to unplug her phone charger and put it in her bag.

She looks at the clock. She really has to go.

'Here I'll take this bag, you get the rest.' Bonnie helps and picks up a bag to take outside.

Lara Jean frantically runs around and picks up what she can before running out the door.

Bonnie helps her get onto the bus with all of her bags and gives her a big hug goodbye.

'Stay safe. Don't get pregnant. Call me.' Lara Jean instructs her as she gets on the bus.

Bonnie nods in agreement. 'Oh trust me, I'll be relying on you to stop me from killing all the other girls after a week.'

They have one last hug before the bus drives away.

Lara Jean messages her dad to let him know that she is on her way and on the bus. She goes to her bag to pull out her book, but she looks down and can't see her bag anywhere.

She could have sworn that she had brought it with her to the bus, she remembers it sitting right on her bed.

She groans in frustration as she presses the button to ring Bonnie.

'Miss me already?' Bonnie teases as soon as she answers.

'Of course. Also is my backpack still on my bed?' she asks trying to not to take out her frustration on Bonnie.

'Uhhh I'm just opening the door now…. Yeah it is.' Bonnie declares.

Lara Jean groans again. 'I can't believe I forgot that! It literally has all of my chargers, my toiletries and electronics!'

'Can your dad drive you back up at all this week to pick it up for you?' Bonnie asks, sympatheitically.

Lara Jean sighs. 'No he has a full week until Thursday, hence I had to take the bus. Damn, I might just have to drive up myself.' She thinks out loud.

Bonnie laughs. 'Really? You would drive 4 hours.'

Even just hearing Bonnie suggest that makes Lara Jean turn a little cold. She isn't the most confident driver when it comes to short distances so the 3 hours and 25 minutes would be brutal.

'You're right, I'll probably just end up on this bus again.' She supposes.

Lara Jean groans again. 'I'm literally going to lose almost 2 days doing nothing but sitting on a bus. Argh! Why couldn't I have been more organised this morning?'

Bonnie laughs. 'It might have something to do with your LATE NIGHT, last night.'

Lara Jean tries to hide her smile and supress her giggle.

'Ok that's my cue to hang up.' She says quickly, hoping to avoid this conversation.

'OOOOOOOOO MR AMBROSE MCCLAREN!' Bonnie calls out.

Lara Jean blushes a strong red colour as she quickly hangs up the phone before allowing Bonnie to say anything else.

She puts her phone in her lap, still annoyed about all the things that she is going to need this week that she has left in her dorm. She absolutely needs her phone charger and no one else in her family has one that will fit her phone as she got the new model just before she went to college. Her laptop was also in her bag along with the charger and she had a bunch of things still to get done this week so she could stay on top of her study. She curses to herself and leans her head back against her seat in annoyance. She guesses that she'll probably be on this bus again tomorrow.

With nothing much to do to entertain her as her book was in her bag and she doesn't want to run down her battery, she gently closes her eyes and tries to take a moment to just think about her life.

Bonnie's words have brought back a rush of memories to her. She wasn't into John or making a move on him or anything like that, but it felt good to be friends with him again. This time, though, she didn't feel as if he was feeling a void left empty by Peter or any hint of guilt about being friends with him. He made her feel really good and made her laugh a lot. She missed being able to just do every day things with someone, who wanted to be as interested in something as you were. She had messaged John the weekend that she got home, apologising for leaving but was slightly relieved when he said that he had probably passed out by that point and didn't even remember she had gone until he woke up the next morning, worrying where she was. Their messaging was gradual at first, well, gradual on Lara Jean's part, John was able to respond within an hour every time, something she had similarly forgotten was possible. They talked about a few things here and there, such as what courses he would take next year and if he could get credit for all the subjects he already did. The conversation then progressed into something deeper- reminiscing about Stormy, talking about being away from home and the distance from family. It felt good to be able to share that with someone. She missed having Storm around so much. Stormy probably would have slapped her after crying about breaking up with Peter and told her how much more fun being single was and given her tips on how to get more boys to fall in love with her. She had a bittersweet feeling when she and John had talked over the phone one night and he had read out on of the letters that Stormy sent him before his senior Prom. She had written all kinds of funny and quirky tips for him to have fun with the girl – slide your hand down her waist slowly, avoid looking at her cleavage, never break eye contact, do not stand on her dress. Not Peter, or even Margot, or anyone else at Belleview understood how much life Stormy gave her, just John did. Last night, John had driven to UNC because he had a tour of the campus, he then hung around to come with Lara Jean to one of her baking club meetings. It was one of her favourite meetings because of him there as he kept trying so hard to copy Lara Jean but failed spectacularly. In saying that though she didn't ignore how much effort he put in to try and enjoy something that she was doing and have fun with her. It felt nice to let someone in who had known her before into all of the things that made her different and how she has grown them and allowed them to become a part of her. John even said he would be keen to join the club next year when he transferred, so maybe he had a chance of not starving when he lived by himself. It was too late for him to drive home after their meeting so Lara Jean offered him a space on the floor of their dorm. He was gentlemanly as ever and tried to refuse but she could tell he was slightly relieved to not have to drive so far when he was so tired. They crept in to not wake up Bonnie, then she dropped him some pillows and one of her extra blankets for the night. Then they fell asleep. That was it. However, as soon as Bonnie woke up and saw a male specimen in their room, she immediately assumed the worst and took full opportunity to tease Lara Jean about it. Lara Jean isn't scared off by John or even feels guilty about hanging out with him, because she knows that at this moment in time, she isn't ready for anything and neither is he. They have the rest of this semester and the entire summer holidays before he transfers and then, (only then), does Lara Jean let even a glimmer of hope exist for them. She knows that if she jumps into anything now then the same thing that happened before will end up happening and if something happens between them, she wants to give it a real chance. Anyways, having him at UNC makes all the difference in the world.

She isn't even aware that she has fallen asleep until she wakes up with jolt from the bus coming to a sudden stop. She looks around and realises that they have arrived in Virginia. She scrambles out of the bus to run out and hug Trina, Kitty and her dad who are waiting for her beside their car.

'We missed you so much!' They scream out as she hugs all of them.

They almost forget to pick up the rest of her bags from under the bus because they are preoccupied hugging each other. Her dad eventually runs over and gets them out before the driver declares what is left as lost property.

Her dad and Trina both get her guilty looks as she tells them that she has to go back to UNC tomorrow to pick up her bag because she honestly can't spend an entire week without it. They apologise for not being able to help her but she makes sure to emphasis that it is absolutely ok for her to be able to go back by herself. She also watches how Kitty falls a bit quiet after learning that she won't be there with her for the whole day tomorrow because she will be travelling, but she makes sure to promise her that they can spent the rest of the afternoon together, especially because Trina and her dad have some work dinner they have to attend this evening.

She quickly dumps her bags in her room before she grabs Kitty and they venture out for their afternoon together.

They have to do some groceries for the next few days given that Lara Jean definitely wants to be able to bake a whole bunch of things and has figured that Kitty definitely needs a few more lessons if she wants to be able to bake anything actually edible. She then manages to convince Kitty to come to the bookstore with her as she is desperate to have a new book to entertain her on her bus ride tomorrow to get her bag. She knows that she could bring one from her room, but she has all of her favourites at college and none of the ones in her room will be enough to entertain her for the whole bus trip.

The bell rings as they walk in. Lara Jean instinctively walks straight to the YA section, she has to admit that some of these novels are definitely getting a bit too cringeworthy and young for her, but she loves the excitement of reading the romance of two young characters as they try to figure out themselves and each other.

She is just reading the back of a new one that just came in when she hears, 'Lara Jean!'

She turns around with a smile and responds accordingly, 'Josh!'

They still have their version of Marco Polo.

'What are you doing here?' she asks, as he walks over to her and gives her a hug.

'I'm spending a lot of the summer travelling, so I'm trying to make as much money as I can over the break while at home to save for it. What are you doing here?' Josh explains, he still has a smile on his face.

'I came back for this week to help Daddy out with Kitty and to see everyone.' Lara Jean answers.

Kitty's ears must be burning because they suddenly hear a high pitched voice scream, 'Josh!

Josh turns around just in time to catch Kitty who launches herself into his arms. He stumbles a bit as he realises how much she has grown over the last few years.

'Kitty!' He exclaims excitedly.

'Josh, tell me about UVA, also was that a new book from that series by the wall? Is there a discount? Can you get it for me for Christmas?' Kitty splutters out as she drags Josh away with her towards where she was before.

Lara Jean smiles at them. She knows that Kitty and Josh aren't as close as they used to be because they don't see much of each other but she knows that Kitty will always have at least a little crush on him.

Evnetually Lara Jean chooses the book that she wants to read tomorrow and ventures off to find Josh and Kitty. She sees them sitting in one of the armchairs, Kitty is on Josh's lap as he is flipping through some books.

'Hey lovebirds, can I buy this book or are you both too lost in each other's eyes?' Lara Jean teases.

Kitty blushes as Josh gives her a smile and a wink.

'No, no, no, we are good. I'll put that one through for you.' Josh says, gently tipping Kitty off his lap and walking behind the register.

Lara Jean wraps her arm around Kitty as she notices her face is still red when she stands by the register. The smile on her face though, let's Lara Jean know that she isn't mad or annoyed at her, just a little flustered.

'That's $15.' Josh says.

'$15, I thought it said $20.' Lara Jean questions.

'Yeah but I gave you my employee discount, so $15.' Josh answers with a smile.

Lara Jean smiles back at him and hands over the exact amount of money. 'Thanks Joshy!'

Josh puts it through and hands her back her book. 'Take care of yourself Lara Jean and Kitty, feel free to drop by if you want more of my opinions about the best books to read.'

They both nod happily before leaving the store.

Lara Jean squeezes Kitty's hand as they leave. She can tell that her and Josh have grown up so much and are no longer the teenagers who feel awkward around each other because of him dating her sister or her sending him a love-letter, she still cringes at the thought. Instead they are able to interact with just friendship and old times, which makes her feel good as she can't imagine what it would be like if she could never talk to Josh again.

'Can we go in there?' Kitty asks, cautiously.

Lara Jean looks where she is pointing, it's at Linden and White, Mrs Kavinsky's shop. Lara Jean shivers as she considers that it is very likely that either Mrs Kavinsky or Peter will be there.

'Why do you want to go there?' Lara Jean asks, trying to hide her nervousness in her voice.

'I saw a really beautiful jewellery box there and I want to see how much it is so that I can save for it by the end of summer.' Kitty tries to explain.

Lara Jean notices the way her eyes flicker, which confirms that she is lying and probably just wants to see if Peter is there. By this point, Kitty has planted her feet firmly on the ground and is trying to pull Lara Jean to the shop. Lara Jean knows that if she refuses now, then Kitty is just going to hold a grudge against her and it will ruin their special afternoon together.

With a sigh, she says 'Ok, but if Mrs Kavinsky is there, then we have to leave immediately.'

Kitty nods in agreement. From the few interactions that Kitty has had with Lara Jean and Mrs Kavinsky, she has always noted how intimidating Mrs Kavinsky is and how much tension there is between her and Lara Jean. She probably understands and also doesn't want to be there either if it is just Mrs Kavinsky and Lara Jean alone in a shop together.

Lara Jean lets Kitty pull her along to the front door of the shop. They hear the bell tinkle as they open the door and walks in. She lets out the breath she didn't even know she was holding when she sees a young girl behind the counter of the store and no sign of Mrs Kavinsky or Peter. They are probably out the back, she thinks to herself.

'Here it is.' Kitty exclaims, pointing towards a box in the glass cabinet.

The box is a really simple wooden box that has intricate carvings in a delicate flower pattern on each of the sides. Lara Jean goes to open it, but struggles to lift the lid.

'See this is the best part!' Kitty says, excitiedly.

Kitty turns her back so Lara Jean can't see what she goes and takes the box in her hands. When she turns around, the box is suddenly open, to Lara Jean's confusion.

'How did..' she starts.

'It's a secret opening. That way no one else can see what's inside.' Kitty explains to her.

Of course it is, Lara Jean thinks to herself. Of course that had to be something cunning or secretive about the box in order for Kitty to want it and to even consider spending her money on it.

'How much is it then?' Lara Jean asks.

'$100.' Kitty informs her.

'That much? Well you might need a bit more time to save for it then…' Lara Jean notes.

Kitty looks at her in disbelief. 'No, now that there is just me here, I am doing all the chores that you and Margot did, so Daddy upped my allowance.'

'What? To how much?' Lara Jean can't believe what she is hearing.

'That's between Daddy and I. Strictly professional.' Kitty say, flicking her hair over her shoulder and putting the box back.

Lara Jean rolls her eyes. Trust Kitty to take advantage of Daddy being sad about her and Margot both leaving for college to get a raise of her pocket money.

They hear the bell of the door tinkle again. They both whip their heads around but just see an older lady walking through the door.

'Ok, are you ready to go?' Lara Jean asks, she is on high alert after thinking that the bell could have been either Peter or Mrs Kavinsky walking in.

Sure, she definitely doesn't want to see Mrs Kavinsky after their last conversation together and given she has broken up with her son, again, but she also really doesn't want to see Peter here either. She knows that it'll probably look like she was hoping to run into him, if he sees her here. Since that party, they haven't spoken at all. All she has heard from Charlotte and Polly is that he apparently ghosted them after the party. She tries not to think that it's because of her, but she still doesn't want it to look as though she is giving him any encouragement for them to get back together. She doesn't want to have to explain anything going with John to him and she knows that the last two instances that they have interacted, she has been the one to hug him and to have him be affectionate to her, so she doesn't want him to think that her being in the store is a repeat of any of that.

She manages to get Kitty back to the front door. She can tell that Kitty is looking for Peter, as she checks every aisle and every spot of the shop while Lara Jean drags her back. Lara Jean has her hand on the door knob, she is just about to breath a sigh of relief that they have managed to escape the shop without running into anyone until she hears it.

'Peter!' Kitty shrieks, letting go of Lara Jean's hand and running away from her.

Lara Jean can't stop the groan that comes out of her mouth. They were so freaking close. Literally one more step and they would have finally been out of the store and found their freedom.

She finally turns around from facing the door and sees Kitty hanging from Peter's neck. Unlike Josh, he isn't struggling a single bit with her weight or size.

'Kitty wanted to come here.' She splutters quickly. She doesn't want him to think that perhaps it was her idea or that she wanted to see him.

'I got that.' He says, with a nod and places Kitty on her feet.

'Peter, will you hang out with me tomorrow? Can we go to the movies? You promised you would take me.' Kitty fires at him almost exactly how she fired at Josh before.

Peter gives her a confused look after sneaking a quick glance at Lara Jean. 'Don't you want to hang out with your sister?'

'She's going back to UNC tomorrow.' Kitty pouts.

'Already? Wow, that's a quick visit.' He remarks now looking disapprovingly at Lara Jean.

'I forgot my bag that had the things I needed for this week.' Lara Jean rolls her eyes as she justifies herself.

She knows that Peter was probably blaming her for having too many college friends or too much on in order to spend time with her sister, so she wanted to make sure he knew the real reason.

'Are you driving by yourself?' he asks in disbelief.

Kitty laughs. 'No way! She's taking the bus!' she teases Lara Jean.

Lara Jean rolls her eye again. 'Ok can we go or do I need to leave you two alone?' she asserts. She is trying to get them out of here. She doesn't need to spend more time with Peter or heaven forbid, his mum would walk in while they were all here.

Peter and Kitty pout at each other. 'Ok off you go. Have fun on the bus, Covey!' Peter says.

Kitty comes after Lara Jean as they leave the store.

'Don't worry I won't.' she calls back to him.

She hears him laugh as the door closes behind her. Thank goodness that's over, she thinks to herself.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

She is lying on her bed that night reading her book. She knows that she has to stop herself soon otherwise she will have finished the book before she even gets on the bus and will be stuck in the same rut she was in coming down. It is also getting really late at night, though the earliest bus doesn't leave until 10. She only takes her eyes away from her book when she feels her phone vibrate notifying her that someone has sent her a message. She is confused at who could possibly be messaging her at this hour. She rolls over on her stomach, dropping the book opened on her page at her side and checks her phone.

It's a message from Peter. R u awake?

She is very confused and why he would possibly be messaging her with this. She had a quick concern that maybe he was outside and wanted to talk, but then she reaslies that he would have seen her light on, so wouldn't be asking.

Yes..?

She replies quickly. She looks at her phone as she waits for him to reply. Suddenly, she sees that he is trying to call her. In a rush, she answers it with a whisper.

'Peter, what do you want?'

'Covey, I'm ringing to do you a favour.' He justifies.

'What favour?' she is so confused at what he is talking about.

'I'm getting to that.'

'Well please go ahead.' She is getting frustrated that he is taking time away from her book.

'I have to do a run for my mum tomorrow to an estate sale to pick up some things for the shop. I just looked at where it is now and it's in Chapel Hill. Did you want to catch a ride with me to UNC?' he explains.

She feels a small sense of relief. She really was dreading being on the bus for over 5 hours tomorrow so is glad that he is offering, but she is still a bit confused.

'Do me a favour? You just don't want to get bored, do you?' She teases him.

He laughs. 'Well that too. So what do you say?'

'That would actually be great. As long as you are going there, then yes I would really appreciate a lift.' She tells him gratefully.

'It's not a problem. I'll pick you up at 7:45.' He plans.

'What 7:45?' she shrieks.

'Yeah, gotta get there before the Epsteins, remember?'

She groans into the phone. 'I take it back, I'll take the bus instead.'

'Nope you already agreed to come with me. Ill see you bright and early tomorrow.'

She groans again as he hangs up.

She looks over at her book next to her. She really wants to finish it but she knows that if she does then she will be in an awful mood tomorrow and that will only get worse by spending the day with Peter.

She lets her head fall back against the pillow as she wonders what she has signed up for.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

She wakes up to hear a banging in her room. She whips her head around quickly trying to see where it is coming from. It doesn't take her long to realise that it is coming from the window. Very confused she opens up her curtains and sees Peter there knowkcing.

'Peter! What are you doing here?' she whispers harshly, sliding up her window to let him in.

'Covey! We were supposed to leave 15 minutes ago! How are we going to beat the Epsteins now?' he whispers back at her, clearly frustrated.

She checks her clock beside her bed and to her horror, she read 8:00am on its face.

'Oh sorry, ok ok, I'll be really quick!' she says as she flusters around trying to grab all the things she needs.

She is in such a hurry, she grabs a bag and stuffs in it, her book, her charger, her wallet, her college keys and anything else she might think she needs. She is so flustered that she quickly goes to pull off her nightgown before she hears Peter clearing his throat and realises that he is still there, just watching her.

'Peter! Go down to the car, I'll be there in a minute after I get ready.' She tells him, pushing him towards and out the window.

'Aw Covey, you don't have to get ready, you know how much I love you in that hot amish bikini.' He teases her and gives her a wink. She just pushes him harder out the window and quickly draws back the curtains so he can't see in.

She quickly gets dressed and runs downstairs to put on her shoes and coat. She grabs the container of chocolate chip cookies she brought, hoping that it will be enough to sustain her for the entire day of travel and with Peter. She then sprints out the door to where Peter is in his car.

'Why do you have those?' Peter asks, looking at the container.

'I didn't have time to make myself breakfast and I wasn't sure if you would be ok stopping so this is all I got.' She justifies herself as she puts on her seatbelt.

'Well, lucky that one of us was organised then.' He says pointedly at her. He then pulls out a brown paper bag and places it in her lap.

'Mocha Sugar Donuts!' she screams excitedly as she opens the bag.

'Yum yum yum.' She says as she takes her first bite. She forgot how amazing they tasted but also how sweet they were.

'You don't have any…' she doesn't even finish her question, by the time he is handing her a water bottle.

She gives as little smile as she accepts it and takes a sip. It feels just like old times as she sits in the passenger seat of Peter's Audi eating Mocha Sugar donuts.

'I can't believe that you forgot about me this morning.' Peter remarks as he turns onto the highway.

'Well it's not my fault that you rang me up so late last night that I forgot to set an alarm.' She defends.

'And you say that I am the one who is always late.' He teases her further.

She rolls her eyes. 'I swear you were late the entire junior year, me being late once doesn't make up for that, so get off your high horse.'

'Remember when you said "if you aren't going to be on time, I don't want you picking me up at all"' he keeps teasing her.

'You aren't going to let me live this down, are you?' Lara Jean says, defeated.

'Nope, not a chance.'

'And here I was going to try entertain you on the trip down, but now I think I'm just going to read my book.' She reaches down and grabs her bag to get her book.

'Not on my watch.' Peter swipes her bag from her hand and holds it away from her.

'Peter, give it back.' She says, trying to reach over him and get it back.

'Covey, you're gonna make me crash.' He tells her, still holding the bag away with one hand firmly on the steering wheel.

'Then give it to me.' She urges, still trying to grab it.

He looks down and gives her a smile as she is stretched over him trying to reach her bag, in one swift movement, he links the arm that was holding her bag through its strap, grabbing the wheel with his hand and reaches out with his other hand and tickles her right on her stomach that was exposed when she was leaning over him.

She shrieks when she feels him tickle her. Immediately she retreats over to her seat, but his arms are too long.

'What was that? Sorry, what did you want?' he mocks her as she collapses into giggles.

'Peter…' she whines.

'Promise me you won't read your book.' He challenges her.

'Never!' she exclaims before he reaches over and tickles her even harder. She tries to move away from him but he is too strong and has too much of a hold of her.

Eventually he reaches down and gets the back of her knee as well, where he knows she is particularly ticklish.

'Peter!' she shrieks again.

'Say it!' he urges her, though he has a smile on his face from watching her pain.

'Fine I promise I won't read my book.' She finally gets out.

He stops tickling her and hands her back her bag.

'Good.' He says and flashes her his best Peter smile.

She has to hide her face in her hair so he can't see the smile on her own face.

'What's wrong with me reading my book anyway?' she asks, placing her bag back at her feet.

'Cause once you get into a book, it's basically like herding cats to get you to stop reading it.' He explains.

'It's not that bad.'

'Really? How come you were up so late last night?'

She can't help but shrug as he calls her out.

'How come you were up so late last night?' she repeats back to him.

'No reason.' He says, his eyes flickering at her.

'Were you talking to someone?' she asks, suggestively.

His face drops slightly as she asks. She knows that he is thinking of the party. 'Nah.' He says. Short and sufficient.

The air gets awkward between them as she moves to look out of the window.

'Hey, aren't you supposed to entertain me?' he asks after a moment. She can see in his eyes that he is really wants to make the situation better.

'What do you want me to do?' she asks.

'Just tell me about everything that you've been up to.' He says, he takes a moment to look rom the road at her to let her see that he really genuinely means his words.

'Ok.' She says softly.

She tells him a lot. She tells him about each one of her baking meetings and all of the techniques that she has been taught and that she is excited to learn. He starts to get hungry after hearing her talk so much about food, so she lets him have a cookie. He limits himself to one because he is still in training for Lacrosse. She talks about her Harry Potter meetings as well and gets a warm flush as she watches him try to focus and remember her references from the books that she made him read over the summer before Senior Year. She describes her friends and how much they have changed since he saw them last. How Selena is no longer afraid to drink anymore while Bonnie is actually looking to find a boyfriend now.

He keeps nodding in agreement and asking questions about what she is talking about. She feels good finally being able to have a conversation with him that isn't totally one sided and that he seems interested in.

She asks him about what he is up to as well when she feels that she has talked enough. He is wearing a black v-neck shirt and she can clearly tell that he is much more muscular than he was when the were together. She even thinks that he might have had to go up a size in his shirt given how much bigger his chest and arms are. They aren't too big but they are definitely losing the leanness that they had before. He seems to lighten up a lot more talking about Lacrosse then he did when they last talked about it. He mentions his teammates and his games and it sounds like he is finally getting a lot more time on the field. He looks like he is finally growing into himself and getting the certainty that he really needed.

Seeing him like this, makes it all worth it, a voice says in her head. She zones out a little when he starts going into detail about his workouts. She is glad to see him like this now and closer to how he was before. She knows that it has happened because she has stepped out of the picture and she has allowed him to be 100% in his Lacrosse. It's so important to him and his family, that she can just tell how much he has changed and grown by committing himself to it. Even though she feels small pangs of sadness, she can't help but feel that the constant pushing him away has been worth it to see him where he is now.

'Ok, so because you slept in, we have to go to the estate sale first.' Peter tells her, waking her out of her thoughts.

'Fair.' She agrees.

She watches as he pulls up his GPS and passes his phone to her to give him directions. They evneutally find their way in.

'What exactly are we picking up?' she asks, as they walk up the stairs. They are taking them slower than normal which tells her that he hasn't yet seen the Epsteins.

'An old writing desk, I think.' Peter says looking for the estate salesman.

She lets him go searching while she chooses to wander and look through everything. The house looked pretty rough from the outside and even the inside isn't amazingly done, but she can already see so many treasures inside which excites her.

She walks over to a really ragged dresser that has a piece of blue velvet covering the top of it where there is an array of jewellery placed on top. The jewellery is gorgeous with many pieces featuring intricately woven diamonds and other gemstones between delicate strings of gold and silver. There is one that particularly catches her eye. It is a circular locket that has a lace-like pattern imprinted on the metal front and then in the centre lays a single diamond. It isn't dissimilar from the one that Peter gave her which is still hiding under her sweater in terms of the diamond in the middle but the shape and the incredible detail of it when up close takes her breath away.

'You ready to go?' Peter comes up behind her.

'How are we travelling with the desk in your Audi?' he asks, the question only occurs to her after seeing how big the desk looks and realising that they didn't take his mum's car as they usually do.

'The owner is having the majority of their stuff moved to Virginia when they settle in their retirement home so are happy to bring this down with them as well. We just had to get here first to sign off on it.' He explains to her.

She nods in understanding before her eyes drift back to the necklace. 'How much do you think this is?'

He shrugs. 'Try bargain it. Though I'm sure it costs a lot. Do you really need it?'

'Yeah well I can't really wear my other one anymore.' she admits, her eyes still looking at the necklace in front of her as she holds it up.

'Says who?' Peter asks, defensively.

She gives him a look of disbelief. 'Says everyone.'

'Well I don't care what everyone says, if you want to wear you still can, it's yours anyway.' He tells her, he keeps her eyes on the ground as he says that though.

'Do you like that?' an elderly woman comes up behind them as she is holding the necklace.

'It's very beautiful.' Lara Jean admits.

'It used to be mine, you know?' The woman says coming to stand between her and Peter.

'Oh, I'm so sorry I had no idea.' Lara Jean splutters, trying to hand her the necklace.

'No no no, dear, it's here because I am happy to part with it. The person who gave that to me is long gone now.' She informs them.

'Can you tell us what happened?' Peter asks softly, he has such soft and caramelly eyes as he looks at her, that the question comes across as thoughtful instead of intrusive.

'My man pinned that on me at the ripe young age of 18. He pinned me before the war so that he knew that I would be waiting for him when he came back. It was hard, that's for sure. Some days I didn't think the letters would be enough, but they were and he was. He came back and I wasn't sure if he would recognise me and he almost didn't until he saw this necklace around my neck and realised who I was. We went on and married and had 6 beautiful children. I never took it off.' She tells them her story and Lara Jean listens with open eyes and an open heart.

The woman pauses and gently touches the necklace. 'I never took it off until about 20 years ago, he got in an accident. It broke my heart because we had been in in each other's lives for so long, but I knew that I had to take off the necklace because it marked what we had here on earth and I was going to have to be ready for our next chapter together when it was our time. I don't know who will pick it up here, but I hope it will be someone who will wear it for as long as I did.'

Lara Jean has to wipe away the tear that falls down her cheek. She lets out a laugh nervously to help break the mood and the woman joins in.

'I'm sure you probably have no idea what pinning a girl even means.' She says affectionately, tapping Peter on the shoulder.

'No, I know exactly what it means.' He replies and flashes his smile.

The woman taps him on the shoulder again and rests her hand for a moment on Lara Jean's back. 'I don't know how much it will sell for but if someone can convince me and prove to me that it's going to someone they love, then it might as well be free.'

The woman then leaves them with Lara Jean still holding the necklace in her hand.

She can feel Peter's eyes on her, just like they were a few weeks ago when they were in the parking lot and sharing memories about New York.

'Remember when I pinned you in front of that twat?' Peter asks her, leaning into her so he can speak softly.

She nods slowly, trying to evade his gaze.

'Maybe I should get you this one so I can do it again.' He gives her a mischievous smile.

'Peter…' she starts.

'Oh great, it's still here.' A voice comes from behind them.

They turn around and see the Epsteins.

'I'm guessing you got the writing desk?' Mr Epstein asks Peter in a frustrated tone. Clearly the fake niceness has worn off after a few years.

'Yep.' Peter answers, distinctly popping the final p.

'You're not trying to get the necklace to are you?' Mrs Epstein asks, pointing at the necklace in Lara Jean's hand.

'Maybe. Do you?' Peter squints at them. Classic, he only wants the necklace because someone else wants it.

'We already bided a price last week that I'm sure you wouldn't try top anyway.' Mr Epstein boasts.

'How much?' Peter asks.

'This much.' He says showing Peter the figure on a piece of paper.

After reading the figure, Lara Jean's jaw drops.

'No we definitely aren't trying to get this. Here, you can have it.' She says quickly, handing the necklace to Mrs Epstein.

'Lara Jean!' Peter whispers at her urgently under his breath.

Mrs Epstein gives her a cold smile. 'Thanks hun.' She says before walking away with the necklace.

Peter has his hands behind her shoulders directing her to the front door of the house.

'Covey, we could have gotten that necklace!' he proposes.

'Didn't you see that figure? There is no way I have that kind of money, or you do either for that matter.' Lara Jean tells him while trying to take his hands off her shoulders.

'Didn't you hear the lady though? If someone could prove it was going to someone they love then she would give it to them for free.' He repeats back the woman's words to her.

'Yeah but we aren't together, anymore.' She questions him.

He sighs. 'That's not the point….. ok, are you ready to go?'

He then starts walking ahead of her without checking behind to see that she is following. She was so confused about what he was saying, did he just want them to pretend so he could get something that the Epsteins wanted? She really isn't sure what has gotten into him or where this is all coming from, but she is definitely very confused.

She gets into the car with him as he is putting his keys into the ignition.

'Do you know how to get to UNC from here?' she asks, pulling out her phone as she knows she will probably need to open it on her maps.

'Yeah, I should be right.' He answers, looking back over his shoulder to reverse the car.

He keeps his eyes straight on the road which tells her that he is thinking really hard about a lot of thing. She tries on multiple occasions to start a conversation with him, but he gives her short answers, making it clear that he isn't in the mood to talk. Eventually she gives up and looks out the window at all of her familiar surroundings that almost feel like a second home.

He pulls up in the car park right outside her dorm. Neither of them mention it but they both know that he remembers it really well from when he visited while they were together. She gets out of the car and looks up at her dorm.

'Man, feels like I was only here yesterday.' She jokes.

Peter gives her a half-smile as she lets out a chuckle at her own joke. Even if he didn't laugh, she still thought it was pretty funny.

They walk up the stairs to her dorm, as usual Peter takes the stairs two at a time while she tries to keep up behind his long legs. She was half tempted to just take the stairs at her own pace, but she doesn't want the possibility of Peter waiting near her dorm without her, in case anyone around her sees and decides to mention it to her friends. She knows that Bonnie and Alex definitely wouldn't approve of her hanging out with Peter. Bonnie still thinks that she is keeping Peter a little too close for comfort after a break up and has her own theory about how he found her at the party because he is still desperate to get back together. Lara Jean had to disagree, he probably only found her because he knew that Kitty would be so upset if she didn't come home that night or if something happened to her, or even just because of his Peter-ways of not wanting people to be in harm's way. Any other guy she had known since they were 12 would have done the same thing, so she didn't think it was him trying to get back together. Anyway, he hardly said a word to her when they were in the car and even after that interaction, so she knew that Bonnie was wrong.

'Here we are.' Lara Jean announces as she unlocks the door of her dorm.

The door swings open and immediately she sees her bag still on her bed. She shakes her head as she looks at it, almost getting mad that it didn't remind her to take it or that she was so blind to not have seen it was still here when she left. She transfers everything she had in the small bag she had today into her bigger bag so that everything can be in the same spot. She doesn't want to make the same mistake of leaving one bag behind.

'Who's is this?' Peter asks.

She turns around to see that he has just been wandering and looking around the room. He has a wallet in his hand that he picked up from the ground as he asks her his question.

Her heart drops. 'Oh give it here.' She urges, quickly going to grab it from him.

She knows exactly who owns that wallet and knows that it will ruin Peter and their entire day if he finds out. He ignores her trying to grab the wallet and opens it. He takes out one of the ID cards to see who owns the wallet. She stands in front of him feeling her cheeks go red as he finds out who it is.

'Ha, knew it.' He says. He puts the card back into the wallet and gives it to Lara Jean. 'You should probably tell McClaren that he left his shit here.'

Peter barely gives her a glance before he is out the door. She is left standing in the middle of her room, the wallet in her hand, wondering what is happening. She runs over to the window to look at his car. She didn't think that Peter would leave her here, but she also doesn't know how Peter is reacting to this news. She sees him pacing around his car. She watches as he stops and rest his hands on the car roof as if he is trying to collect himself and catch his breath. His hand goes to his face to pinch the bridge of his nose and for a moment, she thinks that she sees his thumb swipe his cheek, as if wiping away a tear.

Her heart clenches as she watches him. Eventually she decides that she has to go and talk to him, she has to let him know that it doesn't mean what he thinks it does and nothing is happening between her and John.

By the time she gets down to the car, he is still in the same position. She walks up to him and places her hand on his arm which is still resting on the roof of the car. She squeezes it gently.

'Peter, it's not what you think.' She admits.

Peter gives a sigh and closes his eyes. 'I don't know what to think.'

'I was showing him around when he came for his tour of UNC. He came to one of my baking club meetings and then spent the night asleep on the floor. Bonnie was in the room the whole time and nothing happened.' Lara Jean confesses to him.

He takes his hand away from his face and looks at her, his eyes are vulnerable and sad. 'How far have you gone with him?' he asks.

She can hear the tension in his voice. She understands why he phrased the question as he did. He isn't asking if they have just kissed, but it's more than that. She can tell that he is also asking how far she has gone with him if they are still friends, or now more than that.

'Peter, we've barely even hugged.' She tells him. She looks at him hard so that he knows that she is telling the truth.

He lets out a shaky breath and looks up at the sky. She rubs his arm a little to comfort him. She knows that he is a little relieved. He has still been the one who has held her when she has been upset and rubbed her back to reassure her that everything was going to be ok, while these were just little things, it showed that he was still the number one guy in her life who was there for her.

'How far have you gone with those other girls?' she asks him. She finally feels like she is able to get this answer from him. He asked her the same question and she answered honestly so she feels that he should be able to do the same.

'You know me, Covey. Big bark, but no bite.' He admits to her with a small smile.

'What? Peter Kavinsky isn't as smooth as he makes himself out to be?' she mocks him.

He laughs. 'What can I say? I guess I'm a relationship kind of guy.' He winks at her.

She rolls her eyes while on the inside she is secretly squealing at his words. She is glad that they can go back to joking and being light-hearted with each other particularly after what just happened.

'If you say so.' She teases him. 'Now do you want me to show you the place the serves the best fried chicken of your life?'

'Hells yes.' He nods strongly.

'Ok then, hand them over.' She holds her hands out.

He gives her a frightened look. 'What?'

'Come on Kavinsky, if you want me to take you then you have to let me drive.' She challenges him.

He has never let her drive his car before, particularly his Audi. She has never wanted to ask either because she knows that it would pain him to see anyone else in his driver's seat, particularly her who they both know if the worse driver out of the two of them. She always knew that he would say yes if she asked, but never wanted to until now. She is seeing if he is finally going to let her do it. It will be so funny to watch him be in pain as she drives his baby. He isn't aware of it, but the restaurant she is taking them is only about 2 minutes away so it won't be that long and she is quite confident driving there since it's only through back streets.

She raises her eyebrows and looks expectantly at his keys.

'I don't know if my insurance covers other drivers.' He tries to think of an excuse.

'That's ok, you're a student athlete, I'm sure you can just swap places with me before the police arrive.' She answers.

Now she has him. He has to either swallow his ego and say that he isn't strong or fast enough to do that or he has to let her drive.

She gives him a sweet smile as she watches him groan and hand over his keys.

'If you put even a scratch on it…' he starts to warn her.

'What are you going to do?' she retorts, walking over the driver's door.

He shakes his head and gives a smile in disbelief. 'I honestly don't know.' He says, before opening his door and getting into the passenger seat.

As she puts his keys in the ignition, she can tell that he is on edge. He keeps looking from side to side to see non-existant cars and his knee is jiggling up and down, obvious that he is nervous.

'How far away is this place?' he tries to ask nonchalantly.

'Oh about 20 to 30 minutes.' She lies, answering in the same tone.

He gulps nervously and gives a shaky nod.

'What this is the reverse right?' she teases, pointing to the windshield wipers.

'Covey, don't do this.' He begs, his head is now in his hands leaning forward.

'Oh, it's ok, you'll be on impact side.' She says, reversing the car out of the car park and turning it around on to the road.

He groans as he closes his eyes. 'I can't watch.' He admits.

She laughs at him. It definitely is worth getting over her fear of driving for the next few minutes just to watch him act like this. She takes the back streets, laughing every so often when Peter flinches at the sight of another car near them. He rests his hand on the console, lingering by her leg just in case he needs to act quickly.

She soon turns into the restaurant car park.

'Is that it?' Peter asks, slightly relieved.

'Yeah, now was that so hard?' she jokes.

'It wasn't too bad, I guess.' He acknowledges.

'Great cause I think I should drive us back to Virginia.' She provokes him.

His eyes go wide as he lets out a gasp. 'Ummm, I…. it… well….' He tries to get out.

'Just kidding!' she pats his knee relieving him from his shock. He gives her a smile at her jokes before he lets out a laugh.

'You really are so funny, Covey.'

'In a quirky way.' They both add at the same time.

They share a smile before getting out of the car. Her heart feels lighter for a moment, like she didn't even know that it was aching until it finally started to feel better right now.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

They arrive back at her house.

'Thanks for today, Covey.' Peter says as he puts the car into Park.

'No, thank you for getting me out of hours on a bus.' She throws back.

He nods in agreement. 'I forgot how much I enjoyed hanging out with you.'

'I know, my jokes are pretty iconic.' Lara Jean quips at him, laughing.

She is feeling slightly uncomfortable under his soft gaze, so is trying to find a way to laugh to release her nerves.

'Yeah, I can't say that I won't be coming back for them. Good Night Lara Jean.' He farewells her.

She wishes him good night as well and shuts the car door. It is only as she is walking up to the house that she realises what he had said and starts to comprehend his use of the double negative. He said that he might be coming back to hang out with her, what does that mean? But what is more confusing is why she feels happy about finding this out?

She texts John that night to let him know that he left his wallet in her room. He replies back almost immediately as expected. She looks at her phone screen that has just lit up with the notification. Usually she would be keen to message him and chat but right now she would just prefer to be alone with her thoughts. Well, if she is being honest she wants to be alone with her thoughts about Peter. She knows that it is wrong to try hold on tightly to something that she needs to let go, but there was just something different about him. The way he was so interested in everything that she was doing, how he finally let her drive his car for the time, it was as if he was gradually seeing her as her own person standing next to him as opposed to behind him.

She feels a small smile creep across her face as she falls asleep.

 _A/N: You guys well and truly proved me wrong, turns out I didn't need to wait for ages to hear back from everyone (YAY!). I loved hearing everyone's feedback particularly noting that there were a lot of people wanting more LJ and Peter, so I have tried to deliver. I know that people are desperate to see them back together, but they both have a lot of issues to work through and I think it's so important that they do that before coming back to each other (which they will – at some point). I honestly love hearing from you guys and appreciate the reviews so much. I am liking how everyone seems to be enjoying having John amongst it, but let me know if that has changed. If there are any other characters you want to see more, definitely let me know as well as I am willing to build upon any that have been already mentioned in the last chapters or books. I hope you all enjoyed the fast update! Please review as it definitely makes me update faster and put out longer chapter (this one is the longest so far). Hope you like this chapter and love the story as a whole. xxxx_


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

She wakes up slowly the next morning. She was desperate to finally get a sleep in after having had to be up so early yesterday to drive down to Chapel Hill with Peter. She takes a moment to stretch out on her bed, her arms touching her bed head and feet almost going over the end of the bed. A feeling of happiness and excitement creeps into her mind and a smile spreads across her face. There is something so relaxing about being at home and not having to worry about having any classes, meetings or anything on that day.

She rolls over and reaches for her phone on her bedside table. She glances at her clock and sees that it is almost 10:00am, just early enough for her to have gotten an amazing sleep in but not feel guilty about sleeping until the afternoon. She turns on her phone and is greeted by a filled screen of notifications. As much as she knows that it is bad to check your phone in bed, first thing in the morning, she can't help the anticipation of reading her messages.

No, she tells herself. You can just wait until you are downstairs.

She bounds down the stairs and sits at the breakfast table before allowing herself to take her phone out again. She notices that there are a bunch of messages from the group chat with her friends near her dorm as well as some messages from Peter and John. She isn't sure how she feels seeing both of their names pop up right under each other on her phone.

Her heart starts to race when she reads that they have both sent her the exact same message.

What r u doing 2day? Can I come over?

Peter sent his at about 7am that morning which probably means he was up early to go to the gym, he had mentioned yesterday that he was trying to get used to waking up earlier so that he could get more training in before he had to go to class. She felt a pang of sadness realising that even though she had been asking him constantly and suggesting that he workout earlier so they could spend more time on the phone, it wasn't until they had broken up that he actually decided to try that.

John sent his at about 9am. He must be wary of trying to look a lot more chill, she chuckles to herself as she thinks that John might almost be smoother than Peter. He has mentioned that he wasn't going to be doing much over the spring break as he hadn't really made close enough friends while at William and Mary to go as a group to the beach or anything. She had mentioned that they hang out knowing that he had a car and didn't live too far away.

She gives a sigh looking at both of their text messages. She already say Peter yesterday so doesn't feel particularly desperate to see him and she might want to see John but is just worried what would happen if anyone saw them given that they weren't in North Carolina anymore.

She texts Peter first, a short text just saying she is busy and he can't come.

Then she texts John, she says she can't do today either but asks if she can come over to his neighbourhood instead of him coming to hers as she has her sister at home.

Though technically Kitty wouldn't be home the whole time, it's still a good excuse to try and get them away from the chances of running into Peter or anyone else who went to their high school who would likely tell Peter or start gossip about her.

She decides to make herself pancakes. She isn't sure whether Kitty is still asleep but she knows that Kitty would probably appreciate pancakes at any time of the day. She plugs in her phone to play some music as she cooks and is bopping to the sounds of Taylor Swift as she pulls out the flour cannister and start measuring the cups out.

She is pouring some of the mixture onto the pan to make the perfect round shape while absolutely belting the lyrics to 'You Belong With Me.'

'Can't you see that I'm the one who understands you!' she is screaming at the top of her lungs, jumping up and down, attempting to dance to the bet.

She hears the front door open and Kitty's voice. Taking full opportunity to embarrass Kitty, she sings even louder 'Been here all along so why can't you seeeeeeee.' Her voice morphs into more of a shriek as she tries to hit the high note.

She takes a big breath ready to launch into the last line of the chorus, lunges deep into her right leg with the spatual positioned to be her microphone. She knows that this will definitely get a laugh out of Kitty.

She closes her eyes and screeched, 'YOU BELONG WITH MEEEEEEEE!'

'Well this is a strange definition of busy.' She hears Peter's voice.

Immediately she lets out a squeal and jumps higher than she ever thought she could then drops to the floor, hiding behind the island bench. She can hear Kitty and Peter absolutely laughing their heads off at her reaction. Her heart is racing from the shock of being surprised by Peter's voice. She can feel her cheeks getting incredibly hot from embarrassment.

'Were you trying to kill a cat?' Kitty teases her between her fits of giggles.

'More like shatter a glass window.' Peter jokes as well.

Lara Jean is trying to stop the giggles escaping her own mouth as she tries to cope with her embarrassment. She doesn't think Peter has ever heard her sing like that in her entire life, which makes it even worse for him to have witnessed that.

'Aw, don't hide Covey! We can harmonise.' Peter suggests, still laughing.

'I think a possum falling out of a tree could even harmonise with that.' Kitty mocks her again.

Lara Jean stays hiding behind the table for a moment longer as she tries to pull herself together.

'If you guys keep teasing me, then I'll be eating breakfast in my room.' She huffs at them.

They both shrug and then sit down at the table. She can still feel their eyes on her and can see them whispering and giggling to themselves. She holds on head up high letting them know that their actions aren't having any effect on her.

She can still feel heat in her cheeks as she looks down at the pan. This is another time that Kitty has surprised her by having Peter here and it's another time that Lara Jean is feeling like her privacy is being invaded by having her ex-boyfriend here. She knows that her feelings for him are close to the surface which is why it annoys her even more than she isn't being allowed to have her time alone without him.

'We're going to the movies later, do you want to come?' Peter asks her.

She tries not to roll her eyes. 'Nope, sorry I'm busy.' She answers, her back still turned to them.

'What are you doing?' Kitty asks curiously.

'None of your business.' Lara Jean is short with her as she honestly can't think of a strong enough excuse at this point.

'Ok then, we might even stay here and watch stuff then.' Peter suggests.

She feels frustration creep into her shoulders. If she didn't feel violated before, she definitely feels it now knowing that Peter is just trying to hang around her. He is probably just wanting to spy on her and make sure she isn't hanging out with John.

'Sure, I won't be here.' Lara Jean snaps. She starts to list of all the places she could go in her head – the diner, starbucks, the library, the park…

'Where are you going?' Kitty asks.

'Why are you such a stickybeak today?' Lara Jean says, taking her pancake off the pan and putting it on her plate.

'Maybe we just want to make sure we won't have to witness you singing again.' Peter teases her, he reaches up asking for a high five from Kitty which she meets gleefully.

That's it, Lara Jean thinks to herself. With one swift movement, she picks up her plate with her pancakes that she has drizzled maple syrup over and her fork and knife. She turns on her heel and storms straight upstairs, ignoring the wide eyes that Kitty and Peter were giving her.

She places her things on her desk as she stands to try collect herself. She can't believe how mad she is right now. She woke up and was in an amazing mood, she was singing and making herself pancakes and everything which makes her even more annoyed that she is in such a bad mood now. It's not fair that Peter ambushed her again and with Kitty, then for them to be laughing at her and making jokes about her together was just too far. If he was her boyfriend then maybe he would have been allowed to knowing that he would have to make it up to her eventually but he isn't so he is being just rude.

She grabs her phone from her pocket and sees the John has replied.

'Yeah there's actually a sick restaurant I want to take you to near me.'

She gets an idea. It's not even that she wants to see John more than she just wants to be out of her house and not have to be around Peter anymore.

'Actually plans changed. Can I come 2day?'

She puts her phone down as she tucks into her pancakes. To her delight, after she finishes her breakfast she sees that John has replied.

'Sure. Do u need a pick up?'

She replies. 'No, I can drive. I just need an address.'

She realises that she has never actually been to his house before or his new one at least. All she knows is that his school and neighbourhood is almost half an hour away from her.

He sends through his address which she puts into her maps. She can still hear Peter and Kitty laughing from downstairs. She lets John know that she'll be there in about an hour.

She creeps out to the shower with all of her things and showers quickly. She gets ready in putting on her sleeveless knitted beige shirt and a pair of jeans. Even though it is spring there is still quite a crisp breeze blowing that gives her goosebumps and makes her shiver. Grabbing everything she needs, she then walks downstairs. She doesn't really want to talk to Kitty and Peter but she definitely wants the opportunity to brag to them about how she is leaving them because she actually is busy.

Entering the lounge room, she is confused when she can only see Peter.

'Where is Kitty?' she asks, looking around the room.

'She's just in the bathroom. Where are you going?' he has a shifty look on his face. She can tell that he is fretting over whether she is mad at him about his comments and also where she is going.

'Out.' She answer bluntly.

'Look, you know I was joking, right?' he asks her carefully, his eyes are searching hers trying to get some kind of reassurance that she isn't mad at him or upset about what he said.

She doesn't give him any relief though. 'Is that all?'

His face falls. He runs his hand through his hair. 'I mean, you actually aren't that bad at singing.' He tries again.

She knows what he is doing. He is trying to lay it on thick so that she has to forgive him. When they were together usually he would have hours to do that and 'other ways' of compelling her to forgive him, but none of those mechanisms are available to him right now.

'Mm-hm.'

'I mean maybe you were a bit off key…' he is shifting his gaze again. He isn't used to being put on the spot so much.

'A bit off key? More like tone-deaf.' Kitty announces as she walks back into the room and plops on the couch next to Peter.

Peter squeezes her shoulders, 'hey, don't be mean.'

Lara Jean gets a little surge of pride watching him finally stand up for her but she doesn't let him see that and keeps her gaze cold on him.

'You can't cut the crap, Peter.' She snaps at him. The remnants of her bad and annoyed mood are coming to the surface as she is seeing Peter looking comfortable on HER couch in HER house while she is the one having to leave. She doesn't even feel guilty as she watches him flinch and his face fall at her comments, she is done excusing him.

'I'm going out for the day. Don't burn down the house.' She instructs them before leaving.

She jumps into Margot's car that has still been in the driveway while she has been at college and drives out onto the road. The drive over is quiet as not many people are on the rods and she manages to take quite a few back streets. Her head is rolling through the conversation that she is going to have to have with Kitty tonight about constantly having Peter over. This holiday was supposed to be about her spending time with Kitty and she doesn't need Peter to sabotage that.

She manages to get the car all the way over to John's neighbourhood. She pulls out the front of what she is pretty sure is his house. Her jaw drops as she takes in his house. It is a massive house that is grey with brown highlighting on the deck and windows, complete with a stone driveway and furnishings around the doorway. It looks to have almost 5 bedrooms from the front and is the type of house that looks like the one similar from 'Kissing Booth', complete with the pool in the backyard. It even reminds her of Steve Bledell's house. She thought that only people like him who were arrogant and full of themselves could live in a house like this. She would have never ever predicted that John would have been one of those people.

As she opens her car door, John runs out to greet her.

'What do you think?' he asks as he reaches where she is standing.

'Your house is amazing! I had no idea you lived in a place like this.'

He grimaces. 'Yeah I don't usually like showing people where I live unless I know them really well.'

'Well I guess that's lucky for me then. So are you oing to give me a tour or are we eating first?' She doesn't feel very hungry after just eating breakfast just over 2 hours ago.

'I'll give you a tour.' He holds out his arm which she links her own through.

He walks her into every room of the house. She remembers that he is the youngest of all of his brothers and sisters, so most of them have already moved out for college. She cant help but notice how empty the house feels without them all. She wonders if hers feels the same way now that she is gone. When Margot left is definitely left a hole in there house but with all the drama that came from her letters, she was distracted quite quickly from it and then before she knew it Peter had come in to her life and to their house, making their hole less noticeable. Then after that they welcomed Trina into their family, which made the house not feel so empty anymore. Now she supposes that she and Peter aren't at her house anymore so that must be quite lonely for Kitty. She knows that Peter visits her and that she calls Kitty almost every 2 days, but it's not the same as having every afternoon spent together after school because that was just normal. She almost tears up a little when she thinks about the massive change that Kitty must be going through walking through the house and it all is seeming a bit quieter.

John interrupts her thoughts by taking her downstairs. She sees that they have a massive cinema room, complete with a bar to the side and a pool table. It all then leads outside to a massive lawn and a sparkling pool.

'This looks like a great place for parties.' Lara Jean remarks.

The area is similar to where most of Steve Bledell's parties would take place but it seems to have a lot more space and has more alfresco vibes with the massive glass doors linking the living room to the outdoor area.

'Yeah it is. My brothers used to throw one almost every weekend during high school.' John comments but his eyes are staring out at the yard.

'That must have been fun.' There is a question in Lara Jean's voice.

'Yeah it was. It just wasn't exactly my scene or my people. I don't know, I hoped that attitude would have changed when I got to college.' He says wistfully.

She gives him a smile. 'Don't worry it will, as long as you give yourself the best chance possible, then it will.' She advises him.

He smiles gratefully at her. 'Actually do you wanna go for a swim and get uber eats?'

She hesitates for a moment, she doesn't have her togs with her or anything else that she would need to swim.

As if he can read her mind he says, 'I think my sister has left some here you could borrow and we have towels, of course. It's completely up to you though.'

She looks out at the pool and how inviting it looks right now. Half of it in the shade while the other half in the sun. There are floating unicorns, flamingos, pineapple rings and pizza slices in it, as well as colourful beach chairs by the side.

'Yeah let's do it.'

She goes into the bathroom with a selection of his sisters' togs to try on. There is an array of one-pieces and bikinis. She chuckled as she watched John just nervously take all the togs out and scoop them into her arms, not wanting to make a decision or look to close at them. She is feeling a bit bloated from her pancakes that morning, so separates all of the bikinis, putting them to the side. She knows that she was in the hot tub with John when she was only in her underwear but she is positive that he didn't see much as there was so much steam and she was so self-conscious of covering herself.

She pulls out a bright blue one-piece, it is simple and completely unoriginal but perfect. She isn't keen on wearing of the other ones that have sexy straps which is already predicts will give her weird tans lines – something she doesn't need before summer. She takes her hair out, running her hand through her hair and looking in the mirror. Her eyes fall on the necklace around her neck. There is no way that she can tuck it into her togs without it floating when she is in the water or John seeing it. John also knows what it means given that it was during a confrontation with him that Peter forced her to take it and used it to pin her. If he saw her wearing it now, it would bring up a whole bunch of questions that she doesn't want to answer or even think about. Carefully she reaches around and undoes the clasp of the necklace, it falls into her hands and she securely puts it in the side pocket of her bag so she won't use it. She feels so naked without it, she hasn't take it off in so long and the thought that maybe she shouldn't put it back on is unsettling to her. She has to forced herself to turn away, knowing that John is outside.

When she gets outside she sees that he is already lying on the floating pizza slice, with the flamingo and unicorn bobbing near him. Quickly, Lara Jean makes a running start before launching herself at the flamingo. She splats on to the flat surface, and almost goes over the edge, tipping it over, but John comes and holds it in place so she doesn't get wet.

She burst into a fit of laughter as she imagines how graceful she must have just looked then, John laughs with her.

'That's a physical representation of me sliding into someone's DMs.' He jokes.

She cracks up laughing again.

'Likewise.'

They eventually calm down and she lays back, looking up at the sky and the clouds.

'It must have been awesome to move here. Like I remember you were a bit sad about leaving, but seeing this house must have made you a lot more excited.' She remarks, glancing over at him.

He is lying back as well. 'Yes and no. I mean I remember first seeing this house and running around feeling all excited about being here. Stormy was actually looking after me that day and she couldn't get over how amazing this house was as well, but after a while the newness and the excitement wore off and I just started to really miss everyone.' He gazes between her and the clouds.

'Stormy must have loved it here.' Lara Jean reminises. Stormy was always a sucker for the more luxury and classy things in life.

'Yeah, she would be over here whenever she could be. I always found it really irritating and intrusive, but now I wish I had made more of an effort when she was here…' he trails off.

Lara Jean doesn't really know what to say as she thinks about Stormy.

'You know, I only felt like I really got to know her during her last few years here. Isn't that sad?' he reflects.

'I mean, I get it. I always thought she was a bit weird and out there, until I got to know her and realised what an inspiration and a free spirit she was.' She agrees.

'Yeah, she really was.'

They both just take a moment to lay in silence as they think about Stormy. She can already imagine that she is up there, clapping her hands together in delight watching her and Johnnie hanging out together. Even though she understood that her and John didn't work out, she never failed to subtly bring up how cute they looked dancing at the USO party or how much fun she could hear them having out in the snow. Peter had met Stormy a few times, but he was always slightly intimidated by her as she would constantly be sizing him up against John. It was times like those that she wished that what happened between her and John didn't exist and that Stormy could fall in love with Peter just as she had without thinking about who's place he might have been taking. She knows that if they had had a real chance, then Peter and Stormy would have gotten on amazingly, they both have wicked humour and irresistible charm which would have been interesting to see compete against each other, but that never happened. It was actually almost similar to her and Peter's mum, who she knows she would have had a much better relationship with if she hadn't broken up with Peter so many times. Their relationships between some of the most important people in each other's lives were so tense and so far from being healthy or bringing happiness to them, Lara Jean supposes that it was just another sign that she ignored which told her that they weren't supposed to be together.

'I was actually going to have a party with the old gang after we started high school.' John interrupts her thoughts.

'Really?' Lara Jean pops her head up to look at him.

'Mm-hm.'

'Why didn't you?' she wondered what it would have been like meeting that many years ago. That probably would have been the perfect time for her and John given that it was just between her crush on him and her crush on Josh.

'It just seemed too late. Like I remember seeing Allie a the grocery store one day and that's when she told me that she was moving away. I asked if she was going to miss anyone, but she revealed that you and Gen weren't really friends anymore, Trevor was more into track and Genevieve and Peter had become too cool and popular for everyone else. I thought that if I invited everyone then no one would want to come.' He admits.

Lara Jean nods her head. 'Yeah I mean I guess that's probably true. I would have come though, despite everything.'

'Yeah I should have just done it anyway, but whatever. High School is when everything changed, right?' he peers at her.

She nods her head again. 'Yeah…' she trails off.

'Can I ask you something?'

'Sure.'

'Wasn't it weird to go from being friends with Peter, to watching him date Gen while you were best friends with her, to not being friends with him to then just be dating him?' He struggles to say the question in one breath.

She gives a nervous laugh. 'Yeah I mean, the weirdest thing was probably going from not being friends with him to dating him, given that we all knew that he and Genevieve liked each other for so long.'

'Like how did you guys stop being friends? Because the last I had heard you and Genevieve were till best friends.'

She sighs. 'I don't know. I guess we were really good friends but then she just got really cool and popular and didn't have anymore time for me. Though it was good because she got quite manipulative as well it seemed more and more that the people around her were up minions as opposed to friends. I always thought that Peter was different as well until I realised how strong of a hold that Gen had on him and I just figured he didn't have his own head anymore.'

John laughs as she addresses Peter in that way. 'Didn't they do it in freshman year in her parents' basement?'

Now its Lara Jean's turn to laugh. 'You knew about that too?'

'Everyone knew about it. They were probably the first people to do it who everyone found out about. And wasn't their sex life like puppies constantly on heat?'

She has to force herself to chuckle. 'Yeah that's what most people gathered from hearing them at parties.'

'It's sometimes hard to believe that you dated that.' John remarks.

It's as if a lightbulb goes off in her head. She is finally figures out why he is asking these questions. He is trying to find out how over Peter she is. It's a good idea actually, she thinks herself. Saying things like that so she will either vehemently defend Peter, proving that she is still hung out on him or agree with him, showing that she has moved on. Deep down, she knows that she is somewhere between the middle. She isn't desperate to catch glimpses of him every day or casually run into him, but whenever it does happen she still feels her heart clench.

She thinks carefully about her answer. 'You know, I think it's like anyone and you never really know who they are until you get to know them.'

Her answer has so much truth to it, despite it being open-ended. Everyone thought that Peter and Genevieve were these ferocious, sex-crazed teenagers who couldn't go a day without being all over each other or someone else, but Peter was waiting for Lara Jean for almost over 2 years and from what she has heard about Genevieve and her boyfriend from her church, they seem to be going slow as well. It took a while for Peter to finally convince her to let go of Genevieve and to just be happy with where they were and what they had instead of the past, but it never completely eliminated her fear that when they would reach that phase of their relationship, that she might disappoint him. Maybe after they had crossed that line, he would realise that she wasn't worth it and the wait was for nothing.

She turns quickly back to John before her mind can zone out more. He is still nodding in agreement. He wasn't completely satisfied by her answer but knows that he probably can't push it anymore to seem intrusive.

'But what about you? Could you have dated someone like that?' She asks.

He reads between the lines of her question and gives her an embarrassed look. 'Maybe.'

'What kind of an answer is that?'

'Lara Jean, I know what you are asking and let's just say that what happens at Beach Week stays at Beach Week.'

'You did it for the first time at Beach Week!' She exclaims, all the innuendo from their conversation was gone.

'What? We both just had really strict parents that wouldn't let us stay the night or even be home alone together.' His face is turning red with embarrassment.

Lara Jean bursts out loud. 'But that's so cliche !'

'I know, I know…. But trust me, I kinda wish we didn't do it.' He admits.

She looks over at him. She can tell that he hasn't told anyone this before, which does and doesn't surprise her at the same time. They have grown quite close over the last few weeks and given their history together they have always had a way of understanding each other. There was a warmth and sensitivity to John that she really appreciated. She saw it when he helped out at Belleview with her, when he drove all the way from Rhode Island for Stormy's memorial, even when he was telling her about the time he tried to ask her out to the eight grade formal by putting the sticks on the path outside of her door. She could see it there right now and when it came to this topic, she almost thought he was the only other person who had the same opinion as her.

'Yeah, why is that?' she questions.

He takes a sigh and sits up, before sliding off his pizza slice and getting into the water. His shoulders that looked tense before now seem to be more relaxed. He is standing in the shallow end, head above water when he looks at her.

'I think that I thought that maybe if we did it then we would somehow have to be connected. That when we were going to be so freaking far away from each other that it would be the thing to keep us together. Like at the time, it was great.' He flashes her a smile. 'But thinking over it after, I think it just made me hold on to the relationship much longer than I should despite the fact that I was the only one trying.'

Lara Jean swings her legs of the side of the flamingo and slides into the water as well. The water is cool and refreshing against her skin.

'Yeah, I get that.' She agrees.

She lies on her back, letting her legs float to the surface. There is a question in John's eyes, she knows that he wants to ask about her and Peter, but she doesn't want to answer. Her reasons are the same as John's regrets, as she didn't want to go to that stage with Peter when she knew that they weren't in a good place. She isn't second-guessing her decisions to not sleep with Peter, but it's still something she wants to keep to herself. It's not fair for her to tell someone else, when she never even told Peter, is what her moral compass tells her.

John then dives under the water and swims to the edge. He runs across the yard before turning swiftly on his heel.

'CANNONBALL!' he screams as he takes a running start and tucks jumps his way into the pool.

There is a massive splash that wets Lara Jean's hair as he break through the surface of the water.

'5!' she yells out putting up one hand full of fingers.

'What? Only a five? You wouldn't know a good cannonball if it came up and bit you.' John scowls at her.

'You're just saying that because yours wasn't very good.' She smarts back.

'As if you can do any better.' He mocks her.

She takes his challenge, jumping out the pool as well and going across the lawn. She goes even further back than he does. She looks at him sitting on the side of the pool a big smile on his face.

'YIPPEE KI YAY!' she yells, tearing across the lawn as fast as she can. She does a massive jump in the air before colliding with the water The coldness slapping against her face.

When she pops her head up, John is cheering for her. 'Damn, who knew such a tiny girl could cause such a big splash!'

They both laugh. He then takes off sprinting across the lawn to do another jump as she quickly follows him.

It's almost dusk by the time they get out of the pool. They spent hours jumping into the pool. John taught her how to do a backflip which she managed to get after about 30 tries. They then tried to stand on the pizza slice and get themselves across the entire length of the pool without falling. She managed to convince John to try and piggyback her while they were balancing, but they quickly stopped after he almost hit her head against the side of the pool and had to jump under the back to protect her head. They raced each other, played tagged and even did lifts while in the pool, then once they were worn out, they just lay on their floaties in the shade, enjoying the cool breeze. They talked about a lot of things again. He told her more about his long distance relationship with Dipti just as she did about her and Peter, it turns out that they shared a lot in common. From what he told her, it seemed like they both were in the same position in their respective relationships, in that they were both trying hard and making time for the other person, but somehow were always left waiting. John even admits that as much as he likes preaching the fact tha he didn't make many friends because he knew that he was going to transfer to UNC, he also didn't make as many because he, like Lara Jean, spent so much time trying to be free and available to talk to Dipti. They share sad smiles as they recount how much they wanted their relationships to work out, but at what point they needed to stand up for themselves as well. They had been lying in silence, watching the sun start to set when he had mentioned they needed to get out otherwise they were going to get a chill.

He shows her where a shower she can use is. She indulges herself by watching the tv as the water comes out of the shower directly above her head. John tells her to feel free to use the shampoo and conditioner, so she does. They smell like roses which makes her smile. She gets dressed back into the clothes she was wearing before they went swimming. She looks down at the necklace in her bag. She can see the diamond slightly glittering as a silver of light shines into her bag. Her heart clenches as she looks down at it. She wants to put it on so badly, she still feels naked without it, but after talking to John so much today about everything, she feel like maybe she needs to let it go. She goes to zip up her bag but changes her mind and pulls the necklace out. Quickly, she does up the clasp and hides it under her shirt. She isn't wearing for Peter, she is wearing it for herself and to remind herself that there is nothing happening with John, at least not yet. This necklace will hold her accountable to that. When she finally feels ready to take it off again, that's when she might give John a chance, if that's what he wants also.

She sees John sitting at the kitchen bench with a bunch of containers stacked up next to him.

'I ordered some food while you were in the shower. I didn't know what to get, so I got a lot.' He confesses, looking at the massive stacks next to him.

She laughs and sits across from him. 'Good because I haven't eaten since breakfast and being better than you at diving has really taken it out of me.'

'HA. .' he says sarcastically.

'What did you get?' she eyes the food.

'Korean. I remember you used to have it all the time.'

She smiles at him and her hearts warms. It's so sweet that he paid attention to these little things and still remembers them. 'Yeah I did.'

He pulls out two bowls. She serves herself as much as she can, taking a bit from every container. She hasn't tried this restaurant before so she wants to find out whether anything is good enough to warrant dragging Kitty and her dad all the way over here for it.

'Where's your parents?' she asks, taking a full forkful of a bit of everything.

John looks down. 'They are probably at a business dinner or something.'

'Are they there a lot?' she is loving every bite that she is taking.

'They didn't used to be, but since I have been at college they have.'

'Makes sense, I guess.'

'Yeah I'm just going to be glad when I am out of here and don't have to notice it.'

Even though they have talked about a lot, she doesn't want to ask anything further. She knows how complicated families can be and how hard it is to talk about with someone unless you know each other incredibly well.

'This is actually really good.' Lara Jean comments.

'Yeah we used to get it all the time. It's just a 10 minute drive from us.'

'Mmmmmm, I would love to take Margot and Kitty there sometime. Margot really misses Korean food in Scotland.'

John nods. 'Yeah I am sure she would. How does she do it? Being so far away.'

Lara Jean takes a moment to think. 'Honestly, I don't know.'

'Yeah I don't know either. You cherish your family so much so if she is anything like you then being away would be heartbreaking.' He notes.

'Yeah, well it's a good thing she isn't too much like me then.' She confesses. When it comes to the more empathetic side of things, Lara Jean definitely outweighs Kitty and Margot.

'Is UNC still hard for you though and your family?' he looks at her hard, knowing that this is an important subject to her.

She puts down her fork. The food is suddenly feeling heavy in her stomach. 'Yeah it is. It's so close but still so far which sometimes makes it harder. Like it is so easy for me to be constantly visiting but so hard at the same time because it still needs to have a good reason for it given that it is 8 hours travel in total.'

She pauses. John's eyes are still on hers and she feels the warmth of his sensitivity again, so she continues, 'I was supposed to be staying back from the break to be catching up with Kitty. When Margot left, I felt like there was so much unsaid between us and then when she came back it felt mended again, so I'm trying to do that with Kitty, but I'm not sure that she wants that.' She feels tears group in her eyes.

'Why wouldn't she want that?' John reaches his hand and places it over hers, giving her sympathetic eyes.

'I don't know. Maybe it's easier for her not having me prying into everything or being emotional about thing. Maybe she thinks its cooler to tell things to other people instead of me.' A tear falls from her eye.

There it is. The stabbing pain that she has felt in her heart since Peter dropped over the present for Kitty finally makes sense. Kitty probably thinks Peter is better to tell everything to. He probably gives her a good solution, builds her up and tells her exactly how to be popular again, while Lara Jean just makes her night-night tea and wants to cuddle with her in bed. Lara Jean never cared about being popular or putting her head up strong the next day whenever things went wrong, she always just wanted her mum or wanted to be coddled and told that it would get better. She isn't used to comforting Kitty in any other way and maybe that's why she doesn't tell her things. She probably just needs Peter to direct her on how to be cool again instead of telling her or even her Dad anything, because let's face it, they are totally not cool.

John gently moves his fingers so that he is holding her hand. 'Lara Jean, there is no way that is true. Kitty looks up to you so much and if she doesn't have as many emotions as you that's more reason why she needs you. Pushing her feelings down might be how she copes, but it isn't going to be helping her much in the long run, which is why you are so important to her.'

He squeezes her hand. 'I know that I don't know Kitty that well, but I can say that as a younger sibling, the times that I spent pushing my older siblings away were usually the times that I needed them the most.'

She feels more tears fall from her eyes as she hears that. She believe it too. She remembers when she was pushing Margot away when the letters went out and she was fake dating Peter and avoiding Josh as much as possible. In that moment, she needed Gogo more than ever and wanted to tell her everything, but she couldn't and she didn't so she just pushed it down and pushed her away. She can tell that Kitty is doing the same thing. But I'm not going to let her, she thinks sternly to herself.

She pulls her hand away from his and he recoils, but not dramatically. She does it, so she can wipe the tears from her eyes which he understands.

'Ewwww, I'm crying.' She exclaims.

'It shows that you care.' John answer without missing a beat

They share a sweet smile before they go back to eating. The silence between them is comfortable and she really enjoys it, she really enjoys being around him.

Eventually she has to leave before it gets too dark for her to drive. She left her phone in his sister's room when she went to borrow some togs and hasn't had it since then. She gets it and quickly turns it on, seeing a whole bunch of messages. There are some from her Dad, Kitty, Peter, Bonnie and her college group chat.

Her dad is just wondering when she is going to be home and if she is ok. She quickly replied to his texts and lets him know that she is about half an hour away and that she is fine.

Kitty has texted asking if she can use some of the ingredients that she brought and there is also a text that is letting her know that she is wearing a pair of Lara Jean's shoes. Another text came through about an hour ago telling her that she was starting the movie that her and Lara Jean were going to watch together because she didn't want to wait anymore.

Usually she would be annoyed at Kitty's attitude in these text messages but after talking to John she can understand where it is coming from and she is even more determined to talk to Kitty soon.

Bonnie has sent her a whole folder of pictures from the spring break, as blackmail against her friends. She laughs but opts not to look at the photos yet. She has received massive chunks of text frm her which she can only assume is ranting about someone or recounting their spring break times. She will read them all when she gets home.

Peter's messages are strange. He is asking where she is, then saying that Kitty is wondering where she is, then that her dad is wondering where she is before asking if she is still mad at him. She rolls her eyes, that boy is hopeless at reading emotions and probably will be messaging her tomorrow making sure she isn't still made based on his track recorded of desperation for needing reassurance. She doesn't reply to any of his messages.

She goes out to her car and shares a hug with John. It's a two-armed hug which to her is definitely more than a one-armed hug. She can see that he is tempted to go for more, something she is sure is mirrored in her own eyes but they both know that its not the right time, not yet.

'Can we hang out another time?' he asks her.

She nods. 'Yeah I would really like that.'

They share a bright smile as he walks her to her car and opens up the door for her.

'Oh, why thank you!' she curtsies at him as she steps in.

'You're welcome my lady.' He responds with a bow.

She laughs as he steps back and she starts the ignition and drives away. She really has had a great day with John and genuinely hopes they can spend more time together.

As she pulls into her driveway, her heart drops. Her good mood falters slightly as she sees the Black Audi still parked outside her house. What the hell is he still doing here? She thinks to herself. It is getting late now and surely he has had better things to do then spend the day with an eleven year old.

She wills the smile to come back to her face, thinking about the fun time she has had with John before she walks through the front door.

'I'm home.' She announces.

Her Dad comes out of the kitchen and gives her a hug. 'Lara Jean, what have you been up to?' he asks cheerfully.

'Oh just catching up with some old friends.' Usually she would tell him exactly where she was but she knows that Peter is probably listening in and doesn't want to reveal anything in front of him.

She walks to the lounge room where she sees Peter and Kitty on the couch watching something.

'Have you two been inside all day?' she snaps at them. Neither of them notice the edge in her voice.

'No, we went to the park so that Jamie could run around and Peter could train. Then we went to the gym where Peter taught me how to roundhouse kick and then we came back inside.' Kitty justifies, her nose turned up at the TV.

Lara Jean rolls her eyes. Classie Peter not giving up any of his exercising and just expecting Kitty to go along with him, just like he expected from Lara Jean.

'We also made dinner, which is in the kitchen if you want any.' Peter offers. She can tell that he is still wary of her mood this morning. There is a slight agitation to him which she can see from the way he is clenching his jaw and strumming his knuckles against the couch. He has probably made his own assumption about who her 'old friends' are.

She walks to the kitchen, after seeing both of their eyes glued to the tv. They made spaghetti, which is probably just simple enough for both of them. She is full from all the Korean food she ate with John so doesn't really want any. Her dad is on his computer in the kitchen probably finishing up some accounting things as he usually does at night. She doesn't want to bother him so she floats back in the living room.

There is a spot between Peter and Kitty, but she doesn't want to be that close to Peter, so she opts for the bean bag on the floor.

'Why is your hair wet?' Kitty peers at her from the couch.

Lara Jean keeps her eyes on the movie. 'Because I went swimming.'

'What? You know someone who has a pool. Oh can I come next time?' Kitty asks excitedly.

'Maybe.' Lara Jean shrugs. There is no way that Kitty will be able to come any time soon knowing that she will immediately just go back to Peter and tell him everything, but maybe next year she might be able to make an appearance.

She can see that Peter is looking at her. He is probably trying to figure out who it was as well. He has never seen John's house so would have no idea if he has a pool or not, but she knows that it has probably eliminated every other old friend she has since the only other person they knew with a pool was Steve Bledell.

She soon gets bored of the movie, given that she wasn't there for the start of it so really doesn't know what is going on. She pulls out her phone and decides to read Bonnies texts.

They bounce between a lot of topics from how annoying every other person is, to how much she misses Lara Jean, to how cute some boy staying next door is, to all of the gossip and drama that has been happening around them. Lara Jean enjoys reading it all but feels very glad that she is not currently amongst it and having to take side. She is gradually replying to each one of Bonnie texts with messages of her own though she is careful to leave out any mention of John. She then goes to her college dorm group chat and while she is reading those messages she gets another message.

Where is my reply?

It's from Peter. She turns around and sees him looking up from his phone.

Reply for what?

She sends back. She didn't feel any need to answer his question concerning where she was given that it was now pretty self-evident.

Are you still mad?

She rolls her eyes at him.

No I'm not. So you can go home now.

Out of the corner of her eye, she sees his face fall as he reads her message.

'Ok kid, I should probably head off.' Peter announces, getting off the couch and going towards Kitty.

Lara Jean feels regret go through her body. Maybe she was too harsh.

Kitty stands up and gives him a hug. Peter then leaves the room, avoiding looking at Lara Jean.

'Lara Jean… Bye Dr. Covey.' He acknowledges her and then waves at her dad before going out the front.

'Why did you have to make him leave?' Kitty accuses her.

'What I didn't make him do anything?' Lara Jean defends herself.

'Well he was fine until you arrived and then suddenly he left straight away.' Kitty is smarter than she lets on.

'Kitty, he had been here the whole day.' She justifies.

'So?' Kitty pretends not to care.

'Don't you want to hang with me?' Lara Jean asks, her voice slightly breaking.

'Well clearly you don't want to hang with me.'

'Kitty, I cancelled all of my spring break just to hang with you, but all you want to do is be around Peter.'

'Why can't I be around both of you?'

'Because we aren't together anymore Kitty.'

'Why can't you be?' Kitty raises her voice.

'There are issues outside of you that we haven't resolved and until we do, it's not going to work out.' Lara Jean confesses her voice getting low.

She stands up from the couch. She knows that Kitty is trying to push her away but it is hurting her too. Seeing her be with Peter instead of her really cuts deep.

'If that's something that you can't accept, then I'm sorry but I can't hang out with you.' Lara Jean declares and then she goes up to her room.

She lies on her bed for a while replaying their conversation over and over in her head. She can't believe what has happened. It is almost déjà vu, another boy tearing apart the Song sisters when one of them goes off to college. She doesn't want it to be this way, not at all, but if Kitty can't accept that her and Peter need to move on from each other then Lara Jen is just going to be revisiting that wound every time she sees him.

She lets out a sigh of relief when she hears her door open and feels a lighter weight next to her.

'I'm sorry, Lara Jean.' Comes a small whisper from Kitty.

She turns around and sees that Kitty has tucked herself under Lara Jeans blanket next to her. She reaches over and rubs her shoulder.

'I'm sorry too, Kitty.' She apologies also.

'I do want to hang out with you still.' Kitty says in a small voice.

'Me too, How about tomorrow we just have a day of you and me?'

Lara Jean's heart warms as she sees a smile break over Kitty's face.

'Really? Can we even get ice cream?'

'Absolutely.'

'Breakfast at the diner.'

'Sure.'

'I even saw a dress that I really…'

'Ok Kitty, stop trying to take advantage of this.' Lara Jean pretends to pout at her as Kitty gives her an innocent smile.

'I'm sorry for constantly having Peter over here… I just thought maybe if you two saw each other and talked then you would realise what a mistake you made and get back together.' Kitty looks up at her with big young eyes.

Lara Jean gives her a sad smile. 'I know you had the best intentions, but its going to take more than just a glance and a chat for us to get together.'

'Can I ask you something?' Kitty peers at her.

'Anything.'

'Why exactly did you and Peter break up?'

Silence falls between them. Lara Jean tries to collect her thoughts to think of the best thing to tell Kitty.

'I mean, I know it was the long distance stuff but what made it too hard to not keep going? Peter has always said that he rather I hear it from you than from him.' Kitty explains.

Lara Jean gives her a smile and reminds herself to thank Peter later. That was very sweet of him to do that. He could have told Kitty his side of the story and convinced her to hate Lara Jean and blame Lara Jean for it, but instead he wanted her to hear if from Lara Jean, even if it meant that he would be the bad guy. She makes note of that as she talks to Kitty.

'Yeah the long distance was hard. It was just, you know that Peter is very dedicated to his Lacrosse, right? He conditions every day, he does training in the gym and then on top of that practice. And have you heard him constantly complain about his diet?' Lara Jean starts.

Kitty nods her head in agreement.

'Then you know how I didn't have many friends in school until I met Peter and became friends with his friends and how my hobbies were a little weird.'

Kitty nods again. 'Yeah you are basically a grandma.'

Lara Jean ignores her comment. 'Well when we got to college Peter became even more dedicated and busy with his Lacrosse. He went from being the best and the oldest in his high school team to now being one of the newer members in his college team. He had to be training even more and practicing even more to keep up with his team and to be as good as he was in college. Then for me, there are so many more people in college than there are in school, which meant there were more people who had the same hobbies as me. I made so many more friend by being more social and joining more clubs, which meant I was being more social than I was in school and doing more than ever as well.'

Kitty eyes shift as she starts to comprehend everything that Lara Jean is saying.

Lara Jean swallows. 'So even if we weren't long distance, I think that Peter and I were always going to struggle to stay in each others lives, but the problem is that we were long-distance which meant that we couldn't spend the entire day doing our own things and then be able to return to one another than night. It meant that we were busy for the whole day and then we both struggled to find time to call and to contact each other.'

Kitty looks up at her with understanding eyes. She rests her hand on Lara Jean's arm and gives it a squeeze to encourage her. Lara Jean feels a lump in her throat and tears in her eyes.

'After a while I just realised that I either wasn't making enough time for him or I was stopping doing what I enjoyed doing just to end up waiting for him and him not having the time for me either. I couldn't help but feel that my life and my schedule were also secondary to his. And that's not how a relationship works, so I called it off.' Tears fall from her eyes as she finishes.

In that moment, Lara Jean has never seen Kitty act more mature in her whole life. She reaches her arms around Lara Jean to hug her, snuggling her neck into her chest.

'It's ok Lara Jean. I get that.' Kitty responds.

Kitty then rubs her back as the tears fall. When they stop she rolls away from Lara Jean and looks at her.

'Can I sleep here tonight?'

'Of course.'

They both make room for each other and get comfortable. Lara Jean is pretty exhausted after her jam-packed and emotional day. She is just falling asleep when she hears Kitty's voice.

'I know that it must have been hard for you and Peter, but just so you know, Peter always makes time for me. So I don't know if he has changed or learnt from your break up, but I know that he never says no to coming to be with me.'

Lara Jean squeezes Kitty's hand under the blanket. She doesn't reply though as she honestly doesn't know what to say. All she knows is that actions speak louder than words.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

She wakes up early the next morning, careful to not disturb Kitty so that she can surprise her with French toast for breakfast. She says goodbye to Daddy, sending him off to the hospital with a piece as well. Kitty has a massive smile on her face when she comes down the stairs and realises what Lara Jean is doing. They then decide to go to the mall for the rest of the day. Though Kitty really likes Trina, she doesn't think that she has a great fashion sense. Their dad doesn't care at all about fashion which is good otherwise Trina might not be able to get away with her crop tops and shorts as much. Don't get her wrong, Lara Jean thinks she looks great in them, but she and Kitty just definitely don't have enough confidence to rock them. They find Kitty a few summery dresses, a new pair of bikinis and some shoes. She can see the way that Kitty's face lights up when she is able to come out of the changerooms and do a twirl for Lara Jean showing off her items. Although Kitty is a tom-boy at heart, she knows that she really misses the moments where she can be a careful girl as well. They go to get frozen custards after as well, Lara Jean enjoys the taste of her pralines and cream, one she hasn't had in a long time and has truly missed.

They are pretty exhausted once they get back home from the full day of shopping but decide that they need to take Jamie Fox-Pickle for a walk. Lara Jean has a great idea and decides that instead they should go and have a picnic in the park. Kitty agrees to it on the condition she doesn't have to do anything to get ready for it. So Lara Jean grabs out the basket that they keep for special occasions. She puts in a jug of Fresca as well as some of the leftover pieces of French toast and some cookies before adding in some pieces of fruit. She manages to get the blanket in the basket as well and loads it all into the car. The park is a little bit of a drive away, so Kitty has to keep her arms securely around Jamie to make sure that he doesn't try jump out the window or move around the car.

They arrive and find a shady spot under the tree.

'Jamie Fox-Pickle, you better not go too far.' Kitty tells him as she lets him off his leash. The park is well fenced so he won't be able to get out and go anywhere.

He immediately goes running off to a group of dogs. They both enjoy just sitting there in the sun drinking their Fresca and relaxing. They then decide to have a game of I Spy in the park.

'Is it a spaniel?' Kitty asks.

'Nope.' Lara Jean responds.

'Spoon.'

'Nah.

'Soda.'

'Nada.'

'Ummmmmm, give me a clue.'

'Ok it can move.' Lara Jean hints.

Kitty rolls her eyes. 'Is it a spoodle?'

'No, it's not that dog over there.'

'Ok, just checking…'

Kitty looks around a bit more. 'Ok I give up.'

'It's a squirrel. See just there in the tree.' Lara Jean points over to where a squirrel is in a tree hole behind them.

'Oh I wouldn't have guessed that. Your ones are too hard.' Kitty complains.

'Sure, sure. Now its your turn.'

'Fine.' Kitty takes a moment to look around the park and pick something.

'Ok something starting with P.' she says.

Lara Jean scans the park, looking in similar places that Kitty was.

'Ummm, is it a park?'

'No that would be too easy.'

'A papillion.'

'What's that? No.'

'Plastic.'

'Good try, but no.'

Lara Jean keeps looking around she honestly can't see or think of anything else around her starting with P.

'Give me a clue.'

'It can move' Kitty mocks her.

'Pine cones.'

'Lara Jean, those can't move.'

'Hey, they can fall.'

'That's not what I meant.'

'Ok I give up, you have to tell me.'

Kitty breaks into a smile and points across the park, 'Peter!'

Lara Jean almost groans. She looks over and sees exactly what Kitty told her she would. It's Peter. He hasn't seen them though and looks focussed on what he is doing. She isn't sure what he is doing. Both her and Kitty just take a moment to try figure out what is going on. There are a whole bunch of colourful markers set out in front of him and he has his Lacrosse stick in his hand. One of his teammates or someone else is standing near the start and Peter first sprints to the green marker, where the teammate throws the ball to him, he then catches it and weaves between a whole bunch of other markers placed apart, before he throws it back to his teammate, then does a complicated running sequence before getting the ball back from him again and going to the start. He has a very focussed and determined look on his face as he runs around.

'It's ok, we don't have to talk to him.' Kitty lets Lara Jean know.

'No, no, no don't let me stop you.' Lara Jean defends, she doesn't want to come between Peter and Kitty.

'Nah it's ok, we just saw him yesterday. I'm good.'

Lara Jean gives Kitty a little smile. She knows that Kitty is trying to show Lara Jean that she does want to hang out and that they are close which she appreciates. They look around the park a bit more, but then decide that they should head home as Jamie walks back over to them, clearly exhausted from chasing all of the other dogs around. Lara Jean notices the teammate that was with Peter leaves as well, which probably means that he will leave soon and she wants to beat him so they can eliminate their chances of running into each other.

They have everything in their basket and are walking over with Jamie to the car. They get outside of the fence and are putting things into the boot. Kitty is looking at her phone, while Lara Jean is making sure that the basket is secure. Just as she is pushing the basket into the back, she hears Jamie start to go berserk and suddenly he is running away.

'Kitty why isn't Jamie wearing his leash?' Lara Jean urges her.

'What? I thought you put it on him.' Kitty splutters.

'No that's what I told you to do. Ok we have to go get him.' Lara Jean quickly instructs her.

Kitty goes running off after Jamie while Lara Jean closes the back door of the car and lock it. They are both now trying to run after Jamie who is going for a cat that is running along the side fences. He is going so fast that neither Kitty or her can keep up with him. The cat is going straight along the fences that lead to road on the other side of the park. The road is super busy and honestly not even a human would try cross it so they have to stop Jamie.

'Jamie Fox-Pickle, Stop!' Kitty yells at him, though it is no use he is still running after the cat.

The cat goes to one of the poles on the side of the road and they watch Jamie go to run after her. He is sprinting and has no idea the danger that he is running towards. Lara Jean can sense tears coming as she watches Jamie. She can already hear Kitty's voice breaking as she calls after him.

They watch as Jamie runs past the fence perimeter of the park and is about a meter from the side of the road, just about to launch himself at the cat, Lara Jean has to stop running and cover her face.

She waits to hear something. Maybe cars screeching, maybe a dog barking or Kitty screaming, but she hears nothing. She opens her eyes and uncovers her face.

'What's this rascal doing?' Peter is standing in front of them, he has Jamie Fox-Pickle in his arms who is still barking at the cat.

'Oh Peter thank goodness you got him.' Kitty exclaims, scooping him out of Peter's arms and cuddling him close.

'Jamie, what were you doing? You could have been killed.' Kitty buries her face in his fur.

Lara Jean breaths a sigh of relief. She does not think that any of them would have handled the death of Jamie Fox-Pickle very well, honestly at this point they wouldn't handle any death well at all.

Lara Jean eventually reaches them. Peter is rubbing Kitty's back as she tries to catch her breath as she cuddles Jamie.

'Thanks for that, Peter.' Lara Jean tells him. She genuinely means it.

'No problem.' He says, glancing at her.

'Kitty do you want to just go back in the park and catch your breath?' Lara Jean carefully asks her.

Kitty nods as they open the gate and walk into the fence area. Immediately they are all a bit more relieved to be in there.

'Come on Jamie, let's go play.' Kitty tells him as she places him on the ground and he trots away, completely oblivious to the fact that he almost just got run over.

Lara Jean slowly lowers herself to the ground crossing her legs, she needs a chance for her heart rate to slow down as well. Peter sits next to her.

'You alright?' he asks, peering at her.

'Yeah I'll be ok. Sorry we interrupted your practice.' She says, her hand on her chest as she tries to manage her heart palpitations.

'Nah all good, I had finished up anyway.' He lets her know. He lies back and puts his arms above his head. She stays sitting there trying to catch her breath.

She isn't sure how long they stay like that, just sitting and lying there in silence. Jamie and Kitty come back over.

'Lara Jean, Jamie is getting tired but Sophie just got here with her new puppy. Can you look after him while I play with her?' Kitty asks her eyes are big and pleading.

'Yeah sure, just give me the leash.' She agrees.

She puts the leash securely on Jamie and has a tight grip on the handle. She isn't going to let him go for a second despite the fact that he is comfortably laying exhausted beside her legs.

'You're a troublemaker.' She tells Jamie.

'What am I?' Peter perks up, sitting up.

'I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to Jamie.' Lara Jean informs him.

'Oh right. Good ol' Jamie.'

'You're looking good with the Lacrosse stick.' She remarks.

'Don't I always?' Peter quips back at her.

She rolls her eyes but has a smile on her face. 'Well you look better now.'

'Thanks Covey.'

They fall back into a comfortable silence as she leans forward and pats Jamie Fox-Pickle. There are so many things that have been left unsaid between them.

'Do you know there is supposed to be a meteor shower tomorrow night?' Lara Jean cuts through the silence. She doesn't say any of the things she is supposed to but feels a bit better that they can be at least talking.

'Yeah?' Peter's eyes are still closed.

'Yeah, I was going to take Kitty out to see it.' Lara Jean tells him.

'That's a good idea, you should go to the mountains, cause it's clearer there.' He suggests.

Lara Jean laughs nervously. 'I can barely drive on flat land, there is no way I am driving up to the mountains at night.'

Peter laughs with her. 'If you wanted to, I could take you and Kitty. I've been there a few times before and they always saw that it looks so much better from the mountains.'

Lara Jean is glad that he has his eyes closed so that he isn't able to see her face change as she thinks about his offer. She is supposed to be hanging out with Kitty without him, but then again she does want Kitty to have a really nice night looking at the meteors. At least with Kitty there, it should buffer anything between her and Peter.

'Ok, yeah that would be great actually.' Lara Jean answers.

She sees a little smile spread across Peter's face. 'Don't worry, it'll be worth it he says.' His voice is full of promise.

She looks back out to the park and pulls Jamie into her lap. The silence between them goes soft as she can sense Peter gently snoozing next to her. Her eyes fall on him and as usual she is taken back by his handsome features. The sun is warm against his brown hair as it caresses his soft features. It was the 'Summer in the Suburbs' light that she adored seeing him in when they were together. She lets out a little sigh as she thinks back to those afternoons, where they would just lazily hang around, just enjoying being in each other's company and talking about anything they wanted to at any time without a care in the world. How innocent they were to their next challenges of a relationship, she thinks to herself. A part of her almost wishes they could have frozen that moment and sealed it in a bottle so that they could revisit it whenever they wanted to, but that's not real life.

 _A/N: Yay! Another Chapter! Before everyone starts coming for me, I will say that I know that this is a very John-heavy chapter, but do not worry there will be a lot of Peter in the next one. I was going to try and balance it out by having more Peter at the end but this chapter is already super long so I wanted to save it for the next one. AHHHHHHHHHH! I love hearing the feedback but I'm still not sure if I'm going to pursue the Love Triangle. Having been an avid fan of Vampire Diaries, I understand the torment and torture of having to witness my fave not being with the girl which makes me not want to do a triangle, but let me know if you guys are enjoying it and I guess I can get over my PTSD for the sake of the storyline (hahahahahaha!). I have kinda taken a bit more from the books in this chapter like going back to their middle school days and writing from that, I hope you guys like the spin that I had on those event though I understand if we'd prefer to just leave those parts to Jenny Han. You guys are absolutely killing it with the reviews and literally every time I think about taking a week off or not updating for a well they just end up motivating me to put up another chapter as fast as I can. Again, to anyone who is enjoying the story and not reviewing, please feel free I would just love to know if people are still liking the story and its direction and characters! Hope you all love this chapter! xxxxx_


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Lara Jean looks herself up and down in the mirror. She is just wearing her black jeans and a thick cardigan. The mountains tend to have a really cool breeze at night so she needs to make sure she wears enough to keep her warm. Her nerves are simmering on the surface as she can't explain them. She has been around Peter so many times, but maybe its just that everything is so different which is what is freaking her out. John was messaging her today and she has already told him that she is going to the mountains to watch the meteor shower so probably won't have any signal. The doorbell rings which she assumes is Peter.

'Bye Daddy, we'll be home a bit later, so don't wait up for us!' she cries out as she comes down the stairs.

She sees Peter and Kitty already outside. Peter is wearing a long sleeve flannel shirt, one she knows his mum got for him last Christmas. She probably made him put it on before he left given that he never had made the decision to wear it before. Kitty has a puffy vest on over a long sleeve shirt and jeans. They all look very ready to go to the mountains.

'You ready?' Peter asks her.

She nods. They walk out to where his mum's minivan is parked, Kitty slides into the front seat while Lara Jean happily gets into the back. Kitty and Peter are chatting away about something in the front while Lara Jen enjoys just staring at out of the window looking at their journey to the mountains. She hasn't been in so long and has really missed seeing all of the calmness of the nature. Peter glances back at her through the rearview mirror a few times during the trip but she pretends not to notice and keeps looking out the window.

'Ok, here we go.' Peter says pulling out a rug from the back of the car.

Lara Jean walks out to get a better view. The sky is much clearer than it was when her and Peter went before the start of college and the stars already seem to be brighter from the mountains. She looks behind her and sees that Peter has spread the blanket out so he and Kitty are sitting on it.

'When it is going to be brightest?' Kitty peers at Peter.

'Probably not until midnight, can you stay awake until then?' Peter answers

'Of course I can. I once stayed up until 2am.' Kitty boasts to him.

'What? When was this?' Lara Jean pipes in.

Kitty looks at her guiltily. 'It might have been when I was watching all the episodes of Westworld.'

'You watch Westworld? Were you scared?' Peter asks Kitty.

'Nope. Now can we look at the shooting stars?' Kitty is trying to change the subject.

'Alright.' Lara Jean concedes.

She lays there in mostly silence. She is fine listening to Kitty and Peter bicker, she is just enjoying the silence of being outside.

It is around midnight that the stars start shining brighter and they see one shoot across the sky.

'There's one!' Kitty exclaims excitedly.

'There's another.' Peter points to the left where they all look.

A hour goes by as they see the shootings stars appear sporadically in the sky. Eventually she hears Kitty's breath even and she starts snoring softly. She looks down at her with a smile. Kitty had done so well to stay up until midnight but was definitely struggling to stay awake. Kitty was cuddled up to Peter's side with him arm straight out underneath her supporting her head. Just as Kitty was dozing off, she rolled over onto Peter. Lara Jean had to almost laugh when she saw Peter stiffen with surprise but then put his arm out. He was probably shocked by the accidental affection from Kitty since she never snuggles up to anyone unless she is asleep. Sometimes she thinks that in another universe Peter was supposed to have a little sister. He and Owen clash heads so often and are so alike that they struggle to get along and they have never had that brotherly bond that Lara Jean has had with her sisters. Peter has never had to be the protective older brother of Owen aside from when it comes to having contact with their dad, but she can see from how he watches out for his mum and is protective of her in his life because of all of the hurt that their dad put them though, that's when his loyalty shines. She is glad that Kitty has had Peter in her life, he has truly taught her how she deserves to be treated.

At around 2am, there are a whole bunch of shooting stars in the sky. Peter is still awake next to her. A gasp escapes her lips as she takes in the beauty that is above her. She wants to make a wish on every single one of them but her mind is unable to form a thought aside from the exquisiteness of the stars she can see. A smile creeps onto her face as she takes it all in and she lifts her arms above her head. The stars a shiny bright and are moving across the sky in all directions. It's how she thinks that it would look if she could fly. If she could fly amongst the stars, this is what she always dreamed of seeing as she whizzed past them. There is something so freeing about this moment.

Suddenly she feels something warm on her hand. She flinches but doesn't recoil her arms. It's Peter's hand. She doesn't want to take her eyes away from the sky, afraid to meet his and give away all of her feelings to him. Out of the corner of her eye, she doesn't see him look at her either. He gently moves his hand to stroke hers and rest just under her open palm. She lets out a breath she didn't know she was holding as she lets her fingers relax against his. She truly has got no idea what she is doing or why she is doing it, but she can't help the warmth and happiness that swells in her heart from just having his skin against hers. The touch makes it feel like this moment and this beauty in the sky has been reserved for them, it makes the moment so much more special when shared with someone else.

Somehow she started to doze off as well and is woken up Peter gently shaking her shoulder.

'We better go, otherwise I won't be able to stay awake behind the wheel.' He says tenderly to her.

She nods her head and stands up.

'I'll wake up Kitty.' She leans forward to shake Kitty awake, but Peter stops her.

'Nah it's all good. I got her.' He says, as he scoops Kitty into his arms and carries her to the car.

Kitty slides her head in the gap against Peter's collarbone, still fast asleep. Lara Jean picks up and folds the blanket that they were all lying on and loads it into the back of the car, as Peter puts Kitty into the backseat and does up her seatbelt. Lara Jean gets into the passenger seat, deciding that she should probably try keep Peter awake.

'Do you need a coffee or anything for the drive back?' she asks him.

'I might grab one when we get some fuel.' He answers.

They stop off for fuel and the both gets coffees. Peter gives her a wary look as she buys hers but she shrugs and tells him that he will probably need company on the drive back so she needs one as well.

'It was so beautiful.' Lara Jean remarks about their night when they are back in the car.

'Yeah it was.' Peter agrees with her. 'Almost as good as seeing them by the lake.'

She smiles a little. 'How was the lake better?' she asks, confused. They could see some much clearer from the mountains and there weren't as many people watching as there was by the lake when they had gone the year before.

Peter goes quiet. 'Do you really have to ask that?' he looks at her.

She puts her head down. The tiredness is getting to her. Of course the lake was better for him, because that was when they were together. They were cuddled against each other, staring into each other's eyes thinking that the rest of their lives would be them against the rest of the world. It truly felt like they were exactly where they were supposed to be that night and that they were going to get through anything they wanted to while they were together. But that wasn't true, she thinks to herself.

They stay quiet for the rest of the drive. She can see Peter looking over at her every so often like he is about to say something but then decides against it. They pull up out the front of their house. Peter turns off the car so that he can help carry Kitty upstairs. Trina and her dad are fast asleep and if anything, probably enjoyed finally having a night to themselves.

Lara Jean goes to the bathroom and cleans her teeth. Peter was just putting Kitty in her bed when she last saw them. They were going to put her in her pyjamas but decided against it as Kitty was in pretty comfortable clothes anyway and her wrath if she was accidentally woken up would be worse than her sleeping the way she was. She didn't even realise that Peter was still there until she was sitting on her bed about to get under the covers.

'Oh you're still here. By the way, thanks for tonight Peter, it was really great.' She says smiling at him.

He has an uneasy look on his face as he leans against her doorframe. 'Yeah no worries, I had fun as well and I think Kitty did too.'

Lara Jean nods in agreement. She starts to feel a bit confused when she doesn't see Peter move.

'Are you ok?' she asks him. He is still looking a bit weird just waiting by her door.

'Can we talk about it? His eyes look sincerely at her.

She draws in a quick breath. 'Talk about what?' Lara Jean tries to play dumb.

'You know what.' Peter responds, he is still staring straight at her.

No, Lara Jean thinks to herself, we can't talk. She still doesn't know what to say or how she is feeling or anything, but maybe that's even more reason why they should talk, a little voice says in her head.

'Ok.' She says with a sigh.

Peter walks into her room and shuts the door behind him. He sits at her desk. If it wasn't for the coffee that they had had, she is sure they wouldn't be awake enough for this but life works in mysterious ways, she guesses.

Neither of them talks at first, both of them are unsure of where to start. Lara Jean isn't sure what the answers to these question even are, but she thinks that maybe that's how he feels as well.

'I'm just confused.' He sighs.

She nods in agreement. 'What specifically are you confused about though?'

He rests his hands on top of his legs, spreading his fingers as he looks around thinking about what to say. 'Just everything. You get upset and then you want me to hold you. You see me flirting with other girls and you get mad. If I make a sarcastic comment, you take it personally. You say you don't have anything with any other guys but only when to make me feel better not when you are living your day to day. But then after you of this, you still aren't giving me a chance.'

'A chance for what, Peter? Since we have broken up, we have seen each other, what like 3 times? How is that enough to give you a chance?' Lara Jean defends herself.

'But those 3 times have been important.' He tries to argue.

'Yeah they might have been important.' Her voice breaks as she finishes her thought. 'But they weren't enough.'

She looks at him sympathetically hoping that he can understand what she is saying instead of reacting defensive to it. He holds her eye contact until she can see that he accepts what she said.

'Why weren't they enough?' Peter asks her in a small voice.

She has to look away for a moment before she looks back at him. Her eyes are as firm as they are sad. 'They weren't enough to prove to me that we were any different from when we broke up.'

His eyes go sad at what she says. He stands up and paces towards the window where he stands looking out at their driveway. The moon light shines brightly on half of his face as she watches him, knowing that he is deep in thought. A part of her wonders whether he is just going to climb out of the window and disappear into the night. But she hopes that he stays. Eventually with a few deep breaths, he turns around and sits back at her desk.

'I don't know how to stop feeling this way about you, Covey.' His eyes are enormous. She feels a lump rising in her throat.

'I don't know either, Peter, hence I have been acting the way I have been, despite everything.' She is referring to all of the times she has come running to him to hold her like after he revealed to her everything about Kitty and when he found her that night after the party. It's even all the times she hasn't let herself pull away when she should have, like tonight, when she was comforting him at UNC or the look they shared before she left for New York.

'Yeah, man you should have seen the fright you gave me when I couldn't find you at that party.'

'What?'

He looks down at his hands again and sighs. 'I wanted to talk to you about us, but I ended up fucking up so bad and just making you mad at me. I knew you weren't going to talk to me again that night but I wanted to see if you were going to run your mouth off to that prick and maybe get with him. I couldn't find you anywhere until I saw you storm out the front door. I assumed it was fine and went to just check that you got into an uber but you walked away. After like 10 minutes, I knew I wouldn't be able to live with myself unless I figured out you were ok.'

She looks around her room. 'Yeah I honestly don't know what would have happened if you hadn't found me.'

'I just don't understand how this has happened to us.'

Lara Jean looks at him in shock.

'What? Why are you looking at me like that?' he asks, confused.

'Peter, I'm not going to lie, I kind of saw this coming.'

'What do you mean?'

'Don't you remember Beach Week?'

'What does Beach Week have to do with anything? That was a separate event to all of this, it was a reaction to my dad being a jerk, you going to Korea for a month and getting used to you being so far, but we got through that.'

'Yeah but that was when we both started changing. Changing to the point that wasn't good for our relationship.' He still looks confused as she admits this to him. 'It was then when you became all obsessed with your diet and workouts for Lacrosse. It was when we started fighting more and we would just avoid each other instead of talking it through. It was the first time we had distance between us despite being together. Like you said, I thought it was a one time thing that was a consequence of all of the shit that was happening around us, but when we were apart, it wasn't.'

He nods. A small laugh escapes his lips. 'Sorry, I just still think it's funny to hear you say "shit".'

She shares a laugh with him. It feels good to somehow put a release into this conversation. It was those times at Beach Week that probably made her feel like giving up on their relationship more when they went to college. It took her almost weeks after that to finally get through to Peter and that was while they were in the same place, so she knew she would barely have a chance when they were so far away.

'I know I wasn't treating you right at Beach Week or even this past first semester. These last few months have showed me that. When we first broke up I blamed you for not wanting to work hard enough and for not putting in the effort with us, but as the months passed, I realised that when you saw the best case scenario for our relationship to be us breaking up, then that meant that I was the one really lacking.'

They both go silent. Finally understanding each other's words.

'I can't give you another chance, Peter. Not yet. That would be wrong for both of us to pretend that we have worked through our issues before running into them all over again. You are always going to be my first love and that's always going to be special to me, I don't want us ruining that to the point we can't bear to be in each other's lives anymore.' Lara Jean explains sympathetically.

She watches the spark of hope in his eyes fade away, but he nods understandingly.

'Yeah my roommate Sam tried to do that with his girlfriend. They broke up as friends, then tried to get back together and now they can't even be in the same room as each other.' Peter reveals.

Lara Jean remembers him telling her a bit about the drama that his roommate was having. Her and Peter never could fully understand it based on the simple fact that Sam and Josie were at the same college, but it was always complicated.

'I couldn't bear that for myself or for Kitty.' She adds. Part of her wanted to jump straight back into what she had with Peter. The good times were so good that it almost made the hard times worth it, but she knew that the hard times weren't worth it for Kitty. If she lost Peter for good, then Kitty would also lose him and she has already lost enough people.

'No, I get it. But can we at least try be friends?'

She nods her head. 'Of course. We can be as friendly as can be while being 4 hours apart.'

He rolls his eyes at her sarcasm. 'I take my friendship very seriously.' He teases her.

'We'll see.' She challenges him.

They share a smile, then Peter stands up and walks to the window. He slides it up, letting in the crisp air of the night. It cools down Lara Jean's face and calms her which she is appreciative of. Peter hesitates before climbing out though and turns to her.

'When you broke up with me, Covey, it was a wake up call that I had to do better for those around me, even if we are just friends I hope I can prove that change to you.'

His gaze is so intense that she has to look away. She watches as he climbs out the window and goes to his car, giving her a little wave as he drives off.

She lets out a massive breath. She feels like a weight has been lifted off her chest and now he knows everything that she has been building up inside. She hopes that he got a chance to say everything he wanted to as well.

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She wakes up late the next morning. The sun is blaring into her room from the window since it is almost midday. She stretches out on her bed, feeling good about having talked with Peter last night and put everything they had to say out there.

She goes downstairs for breakfast deciding to make herself some toast before she starts on some of the work that she had to do for her classes. Kitty is still fast asleep and then spends the rest of the day watching tv, something she claims she is never able to do unless it is the holidays.

They decide to take Jamie to the park again, but firmly hold him between walking to the car and inside the fence. They see Peter training and instead of avoiding him like she usually would, she takes Kitty to walk over to him. He gives her his most handsome smile when he sees her.

'Jamie Fox-Pickle, get out of the way!' Peter exclaims, as he stands up after being tripped over by Jamie for the third time in 15 minutes. Jamie keeps wanting to play and get the ball from Peter but ends up running between his legs, causing Peter to lose his balance as he tries to manoeuvre his legs from accidentally kicking the dog in the face.

'Jamie, come here.' Kitty calls, her and Lara Jean are sitting down watching Peter run, giving their commentary on how well he is doing.

Jamie trots over to her as she tries to hold him in his lap.

'Ok, throw it again.' Peter passes the Lacrosse ball back to Lara Jean and goes back to the coloured markers.

He first runs between the markers in a pattern that he has decided, then when he reaches the purple one, Lara Jean has to throw to ball in an area he has marked and he has to try catch up. So far she is doing a horrible job at throwing it but he has managed to catch a few.

He reaches the purple marker and she pulls her arm back and lobs it right in front of her. Jamie immediately perks up when he sees the ball leave her hand but Kitty has a strong hold on him. Peter goes sprinting towards where she threw it, he even dives to the ground to try get it but he misses.

'You can't throw it even a little closer?' Peter laughs at her, stilling lying on the ground.

'And miss giving this opportunity to you to get better? What kind of friend do you think I am?' She smiles at him.

He shakes his head as he stands up and passes her the ball.

'You'd think from doing this for hours, you would be a bit better.' She teases him.

He narrows his eyes at her. 'Those who can't do, critique apparently.'

'What? Who said I couldn't do it?'

'Really? Prove it. Try catch it without the stick.'

With a mischievous smile, she stands up. 'Kitty, throw this when Peter reaches the purple marker.'

'Wait, you have to run it as well.' Peter interjects.

'Ok, throw it when I reach the purple marker.' She corrects herself.

As they get to where the markers are, Peter says, 'Get ready to eat your words, Covey.'

'You wish, Kavinsky.'

'Ready, set, go!' Peter yells.

He starts running through the various different marks, using his agility to step sideways as he runs. Lara Jean had no idea what the sequence was so just sprints straight through them.

'Hey, that's cheating!' Peter calls out to her, though she sees him start tearing towards her.

She reaches the purple marker first and watches as Kitty throws the ball up high. Kitty hasn't managed to throw it too far but it has gone much further than the last one Lara Jean threw so she knows that Peter could probably catch it. She accelerates towards it, she can feel Peter nipping at her heels. His long legs are just about to take over hers when she gets an evil thought. Just as he is about to get in front of her, she diverts and nudges her shoulder against his.

'Ahhhhhhh!' Peter remarks as he loses his balance and falls to the side.

'Snooze ya lose!' she cries out, laughing as she is on track to get to the ball first.

'I'm gonna get you!' she hears Peter declare but she is too focussed on the ball that is just about to be within her reach.

The ball is still in the air when she reaches it. She doesn't take her eyes away from it as she waits for it to fall towards her. She would hate to come this far only to drop it in her fingers. It is sailing down towards her, her hands are up perfectly positioned to catch it. It is almost in her hands when she feels something around her waist.

'Not on my watch!' Peter throws her up in the air, catching her over his shoulder. At the same time, he catches the ball in his hand.

Jamie launches himself at Peter, jumping up to his knees trying to join in on the fun he is having with Lara Jean.

'You can't save her now, Jamie!' Peter jokes, still holding Lara Jean over his shoulder. Lara Jean has had to snake her arms around his waist to stop her torso from swinging and can't control her giggles as she hangs.

'I'll save you, Lara Jean !' Kitty yells out with a smile on her face.

Then Peter takes off running again. Lara Jean feels her head bounce up and down with every stride that he takes, she can see Jamie sprinting after her as well barking at Peter and trying to jump up with Lara Jean, Kitty is running behind them.

'Ahhhh, Jamie!' Peter exclaims, as Jamie weaves between his feet again. He can't see the ground as well because he is holding Lara Jean, which results in them spinning around multiple times as Peter groans in frustration. Eventually Peter falls to the ground, catching Lara Jean before she hits the ground under him but then rolling away as he does.

'You got me, Jamie! You win!' he bemoans. Jamie excitedly jumps on his chest and starts licking his face relentlessly.

Kitty falls on top of Lara Jean. 'I got you!' she exclaims.

Lara Jean hugs her as she rolls her weight on top of her to tackle her. 'Nope I got you!'

They both scream as Kitty tries to squirm away from her. Their screams are muffled by their giggles, as Jamie tries to jump between them as well and is trying to lick Kitty's face.

'No, Jamie, not the face!' Kitty whines.

Eventually Lara Jean lets go of Kitty and she rolls on the grass as well. It is her, Peter and Kitty just lying up, still laughing at all the fun they have just had. She looks over mid-laughter at Peter who gives her a wink. She has to stand up so she can hide her blush.

Peter follows them home in his own car that night. Owen is staying at a friends' house that night and his mum is having dinner with his Aunt, so in fears of starving, they invite him to eat at their house.

'You should probably learn to cook.' Kitty teases him, as they sit at the table.

'What? I can cook. I make really great ramen.' He defends.

Lara Jean rolls her eyes. 'For someone who is so focussed on their fitness, I don't understand why you can't cook more.'

'See Covey that's because my mum cooks everything for me.' He says without any shame.

'She'd probably shower you too, if you wanted.' She teases. He scowls at her.

They are eating the left over pizza that they had gotten the night before, so Lara Jean knows she probably can't be too harsh about him not being able to cook.

'Now there's a face I haven't seen for a while.' She hears her dad say from behind her.

'Dr Covey!' Peter remarks, he stands up and outreaches his hand which her dad gladly shakes.

'Peter, how have you been?' he asks, taking a sit at the table.

'Good good good.'

'Still a star lacrosse player?' her dad asks, reaching for pizza.

'Yeah I try.' He answers.

Her dad looks at her with a big smile on his face. She can tell exactly what he is thinking, he is probably getting ecstatic about the fact that they are back together. She'll have to break it to him soon that it's not the case at all.

Peter stays until after dinner, then when his mum calls, he heads home.

'Lara Jean, I'm so glad you gave that boy another chance.' Her dad says as he walks into the kitchen grabbing a tea towel to dry off all of the plates that she is washing.

She puts her head down. 'Eh, Dad, I haven't.'

'What?'

'Peter and I aren't back together.'

'Oh, then what was he doing here?'

Lara Jean falls silent. 'Umm, we're just friends.'

'Oh really ?'

'Yeah….' She trails off.

'Good luck with that. You might think you are friends, but I don't know if he thinks that.' Her dad gives her a suspicious look.

'What makes you say that?'

'You can't see the way he looks at you.' Her dad notes. He then throws down the towel and walks out of the room.

Perfect, Lara Jean thinks to herself. Way to pull the pin from the grenade and just throw it. Though a part of her feels uplifted and even a bit thrilled by hearing that. She tries to muffle it as she continues washing the dishes.

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The next day is another lazy day for Kitty and Lara Jean. It rains for the first time since it last snowed which immediately drains any ensiatism that they had to go outdoors.

Peter rings Kitty just after lunch, to guilt trip them about doing nothing.

'I can't believe you have been at home all day.' He says through the speaker phone.

'The day isn't even over yet. And what have you even been doing?' Kitty complains to him.

'I've been to the gym and run for an hour and then worked out for two hours before making myself breakfast, thank you very much. Meanwhile you two have finished half a season of Netflix.' He pouts.

'If you are just gonna shame us for doing what we enjoy, then we're going to hang up on you.' Lara Jean warns.

'Hey hold up, no need to get defensive.'

'Yeah Peter, why are you even calling?' Kitty sassies him and Lara Jean holds her hand up for a high five which Kitty happily meets.

'You know I was gonna offer to grace you with my presence but with that attitude, I won't.'

'Oh what a relief!'

Lara Jean can't stop laughing at Kitty teasing Peter.

'Kitty! That's not how you should be treating your dream guy.' Peter pouts.

'You wish!'

'You know what now I think I better come over to make you pay for that!'

'NOOOOOOOOO!' Lara Jean and Kitty wail.

'I'mmmmmm Commming Over, Sooo you better get the party started.' Peter sings gleefully, over the sounds of their wails.

Lara Jean feels her heart beat a little faster from the familiar banter and the thought of Peter being over soon.

'So what are we watching?' Peter asks, flopping against the pillows on the couch.

'Vampire Diaries!' Kitty exclaims excitiedly.

'Again?' He looks back at Lara Jean.

'Of course, if we want to finish the first three seasons by tomorrow.' Lara Jean tells him.

'Are we ever going to watch seasons 4, 5, 6 or however many more there are after season 3?'

'Nope, those seasons don't exist.' Kitty says.

'You two are in denial.'

'Peter, shush' Lara Jean tells him.

'You can't shush me, you're not my girlfriend anymore.' He says it lightly and pokes his tongue out at her.

Lara Jean pokes her tongue back at him. He is sitting on him side, which always makes him look so adorable. She just wants to pinch his cheeks, but she knows she can't.

'Don't make us kick you out.' Kitty warns him.

He pouts after being ganged up on by them both. Lara Jean just wants to pat his shoulder but refrains from doing so. She also pretends not to notice as he continuously glances at her throughout watching their episodes.

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Somehow Peter keep squirming their way into their lives until the end of the spring break. She starts to excuse how badly she had been treating him knowing that if she hadn't been then he probably would have weaselled his way in months ago. He really just isn't one for ever being rejected or every having someone say no to him. Any time she feels like she should tell him to go and that her feelings are coming to the surface, she just reminds herself that as soon as they go back to school, it will probably be all the way back to square one and all of this will be forgotten.

On the afternoon of her last day in Virginia, she is in the park with Jamie watching Peter. Kitty had managed to convince Peter to drop her at a friends' house for the afternoon and once Peter found out that Lara Jean was planning on spending the afternoon relaxing, he, of course, had to ruin that and drag her out here. So there she is, sitting against the fence with a book in her hands while Jamie lies next to her and Peter practices. The day is hotter than most of the other ones this spring. After about an hour of running around, Peter flings his shirt off and Lara Jean has never been more thankful to have a book in her life, as she pretends to be reading to stop herself from staring. She never knew that someone could change their body so quickly. Peter had always been built, but now he was _ripped_. There were lines on his abs that she had never seen before and his v-line was now protruding, which sent her insane. The veins on his arms were more pronounced and his shoulders more rounded. He looked like an elite student athlete.

He turns his back to start passing and throwing with his other teammate who is with him, which is when she finally is able to take a good look at him. Her breath catches in her throat as she watches his back muscles tense. She remembers often running her hands down his back, feeling the tension in his shoulders, if she did it now she would be able to feel every curvature of his muscles that has just been developed.

A thought that has never come to her starts to form in her head. She looks at how much stronger he looks and how much more defined his muscles looks and suddenly she starts to see how much she might have been holding him back as well. Before they broke up, she always thought that she was the one who wasn't getting what she wanted out of college because she was waiting for him and having to make so many sacrifices for him, but now looking at him, she thinks maybe that is how he felt as well. Maybe the constant calls while he was wanting to go to the gym or interruptions to his practice were stopping him from getting to this point. His mum was probably right in that she was a distraction for him and taking away his focus from being the best athlete that he could be. She couldn't ignore the evidence that was right in front of her, that he had been so much more focussed on his Lacrosse when they weren't together, just like his mum had wanted for him. A bittersweet feeling swells in her chest as she thinks back to the games that he was playing before they broke up, the uncertainty in his eyes and how much confidence he had lost. Even the way that he reacted after not being given his chance to shine or even play on the field, lacrosse was something that since the 9th grade he had always excelled at and was always so easy-breezy and confident with it. It was practically a part of who he was. It's good, she thinks to herself, that he got that back and that she wasn't able to take that away from him. The wake up call that he got when she woke up with him was probably him realising just how important his lacrosse was and how integral it is to his identity and his college experience, that's probably why he has changed. Ever since they have broken up, he has proven how committed he is to it, going to the gym multiple times a day and always doing the extra trainings instead of his practice, he is finally able to get it his all and that's because she isn't involved anymore. She tries to tell herself that she should feel relieved, but it hasn't taken the sinking feeling out of her chest. They are both finally excelling in what they want and who they were meant to be, so why does it feel wrong?

'Wanna grab something to eat?' Peter asks her, slicing through her thoughts as he walks over.

She has to remind herself to not look at his chest as he walks over to her. Is this what boys go through most days? She thinks to herself, as she struggles to hold eye contact.

'Sure.' She says, standing up and putting Jamie back on his leash.

Jamie runs straight over to Peter tugging on his leash. Peter reaches down and ruffles his ears.

'Have you been to Biscuit Soul Food since you have been back?' He peers at her.

'Actually I haven't.

'Ok, we'll go there then, but we might need to drop Jamie back first.'

'Oh Poor Jamie.' She looks down at Jamie who is still trotting beside them.

She sits Jamie in her lap as they drive to her house. When they pull out the front, Peter stays in the car while she runs in to put Jamie in the yard. She sees her dad at the table when she runs in.

'Oh you are back!' He exclaims.

'Yeah but I'm just about to go out again.' She responds.

'That's fine. Who with it?'

She stops in her tracks. After what her dad had said to her a few night ago, she doesn't want to give him any more evidence, something she knows he would probably pass onto Trina and then Kitty eventually.

'Uh, Lucas.'

'I didn't know he was back.

'Only for a night. So byeeeeee.' She doesn't wait to hear his answer as she goes outside.

'Drive, drive drive.' She instructs as soon as she gets into the passenger seat. Peter obeys.

They change their minds and decide to go to the diner instead.

She gets a cherry coke and a grilled cheese, while he gets a burger and a water.

'Where is the chocolate shake?' she teases him as the waitress walks away with their order.

'Gotta lose the calories somewhere.' He jokes.

'You're looking really good, if I don't say so myself.' She compliments him.

'I know.'

She rolls her eyes at his arrogance. Somethings never change, the size of his head is one of them. She ignores him as she says, 'It's really good to see.'

'What do you mean?' he gives her a funny look.

'I mean, I don't know…' she trails off.

'You don't know, or you don't know how to tell me?'

She sighs. Just say it, she urges herself. 'You and your lacrosse, you have really committed yourself to it and you are finally sure of yourself again. Seeing that makes it all worth it….'

He gives her a small smile and looks down. He understands the 'it' that she is referring to, it's the break up, the pain of being apart, the struggle not to run back into each others arms…

'Yeah, it's good. I don't know if it's worth it though.' He supposes.

There is a silence that falls between them. The waitress comes out with their food, placing it in front of them.

'Has it been worth it for you?' he asks, looking down at his food.

She takes a bit of her grilled cheese, thinking about her answer. Has it been? She has to admit that it has been a lot easier not having to consistently be trying to get in contact with someone 4 hours away who had their own schedule, but has that been better than having someone who was always there for you, who you could always rely on and who made her feel the way that Peter did, she wasn't sure.

'Sometimes. It was easier to have my own life and do the things that I wanted to. I didn't have to worry about not signing up to do more or spending more time with my friends or being too busy too be on my phone. But I still missed you a lot.' She admits.

Peter has a soft smile on his face. 'Yeah me too. Lacrosse doesn't feel the same without you watching and cheering me on.'

She smiles back at him. It's nice that they can talk like this without getting too hurt or too angry at each other.

'Though I'm sure you are glad not to have my baking anymore.' she tries to lighten the mood.

He smiles and throws his head back. 'Ahhhh! You have no idea how much I have missed your cookies. The team captain has us all on meal plans of vegetables and protein and honestly, it's draining my will to live at this point.

She laughs at him. 'What? How are you surviving without your fried chicken?'

'I'm not.' He pouts.

'At least it's paying off.'

'Yeah if it weren't for that, I would have cracked a long time ago.'

'You can have cheat meals right though?'

'Yeah, I guess. I don't really pay attention. I never really wanted to turn into that person who obsessed over their diet and workouts. I think that was the person I was trying to be when you broke up with me and I realised how bad that person was.' He looks up at her.

She shrugs. 'I can't say that you're wrong.'

'Isn't it funny? We got to college and you became the one who was more relaxed and surer of themselves and I was the one getting all wound up and obsessive.'

'Hey I was never obsessive.'

'You know what I mean.'

She pauses for a moment. 'Yeah it is funny what it brought out in us.'

Even as she talks just now, she can feel her standing up for herself more. Usually she wouldn't have wanted to admit to Peter that he was becoming someone she didn't like, but if she had told him earlier then maybe things wouldn't have gotten so bad. He is right in that she has always just been so used to him being sure of himself, that it probably really affected their dynamics and the roles they played in their relationship. She remembers him saying before that it was nice when she had needed him and seeked him for being the one to always be sure or be certain, maybe she pulled the plug on them too soon to learn.

'Your mum must be pretty happy with your lacrosse, though.' She brings up. She has polished off one half of her grilled cheese while Peter has finished his burger.

Peter sighs, stretching out his hand to fiddle with the salt shaker in between them. 'Yeah I think she is, but I know she can tell that I'm not happy.'

She waits for him to say more but he doesn't. 'But I guess she was always the one who wanted you to committed everything to lacrosse.'

He looks down again. 'Yeah she did. I know she is proud of me but deep down I think she might finally be starting to see that lacrosse isn't everything. I think she might think that it's easier for me to focus on what I am good at and make a life out of something which I can prove to myself every day, instead of what she did and trying to focus on someone else who might one day change their mind.'

'Like your dad.' Lara Jean adds.

He nods. 'Yeah she wants to protect me from that…' he pauses and meets Lara Jean's eyes, his eyes are soft and caramelly. 'But I think she sometimes forgets how amazing being in love is and that even with the pain, it is worth it.'

Lara Jean nods. 'When I was younger I used to think that maybe it was better to not have had a mum at all instead of having to experience the pain and loss of her passing away. Sometimes I used to wish that I could have been like Kitty and not known all the things that I loved about her which I would come to miss so much, but then I realised that I would never want that. Every moment, every joy, every smile with my mum was worth every second of pain that I went through and still go through today.'

Peter reaches into the middle of the table and grabs her hand softly to squeeze it. He is about to let go but she holds on.

'Do you ever feel that way about your dad?' she whispers. She watches his back tense up and holds his hand a bit more securely in hers.

He looks down at their fingers intertwined together. She knows that he is thinking deeply about his answer, remembering everything he tried to push down about his dad.

'I don't know. I remember the way that he just took care of things. Like there was never a moment when I was scared or unsure about something because I just knew that he would know what to do. Even with all of the bad memories I have of him, it's usually all the things that he didn't do that I get made at him for instead of the things he did. Like he didn't put up a basketball hoop for me and Owen, or help out our mum with the cooking or cleaning, or come to our beds and say goodnight. But he always just knew what to do.' Peter speaks slowly, like he is annoyed at himself for letting him feel anything but resentment towards his dad.

She can see in his eyes that he wants to say more, so she squeezes his hand.

'I remember my lacrosse games, he just always knew what to do. I remember the first time I was asked to play up a division, my dad had to drive me over to another field so I could play. I had taken my stick out of the car and put it on the ground in the car park, while I went to get my helmet from the back seat. Another car came past and drove straight over it, snapping it in half. I remember being so scared and worried, I was almost crying to my dad but he just waved me over to go warm up and that he would take care of it. I don't even know what he did, but he got back just in time for the start of my game and he had a new stick for me. To this dad, I don't even know any sporting shops that would have been close enough or open for him to get from, but he did. I scored three goals and they asked me to be a permanent player in that team. That wouldn't have happened without him.' Peter's eyes are deep in his memory as he recounts that thought.

Lara Jean has never gotten him to talk about his dad this much. Usually he just sweeps it under the rug or tries to change the subject. It feels nice for him to finally admit this. It also shows how his dad shaped him into who he is today, getting him into lacrosse and giving him the confidence to go far in it and be really committed to it.

'Despite all the bad, there was some good.' Lara Jean comments.

'Not enough.' Peter says. He gets up and walks over to the cashier to pay, letting go of her hand.

She sighs. There it is, she thinks to herself. The usual reaction to her ever mentioning his dad, but she still feels happy that she at least got some more positive words out of him. It always warms her own heart to know that even after breaking Peter's heart so many times and seeing how he pushes people away so easily, that he can still remember the good times and can still feel how in love they were when they were together.

They walk over to his car and get in silently. She can tell that Peter is thinking deeply as they drive home. She makes a few comments about the weather and about a few houses on the streets they drive past, but Peter doesn't respond enough to warrant a light conversation between them. She hopes that she hasn't upset him by talking about such personal things with him. She is already berating herself for holding his hand on the table, now she has probably just given him even more hope that they could get back together. Or has she just given herself hope? A thought comes to her mind. Does she want hope that they could get back together? Maybe. She forgot what it was like having so much fun with Peter but also so much understanding between them.

He pulls up out the front of her house. 'I had a really good night, Covey.'

'Thanks Peter. I did too.' She answers. She waits for a few beats to see if he is going to say anything else or if she should say something else, but not a word comes from either of them. She tries to hide her disappointment as she opens her car door.

You are broken up, Lara Jean. You broke up with him and now you are both doing so much better, getting back together would just be bad for both of you. She is telling herself. He is doing so much better at lacrosse and is finally finding who he is and it's all because you are no longer in his life.

She keeps listing all the great reasons for them breaking up, but she can't deny the sadness in her heart. She has just managed to pull her keys from her bags when she feels a force behind her. A hand on her waist spins her away. She barely has time to recognise what is happening until she feels warm lips against hers. Instinctively, she kisses back. Oh, how much she has missed him, she thinks before she is unable to form a sentence in her own head.

His hands are in her hair, just the way she loves them. Her knees would have given way under her if he wasn't holding her up. She is completely oblivious to the time or the reality around them.

Suddenly he pulls away, he rests his forehead against hers. 'Good night, Covey.' His breath is warm against her skin.

Then he is walking briskly away from her and into his car. He barely gives her a second glance as he shuts his car door and drives off, leaving her there, her mind still blurry from what just happened.

She leans her back against the front door of her house, catching her breath. Fuck, she thinks to herself. That damn Kavinsky.

Her fingers are still brushing against her lips, trying to hold on to any traces of him when she is on the bus back to UNC the next morning. Now she really doesn't know what to do.

 _A/N: Hello Everyone! I was not expecting to have this chapter up so quickly but am very glad that it is here! I have listened to the feedback and thank you so much to everyone for voting against the love triangle! As I said and as some people have related to, Vampire Diaries has scarred me for life (hence the shout out in this chappy!). Also like does anyone else think that Peter is kinda the perfect blend of Damon and Stefan? Like he has the sexy-ness, wit and charm of Damon but the absolute sweet, heart of gold of Stefan? Or is that just me overromanticizing him?_

 _Again, thanks so much for everyone's reviews! I really do love them and they honestly motivate me so much! When I don't get as many, I feel like people aren't appreciating the story as much so believe me they definitely remind me how many people are waiting on updates! In saying that, I'm probably going to be particularly sensitive about this chapter because I honestly really loved it. I am glad to have a lot more PK and LJ and I really enjoy seeing Peter have so many more genuine moments and how they can both understand each other so much when she talks about her mum and he talks about his dad. Please let me know if you liked this chapter and are enjoying the PK and LJ. Also like loving any feedback on how you think I am writing them because if you feel like they need more or less of something, I am happy to incorporate that so you can read more of what we all love!_

 _NOW WHO'S READY FOR MORE PK AND LJ? I AM!_

 _Xxxxxxx Can't wait to hear from you all and give the next update soon!_


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Lara Jean was running to her class as fast as she could. She had totally slept through her alarm and not realised what the time was until she checked her phone and saw that she had five minutes to get ready and be there. She has her fingers crossed that the professor will be running late because he is another one who tends to make attendance as soon as he walks into the room. She pushes open the door and to her relief, her professor isn't there yet. She quickly darts over to where Alex and Tyler have saved a seat for her.

'Lara Jean, you are never late!' Alex exclaims as she sits down.

'Yah who are you and what have you done with the real Lara Jean?' Tyler jokes.

'Sorry I didn't get much sleep last night and I slept through my alarm.' She excuses herself.

Tyler nods accepting her excuse while Alex keeps giving her a weird look, like she is on to her or something. Lara Jean shrugs back at her hoping she can take her eyes off her.

The professor walks in and Lara Jean straightens up a little in her seat. She starts off strong paying attention but then thoughts flitter back to last night. She knows why Alex is looking at her in that way, it's the same look that Bonnie gave her all this morning and ever since she has gotten back. Lara Jean has been unusually active on her phone and taking lots of phone calls which they are curious about. She, however, knows the cause of it all: Peter. A small smile creeps across her face as she says his name in her head. That damn kiss, she thinks. If he hadn't kissed her, especially like _that_ then there would be no way that she would be feeling like this. Every time he messages her or calls her, she knows that she shouldn't answer or she shouldn't reply but she just can't help herself. There isn't the same pressure to call each other and check in on each other all the time, so it just flows to allow her to reply or call him whenever she has a free second and it doesn't feel like an obligation. That's probably why it's so good that they are friends because they can do this. Friends don't kiss, a voice says in her head. She rolls her eyes. Alex gives her another weird look and she realises that her facial expressions are playing out much too strongly to be hiding her thoughts and needs to try to pay attention. Out of the corner of her screen, she sees that Peter has sent her a message. She slyly opens it to read it.

 _Did you manage to get up this morning? I didn't._

She has to suppress the smile on her face so Alex doesn't get more suspicious.

 _I almost missed my class this morning._

 _I also don't work well off little sleep._

She pretends to scowl at him.

 _Maybe you should do what I do and go to the gym_

 _Get the endorphins going, Covey_

 _Then you might not bite someone's head off._

She almost gasps at his teasing of her.

 _Says the guy who can't tolerate noise before coffee_

 _#hypocrite_

Alex eyes her and she closes down her messenger. She knows that if she stays any longer on it then she will have absolutely no clue what her professor is going on about. She gives Alex a guilty look as she tries to concentrate harder.

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'Bonnie, give it back!' Lara Jean cries reaching up to get her phone from her friend's hand.

'No, Lara Jean, I do not approve of this!' Bonnie screams back at her.

Lara Jean tackles her to the bed but Bonnie has a steel grip on her phone and not even a single finger is budging from it.

'Bonnie….. Please…' she whines, standing up off her.

'No, Lara Jean, talking to your ex is bad! You should know better than to try to go back to something that didn't work and is just going to end up disappointing you.' Bonnie tells her.

'But it's not like that.'

'No, I know exactly what it is like. You start talking to your ex, you get all giddy and think you have another chance and then next minute you walk in on him having sex with a big-boobed bamboo and he breaks your heart all over again and it's no one's fault but your own.' Bonnie scolds her.

Lara Jean takes a breath. 'Bonnie, he kissed me.' She finally admits.

Bonnie's jaw falls open. 'When? Where? How? Why am I only finding out about this now?'

'Can I have my phone back?'

'Not until you spill the beans, missy!'

Lara Jean lets out a smile and sits down on her bed on the other side of the room. 'Fine, we spent a lot of time hanging out over spring break, one day we went to the park, then we got dinner at the diner and then after we said goodbye and I didn't think anything about it, but then he came running up to me before I went inside and kissed me.'

'That's it.' Bonnie looks unimpressed.

'Yeah, but like he didn't just kiss me, he like _kissed_ me, like it was so smooth and so powerful… like it was just…' she daydreams off with a smile on her face.

'Ok, no no no, I don't want details. But did you sort everything?'

'Everything? Like what?'

'Like did he apologise for not making more time for you and your schedule? Did he say how you two were going to get through the distance when it gets harder? Did he say he was going to sacrifice something in his schedule to make more time for you?' Bonnie questions.

Lara Jean's face falls. 'Ummm, no….'

Bonnie slaps her hand to her own forehead (*facepalm*). 'Lara Jean, then how are you not just setting yourself up for disaster?'

Lara Jean bites her lip as she considers this. 'We're not officially back together.' She tries weakly.

Bonnie's face doesn't change.

'Like he has said that he has changed since our break up.' She tries again.

'Did he prove it to you? Explain to me how he has changed?' Bonnie pushes her.

Lara Jean sighs and then lets out a scream. 'Ahhhhhhhhh!I don't know… But like I just have this feeling that he has and my little sister said he had.'

'A feeling, Lara Jean?' Bonnie looks at her sympathetically. Lara Jean meets her with helpless eyes.

'What should I do?' she pleads to Bonnie.

Bonnie comes over and sits beside her bed. 'I have an idea, but I don't know if you'll like it.'

Lara Jean looks at her, waiting for her to say something. She really doesn't know how to deal with all of this. She wanted to believe her gut feeling and what Kitty told her about him changing, but Bonnie is right and she doesn't have any hard evidence or proof that he has, so it might just be her heart and her hope wanting it to be true. She doesn't want to go back to not talking to him and completely disregard their kiss, but maybe she needs to try do something to make sure she isn't setting herself up for disaster. Worst case scenario- she realises that he hasn't changed and they go back to being strictly friends, or best case scenario (her heart skips as she considers this) – she has a reason to hope that they might work out.

'Remember how you were getting so frustrated and annoyed that he wasn't making time for you and kept getting annoyed at you for doing what you enjoyed doing instead of talking to him. I think maybe try do that again. So for the next week, you can only text him a max. of 5 times a day.' Bonnie proposes.

'What? Only 5 times? That's nothing!' Lara Jean exclaims.

'Only 5 times a day until Saturday. Then if he hasn't blamed you for not making enough time for him or if he isn't making time for you with those 5 texts, then you know he hasn't changed. If he does though, then you can probably figure out that he has accepted how busy your life is and is willing to work around it, not like how he was before. '

Lara Jean looks at her lap as she listens to Bonnie, eventually she nods her head. 'But you have gotta keep me sane, ok?'

'I will! And I mean come on, you'll probably be seeing each other in 2 weeks anyway when there is the big UNC v UVA game. Like I feel you are making this out to be much worse than it is.' Bonnie tells her.

She gives a begrudging nod. Bonnie squeezes her hand.

'Ok you've got tonight to say good night to lover boy, but you better not get to bed late again. Gosh knows I can't listen to you trip over your own feet as you try to be fast at putting on shoes.' Bonnie teases her.

She pokes her tongue out at Bonnie and lies back on her bed. She can do this, she tells herself.

That night, she is texting Peter. He wants to call her but she knows that as soon as he hears her voice he'll know something is up and ask about it, or at least a part of her wants to hope that's how it will react and she needs to avoid that. She's going to just let him know that she is super busy this week just like she always is so he doesn't think she is suddenly playing hard to get or giving him the cold shoulder.

Lara Jean: _I don't know how much longer I can keep up these late nights. My days are far too busy to be this tired._

Peter: _Try adding 2 workouts and lacrosse training to that._

 _Lj: You don't always have to one up me._

 _PK: Well you take everything else to the next level_

 _I gotta have one thing_

 _LJ: You're just jealous that I'm better than you_

 _PK: You're not wrong_

 _Why can't we just call?_

 _LJ: What's wrong with text?_

 _PK: It's not the same._

Lara Jean holds her phone in her hands for a bit as she dwells over his words. Maybe they could just talk on the phone particularly as they won't be able to for the next week. If he asks about what's up she can hopefully just make something up or pretend that something happened.

 _LJ: Fine_

It doesn't take long for him to receive her text and decide to call her. She quickly darts outside of her room and to the couches in the corridor to answer her phone.

'Hey…' she says softly.

'Hey Covey, now we can actually talk.' Peter remarks.

'What were we doing before?' she retorts.

'Ok, now we can talk _better.'_

She rolls her eyes at him. 'If you say so.'

They talk about a lot from the things that happened that day, to how Kitty is going, to the how she thinks the UNC team is going to look when they versus UVA, though she honestly has got no idea. Her heart is pulling as she waits to tell him. He doesn't ask her about how she is feeling or sense that something is up which makes her slightly relieved though quite bittersweet as well. As their conversation is dwindling, she goes to hint at the next week.

'Just so you know, I'm really busy again this week as usual.' She says.

'Yeah, I get that. I'm probably going to be pretty run down as well.' He admits.

She nods. 'Yeah well I guess it was good chatting while we had the time…' she starts. She figures that this is how it might work, they can just put a bow on their relationship as it will be winding down this week.

'Hey we can still chat despite being busy. It's not like we're losing the entire day.'

She nods again. 'Yeah that's true. Ok I've gotta go. I need to sleep.'

'Oh what? Are you sure?'

'Yeah, I'll talk to you later.'

'Ok… Covey?'

She hears Peter say, she knows that there is something else that he wants to say so she just waits.

'Yeah, Peter…?'

'Oh it doesn't matter, we can talk later. Have a good night.'

'Thanks you too.'

They both hang up. She can't imagine what Peter is doing now or how he is reacting, he is probably completely oblivious to the fact that it was the last conversation they would be able to share for a while. But she knows that Bonnie is right and it's the best for both of them if they can really see how much they have managed to change.

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She wakes up early the next morning. Bonnie has convinced her to start trying some of the workout classes at the gym in preparation for summer. She really isn't keen but knows that when she goes home she won't have a workout buddy like Bonnie with her so she should make the most of it. She opens up her phone and sees messages from Peter asking how she slept and what she has planned for the day. She leaves them unanswered. She has decided that she will try answer them in the middle of the day, so that he can answer the few texts she sends before the next day. She then gets out of bed and into her workout clothes.

After doing their workout, taking a shower and grabbing breakfast, Lara Jean is on her way to class. Usually she would have replied to Peter as soon as she woke up, so it isn't all that surprising when she gets another message from him asking if she is still sleeping and that if she is, then she shouldn't be. That brings a small smile to her face before she pockets her phone again.

The class seems to drag on longer than normal and she is so relieved when they are finally dismissed. She goes to the library after, as she had a baking club meeting that night so she won't get much study done then and she has a big assignment that she needs to be consistently working on. She has sectioned off about 3 hours to work in the library and decides to text Peter just as she sits down. Her texts include that her sleep was good, that she is indeed awake and a full spelling out of her very busy schedule. He doesn't reply straight away which tells her that he is probably at the gym or something.

An hour later she gets a reply. He makes a joke about her sleeping and her busyness, before taking a jab at the fact that she tried to workout that morning. She teases him back and then he sends another witty reply which she counteracts. They keep bantering until she realises that she has already sent her five texts to him for the day and she has to stop.

With a sigh she turns off her phone and puts it in her bag. She chastises herself for not making better use of their text messages to actually talk to him and find out things. There isn't a limit to how long the texts can be, so she could have sent five long ones to try catch up with him and his schedule.

Thoughts of Peter and her phone are forgotten that afternoon as she has more class and her baking club meeting. They are doing Greek for this week and so she is having to use a lot of concentration on making her baklava. She takes a bit of it when she is done, feeling the light layers of pastry in her mouth crisp up and the sweet honey flow out when she chomps down her teeth. She makes sure to hide some pieces in a container in her bag before putting the rest on a plate. She knows Bonnie would be mad if she let everyone else eat this and not save any for them.

As she walks down the corridor with the plate she is greeted by many of her friends. They are all giving her big smiles and then deep sighs as they take a bite of her creations. She truly has become quite the famous resident in her hall due to her baking and the smells that waft in during the night from the kitchen. She is given a lot of hugs from very sleep deprived students who are on the last legs of their assignments. She is glad that unlike before Christmas when she was coming down the hall, no one starts crying when they eat her goods.

It is late by the time she has showered and is crawling into bed.

'How did Peter go today?' Bonnie asks, peering over at her from under her covers.

Lara Jean sighs. 'I missed him. I forgot how much I liked having him around even if just on the phone.'

'Did he get mad or anything?'

Lara Jean pulls out her phone and turns it back on for the first time that afternoon since she turned it off. She waits for her phone to load the applications and receive texts. She has got some texts from Selena containing funny memes she found while in a lecture, a text from Kitty and her dad as well as a bunch from Peter. She opens the conversation with Peter. There are a few more messages of banter from him as well as a 'where did you go?' message, then he has sent her a funny story about what happened to him that day as well as good night texts and a hope that they can talk more tomorrow.

She lies back on her bed with a sigh. She feels so conflicted. She just wants to throw away this stupid deal with Bonnie and text him back and send him hundreds of texts to catch up. She can't help but think how immature this is being, trying to test Peter like she can't trust him, but then she remembers how hurt she was in their relationship and after it when she was trying to tackle the fact that he wasn't giving them time and was always blaming her for things. Just until the weekend, she tells herself. That way it would be similar to how they usually are during the week. She really wants to know that he has changed and that they can make this work, please prove me wrong, Peter she sends out a quick thought to him before she goes to sleep.

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She starts the next day with another class despite the fact that her quads are already straining when she tries to walk up any stair, but Bonnie isn't letting her use any excuses. She decides to text Peter once, just letting him know that she is sorry she wasn't on her phone more and that she is probably super busy again that day. Then she is running around the campus with class and meetings through out the day. She is on the committee of the Harr Potter club that has been tasked with planning the Yule Ball for this year. They have a brainstorming session before they spend almost 3 hours going through a craft shop and trying to budget for this year's decorations. In the past, they have always blown the budget on the venue and not had enough money for good drinks, entertainment or decorations, so they are all trying to be very wary of the money this year to make it as good as possible. The people who used to organise the decorations used to just buy a bunch of super pricey ones online, but Lara Jean has managed to convince everyone to put in some time and even get some volunteers to help handmade the decorations. One of the members in the club is planning on doing nursing so has a part time job at one of the nursing homes nearby. She tells Lara Jean that a bunch of the people there would love to volunteer to help out with the decorations if she can find something easy and fun for them to do. So here she is running around trying to find small Styrofoam balls as well as lace, skewers and gold paint for them to make golden snitches. They just grab a whole lot of these supplies as they are planning on hanging them down from the ceiling to create more of a mood. Someone had wanted to do the floating candles like they had in the Great Hall, but after realising what a fire hazard they would be, the idea was vetoed. Lara Jean had recommended more of a quidditch theme, that way they could have the quidditch hoops for decoration as well complete with even a beer pong set up near them to add a bit more spice to the night. She grins at the thought of how much fun this will be for everyone to see.

They manage to grab all the supplies available and buy them with money that the treasurer of the club allocated to them. One of the sophomores has driven them all out and takes them back to campus so Lara Jean can put everything in her room. They are talking about what dresses they are thinking of wearing to the ball. Lara Jean hadn't even thought about it, and was honestly probably just going to wear the dress she wore to her Prom, but when she mentions that the whole car gives her shocked looks and tell her that she can't wear her Prom dress and can borrow something off them.

'What's wrong with my Prom dress?' Lara Jean pouts at them.

'A prom dress is probably WAY too nice and formal for this.' One of them says.

'But mine was pretty simple and elegant.' Lara Jean argues.

'Really? Mine had like the full ruffles, sequins, trains and everything! My mum spend over 6 months making it for me.' The driver says, with a smile on her face.

'Yeah, mine was super long and bouncy, it made me feel like a princess. I was saving for it since I was 13.' The girl next to her adds.

Lara Jean still isn't convinced as her dress doesn't sound anything like theirs, until the girl on her left says something really thoughtful.

'Mine was probably more like yours, Lara Jean and not too over the top, but you don't want to wear your Prom dress. Your Prom dress has so many memories like the last night with your friends, maybe the last night with a particular boy, or your last night as a virgin!' They all squeal and cheer when she says that.

'Either way you want to preserve your Prom dress memories, that way when you look at it or run your hands across the material you aren't taken back to the multiple events you have worn it to, but instead you remember that one really amazing night when you got to look incredible and have everyone's eyes on you and celebrate in a fantastic way.' She finishes.

Lara Jean nods at her. 'Ok, ok, I see your point.'

One of the girls launches into a story about how one of her friends tries to lose her virginity on her Prom night but couldn't get out of her corset which has everyone roaring with laughter. Lara Jean's eyes float out to the window. She remembers the night of Prom as if it was yesterday and it honestly was one of the best nights of her life. It was great because she had Chris and Lucas who were there for her and made time to dance with her and have a great time with her, even Gabe, Darrell and Pammy gave the dance so much energy and kept the fun always going, but what she would never forget was Peter and how much she loved him in that night. The words the girl had just said could not have had more truth to them. She remembers feeling gorgeous that night, the way that Peter would keep stealing glances at her while they were driving or even just when she would catch him looking at her with wistful look on his face while she was doing something so mundane such as fixing her shoes or re-applying lipstick. When they danced, she loved the rhythm they shared, the way he picked her up so they could dance cheek to cheek or even just how he would observe so many thing around him that he would whisper into her ear for them to share a laugh at. The way that they danced and that he held onto her while they swayed made her wish that they could stay like that forever, just dancing and swaying through life with their arms always around each other. When he surprised her after by going to the diner, that was the first time she was met with the hope and the reassurance of the people around her and their love for her outside of her family. She was so scared to let people in or have more people being close enough to her to qualify as being another family to her because of what happened that it struck her with so much joy that despite all that, they were all still there. When Peter then re-enacted the Sixteen Candles photo, she knew that he was hers. So many times after that, she used to tease him about their first contract having the clause of NO ROMANTIC COMEDIES and there he was orchestrating a photo to match her favourite one that she had made him watch over and over. Staring into his eyes adoringly while they took the photo, it didn't make her heart beat faster or send shivers down her spine, instead she felt like she was home and there was nothing to be afraid of. She hadn't thought about that night in such a long time. It was soon going to be exactly a year since that night had happened, a thought which almost brought tears to her eyes. She wished that nothing had changed. That her and Peter could just rewind all the way back to when they were in high school and things were perfect and they could just love each other and be fine, but then she supposes that she wouldn't be the person she is now. She wouldn't have the confidence that she has or be around the people who she is around, the people who she is so grateful for. She has to shut off her brain to stop overthinking about everything around her.

It is getting late by the time she finishes writing up instructions for the volunteers to do. She prints off all of the steps and manages to use the laminator in the common room to make them extra nice. She counts out the exact number of balls, skewers and lace to be used. The girl who is the volunteer comes over to pick them up and Lara Jean takes her through the steps. She has planned a few stations for people to be working on them. One is the wrapping of the skewers in lace using a pattern that makes them look like wings spreading. The other is painting the balls gold and measuring the exact place for the skewers and the last one is inserting them and also tying a long piece of rope to them to hang them off the ceiling. She has tried to step through everything as much as possible which she hopes is enough.

She crashes back on her bed. Her laptop is on her lap as she tries to will herself to do more work on this assignment but she can't stop herself from procrastinating. She then remembers her phones and her texts from Peter. Her heart is feeling particularly sensitive towards him after the thoughts she has had today. She opens up her phone. He has replied several times. His texts include saying that he understands that she is busy and hopes they can talk a bit later, then he has asked her how her day is going, he also sent her a photo of a gravel rash that he got on his knee after tripped on a gutter running to class, before a several texts of him just letting her know where is he and how long he won't be available to talk for. Just as she finishes reading them, she gets a text from him.

 _I miss u._

Her heart swells at his message. She again curses this stupid deal that she has made with Bonnie but know that after today, there is only 3 days left.

 _LJ: Sorry I've been busy buying decorations for Yule Ball, studying and trying to protect Bonnie from finishing all of my precious Baklava._

 _PK: All g. You made baklava? Can you make me that?_

 _What's a Yule Ball? Wait, that's a Harry Potter thing._

 _It's in that goblet book._

Lara Jean has to laugh at him, he always tries so hard to understand Harry Potter references though he never got used to using them in his own everyday vernacular.

 _LJ: Yeah it's in the 4_ _th_ _one._

 _The character who is most similar to you is in that one as well_

 _Idk, is baklava in the diet? Yeah I made it but couldn't eat much cause I still gotta fit into a dress for the ball._

She looks down at the last four texts that she has sent him, feeling sad that she only had one left.

 _PK: What character do you think I am?_

 _LJ: Moaning Myrtle, of course._

She giggles at her phone, she is at least happy that her last text is on a fun and happy note.

 _PK: Hey, that's not fair. Grrrrrrr…_

 _If I'm Moaning Myrtle than you have to be that weird dwarf thing who favourite thing is receiving a sock_

 _Do you need a date for the Ball or have you already asked Sundance Kid?_

She continued to giggle at his messages until the last one came through. She wants to message back straight away and let him know that she hasn't asked John, aside from telling him about the tickets and encouraging him to buy one for himself, she never mentioned it being a date at all. That was when she was still taking it slow with him, but now Peter. She can already imagine him sending this text, trying to play it cool while secretly he is full of fear and uncertainty that maybe it is true. They haven't talked about the kiss or mentioned it at all, but she hopes that was him trying to tell her that his feelings for her were still true and he still wanted a chance. She shuts off her phone and puts it beside her table, she'll be able to answer him in the morning. It's not like he is her boyfriend and she has to reassure him all the time, she tells herself but deep down she feel so guilty.

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She wakes up and immediately checks her phone. Peter hasn't sent her anymore messages which is a bad sign. Not even a good night message or a good morning message which he would usually always send as soon as he woke up at 7am. She decides she has to reply straight away.

 _LJ: Nope, no date yet. I'm thinking I might just take Bonnie, lol._

She waits for a moment to see if he will reply straight away, but he doesn't. So she leaves it.

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It finally hits Friday night and she is so relieved. There hasn't been a single text from Peter of him accusing her of being too busy or getting mad at her, so she really hopes that this is progress, but she won't know until she talks to him tomorrow. She has been so busy for the last few days that she hasn't been dwelling on it as much as she was earlier in the week, though she is still very excited to talk to him. After she replied about not needing a date and maybe taking Bonnie, she noticed that the texts weren't as consistent. He would still ask how her day was and send her a few things about how his day was, but he wasn't replying as much as usual. The next day, he barely texted her during the day which she took as a bad sign. Today had been a whirlwind and she had sent all five of her texts that morning, asking him about what he was doing and telling him things about her workout and how she almost hit herself with medicine ball by slamming on the ground too hard, something she thought that he would be proud of, but she hasn't heard anything back from him. That night, it's Selena's birthday so they all truck off towards the border where she lives. She has planned quite a big party for that night, after the success of her party during the Christmas break, she managed to convince her parents to let her have another one. Lara Jean had invited John to be her plus one, but he had to bail because he had a family function on which was annoying.

They are getting out a massive punch bowl filling it with as much alcohol as they can get and putting out red solo cups.

'So what's the plan tonight?' Bonnie asks them all in the living room.

'Well I'm assuming that Selena is going to get hammered which good on her and I can look after her because frankly even the smell of alcohol is making me a bit queasy after my weekend last week.' Jen explains.

They all nod in agreement. Jen had spent almost 5 hours throwing up the weekend before and had sworn to never drink again which everyone knew wouldn't last long.

'I'm thinking tipsy. Not too much but enough that us three can do it and not have to worry about looking after each other.' Alex proposes.

'Lara Jean nods. 'Yeah maybe just drink until around 11 or 12 and then stop to help with cleaning up and getting people home.' She says.

Bonnie and Alex agree. She is happy that she is able to get a bit lightheaded and have fun, but also then have restraint over how far it will go.

'Ok! Lara Jean, bathroom now!' Bonnie instructs her.

Lara Jean laughs at them as she trots up the stairs behind them, ready to be their barbie doll. They put her in the usual glam which makes her eyes pop and opt for a nude lip to keep it casual. Alex even lets her do some contouring on Bonnie, teaching her how to find the cheekbone and chisel it out. Lara Jean pays attentions but knows she could never do it this well without them.

Her and Bonnie are standing up doing their hair. She is using the curling iron and Bonnie has a straightener.

'You know that Polly and Charlotte are coming, right?' Bonnie tells her, once everyone leaves the bathroom.

'Yep. It's fine.' Lara Jean answers, focussing on her hair.

'I told Selena that she shouldn't have invited them, given everything…' Bonnie trails off.

'No. Selena asked me about them and I gave her my blessing. It sounds like they got really close at the party we were at before and since then, they have hung out a few times, so I don't want to stop her from inviting her friends.' She says.

'Hmmmm, ok…. You know you can tell me that you don't like them?'

'No, I do like them. I can't hate them for liking my hot ex-boyfriend. It's not their faults. Charlotte is such a good friend of mine and was so great to me in New York that I can deiniftely move past that. Did Charlotte plus one Amber?'

'Ummm yeah, I think Selena mentioned that Charlotte and Polly both asked for plus ones. Though she doesn't know who they are.'

They both shrug. Lara Jean then lets out the top section of her hair to start curling that.

'How did you go with Peter this week?' Bonnie asks.

Lara Jean sighs. 'It went well. Though by the end I think he was getting mad and wasn't texting me as much. I mean, it started out good, but like you said I'm not sure he has changed as much as he wants to preach that he has.'

'His reaction tomorrow will probably tell you everything. If he is mad that you were busy then you know I was right, but if he understands and maybe he wanted to text you less so he could look out for you, then that's good too.'

'At this point, I don't even know what I want to be the reaction.'

Bonnie puts down the straightener and rests her hand on Lara Jean's shoulder. 'Whatever it is, you'll always have me.'

Lara Jean gives her a grateful smiles as she walks out of the bathroom. She looks at herself one more time in the mirror as she ruffles out her curls. She has really cleaned up well again for this party. She always looked at her mum and dad before they left to go out to parties or go to a date night and always admired how quickly and how well her mum could do her hair and make up to look amazing before going out. Her mum never got a chance to teach her any of that, but she is glad that she has another family of her friends at college who are able to feel in that gap.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

She takes a moment to get some air outside. She had probably had a few too many drinks to quickly and was about to go beyond the level of tipsy that she and her friends wanted to be at, so she decided to just take a break for a bit and get her head levelled. She has a bottle of water in her hands trying to sober herself up a bit. Charlotte and Amber have come up and talked to her a few times, checking that she is ok and asking her more about the boy they saw her with a few weeks back at the party. They both pout when she realises that they are just friends. She pretends to press about Peter and Charlotte, but Charlotte just rolls her eyes and tells her that he is old news by now and there are a whole lot of other juniors who she is now pursuing. She sees Polly floating around, keeping an eye out for someone but she opts not to approach her. Seeing her gives her a bit of a sick feelings in her stomach which may or may not be another reason that she is outside getting some air. She leans her head back against the pole behind her, gently swaying on the swing chair back and forth.

'I was wondering where you were.' A voice comes from behind her.

She whips her head around to see if it belongs to the person who she thinks it does. Her jaw drops when she sees Peter leaning against the doorway.

'What are you doing here?' she asks, a bit more harsh than she intended it.

Here he goes again, invading her safe space. First it was her house and now she can't even go to one of her good friends' parties without him showing up.

'I got a plus one.' He tells her, he sits down beside her.

She looks back into the party where Bonnie has just noticed her outside and gives her a questioning look. She gestures with her hand that she is fine and doesn't need her to come out.

'Right, you were Polly's plus one.' She realises, everything falling into place.

He was here for Polly. After everything, he was still trying to go after Polly, as if what had just happened meant nothing. A lump forms in her throat as she figures out that maybe she doesn't have any hope for him, or for them.

'Yeah, she wouldn't take no for an answer and then I figured that you would be here, so I came.' He says, he leans back against the seat, ruining her swaying rhythm.

She looks down at her hands. 'Why did it matter if I was here?'

'You're impossible.' He comments, flashing her his best smile.

She rolls her eyes. 'You could have at least told me, like you could have messaged me that you were coming.'

'Because we were messaging so much.' He says sarcastically.

There it is, she thinks to herself. What she needed to know that he hasn't changed a bit and they would never work out.

'Peter, I'm busy and if you can't deal with that, then nothing has changed.' She looks at him.

'What? Nothing has changed? What do you mean?'

'I mean, if what you were trying to do was get back together, then it's not going to work if you can't accept that I'm busy. Even as a friend you can't get mad at me.'

Peter lets out a frustrated noise. 'So that's it, you were just busy?' he asks her.

She gives him a confused look. 'Yeah of course I was, what else would I be?'

He looks away back at the party, before looking down at his hands. 'Not interested.' He admits.

'Wait is that why you are getting annoyed, because you thought I wasn't interested?' she asks, she is still confused. She kissed him back, didn't she? Why wouldn't he take that as a hint that she was very interested? They were even texting the whole week after she got back, how much more explicit could she be.

'Yeah, you were literally sending me five messages every day and you were always the one pushing me away whenever I had any attempt of trying to pull a move on you, what else was I supposed to think?' Peter defends.

A little laugh comes out of her mouth. He caught her. She didn't think that he would notice the exact number per day but now realising that he has probably because she has hurt him by not trying to be more interested.

'Why are you laughing?' he is the one who is very confused now.

'Nothing.'

'Covey.'

'Ok, I was only allowing myself to message you five times a day.'

'What? Why?'

She takes a deep breath. Peter is staring straight at her, he has his hand on his leg and he leans away from the chair to try and read her face.

'Because I wanted to make sure we weren't just setting ourselves up for disaster.' She admits.

'What does five messages have to do with that?' he asks, still confused.

'When we were together, I could probably only send you a few messages during the day because of my schedule and because of your schedule. Then we would get annoyed at each other because you thought that I was too busy for you and I thought that you weren't being fair on me. You had mentioned us breaking up was a wake up call, but I wasn't sure. So I only sent you a few messages every day to see how you would react to determine if we were just going to make the same mistakes.' She confesses.

He leans back against the chair again. His eyes keep moving between hers and the ground. At first they are resentful but now she can sense that he is understanding why she would do this and it makes sense.

'So what did you determine?' he asks her. His voice is soft not knowing what her answer could be.

'I don't know yet.'

Peter sighs and she lets out a breath. They fall into silence as they both think for a moment about what has happened. She doesn't know if she can get a reaction out of him now that could help her. He hasn't expressed how he felt about this week or her busyness or anything, so she doesn't know or even if she will ever know. The silence starts to turn awkward and stale between them.

'Ok, I better go back inside.' Lara Jean tries to excuse herself.

'Wait!' Peter reaches to grab her but thinks better of it. 'Can I just say something first?'

Lara Jean nods, sitting back down on the chair, her heart is beating fast.

'I know you are busy, Lara Jean and I know that how I was acting before wasn't right and it wasn't fair. I understand that now probably more than ever after missing so many workouts this week because I wouldn't want to go anywhere as soon as you messaged me. I'm sorry I ever blamed you for being too busy because honestly I am so proud of you and who you are at college. I know that it is a lot to take in and that it's hard to want to go down that same path particularly when there has been so much pain before, so I won't blame you if you need time, but it's want I really want and I hope that you want it as well.' He stares at her deeply as he talks.

'You missed a workout for me?' she teases him, as if that's the only thing she took from that entire confession.

He smiles at her. 'I missed 6 workouts for you. God knows I'm going to feel them on the field tomorrow, but it doesn't matter because I would still do the same thing. It's how we managed to speak so often right after we got back from college. That wasn't just a one time thing, I want that to be always.'

She nods. She wants to say yes, to say that they should get back together and everything will be fine but something is stopping her.

'Ok, I need time.' She tells him.

He nods in agreement. 'That's fine. That's better then fine, that's great, because now you can probably finally see that despite everything before, we are both different and we can make time for each other. I can always make time for you.'

She has to drop eye contact as she feels like he is seeing straight into her soul, in a way that makes her uncomfortable.

'Ok.. Are you going to stay here a bit longer?' she asks, she doesn't really want to see him floundering away with Polly.

'Nah, I've done what I needed to do. I'll probably head off.'

She can't help but feel a bit relieved.

They stand up together. They feel so much closer than they have been before.

'Are you going to come to the game next week?' he asks her hopefully. The UVA v UNC game is at UNC next Saturday. She can see in his eyes how hopeful he is, he has always loved having her at his games to be able to look out for, hopefully he still feels that way when she'll be going for the opposing team.

She stands up on her toes and plants a kiss on his cheek, for once she allows herself to reassure him about not just this but about everything. 'I'll be there.'

She feels him watching her as she turns and heads back into the party. Her face is flushed with happiness as she walks back in. Now she wishes the next weekend would come faster.

 _A/N: Yay another chapter! I was so blown away by how much you guys loved the last one and super happy about it! So this one and the next one are coming a lot faster (trust me!). I am planning on posting the next chapter like ASAP because I know that everyone is on the edge of their seats waiting for the UVA v UNC game (well at least I hope you are!). I know this might seem like dragging it out but just needing to make sure that they have truly worked out all of their issues. But DO NOT WORRY, another chapter will be coming VERY soon, I was lowkey tempted to hold it hostage based on reviews but I'm honestly so excited for it that I can't wait to post it soon, so definitely keep an eye out for that one! I hope you guys enjoy this chapter as much as you loved the last one, I'm really looking forward to the next part of this story! xxxx_


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Lara Jean is looking herself up and down in the mirror. She is decked out in her white and Carolina blue colours ready to support the Tar Heels to their dying breath. She has seen a few people dressed in UVA Cavaliers jerseys walking past and a whole lot of UNC supporters too. She walks out to the corridor to see Bonnie, Alex, Jen and Selena all decked out in their supporter gear as well. They have all made it a top priority to get amongst the sports at college by having their own jerseys, caps and ribbons for their hair. They tend to favour the basketball or football games just like everyone else, but still enjoy the occasional soccer, baseball or lacrosse game. When her and Peter were together, she was the one dragging everyone to the lacrosse ones, trying to tell them the rules though she still didn't have much of a clue then when they broke up, watching any lacrosse was too painful so she hadn't seen one in a while. She honestly wasn't planning on coming to this one, except Ethan has made a massive deal about the fact that his twin Douglas was on the other team and had turned the game into a massive event so everyone would take part in this sibling rivalry. Their dad who was a sport fanatic had agreed to fund the after party for whichever team won the game, which has raised the stakes even higher.

Peter had been texting her, asking if she would be wearing anything UVA for him, but she responded with a hard no, citing that she bled blue for UNC now and couldn't bear the thought of ever wearing anything else. He was on the bus with his team and had been describing how loud the cheering was and that there was a fleet of buses behind their bus bringing out more UVA supporters. This was going to be one of the biggest lacrosse games of the season so far. It is also a playoff game meaning that the team that doesn't win was going to be out of the competition and not have a chance at making finals.

All of her friends and her walk down with a massive group cheering for the Tar Heels. "I'm a Tar Heel born, I'm a Tar Heel bred, and when I die I'm a Tar Heel dead!" They scream at the top of their lungs as they walk over. They all have their hair in braids of various lengths and are swinging their legs in front of them as they walk and cheer, a daily ritual that they do before every sporting game.

They get to where the teams are warming up and find a spot on the UNC side. Lara Jean can see Peter standing and throwing a lacrosse ball with a teammate for warm up. She can see his eyes flicking through the crowd of UNC trying to find her. It's not until his team are grouped together on the field, talking to their coach that he sees her though. He gives her a wave. She has to laugh when one of his teammates slaps his hand down for waving at a Tar Heel. He sneaks a look back at her and mouth _No Wahoo?_ She shakes her head at him and does a spin to show him the intricate braiding of the white and blue ribbons in her hair. He pouts at her before a teammate turns his attention back to the coach.

'Don't worry Lara Jean, you can boo Peter and it'll look ok.' Jen leans over and tells her.

'I don't think she'll be doing that.' Bonnie implies.

They all give her a shocked look. 'What? When? How? Why?'

Lara Jean laughs at them. 'No no no, we aren't back together or anything….'

'But he has professed his love to her and is waiting for her to tell him that she loves him too.' Bonnie teases.

Lara Jean elbows her in the ribs for spilling the tea. All the girls gasp in shock, before jumping up and down.

'Why didn't you tell us?' Selena asks.

'It's complicated.' She tries.

'It always is.' Alex says giving her understanding eyes.

'Well, I'm still not cheering for a Wahoo. I don't care who he is.' Bonnie says.

They all nod in agreement. 'I'd probably be suspended if I got caught cheering for one, even if it's complicated.' Lara Jean jokes and they all laugh at.

She turns back to the field where she sees the teams getting into their starting positions. She feel her heart surge when she sees that Peter is on the field. Not only he is actually on the field and getting to play, but he is in the starting team which is amazing. She can't see any other freshman that she can recognise starting, so she makes note to ask him about it later.

The game goes quick, or at least for her it does. Alex and Jen go to get snacks several times because they get bored. Lara Jean can't take her eyes off Peter though. She can't believe how well he is playing and how much he has improved since she last saw him. She feels tears grouping in her eyes when she thinks of how proud she is of him. He is standing with his back straight, oozing confidence as he takes the field. None of his teammates are as harsh on him, unless they are giving him a pat on the back and giving him tips. He is even telling a few of them where to go and what to do. She accidentally finds herself jumping to her feet when he scores a few goals. Of course, he goes running over to the UVA crowd to relish in their cheers and supports as he hugs his teammates, but when he gets back into position, he always finds her and gives her a great smile. The way his eyes shine when he smiles at her, let her know that he is finally enjoying it and has found his place on the team again. She has to laugh when she notices him weaving around the players as she remembers how much he used to practice that when she and Kitty were with him at the park. They thought he looked so weird just darting around an empty field but now he is doing it with so much purpose and confidence that she can understand. He eventually gets subbed off. While he is an amazing player and has improved so much, there are still a lot of bigger guys on his team who are capable of a bit more than he is at that point. She keeps stealing glances at him. He has his helmet off and his hair is whipped to the side, as he stands on his feet and cheers on his team. He is greeted by massive high fives by everyone who comes off including the coach. She can't blame them, not only does everyone love an underdog but everyone also loves someone who puts in the hard work and then is able to reap the benefits from it. She knows that he deserves it though. The way that he was training over every single break, the way that he was constantly working out and conditioning, she can finally see how all that uncertainty of just trying to keep going and keep working on himself is finally paying off. Her thoughts from over the spring break come back into her head. She remembers the way that she looked at him while he was training and thought about how much better he was doing and how their break up was finally worth it because he could become who he wanted to be. Now looking at him, she can see how happy he is to be back on the team and to have a purpose to play his very best every single game and be a part of something. She thinks back to how lost and confused and empty he looked the game before they broke up, he didn't know what to do and didn't have the same jump in his step that he did now. She couldn't take that away from him. She couldn't stand between him and this commitment to something that he loves. Mrs Kavinsky's words come to her head. The way she was so desperate for him to put the work in and how scared she was that he might lose his scholarship if he didn't start playing better, she must be so proud of him now watching as he is taking over the field and impressing everyone around him.

 _'If you weren't travelling to North Carolina on weeks or wasting time worrying about each other and trying to talk to each other, then you would be able to really focus on your lacrosse and be the player that we know you to be.'_

Her words ring in Lara Jean's mind. It was true, they should have listened to her earlier because now when he wasn't with Lara Jean or being distracted by her, he had turned into this amazing player. His dreams of lacrosse and love for the game were all so much stronger, she even looks across the field and sees Mrs Kavinsky and Owen in the stands. Owen is hearing a Wahoo jersey and Mrs Kavinsky has a hat on, she can see from there that they are cheering for him and are proud of him. She doesn't want him to lose that too. As she watches the game finish, she decides that she can't tear him away from this. They can't be together because she still loves him. She lets out a deep breath as she comes to her realisation, she still loves him which is why she needs to let him go.

The siren goes off which interrupts her thoughts. UVA has won by 6 points. The other side of the field goes crazy and she sees Peter sprinting onto the field to join the hug with all of his teammates. She has to laugh when she watches him launch himself at the hug and almost miss it when they all move a step over. The Tar Heels start heading off the field and soon enough all the supporters try follow. There is a bit of a stale air amongst them as it hits everyone that they haven't made it to finals. They look on the field and even the boys look pretty run down and a bit upset about it. She watches with a heavy heart as she sees Peter walk over to one of the Tar Heels sitting down on the ground and shakes his hand, helping him up to his feet and giving him a pat on the back. She knows that Peter is probably just trying to make him feel better despite the joys of his own team winning. She has to look away when she sees him acting so sweet. She files behind Bonnie, waiting to get out of the stands. She can feel Peter looking at her from the field and trying to get her attention, but she can't look at him, not when she knows the decision that she has to make and how it is going to hurt him as much as it is hurting her.

They all go to Cat's Cradle that night to wallow in good music and good company to get over the loss that the Tar Heels have just faced. She told Peter that she would try and see him tonight but given that his team has won, she has guessed that he probably would rather be partying and celebrating with them instead of being with her. Her, Jen, Selena, Bonnie and Alex all try dancing and being in an upbeat mood but so many people around them are getting drunk and are just on a whole different level of them that eventually they call it quits. Bonnie runs into a group of her friends from class, including the boy who has been crushing on since spring break and then drags us to one of their dorm rooms where they are all chilling out. They play some games and relax, but Selena, Jen and Lara Jean grow tired of it pretty quickly. At about 1am, they all decide to head back to their dorms, leaving Bonnie in the dorm with her consent and giving her a boost of confidence to finally seal the deal with that guy.

Lara Jean wanders into her room and lies back on her bed. She's not super excited about having an empty room tonight given her current mood but can't deny that it will be nice having Bonnie actually do something with her crush instead of just imagining things with Lara Jean. She had been texting Peter a bit during the night. She had messaged him to give him a massive congratulations for the win and for how well he played. He had mentioned that he was getting dinner with his mum and Owen before they headed back to Virginia and before he went to the massive after party. He had invited her along but she turned it down, not wanting to betray her Tar Heels like that. His last message was just wondering where she was, so she tells him that she is in her dorm and she might try see him tomorrow since he was going to spend the night with the rest of the team, wherever they ended up. He messages her again trying to convince her to come out but she honestly isn't in the mood to be partying or pretending to be happy around Peter when deep down she knows what she is about to do.

She gets changed into her pyjamas and throws on a UNC sweatshirt. She has her window open so she can feel the nice crisp breeze on her face, despite the rest of her body being a little cold. She is lying on her bed. Peter hasn't replied to her texts and she doesn't expect him to, but she just can't stop thinking about him and the way he played today.

She stands up and goes over to hear her door where her light switch is, about to turn it off and go to sleep when she suddenly hears an insistent banging on her door. She opens it quickly but feels it being ripped opened further and then slammed again. There is now a person on the other side of the door, panting and in a UVA sweatshirt.

'I think one of the RAs might have seen me and if they didn't recognise me, they definitely knew I wasn't supposed to be here from the hoodie.' Peter tells her.

'Peter! Why aren't you at your party?' she asks him.

'Meh, it wasn't as fun as being with you is.' He tells her.

Her heart aches as she hears him admit that. He moves past her and sits on her bed.

'What up, Covey? I tried to wave to you after the game but you wouldn't look at me.' He pouts at her.

She doesn't laugh at what he says or makes fun of him pouting over something so simple. She feels knots in her stomach, as she sees how tenderly he is looking at her.

He notices straight away. 'Seriously, what's up? Are you that upset that we beat your team?' he peers at her. He probably doesn't think much of his answer given that she has never really cared about sports before.

She doesn't answer again. She goes to walk over to her window to close it, it is now feeling a little too cold but as she walks past Peter, he reaches out and pulls her by her sweatshirt so that she is facing him.

'Tell me.' He urges her. His eyes are searching hers.

'I'm just thinking about what you said last weekend.' She says, avoiding his eyes.

'And?' he tugs on her sweatshirt again, pulling her towards him expectantly. They have been messaged and talking to each other constantly this week so he probably feels as though he has definitely proven to her that they do have time for each other and can work through this.

'And I don't know if I can, Peter.' She admits to him sadly.

His face falls and his eyes go soft as he tries to read her face. He seems so lost by her decision and what she is saying.

'Why?' he asks her. It is as simple as that.

She takes a breath and moves to sit next to him on her bed. She rests her hands in his lap.

'I can't do that to you Peter.' She says in a shaky voice.

'Do what? Make me happy?' he jokes.

She lets out a small laugh. 'Don't you remember the last game you played when we were together?' he nods as he thinks back to that day. 'You just looked so lost and so confused, because you hadn't had enough time or enough commitment to your lacrosse. Today, you were like a whole new player and I know that's because I haven't been there distracting you.'

He looks taken back. 'Distracting me? How were you distracting me?'

'Your mum said it herself, you were too busy driving to North Carolina and figuring out how to be with me, that you weren't able to become this amazing player that you are now. You've been able to do so much because we aren't together.'

'Lara Jean, that's bullshit and you know it.'

'Is it Peter? When we were together you were talking about how annoying it was that I was so busy and couldn't make time for us, when you no longer had to worry about me or my schedule, you were finally able to give a full 100% to your lacrosse and look how confident you are now. You are now sure of yourself, like you always have been and I don't want to take that away from you.' She explains to him.

'Covey, that's not true.' He tries.

'Peter, it isn't. You can't deny how much you have improved and how much more confident and happier you seem since playing lacrosse now. I would just make that go backwards. You have changed for the better for you and your lacrosse, not for me.' She reveals to him.

He puts his head in his hands as he hears her words. She can feel tears gathering in her eyes, she really thought that they had a second chance and really wanted to believe him when he said that he had changed for her, but that wasn't true.

She takes her hands off his lap but as she goes, he holds them and squeezes them. 'Covey, look at me.'

She obeys him, looking at his eyes, they look so much darker now.

'When you and I were together when we started college, you are right in that I didn't know what to do, I was so lost and confused, but it wasn't because of you. It was because I was just too fucking scared.' He tells her, his eyes are enormous.

'Scared of what?' she asks in a low voice.

He looks away for a moment before looking back at her. 'I was scared that I wasn't worth it for you.'

She lets her shoulders fall. 'Peter, how many times do I have to tell you that you are?' she asks him.

He shakes his head. 'I know, I know, but I just saw how well you were getting on at college and how much tha you had found your place here. Every day I thought that you'd meet someone up here who had their shit together and realise that I was nothing like that. We got to college and everything changed and I didn't know what to do. You're right, I was mad and blaming you for always being busy, but that's because I wanted things to be different for me. It's selfish, but I wanted to be one of the good players at lacrosse again, I wanted to have a close group of friends around me, I wanted my girlfriend to always be there for me and be around me.'

'Peter, you can't put that on yourself when you are starting college. You were a freshman in a division one team, you were just meeting new people and we were at different colleges.'

'I know, that's how I knew I stuffed up so much when you broke up with me. If I had only seen what I knew now back then, then I would have known that I was placing too high of expectations on myself and wasn't paying attention to the things that were _important_.' He says with certainty.

He looks down at their hands and starts stroking her palm. 'When you broke up with me, I just didn't want to focus on anything anymore. I felt like I had lost my balance coming to college and was losing my mind just trying to find it again and after we broke up, I just kind of let go of everything. That's exactly when things started falling into place. I no longer felt like I had to workout or be training every single day in order to be starting on lacrosse, or going to parties all the time to be making friends and sure enough my lacrosse improved and I realised the amount of people I had around me. I also realised how unfair I was being to you and how proud and impressed I was with you and the way that you are pursing everything that you love, instead of resenting you for it and wishing that you didn't do that.'

She feels a tear fall down her cheek as he says this. He wipes it away quickly.

'But Peter, what about your lacrosse? You can't deny that I was a distraction.'

'Yeah you might have been a distraction, but what good is it being good at something when the only person I want supporting me, isn't there. I could have a choice between being the best lacrosse player in the world or being with you and I would always choose you.' He squeezes her hand and looks so sure of himself. The way that he always was whenever he talked about her.

She leans her head forward into his shoulder and he wraps his arms around her. He rubs her back as she hugs him. Eventually she pulls away from him and puts her hands on his face.

'I've always thought that you were amazing. Despite all of the expectations you put on yourself that you didn't meet, I have never doubted you and I don't know why you do either.' She tells him. Now she is the one who is sure of her words.

His eyes go all caramelly at her words, telling her that she had said that right thing and that he has listened to her. She runs her thumb over his eyebrow, it still feels like silk as he looks up at her. He is waiting for her. Eventually she tips her head down and presses her lips against his.

Her heart feels with joy as she is able to feel him again. She moves her hands to run through his hair, as he carefully lifts her legs across his lap without breaking their kiss. His hands are securely on her waist, holding her close and holding her safe. Eventually his mouth opens and so does hers as she is again breathless from the way that he kisses her, just like she always is. She forgot how enticing it was and how much she loved him. They break away from each other for a moment.

'I love you, Lara Jean. That'll never change.' He tells her.

She leans in and kisses him again, wanting to let him know that she loves him to and that she won't be going anywhere, at least for a while. He tips her back against his leg, deepening the kiss and leaning into her. She is glad that she isn't standing up because her knees would be giving way by now. She feels his biceps under his sweatshirt and how much more pronounced they are as they grip onto her waist and hold her tight.

She breaks away for a moment. 'I love you too, Peter.'

He gives her a quick kiss, before he moves down her jawline towards her neck. She sighs as kisses her just near her earlobe. She can feel his hand itching towards the bottom of the hem of her sweatshirt, though knows that he probably can't do what he wants without letting her go and her falling back off the bed. She moves her hands down his shoulder and feels the letters on his sweatshirt.

'I don't like us being on different teams.' She says, tugging at the strings hanging down from his hood.

'Me neither.' He whispers against her lips.

He tips her back against the bed so that she is sitting and stands up in front of her. She watches as he pulls off his UVA hoodie, his shirt slightly rising and showing his ripped abs as he does. This time she knows that she doesn't have to look away because he is hers again and it's all for her. She is so consumed looking at him that he has to gently pull her chin up towards his eyes, while giving her a disapproving look.

'You like what you see?' he teases her.

'I do like what I see. I especially like that what I see is mine.' She quips back.

She grins back at him as he laughs at her and puts her arms up, waiting for him to help her out of her own hoodie. He cups her face and plants a small kiss on her lips that it almost enough to make her arms fall, before he pulls up the hem and takes it off over her head. He tugs it over her head and has to reel the rest of the hoodie off her arms, like a fishing arm. He flings her hoodie on the ground along with his before he steps between her legs and strokes her face again.

'Am I yours?' he asks, looking deep into her eyes.

'Am I?' she challenges back.

'You better be.' He narrows his eyes as he leans in again and kisses her.

He has just managed to coax her own mouth open with his as he begins to slowly lower his hands down her neck. His hands brush over her necklace and he pulls away slightly.

She looks up at him, worried about how he might react. He delicately holds the chain between his fingers as he follows it to the gold, diamond heart that hangs off it. He looks down at it as he moves the heart between his fingers, his eyes are glued on the necklace.

'You still have this?' he is so close to her that she could count his eyelashes and can see the shine of happiness in his eyes.

'I never took it off.' She admits to him.

He kisses down her jawline and along the chain on her neck until he reaches her chest where the necklace is hanging and plants a kiss on that as well.

'So I didn't need to get you another necklace.' He jokes to her. He takes them back to when they were together and went to the antique shop where they saw the older woman who talked about her husband who pinned her and she never took the necklace off.

'Never. You've only gotta pin a girl once.' She tells him.

He gives her a tender smile, before he lets the necklace fall between his fingers and he leans her back and kisses her again. There is so much more in this kiss, there is so much more certiainty and love in it. She now realises why she didn't take it off. She didn't want their story to be over. She wanted what that lady had, she wanted to wear a necklace that one man would recognise her by forever. The jewellery that told her that Peter was her, something he had never gotten for any girl before but what he got for her because he knew how in love she was with the old days and how men got to pin their women. The necklace that had come to mean so much in their relationship, it was the thing that won her back from John when he finally wanted to pin her. Despite not knowing what it meant at all, he wanted it because she wanted it and that meant that he had to make it happen.

They break away again. The kiss they had just shared had been so much more passionate than any of the other ones. He nuzzles his noise against hers and kisses her cheek.

'As much as I want to keep kissing you, can we lie down now?' he asks innocently.

She lets out a chuckle. If there is one thing that Peter is weak for, it is cuddling. He says that those are his favourite moments with her, despite enjoying the other things a lot, he always loves the intimacy of being able to hold on in his arms.

'Ok.' She answer, reaching up and giving him another peck on the lips.

She leans back and pulls her covers out from under pillow, bringing them back for her and Peter to get into. He crawls under them first, after taking off his shoes and she follows. He curves himself against her back, tangling their legs together and putting his arms securely around her waist. He then tucks his chin above her. She reaches down and pulls the covers over them to help fend off the breeze. He plants small kisses along her shoulders and neck.

'So what are we doing tomorrow?' he asks, rubbing his cheek against hers.

'I don't know. Whatever you want to do.' She answers.

'Well I'm not a local here, so you should decide.' She feels him smile against her.

'Ok, I'll guess I'll play the tour guide tomorrow.' She rolls her eyes.

He laughs, then strokes his cheek against hers again. 'I missed your cheeks. They are so soft and smooth.' He remarks.

'Really? My cheeks?' she laughs in disbelief.

'Well….' He starts, he props himself up and little so he had access to more skin. He plants kisses along her neck and shoulder, as he moves one hand under her shirt and the other towards of legs.

'Ok, ok, ok, I got it.' She says, stiffening up at his sudden movement.

He laughs at her innocence, then pulls his hands back to her stomach. 'I love you.' He whsipers.

'I love you too.' She answer.

Then eventually they drift off to sleep and they both sleep better than they have in the last few months.

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She wakes up and can feel something very heavy against her chest. She opens her eyes and sees Peter snuggled against her neck as he snores lightly. She reaches down and plays with his hair as he sleeps. His hair still feel so soft and silky against her hands, a feeling she had missed. She looks down at his face, he really is the handsomest boy of all the Handsome boys. The softness of his face while he snoozes, even just his jawline which she runs her finger over are all things that she has missed and feels she took for granted. She missed seeing his face. She missed seeing his face and having the realisation that he was hers. She looks down at their positions and has to give a little laugh. She mustn't be used to sharing a single bed anymore, because she has moved herself to be taking up the majority of room on the bed and poor Peter has had to put his head against her chest and his back against the wall so that he still has room. She lifts herself up so that she can scoot across and give him more room, but just as she moves a bit away from him, she hears him whine.

'Nooooooooooooo.' He whines, he pulls her back and snuggles up against her again.

'I'm trying to give you more room, silly.' She tells him. She can't even pretend to be mad at the oversized human in her bed.

'I don't want any.' He starts planting kisses along her collarbone.

She can feel him move a bit longer and she stiffens up. 'Nope, if we don't wanna lose the day we have to move now.' She tells him.

'Awwwwwwww.' He whines again. She had forgotten how adorably needy he was.

She puts her hands in his hair and pulls him towards her. She surprises him by slightly twisting him backwards and kissing him. He puts his hand on the nape of her neck as he deepens the kiss. Now she definitely doesn't want to leave and do anything. He pulls away from her, looking deep into her eyes. His eyes are urgent and vulnerable.

'Are you ok?' he breaths into her. His voice is raspy and raw, he is scared that she'll pull away from him again, that she will have changed her mind about last night.

She strokes his face, then buries her fingers in his hair as she lightly rubs her nose against his. 'Yeah.' She breathes as well. He breaks out into a smile and kisses her again. He leans over her, trying to roll them over.

'Ah, not this far.' She breaks away and says, as Peter almost accidentally tips her off the bed.

'Sorry.' He mumbles, though he doesn't move as he begins to kiss her neck. He moves down her shoulders and suddenly she loses her balances and flops backwards, her head colliding with the side of her bed.

'Kavinsky!' she whines.

He bursts out laughing, as he looks down at her upside down under him. While laughing he grabs her waist to keep her secure so she can lean up to him.

'Come on Covey, use those abs.'

'What abs?' she groans, as she struggles to get herself upright.

He laughs at her again, before getting on his knees and sliding his hands up her back so that he can pull her up.

'I think we need to workout together.' He says, as her faces comes back close to his.

'I think I'd rather die.' She teases.

He laughs at her again. He slides her legs on his knees so that she is straddling him and there is no space between them.

'Really?' he asks her, amusement in his eyes.

She can't focus though, not when their bodies are like this and not when he is looking at her the way he is. She leans forward and kisses him again. He works his ways up her body, resting his hands on her cheeks. She snakes her arms around his neck holding him closer and raising her knees around him, so she is more secure. He slowly starts to lean back against her bed, taking her with him. She feels her knees falls on the bed and her chest fall on him. She doesn't need to hold her up because he has his hands in her hair, holding her just close enough to keep deepening the kiss. Eventually she moves her hands beside his head to lift herself up closer to his face and lean over him, he keeps his hands in her hair as she lies on top of him. She feels her mind go blank as she just enjoys kissing him. She had forgotten how much she loved this feeling and how amazing it was to be kissed by him. There wasn't another boy in the world who she ever wanted to kiss or do anything like this with, only her Peter K. She can feel both of them breathing faster, but neither of them want to break away or stop this moment. She feels like she is in the hot tub all over, realising for the first time just how powerful their feelings are for each other and how much she is enjoying just kissing him. He starts running his hands through her hair, about to make the journey down to her waist, she supposed when suddenly the door of her dorm opens.

'Good Morn- Ahhh, what are you doing?' Bonnie had just tried to walk in but had promptly run out of the dorm and slammed the door behind her.

Lara Jean whips her head towards the door, giving Peter a surprise mouthful of her hair as she does.

'Oh sorry.' She tells him, trying to get her hair back as she sits up on top of him.

'That's ok.' He gives her an amused look, probably still thinking about the moment they were just sharing.

'Bonnie!' Lara Jean calls out. She leans forward to get her leg over Peter so she can stand up. She watches him pout as she gets off of him.

'Is it PG? Wait, no I want G actually.' Bonnie says from behind the door.

Lara Jean goes to the door and opens it for her. 'Sorry, we're good.'

'You could have at least locked the door.' Bonnie grumbles as she walks in and sits on her bed.

'Hey Bonnie!' Peter smiles at her and gives her a wave.

She gives him a strange look and a nod, but of course he isn't embarrassed and keeps smiling at her.

'Hi Peter.' She says, warily.

'Do you want to tell me what is going on? She asks Lara Jean.

Lara Jean looks guiltily at Peter. She didn't think that she would have to justify herself or put a label on them so soon.

'We're back together.' Peter proclaims happily.

'Oh I got that. Anything else?' Bonnie asks.

Her cheeks turn red as she thinks back to the fact that Bonnie just caught them making out very heavily on her bed after telling her that she wasn't going to get back together.

'Um, we're going to go t breakfast?' Lara Jean tries.

Bonnie sighs. 'Ok, I'll see you later tonight then. And next time, at least give me some wanring.'

'You got it, Bonnie!' Peter salutes her as Lara Jean drags him off her bed.

'I have to get changed, you need to wait outside.' She tells him.

'What is the RA sees me though?' he looks at her helplessly.

'You'll be fine.' She pushes him out of the door.

As soon as the door is shut, she looks at Bonnie. Bonnie breaks out into a massive smile and looks at her.

'So I may have gotten with my crush.' Bonnie teases.

They run into a hug and start squealing in the middle of the room. Still with their arms around each other and heads tilted back, they jump and squeal together. Lara Jean is so happy that Bonnie finally made a move on her crush and she knows that Bonnie is happy that she is finally happy again with Peter. They let out one last scream before a knoc interrupts them.

'You know I'm still here, right?' Peter's muffled voice comes through the door.

'Yeah, what about it?' Bonnie barks at him.

They hear him laugh through the door as they let go of each other and Lara Jean goes to get changed. She throws on a summer dress and a knitted cardigan to keep her warm, before grabbing her keys, wallet and phone. She quickly darts out the door and has barely turned around before she feels arms around her waist.

'What was that about?' Peter says, burying his face in her hair and breathing in.

'Nothing.' She says unconvincingly.

He gives her an unimpressed look. 'You changed your shampoo.' He remarks, his face still in her hair.

She turns to face him, his face still close to her. 'Yeah, it's raspberry.'

He pouts at her. 'I love my coconut one.'

She smiles up at him and stands up to kiss him. Usually she would protest about him wanting to claim something like owning a smell of shampoo but it's true that it is his. It's the one that he mentioned when he gave them their first kiss, the one that he always remembers her by and the one that always reminds her of him as well. She is already placing on getting out her coconut hair mask that she put at the bottom of her cupboard after they broke up. She always secretly liked the coconut smelling one better as well and is glad that she can use it again.

'Are you really giving me hair advice?' she teases him.

He pulls away, grabbing her hand to start walking. 'Maybe.' He winks at her.

She leans against his arm as he squeezes her hand. She has missed this so much and it's been so long yet it feels like not even a moment has passed. They go bounding down the stairs together and from the small smiles they keep exchanging with each other, she can tell that they are both escastic about this turn out of events.

She takes him to a café on campus that sells the best smoothies she has ever tasted, something she knows that Peter will appreciate since he is still watching what he eats given the team is going so well. As she sat down, she went to pull her hand from his so that they weren't awkwardly holding hands across the table but he held on tight and instead moved his chair to be right beside her so that their knees were touching and their hands resting intertwined on top of his knee.

'Don't even think about it.' He scolds at her, squeezing her hand again.

'Someone's a bit possessive.' She mocks him.

'I'm not letting you go again.' He tells her, his eyes are sure as he tugs on her hand and plants a soft kiss on her lips.

'You're so cheesy.' She says giving him a look. He flashes a smile back at her and her heart starts beating faster.

They spend their breakfast talking as if nothing has changed. They never let go of each other's hands underneath the table, even when she tries to get her other hand to eat her food, Peter pouts at her and grabs her hand again, not letting it go. It reminds her that she isn't going anywhere and honestly she really doesn't want to. She is catching him up with all the drama in Bonnie's life, he is smiling at her tenderly as she tries to keep talking to him while eating at the same time. Suddenly his phone gets a text, he looks at it and his face falls.

'What is it?' she asks, leaning closer to him trying to see what is on his screen.

'It's my team. They're telling us that the bus is leaving in an hour and we have to be there.' He informs her.

Her heart falls. She had gotten so used to having him around and was loving this idea of them being so close and so together that it is a shock to hear that he has to go back.

'I wish I drove here, that way I wouldn't have to leave until tonight.' He tells her, he brings her hand up to his lips and kisses it.

'Me too, but I guess you couldn't have predicted what would have happened.'

'I should have just done it anyway and refused to leave until you broke.' He smiles at her.

'As if you would have had your tail tucked between your legs as soon as I would have told you to leave.'

He nods agreeing with her. As much as he would love to say that he would have pushed her to get back with him, that was never him. He probably would have had a lot of words to say to her but he would have always let her have the last say and be happy with whatever she said.

'Or until Sundance kid arrived.' He throws at her.

She looks at him attentively, trying to read his face. He avoids her eye contact knowing exactly what she is doing. She lets go of his hand, which he at first reflexisvely tries to grab her hand again until he realises that she is moving her hands towards his face.

'Peter, there was nothing there. Just friendship.' She tells him.

'That's what happened last time.' She can see the hurt in his eyes.

'Peter…' she goes to tell him something else. She can't deny that maybe there was something else. She remembers thinking that John and her was something that could happen in the future and maybe after some time, it would be there, but it was also always Peter.

'It's ok, Covey. I don't want to talk about it now.' He tells her, as he says that he moves his hand to cup her cheek. He slides his fingers under her cardigan and gently grasps her necklace, pulling it over the collar so that everyone can see it. His fingers run down the chain to the heart hanging on the end as he places it down over the fabric of the dress which is on her chest. From this move, she can tell that he knows and understands that it's always been him. That there has always been a part of her that knew that he would come back which is why she kept wearing it, she wouldn't be wearing it if she had moved on. She grabs his hand and gives it a squeeze before getting up off her chair.

'Ok. Come on, we have to make sure you don't miss the bus.' She says.

'Covey, we still got an hour.' He isn't budging from his chair.

'And you want to spend it sitting in a café?' There is a mischievous glint in her eyes. His eyes widened and he stands up straight away.

'Let's go.' He proclaims before he starts dragging her away from the table and towards the front door. She has to laugh at his change in pace.

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'Peter, you have to go.' She tries to tell him.

'Noooo, not yet.' He whines, moving his lips down her neck towards her collarbone.

She has her fingers buried in his hair as she weakly tries to pull him away from her. 'You're going to miss the bus.'

'Good.' He says, looking up at her. He then goes for her lips and she forgets what she was trying to say.

He is sitting on her bed, his hands around her waist pulling her close while she stands in between his legs. She had managed to quickly stand up to try and get away from him, but he dragged her straight back. This was one of her favourite ways to kiss Peter though, he was always leaning down to kiss her while she looked up at him so it was nice to get to flip their roles and she got to look down at him. She knows that Peter liked to kiss her like this as well, because he would get to let his hands hang lower than they usually would and run up and down her legs and hips.

He moves his mouth down to kiss the other side of her neck and she takes this moment to push him away from her. She looks down at him, a scowl on her face.

'No.' she commands him.

He gives her a cheeky smile before reaching up to kiss her again. She takes advantage of being higher than him and moves her head back. It's the same thing that Peter does it her when he wants to tease her or 'build the anticipation' as he calls it, dork. He pouts at her.

'No. You know I don't want you to go, but I don't want you to be stuck in Chapel Hill either.' She tells him, standing up straight so he can't reach her.

'Ah, fine.' He admits with a sigh, but instead of pulling away from her, he wraps his arms around her waist and buries his face into her stomach. He squeezes her tight, snuggling against her belly button. She always thinks that he looks so adorable when he does this, just like a little boy. She touches the top of his head, ruffling his hair.

'I'll miss you so much more now.' His voice is muffled against her.

She thinks about his words. The phasing of his sentence makes so much sense to her. He isn't just going to miss her because they are talking and he enjoys that time together or because they are together and are totally fine. Instead it's the opposite. It's the unknown that one day she might wake up and go back to her original decision. They might miss all of their calls to each other and she'll decide it's not enough. They are such early days and adjusting to it all over again, she can tell that he is going to miss her and miss the certainty of her and having her there to remind him that she loves him and that they have so much to get through.

She leans down and kisses the top of his head, something that he has done to her countless times. 'I'll miss you.' She tells him.

He leans his head and looks at her. 'Can I have a goodbye kiss?' he asks innocently.

She narrows her eyes at him. 'Nice try.' She teases, letting go of him and stepping out of his legs. She knows that as soon as she went to kiss him, he would have deepened it just like he knew how to and she would never be able to get him to leave again.

He pouts at her, but she turns away and goes to the door. Quickly, he gets up and darts to the door, stopping her from opening it.

'Give me my goodbye kiss.' He says, leaning down to her.

'You have to go.' She says again.

He refuses to move and shuts his eyes as he moves closer to her. She rolls her eyes and plants a quick kiss on his lips, before she can move her lips far through his come crashing down on hers again. She almost gets consumed by the kiss, but remains focussed on the door. Eventually he pulls away when he feels that she isn't kissing him back with much.

'Happy?' she teases him.

'Very.' He gives her an adorable smile.

They hold hands as she walks him down to where the bus is supposed to be leaving from. He keeps looking at her as if he has to check that she is still there and hasn't run off. They reach the bus and her heart falls.

'I'll call you as soon as I get back to UVA.' He tells her, pushes her hair back behind her ear.

She grabs his hand and rests it against her cheek. They share a short sweet kiss, before he has to let go and get back on the bus. He waves at her once he is on the bus and it drives off. She turns to walk back to her dorm as she feels her phone vibrate in her pocket. It's Peter. She answers it just before it rings out.

'I couldn't wait till I got back to UVA.' He says straight away. She can hear cheering in the background on the bus around him.

'You're going to miss your team celebrations again.' She tells him.

'I'd rather be talking to you.'

'Don't worry, I'll still be here when you get back to Charlottesville.'

'Promise?'

'I promise.'

'I love you with all my heart, Lara Jean.'

She feels her heart skip a beat as she hears those words that she never thought she would hear from him again.

'I love you too.' She answers.

They hang up as she feels a bit more pep in her step as she walks back to her dorm to spend an amazing Sunday night baking.

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An alarm pierces through her sleep at 6am on the Wednesday morning. She watches as Bonnie gets up to turn it off.

'LJ, I don't know if I can workout this morning.' She states, sliding back into her bed.

'Yay!' Lara Jean proclaims, snuggling under her sheets.

'I know we should, but I can barely move my legs after yesterday and I'm so tired frm last night and the weather looks bad, yeah let's definitely miss it.' Bonnie explains.

Lara Jean rolls over happily in her bed. 'Well if you don't go then I'm definitely not going. So more sleep for us!'

She watches as Bonnie gets under her covers as well and they both try to fall back to sleep.

Sleep has almost returned to her when she hears her phone ringing loudly.

'Ahhhhhhh!' she groans, feeling around for her phone next to her bed.

'Who is calling you at this ungodly hour?' Bonnie complains.

'Who do you think?' Lara Jean shoots at her.

She finds her phone and answers the caller. 'Why are you ringing me so early?'

'Covey!' she hears Peter yell way too loudly for the morning on the phone. 'Why aren't you ready and going to your workout?'

'Cause we're tired.' She says, she rests her phone on top of her ear so she doesn't have to hold it. She realises that she has well and truly reached the peak of laziness.

'That's not an excuse.' He jokes.

'Not everyone is as fit obsessed as you.'

'Come on Covey, you're the one who complained about being sore yesterday. That's not going to change unless you stay consistent.'

'Oh sorry I didn't realise that you were now my coach.' She scowls him. She hears him laugh on the other end.

'Come on, up up up!' he says cheerfully.

'I miss the days when you weren't a morning person.' She grumbles.

'If you're already up, you might as well workout.'

'Yeah I miss you too, Peter.' She says sarcastically.

'Aw, Covey stop playing.' He protests. 'I miss you too. Think about when we get to the summer break and we can workout together!'

'I'd rather die.'

'Nope, it's gonna happen so you better start getting ready for it.'

'Why do you have so much energy today?'

'Because I don't have any class today because it's a Wednesday so I get to come back after the gym and nap and talk to you, so you need to make sure you go to the gym now so you can be awake to finish decorations for the Yule Ball so that you can talk to me too.'

'Wow, you really memoried my schedule didn't you? Why are you so obsessed with me?' she teases him.

She hears him laugh, though she is secretly thrilled at the amount of attention he has been paying to what she is doing so that he can make sure that he is free to talk to her.

'Obsessed, I prefer in love.' He charms

She has to hide her smile in her face.

'Fine, I'll get up, but you better not keep me waiting for your call.' She sterns him.

'Aye Aye captain! Send me a pic of your workout, that way I can check your form.'

'Dream on Tiger.'

'See you later!'

'See ya!'

She looks over at Bonnie who is looking at her with her eyes full of dread.

'Come on Bonnie, let's go!' she says, getting out of her bed and ripping Bonnie's covers off her.

'Ahhhh! Can we go back to when you weren't talking to your fit boyfriend and you were too sad to workout?' she complains.

'Nope!' She grabs Bonnie's hands and hoists her up from the bed to her feet.

'Summer bodies, here we come!' she jokes.

Lara Jean is waiting on the grass outside the library for Peter to call. She has just finished going through the decoration for the Yule Ball with everyone and making a roster on when everyone will be coming in to help out with everything. She still doesn't have a dress sorted, but hopefully that can sort itself out soon, she tells herself. She has had a busy day between her early morning, class and Harry Potter meeting, so will be happy to have some time to relax on the phone with Peter. She has her headphones in so that they can talk hands free. This morning's workout class was insanely hard and she has been sore ever since, so she has a whole speech ready to lecture him with about what a bad idea it was and how it's all his fault that she is now sore.

She is practicing her speech in her head when her phone rings. She got such a surprise from it ringing that she picks ip up quickly, assuming that it is Peter.

'Hey you!' she says, picking up.

'Oh hey Lara Jean.' The voice says. Immediately she can tell that this is not Peter on the phone.

'Oh John Ambrose, what's up?' she tries to hide the disappointment in her voice.

'Were you expecting someone else? I just heard your voice fall.' He laughs.

'Ha, no I just wasn't expecting you to call me.;

'Yeah it's been a while. Look, I was wondering if you wanted to hang out this weekend. I'm coming up to Chapel Hill to see the campus with my parents and was wondering if you wanted to hang out that night. They'll be heading back at about 4pm anyway.'

She hears in his voice the assumption that he would probably just be able to stay in her dorm, just like he had done before. She wants to say yes to hanging out with him though she knows that Peter would never be ok with him staying the night in her dorm, especially when they have just gotten back together so soon.

'Ummmm, I've actually got a party on that night, but I might be able to hang around in the afternoon.' She suggests, trying to sound as credible as possible.

'Oh that's such a shame. Who's the party for?' he asks, she can hear hope in his voice.

She has gotten herself in such a bad situation. Before the last weekend, she would have definitely tried to plus one John to the party, as she had done that before with Selena's party and a few more before that as she was really excited to have him getting amongst more UNC people. She is now realising what a mistake she has made because he is probably expecting her to plus one him to this party as well so that he can keep being friends with her friends and so that next year he can slot right in with them. It all seemed like such a good idea when her and Peter were history and she was probably going to want and need options of good guys around her, but now it is a disaster.

'Look it's just some sophomores party that I'm a plus one for.' She lies.

'Oh all good. Maybe the next weekend? I could convince my parents to do a tour then.' He asks hopefully.

'No no no, that would be so annoying to make them change their schedule.'

'I'm sure they wouldn't mind. It would just be really good to see you again.'

She bites her lip as she considers his words. She knows that she should be allowed to hang with John and be friends with him, but with her and Peter so early days she doesn't want to do anything to jeopardise where they are or how he feels.

'I'm actually going home that weekend because it's Trina's birthday.' She isn't even lying, but is glad to have an excuse.

'Really? I might be able to see you then. You should drive past William and Mary on your way down.' He offers.

'Yeah that would be a great idea.' She realises.

'Awesome, well I might see you around campus this weekend with my parents and hopefully we can catch up the weekend after.' He says.

'Yeah sounds good.'

'Ok bye.'

'Bye.'

She hangs up the phone and lets out a breath. She knows that them hanging out would be harmless, particularly on her part and she needs to be friends with John knowing that he is going to be at UNC next year so she will be running into him a lot. She'll just have to tell Peter later and hope that he is going to be ok with everything. He should be, she thinks to herself, she only loves him.

Her thoughts are interrupted by Peter's call.

'Hey!' she greets him.

'Hey, I tried to call you but it said you were on another call.' He says.

'Oh yeah, my dad just called me then, he just had a question about baking cupcakes for Kitty.' She lies. She knows that she shouldn't but she can't just drop that bomb over the phone.

'Ah, of course. I can see where Kitty got her bad baking from.' He jokes.

'Hey, she made you those fruitcake cookies, didn't she?' she defends.

'Serisouly Covey, we both know that you made them.'

'How do you know that?' she huffs.

'I can just tell.'

She rolls her eyes. 'Yeah sure, tough guy.'

'How is your day?'

She now remembers her speech. 'It started out horribly. You told me to do that stupid workout and it was really hard.'

'Really?' he mocks her.

'Really, it was. Now I'm sore and it hurts to walk anywhere around me and to any of my classes, so I hope that you are happy.'

'Where are you sore?'

'My glutes are killing me.' She complains.

'Hmmm, I wish I was there to kiss it better.'

Her face turns red and her hand flies to her mouth. 'Peter! You can't say that.'

'Why? It's true.' He smirks over the phone.

'People could hear you.'

'Hear what? They don't know what I'm suggesting that I kiss.'

She has to cover her mouth again. She feels so embarrassed by his comments despite knowing that there isn't anyone around to hear them or anything.

'Peter….' She whines.

'Oh you're so adorably cute.' He remarks.

She pouts at him, though she knows that he can't see. 'In a quirky way.' She reminds him.

'In the best way.'

She scrunches her nose at his cheesiness though she secretly loves it. She is just glad that he isn't here to see her blush.

'Ok Romeo, what else do you wanna do on the phone aside from flirt with me?' she teases him.

'Anything else?' he asks suggestively.

'Anything reasonable.'

'You can't see me, but just know that I'm pouting.'

'You say that as if your face shows any other facial expression.'

She hears him laugh out loud on the phone. 'Man I missed your humour, Covey. You really are a funny girl.'

'Wow, thanks.' She says sarcastically. She remembers back to the first time he called her that and she definitely was not bowled over by the compliment.

'Yeah, but you're my funny girl.'

Now that she can smile about.

 _A/N: Hey Fronds! Did anyone say CUTENESS OVERLOAD? As promised here is the next update! I am so glad that you guys enjoyed the last chapter, I was scared that you were going to come for me after keeping them apart for another chapter! So I'm stoked that you loved it! This chap-chap is one of my faves as well and I hope that you all like it! I'm pretty pumped to finally be able to write more of a LJ/PK story with more moments between them so if there is anything that you want to see, please let me know and I will try and accommodate! This update has been hella quick to put out so probably expect a bit of a break until the next one, unless the reviews demand it sooner! Please let me know what you thought of this chapter and the one before and what you think of the story! Can't wait to hear from you guys, even if it's just a few words of encouragement, anything is appreciated and is very motivating! xxxx_


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

'Oh, damn!' Lara Jean exclaims as she looks down at her diary.

This weekend was Trina's birthday and she was going to come home, but she has just checked and realised that it is clashing with the Yule Ball. She has been so flat out planning it that she totally forgot. Well that and pretty consumed in her happiness of being back with Peter. She quickly dials Trina's number to break to her the news.

'Lara Jean? To what do I owe this pleasure.' Trina greets her.

'Hi Trina, I have some bad news.' She starts.

'Oh no, what happened? It's ok if you failed a class, or had a night out, even if you got that STD, it's all going to be ok.' Trina rambles.

'No no, what? Trina, I don't have a STD and I haven't failed yet.'

'Oh thank goodness. Even though I said it would be Ok, I definitely wouldn't be able to be in under the same roof as your dad when you broke that to him.'

'Trina… no it's about something else. I was just going to say that I don't think I can come home for your birthday this weekend. '

'Oh Lara Jean, that's fine.'

'Are you sure? You know that I would, but this Yule Ball which I have been working hard to organise is on the same night. I completely forgot about the dates so I couldn't let you know sooner. I'm so sorry.'

'It's honestly fine. I'm going out with Kristen that night and Kitty and your dad are taking me to brunch in the morning. I will look forward to getting a call from you.'

'I promise I'll be there the weekend after. I'll come and see you and Peter.'

As soon as the words come out of her mouth, she slaps her hand to her mouth. She hasn't told them yet about her and Peter because she wanted to give them time to get in a good place.

'What? Why are you seeing Peter? Are you back together?' Trina squawks straight away.

'Ummmm, maybe…' Lara Jean fails to hide the truth in her voice.

'Ahhhhh, I'm so happy! That's so great! Oh that boy is so good for you, I am so glad you managed to work things out.'

Lara Jean can hear her heels hitting against the tiles in the kitchen over the phone, Trina is probably jumping up and down with joy that she still gets to see Peter Kavinsky around her house.

'Thanks Trina. I was going to tell you when I came back, but I guess it's out there now.'

'Are you happy about it? Sorry I should have asked that first.'

'Of course I am.' Lara Jean grins as she admits this.

'Ok that's good. Yes you and Peter will be expected the weekend after to come and celebrate with me, ok?'

'That sounds amazing.'

'Ok I'll put it in the calendar and talk to you on Saturday.'

'Yes I will be up early to wish you a happy birthday then.'

'Take care, Lara Jean.'

'You too, bye.'

'Bye.'

She hangs up and falls against her bed. At first she didn't want to tell a lot of people about her and Peter. She knew that she was so devasted when they broke up and that a lot of people around her felt it as well, so she wanted to make sure that she was sure of him before telling people. She had no idea when that would be but given that they had been talking every day, multiple times a day since getting back together, she thought that it was probably fine. Part of her wishes that she had given herself and Peter more time. Maybe if she had been more patient then that would have allowed them to get the hang of things instead of calling it quits after only a few months of college, but then she wouldn't know whether they would have changed the way that they had. Peter might not have realised how much he was blaming her and how unfair he was being and she might not have understood how many expectations he had placed on himself and what he expected for him and how that affects them. They were now in such a good place where they could just slip into each others lives throughout the day. Whether it would be just messaging each other about funny things that happen during the day or if it is having a good night call to go through everything that has happened. He has even started sending her letters again which she has also decided to respond to. As much as she loves receiving letters from Peter, she also enjoys having the chance to write them again to him. Sometimes it's the main medium that they can have deeper conversations. Where she can write down all the things that have been worrying her that week and her struggles to get through them and he can write down all the times he has wished she was there with him and the times where he hasn't felt like he was enough. It's a constant reassurance from each other of the bigger and more important things between them that they were absolutely lacking with their technological communication. It works better as well though because now she can call him as soon as she gets his letters and run through all the amazing things about him and how important he is to her, while he can make note to ring her every day to remind her of how all the big tasks ahead of her are easily broken up into more manageable goals. It makes them feel like they are always with each other and their lives are still connected despite being so far apart. She knows that they needed that time apart to realise just what they needed from each other and get to this amazing time now.

In saying that though she still missed him dearly. There were nights when she would have had an incredibly busy day and despite talking to him that morning and texting him during the day, all she wanted was to be able to lie next to him and feel his arms around her. Even just in the middle of the day when she was walking to class, she would sometimes just wish that he could be walking with her, just like they imagined and just like they used to in high school. He could meet her outside her residence hall, grab her hand while they both munched on the croissants that she just made and then give her a goodbye kiss before she walked into her first class and he went to his. She could study on the bleachers as he trained, keeping eye on all the times he would do something impressive and look over and wink at her. Even after a long day where he spent so much time training and studying and she was in meetings and studying, they would always easily just have time for each other. The simplest act of just being next to each other would be enough. But they don't. She has to remind herself of all the good times and the fact that she loves Peter so much to get her out of these ditches where she feels like their relationship is lacking. She wouldn't trade Peter for anything else, but sometimes she wishes it was easier.

Her phone vibrates with messages. She sees that she has some from Peter and John. John has asked if the Yule Ball is this weekend and whether it was possible for him to still get a ticket. Peter is wondering if she wants him to come and pick her up from Chapel Hill to bring her home. With a sigh, she calls Peter to break the news to him.

'Hey Covey, did you get my text?' he asks.

'Yeah I did and about that, I'm not coming home this weekend.' She admits.

'What? Why?'

'This weekend is the Yule Ball, but don't worry I'll be back the weekend after to celebrate Trina's birthday. She wants you to come over as well.'

'Oh ok, I'll have to check the time of my lacrosse but I'm sure I can come at least for a bit. Wait, what ball?'

'It's the ball for my Harry Potter club, remember?'

'Right, it's the one you've been burning your fingers on super glue guns for. How could I forget?'

'That's it.'

'So, do you need a date?'

She pauses. She hadn't really thought about a date. She had just brought her dress online then and gotten express shipping on it would arrive on Thursday. She was praying that it would fit otherwise she didn't really have another option. A date hadn't even crossed her mind.

'Nah I don't think it's necessary.'

'You don't want me to come?' Peter sounds a little hurt.

Damn, now she has hurt his feelings.

'No, I mean I just hadn't thought about it or thought that I needed to. I don't have a ticket for you or any other arrangements and I didn't think you would be into it.'

'Why wouldn't I be into it?'

'What did you call Harry Potter people again? People who don't have a life, who are in the final fantasy club or whatever geek club?' she teases him.

'Nah that was just Sanderson. Cause he was.'

'Ok, but don't worry you don't need to come.'

'What if I want to come? I've read the books.'

'That doesn't make you a fan.'

'Really? Try me.'

Lara Jean narrows her eyes. 'You don't wanna step into the ring with me, Kavinsky. I will crush you on Harry Potter trivia.'

'Ask the question, Covey.'

She smiles at his determination. 'Fine, which horcruxes belonged to the founders of Hogwarts?'

'Ummmm…horcruxes… that was the 6th and 7th book, right?'

'Maybe.'

'Ok…' he takes a moment to think about it.

'What Peter, you can't google that.'

'Who said I was googling it?'

'Then what's taking you so long?'

'I'm thinking.'

'Oh it was that necklace, the locket in the Half Prince book belonged to the snake guy.'

'That's one.'

He pauses again. 'Ummm, then there was something else that belonged to the bird house. The blue bird house. Wasn't it jewellery again?'

'That's not enough for an answer.'

'Ummmm, was it another necklace, or an earring, or… a bracelet…. Or nah, it was a tiara.'

'It was diadem, but I'll accept that answer. Now one more.'

She hears him groan. 'Covey I can't remember this. There were so many of those things in the books.'

'They are a crucial part of the plot, Peter. You might as well have not read them if you can't remember them.'

He growls. 'Ok, can I have a clue?'

Lara Jean thinks about this. 'It was located in Bellatrix's vault at Gringotts.'

'Oh Bellatrix was that weird witch who killed the godfather right?'

'Yeah, but that's still not the answer.'

'Ok, ummmm, in the vault, oh that was the part when they rode the dragon out. The vault had all that gold… she had drunk the Polyjuice potion… oh yeah a goblet, it was a cup or a goblet thing.'

'Wow, you actually got it.' Lara Jean is shocked that he remembered.

'Oi, I can read, remember?' he teases.

'Sorry I honestly thought you lied about that.' She teases right back.

He laughs. 'So does that mean I get to come and wear a suit?'

Classic Peter. Always looking for an excuse to wear a suit.

'I don't know if I can get you a ticket this late.'

'What? Of course you can, people always pull out last minute and you're on the committee, I'm sure you can pull some strings.'

'But don't you have a lacrosse game?'

'Yeah but it's at midday at UVA.'

'Won't you want to be there to celebrate if you win?'

Peter laughs. 'Look we have done well to make the semi-finals and all, but there is no way we are going to win this next game. We're against the top team so they just need to beat us to go straight through to the grand. We are going to get smashed, so I would rather drown my sorrows with you then an unhappy team.'

'What if by some chance you win though?'

'Even more reason to come spend it with you. If we win then we wouldn't be allowed to party much anyway and the team would probably just try to organise another training the next day. Like I never thought I would say this, but I am so over the training.'

She laughs at him. Their team had been doing sessions almost 2-3 times a day whether it was on the oval or in the gym. Peter liked doing that many sessions a day usually but he always had at least one session where he was by himself and in charge of himself, so he isn't liking being bossed around as much as he is.

'Are you going to be able to drive 4 hours after a game though? You'll be wiped out.'

'Covey, stop making excuses. The drive is only 3 hours and 25 minutes and I'll stop every half an hour if I have to. Can I please come?'

She smiles. Of course she wants him to come. She wants him to finally meet a bunch of the people in her club and her friends. She wants to show him what she has been working on almost every day this week in preparation to decorate. She is really proud of herself for doing it, especially when she has had massive assignment due this week as well and she wants to share that with him.

'Fine you can come, but you better look good in that suit.'

'I always do.'

She nods in agreement. He doesn't lie, he does rock a suit in a way that no other boy can. Honestly if she had it her way, he would have to wear a suit every day which he wouldn't mind either apart from all the weird looks he would get.

'Are you finally going to let your hair down?' he asks.

She realises that she hasn't gotten drunk around Peter yet when they have been dating, aside from the incident at Trina's bachelorette party. She has gotten used to it around her friends, that suddenly she feels self-conscious being around Peter.

'Nah, I'll be right.' She lies. Secretly she was actually really looking forward to finally being able to have some drinks this weekend. Their venue was a closed hall which meant that it was private property and the owners had already said that they didn't mind if alcohol was consumed as long as it was done so safely. They had put in place a buddy system with tickets to ensure this, so that everyone who got a ticket had to be linked to someone if they were too drunk then their buddy would automatically be kicked out too. It had worked for other clubs and they were hoping it would work again.

'No, Covey, come on, I want to be able to look after you for once.'

'Look after me? Wow, how old-fashioned of you?'

'Nah that's not what I meant. You are so hilarious when you are drunk. I can't drink during the season, so I'll need entertainment. Please?'

'We'll see.' She smiles at him. Depending on how comfortable she is around him and the people there might determine her decision.

'Fine. I'm really looking forward to this.'

'I hope so. I'll work on your ticket.'

'You better. I love you.'

'I love you too. Bye.'

'Bye.'

They hang up on each other and she goes to her messages to send one to the people managing the tickets. She honestly has no idea if they will let her have one. They had been refused to let other people buy their tickets after the deadline but hopefully she can have special treatment.

She texts John as well and lets him know that tickets probably aren't an option for him now because of the deadline. She knows that she could have gotten one for him, but that would just be wrong for Peter to do that. She also knows that he would be needing to spend a lot of time with her anyway as she would be the main one introducing him which would just make him feel like a third wheel. It's better that this happens, she thinks to herself. She confirms the ticket for Peter and now the weekend is looking to be even better than she planned.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The Saturday comes way too quickly for her to handle. She is busy for the whole day at the venue making sure that everything is perfect. She texts the details to Peter the night before and has told him that she will be basically unavailable for the whole day until he is scheduled to arrive. He says that he should be all ready to leave Charlottesville by 3pm, meaning he should get there at about 7pm. He has consistently reassured her that he will be a good enough state to drive the long distance, as long as she lets him sleep in tomorrow morning. Her heart gets all giddy knowing that he will be able to spend the night with her again. Her dress arrived the day before and it fit perfectly which pleased her and de-stressed her very much. It is a very simple dress, it is a floaty navy wrap dress that goes down to the floor. It has sleeves and doesn't plunge too low which were her main requirements. As she got to the venue, one of the other members in the club said she looked just like Emma Watson did at the Yule Ball just without the pink and the frills. She gets giddy at that comment, knowing that Emma Watson is her absolute girl crush.

The venue looks even better than expected. The golden snitches are hanging wonderfully from the strings along the ceiling and the dark blue velvet table cloths complete with scattered golden stars over them add to the atmosphere perfect. They have position two over-sized broomsticks that took her a full weekend to make the frame of the doorway and the centrepieces on each of the tables vary from crystal balls, to chocolate frogs, to replicated horcruxes. She is already planning on donating all of the items to the club so that they can be reused at any other events in the future.

'Lara Jean, this looks great.'

'Wow. You should do interior design.'

'I was so shocked when I heard that a freshman did this. Congratulations.'

She beams at all of the compliments thrown her way as people enter the venue. She wasn't planning on being there to greet people, but she is standing by the door so she can keep an eye out for Peter. She hasn't heard much from him aside from the fact that he left Charlottesville almost 4 hours ago and had made a stop at the drive-thru. Finally she sees a Black Audi, pull up and a gorgeous Peter in his suit, step out.

'You made it!' she remarks, as she runs down the steps towards him.

She isn't sure what is making her run, the fact that she has missed him so much or the fact that he looks breathtaking in a suit and she needs everyone to know that he is her.

'Of course I did!' he opens his arms for her and she runs into them.

'How did your game go?' she leans away from their embrace and stares up at him.

He lets out a nervous laugh. 'Yeah, well, we won.'

'What? Peter, that's amazing!' she jumps up excitedly and throws her arms around his neck. He reflexively catches her and has his arms around her waist.

'I know. It was absolutely unexpected. Even our coach couldn't believe it. But we actually managed to play amazingly as a team and the other team was really off their game.'

'I'm sorry you couldn't celebrate this incredible victory with them.' She strokes the side of his face and gives him apologetic eyes.

'Nah, it's ok. I'd rather be here with you.' He says sincerely. He leans down and kisses her like there isn't a crowd of people around them and they have all the time in the world.

'Wait so what does this mean for finals?' she asks, as he pulls away.

'It means that we are straight through to the grand final in two weeks, but you probably won't see much of me until then.'

'Where is it?'

'It's at UVA.'

'Oh I'll have to be there.'

'Covey, it's ok if you can't, I get that you are busy.' He looks between her eyes waiting for a reaction.

She caresses his cheek. He really is trying not to push her or blame her for being busy. She knows how much he loves having her at his lacrosse games, even in high school, he always wanted her there. So to let her have an excuse for a freaking grand final is something that he is probably finding hard to do.

'No. I'll be there.' She tells him sternly.

His face breaks out into a massive grin and he kisses her away.

'Ewwww, no PDA.' She scolds him after this kiss.

'But it's a special occasion.' He argues.

She nods her head to the side. 'Ok, fine.' She concedes

He holds out his arm for her to link her through. 'Shall we?'

She links her arms through his in agreement and leads him up the stairs to the venue. She looks watching his jaw drop in awe of the decorations when he walks in.

'Covey, did you do all this?'

'Yep.' She nods at him.

'It looks amazing.' He tells her, he slides his arm around her waist and gives her a kiss on the cheek.

'Thank you.'

'You're welcome.'

She takes Peter around and introduces him to all the main people in the club who she hangs around with. She can see him nodding as he finally is able to put a face to the multiple names she has been ranting to him about over the phone. Every so often he will give her a side glance whenever she introduces him to someone who she had been complaining about not helping with the decorations or not being organised. She tells herself that she definitely needs to remind him soon that she was just in a bad mood and those people are actually really lovely, so he is allowed to like them again even though he doesn't know them. Someone in the club had the amazing suggestion of whipping up a version of 'Butterbeer' for the night and it tastes delightful. It tastes like eggnog and hot chocolate mixed together. She has never been to the Harry Potter theme parks before but one of the members of the club tells her that what they have tastes just like it. She easily down multiple glasses within the hour and is starting to feel a little more lightheaded. After expressing a massive love for the drinks, Peter has made sure that she always has one in her hand, something she was grateful for until she started feeling the effects. Every time she tries to stop him, he reminds her that he is dead sober especially as they are through to the grand final and he is sure that he could even carry her home if she needed it. Though she makes sure she won't get that bad. They play a game of the butterbeer pong near the side of the room. She is hideous at throwing the balls through the quidditch hoops and into one of the cups on the other side, but Peter is an expert. He works up a crowd as he does it and soon everyone is watching him. It even gets competitive and one of the players from the UNC Lacrosse team gets called in to make an appearance. Lara Jean winces when she sees him knowing that whatever scores he gets are going to be the cups that she'll have to drink. When everyone is just starting to get tipsy enough, the music starts to play. Everyone is dancing around and bopping along to every song. Lara Jean is loving having this event as it is giving her an excuse to dance with seniors, juniors and sophomores without worrying about each othe them having their own group of friends or being too cool for each other because they all share a love for the amazingness of Harry Potter. Peter even manages to keep up with a whole bunch of the references and spends much of the night pointing at things and guessing what book they are from and checking with Lara Jean. She was very proud when he got the majority of the questions right, proving that he really had been paying attention when he read the books. There weren't enough songs to be solely centred around magic, so eventually it transitions to more pop songs. Her and Peter are enjoying sitting down and talking to people, but then 'Style' comes on and Peter doesn't give her a choice and drags her onto the dance floor. He spins her around and dips her much to the amusement of the people around them but she loves every minute.

The night winds down and she feels the full effects of the butterbeer take over. She is grateful that she helped set up everything because now she doesn't have to put everything away and pack up. She tries to say goodbye to everyone, but after her dress almost falls down for a second time, Peter carries her outside. He places her in the front seat of his car and goes to the driver seat.

She pouts when she sees him so far away and drapes herself over his arm that is resting on the gear shift. Her head is securely against his shoulder and her arms are hugging his bicep in his suit.

'I had a really good night.' She remarks.

'I can tell.' Peter gives her a smile.

'You should wear a suit more often.'

'Really? How often?'

'Every day.'

'Every day?'

'Yep every day. Anyone who sees you would be honoured.'

Peter laughs at her. 'You're funny, Covey.'

'That's me! A funny girl.' She grins at him.

'That's true.'

'I'm so proud you won your game.'

'Thanks.' He gives her a sideglance wondering where she is going with this.

'I'm glad I get to do as well.'

'Do you even know the rules?'

She gasps at him and hits his arm which makes him yelp. 'I don't need to know the rules, or I know if when you score and that's enough.'

He smiles at her. 'You got pretty lucky, getting a student athlete boyfriend, didn't you?'

She stares wistfully through the front windshield as she snuggles closer to his shoulder. 'I guess.'

'You guess? What you think you could have something better?'

She is fascinated by all the street lights above them. 'The only thing better would be having you with me all the time.'

He nods at her, in understanding but also helplessly.

She finds herself rambling on. 'Sometimes I imagine that though. I imagine what it would be like never having to say good night to you. You could literally spend the entire week with me and not leave my side. I could bake for you, you could walk me to class, we could go to starbucks together. All the little things.'

She looks up at him. 'Don't you think its funny? During high school, we never thought twice about doing those things and they were totally random, but now they are some of the things that I miss most.'

'I know.' He admits. As they come to a red light, he kisses the top of her head.

'But that's the way things are now. I could never imagine going to UVA since I've got all my study groups, baking clubs, Harry Potter meetings and friends here now and you have your lacrosse which you couldn't leave for UNC. Sometimes I wish that I hated college and it was a really bad year so that I would want to transfer, but I just can't and sometimes I feel bad about it.' She reveals to him.

'No, you should never feel bad about it. Never apologise for being happy and doing what you love, Covey.'

'Ok. I'm just excited to have you in my bed tonight.'

'Hmmm, you've been waiting all week, haven't you?'

'Like you wouldn't believe.' She flirts with him and he gives her a smile as he pulls up outside of her dorm.

He walks around and opens the door for her. 'Do you need me to carry you?'

'Nope, I got it.' She says, then she stands up and proceeds to almost fall straight forward on her face. Peter catches her just before she hits the ground.

'Ok, just let me give you a hand.' He puts his arm around her securely and helps her out.

She is leaning her full weight on Peter as he leads her back to her dorm. Bonnie was staying in her crush's dorm that night. Even though Lara Jean knew her judgement was cloudy at the moment and that she definitely would struggle to resist Peter in a suit, she knew he would never do something like that and always want her to be very level-headed when it happened.

Peter wraps his arms around her waist and holds her against him, while he fiddles with her purse to get out her keys. Bonnie left it locked after she left because there had been so issues with theft on their corridor. Peter is leaning his head down to try and find the keys in the dim light, which Lara Jean uses as the perfect opportunity to kiss him.

She is leans on her heels against him and starts kissing him on his cheek, then to his jawline and his neck. She feels his adam's apple bob and his breath get faster as she does which only makes her want to do it more.

'Covey, I can't think when you do that.' He says, trying to lean away from her lips.

She turns around and wraps her arms around his neck and goes for a full assault. He growls in frustration.

'Damn it.' He breaths. Finally he caves and he meets her lips. She loves the feeling of kissing when she is lightheaded. The way that their tongues siwlr together and how his lips move are enough to make her lose her mind when sober, so when drunk it just about takes her completely out of this world. She is so lost in the kiss and the urgency of it, that she completely forgets that they are in the middle of the corridor.

'Get a room.' She hears someone call out.

She breaks into a fit of giggles and hides her face into Peter's chest as he smirks at her. He takes the opportunity of her putting her head against him, to look over her and try find the keys again. Finally she hears a tinkle and sees him unlocking it.

'Open Sesame!' she proclaims, as the door swings open.

She runs and jumps on her bed. Peter shuts the door and is laughing at her. He is very amused by how she is acting at the moment and surely enjoying this newfound fun attitude. He is standing over her when she sits up very suddenly, hitting the bottom of his head.

'Kissy?' she asks him, tilting her head to the side.

He laughs at her and her adorableness. He cups her face, caresses her cheeks as he does. 'You need to get out of your dress, then we can kissy.'

She widens her eyes at him when he mentions getting out of her dress.

'No no, you need to get into your pjs first as well.' He corrects himself.

She pouts at him, making sure her lips is poking out a lot.

'Awww, don't give me that face. Can you get changed or do you need help?' he presses his fingers against her cheeks, trying to flatten her pout.

'I got it. Turn around.' She pushes him away toward the corner of the room.

She set out her pyjamas by her bed, knowing that she might struggle to find them later. She reaches to the back of her dress to get the zip. She can't reach it. She tries her left arm, then her right arm. She goes from the top and then from the bottom. How the hell is she supposed to get out of this?

'Peter…' she whines at him.

'Can I turn around?' he asks, cautiously.

'I can't get out of my dress.' She whimpers.

He laughs at her again and turns around. He places his hands on her shoulders and spins her around. She hears the zip undoing and her dress getting looser as he pulls it down. She assumes that it is undone when she can't here anymore and she has to gather it up around her to cover her. She is about to turn around and face Peter, when she feels his lips against the back of her neck. She closes her eyes at his touch. He plants feather light kisses from the bottom of her hair all the way down to where the zip has stopped. She hears herself sighing in content as he reaches the curve of her back. She jumps when she feels his breath against her ear.

'I'll turn around again.'

What don't turn around? Do that again, she thinks to herself. He quickly goes to the corner of the room and turns around. She lets the dress fall to her ankles. She steps out of it and gets into her nightgown which she left next to her. The nightgown is a vintage one from probably the 60s. It is a babydoll shape, so is sleeveless and goes to just above her knees. It is a baby pink colour complete with lace over the bodice and bows just at the front. It's one that is perfect for the more summery night like tonight. She places herself on her bed, her legs hanging off.

'I'm ready for my kiss.' She declares.

Peter turns around. His eyes look darker. She looks at him up and down and almost loses her breath. The hunger and urgency in his eyes combined with the sexiness and slickness of his suit just makes her want to tell him to take her there. He leans down to her and she closes her eyes. He plants a kiss on each of her cheeks, then between her eyebrows and her nose.

'We still need to get your makeup off.' He says.

He gets the makeup remover from her desk and the cotton pads that she put next to them. He pours out the product onto a pad. He slides one hand back against her neck. She leans her head back as the other one holding the pad removes her make up. He is so gentle with the pad that it feels like butterflies on her face. He slowly circles around the top of her face, swooping over her eyes then swirling around her cheeks. She closes her eyes in contentment. He pauses for a moment to dispose of an old pad and get a new one. She told him that he had to do at least 4 to make sure that all the product was gone. She isn't even sure how long it is before the perfect massage he was giving her with pads is finished and he kisses each of her eyelids. His face is close to hers as she finally opens her eyes.

'Can we kiss now?' she asks him.

He flashes her a grin and presses his lips against hers. She pulls on the lapels of his suit jacket to have him closer to her. She can feel his knees pressing against the bed on either side of her legs. Eventually she gets her arms under his jacket and pushes it off him.

'Hold on.' He whispers against her lips pushing her hands away. She gives him a sad look as he steps away from her, sliding the jacket slowly off his arms before placing it on the back of her chair.

'I can't believe your jacket creasing is more important than me.' She teases him.

'Never. My mum just told me she bet that I would leave it crumpled on the floor, so I gotta prove her wrong.' With a big stride he is back over to her and his lips are on hers.

He slowly brushes his hands down to her waist, in a way that she knows is getting a feel of her. He leans forward and she rolls back against his hands and onto the bed. Once her back is laying flat on the bed, she can feel him move her legs so that they are both lying down. Her hands wander to the buttons on his shirt. She fumbles to undo them as he moves to kiss her neck. Just as she thinks that she almost has it, she lets go and realises that it hasn't moved.

She lets out a small scream in frustration.

Peter laughs at her and then sits up on his knees. 'Here let me do this before you rip my shirt.' He fumbles almost as much as she does, but finally gets the first three undone so that he can put it over his head.

In her state of light-headedness, she does not miss a beat, running her hands down his stomachs muscles just like she had been so desperate to do before. He flexes underneath her fingers and she leans forward and kisses him on his chest. She feels him stiffen under her, she has never done anything like this before. Sure, she has kissed his neck but below that has kind of been off limits. He quickly grabs her by her arms and brings her up to a seated position so that he can kiss on her lips. She moves to be on her knees as well so they are almost cheek to cheek. She snakes her arms around him, closing off any distance that the had between them. She is so intoxicated by the way that he is kissing her and the smell of having him so close to her that she feels like they could stay like this for hours. His hands run down her sides until they get to the bottom of her night gown, carefully they sneak under the material. She shivers as she feels his hands against her skin. As he brings his hands up, he moves his mouth to kiss her neck and she buries her hands in his silky hair. He is kissing her along her collarbone, as he brings his hands up to her hips. She isn't unfamiliar with this feeling at all. It wasn't the first time that they had done this, despite it being so long. Though she had never been wearing a nightgown before that riding up between them, for sure there had been many passionate make out sessions that results in a few hands going everywhere. Usually moments like these were rare and spent in Peter's bedroom or in his car like when they were in high school, but it feels nice to finally have a new space for them and one that is hers that she isn't afraid to be with Peter in. It's not the room or the bed that she was in when she was a little girl or one that she has shared with her sisters, it's one that is just for her that she has only shared with Peter. His hands slowly move up to her waist before they are resting on the bottom of her ribcage. In her realisation that they have never done this when she has been wearing a nightgown, she also realises something else very important and that is this has never happened when she hasn't been wearing a bra. Peter is always so careful and thoughtful of what happens between them insuring that she is comfortable with everything. She remembers one of the first times this happened and how she jerked away from him, unsure and uncertain of what he was doing. He apologised straight away and said he would never do it again, but after she talked to Margot about it, she realised that it was a baby step for their relationship and something intimate that she was slowly getting used to. Eventually she got used to and encouraged him to 'cop a feel' as websites called it though Peter blushed furiously when she said that and that's how they have gotten here.

She tugs him up to her so that she can kiss his lips again. She doesn't want to stop his hands but she definitely needs a good distraction from it which will definitely come from his lips. As their lips meet and he deepens the kiss, his hands slowly edge towards just under the centre of her rib cage. She can tell from the way he slides his hands to her sides and his body jerks in surprise that he has just realised where they are going for the first time as well. She keeps kissing him, her whole body trying to tell him that it is ok and encouraging him to do it.

'You're killing me, Covey.' He says breathlessly against her lips.

She leans in and kisses him again, deeply. She notices that he hasn't moved his hands any closer. She pulls away from him for a moment and studies his eyes. She can see the conflict in them. She can see how badly he wants to do it, but also his reservations about her current state.

'What are you waiting for?' she challenges him. She wants to let him know that it's ok.

'I shouldn't. Not when you're like this.' He sighs.

She touches the backs of her hands against his smooth cheeks. He was so thoughtful to be saying this and not wanting to do this. She had heard from Margot that boys are practically unstoppable once you give their hormones a chance to take over and their hands to move. She can see the hunger and urgency in Peter's eyes and is sure that it is reflected in her own. She wants this, not just for him, but for her. She knows that even though she is in a different state to what she usually is, if she wasn't feeling this way then she would be overthinking this even more and not thinking about how easy and how simple this was. She loved Peter. They were no longer words or ideas of her coming to college and them taking this next step, but a reality. She just needed to be brave enough.

'It's ok. I love you' She tells him.

He lets out a shaky breath. She can tell that he is struggling to control himself and is still conflicted. She won't push him anymore as he is definitely in a state to know what's better for them, but she also doesn't want him to think that she doesn't want this.

They are kissing again. Their minds and tongues lost in each other. She feels his hands edging upwards until they are cupping her boobs. She doesn't let him stop kissing her though and, in each kiss,, she tries to reassure him more and more – this is what she wants and that she loves him. He runs his hands around her chest and she feels the shiver travelling down her spine almost transform into shakes of passion. No one has ever touched her like this before and she doesn't want him to stop. She can feel his energy in the kiss as well, he is all consumed by her and her body. A power that feels strangely strong and new to her. Their breath gets faster and she can feel her heart beating quicker under his hands.

He eventually pulls away from her lips and slides her hands down to her waist. He kisses her cheek multiple times, before he rests his cheek against hers. He softly strokes their faces together as his arms come completely around her waist.

'That's it?' she teases him.

'I love you.' He breaths out.

She wraps her arms around him, pressing herself against him and he snuggles into her neck.

'But we can't go any further.' Peter tells her.

It's not a question or an assumption but a firm statement. She knows that there is no convincing him otherwise. Going as far as they did (baby steps) was a big deal given that he had to walk her back so pushing it further would be hard for both of them. They stay like that for a while, their faces buried into each other's shoulders as they try and catch their breaths from a passionate make out. Her nightgown is still hitched up between them, so when Peter moves away to get changed from his suit, she quickly straightens it and pulls it down.

He undoes his belt and gestures at her to hide her face while he gets changed. She pouts but then buries her face in the pillow to give him some privacy, she also admits that she needs the privacy herself and isn't sure if she is ready to see _that_ yet. Eventually she feels Peter crawl into the bed behind her. She realises that he isn't wearing a shirt which makes her very happy when his bare arms come around her. She runs her hands up his arms feeling all the lean muscles in them.

'You like them?' he mocks her.

She flashes him a smile. She kisses his forearms all the way up to the furtherest point on his bicep that she can reach when her head is turned.

'I'm so proud of you.' She tells him.

'That's a mixed message.' He remarks. Against his bare chest, she can still feel that he has an elevated high rate from their passion.

She laughs at him. She was meaning proud of him when she looks down and see how built he is now and how committed he has been to his lacrosse. Not only that but how committed he has been to her as well so that they can be lying together like this.

'I love you.' He whispers in her ear.

'I love you.' She says assuredly to him.

He smiles and gives her a kiss on the cheek, before kissing down along her neck.

'I'm sorry are you trying to make me take this further?' she asks him, unimpressed.

'Oh sorry, I'll stop.' He laughs.

'That's what I thought.' She huffs at him.

He buries his face in her hair and sniffs. He then breaks out into a bright smile as he looked down at her. 'You used my favourite shampoo!' he cheers.

She can't get over how happy he looks at this. He is someone who always considers and adores even just the little things that she does for him. It's what makes him so unique from the rest and are one of the softer sides of Peter that not many people get to see.

'Mm-hmm, I even used a coconut hair mask for you.' She tells him.

He looks shifty. 'Umm, I'm not sure what that is, but I really like it. Thank you.' He remarks, kissing her neck again.

He finally stops kisses her and snuggles against her.

'Good night Covey.'

'Good Night Peter K.'

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

She wakes up on top of a very warm and smooth surface. As her eyes adjust to the light in her room, she realises that she is laying on top of Peter's chest. She looks up at him and see that he is fast asleep with his arm wrapped around her. All she wants to do is lean up and kiss him, but her throat fees like it is on fire. She sees a water bottle beside her bed and leans over Peter, sitting up to grab it and pour it down her mouth. She quickly downs the entire bottle. Her breathing is heavy having held it while she was drinking, but her throat feels much better. She doesn't have much of a headache at all, which she definitely knows is the perks of being young and finishing the night off with vodka sodas. She looks down at Peter who hasn't stirred despite her movements and is still snoozing peacefully. She must still be a bit drunk from last night, cause all she wants to do is annoy him and wake him up so that the can go for breakfast. She hikes a leg over him, so that she is lying on him with a leg on either side. She grabs his shoulders and pulls herself up so that they are nose to nose.

'Wake up.' She tells him, nuzzling his nose.

He groans. 'No.'

She kisses him on the lips. Once, twice, three times but he doesn't respond or kiss her back. She pouts at him. This is going to be harder than she thought. With a sly grin on her face, she kisses his cheek, working her way down his jawline towards his neck. She hears him groan again when she reaches his adam's apple.

He wraps his other arm around her and quickly flips them over so that he is on top of her and her head is buried under him. She can't kiss him anymore.

'Nice try. Now go back to sleep.' He tells her. He snuggles his head into her shoulder and starts to breathe deeply again.

She whines at him. 'No, I want breakfast.'

'We can get breakfast later.' He tells her, his eyes still closed and breathing heavy.

She squirms her hands out from under him. A little smile comes to her face when she realises what a great position she is in to attack him. She flexes her wrist out from under his sides and then plunges them back against him, tickling him right on his stomach.

Peter lets out a very un-Peter-like scream at the sudden attack, but that doesn't stop her. His bare chest makes him an even easier target and much more sensitive to her tickles. He tries to stop her by moving his body but soon gives up, eventually he has to get to his knees and grab each of her hands and hold them away from him. He is sitting up on his knees, holding her hands above her head when he lets out an annoyed growl.

'Morning.' She greets him cheerfully.

He narrows his eyes at her, before he leans down and crashes his lips against her. She loses her breath when he does. He still holds her hand securely above her head as he brings his bare chest down to her. Eventually he locks both her hands between one of his and lets his other hand run down the side of her body. She wraps her legs around him to hold him as close to her as she can. Her mind gets lost in the kiss. The kiss so similar to the ones they shared last night in its urgency, hunger and passion. She tries to fight against him with her hands so that she can bury them in his hair or slide them along his chiselled chest, but he doesn't budge. She isn't sure at what point they are going to stop or if they are even going to, but something else decides for them.

'Oi, can I come in?' Bonnie yells from behind the door, slamming her fists on it.

Peter moves his lips along her cheek and down her neck, before he settles his head against her chest. He reaches down and pulls the covers back over his shoulders, so that they are mostly covered, then he looks up and nods at her.

She is still catching her breath as she says. 'Yep, all clear.'

The door opens and she tries to look as innocent as possible, but from Bonnie's smirk knows that she has failed miserably.

'Hi there.' Bonnie says.

'Hey Bonnie.' Peter says, his arms wrapping around Lara Jean's lower back.

'Did you have a fun night?' she asks, eyeing the covers.

'Yeah it was fine.' She sits up, cradling Peter's head in her lap to prove to Bonnie that she is fully clothed. Though she knows that she will be giving her all of the details later.

'Ok, well I'm just going to have my shower to don't mind me.' Bonnie says, then she grabs her toiletries and clothes and leaves to go to the shower.

Lara Jean lets out a slight breath when she shuts the door. Peter nuzzles his nose against her leg, which sends shivers up her back.

'Can we go back to sleep now?' He looks so adorable as his eyes sleepily gazes into her and he hugs her legs.

'No, I want breakfast.' She tells him.

'Covey, I was a champion player yesterday and an incredible date, I need more time to recover.' He pleads.

She groans. 'Fine you can stay here and sleep but I'm going to get breakfast.'

He pouts up at her. She gets the covers off her and slides out from underneath him to stand up.

Don't worry, I'll bring you back something.' She promises him. She tucks him into bed and leaves a kiss on his cheek. My adorable, cheesy dork, thinks to herself as she strokes his face one last time before leaving.

When she walks back into her room later, she is armed with bacon, scrambled eggs, hashbrowns and plenty of toast for him, as well as a very full stomach and a much happier attitude.

'Good morning!' she greets him again.

He stirs from his sleep and gives her a big smile when he sees the food she is carrying. 'Good morning Covey!' He seems to be much happier as well.

She grabs a towel for him to eat over as he peels back the covers and sits on top of them on her bed. She is about to place the towel and food on his lap, when he brings his knees apart and pat the area between them. Her eyes widen and she looks at him confused.

He laughs at her face. 'Get your mind out of the gutter, I just want you to sit here.'

'Oh right.' She says, her cheeks scalded red.

She sets herself between his knees and the food is on her lap. She leans back against him and rest her hands on his knee caps, while he weaves his arms around her leg and pops his head in the gap of her shoulder so that he can reach his food.

'I wasn't sure if this was on your diet.' She tells him.

'As long as it isn't sugar, then I'm allowed it.' He informs her.

'Isn't it hard? Always having to watch what you eat and not being allowed to eat things?' she asks him.

He takes a moment to finish chewing the mouthful of food in his mouth. 'Uh, at first it was. Like I couldn't tell you how much I killed for one of your cookies, but eventually it just got easier and now I guess I'm not as addicted to it, so I don't crave it as much.'

She knows that he is talking about sugar but for some reason something else uncomfortable comes to her mind.

'What?' he asks her.

'Nothing.' She tries to say.

'Nice try, but I know that look on your face.'

She has to smile. She really can't hide much from him. 'Was that the same way you felt about sex?' her voice sounds so small.

He looks down and loads up a fork with a bit of bacon, eggs and toast, as he puts the whole thing in his mouth he looks around the room thoughtfully. She can tell that he is thinking about how he wants to say something, instead of what he is about to say. She keeps her eyes on him, watching him chew his way through. He finishes his mouth full and she thinks that he is finally going to say something but instead he looks down again and loads up his fork. She gives him a very confused look when he puts it in his mouth and stares off again, after giving her a glance. Now she hasn't got a clue what he is thinking or doing. He swallows and reaches down again to get more food. She touches his arms to stop him.

'Peter…' she starts.

'Nah, nah, I'm thinking.' He informs her.

'Well can you at least say something?'

'You aren't leading into a porn discussion, are you?'

She lets out a laugh, it feels good to have some release from this tension between them. 'No. I just want to know.'

'I don't know. Like I want to say some grand and romantic thing about me not wanting it and us just loving each other is enough, but I can't.' Her face falls as he says that, so he continues quickly. 'I mean, I can't say that I don't wish we weren't having sex or that I don't want it, but I also don't want to push you into it and you to end up doing something that you regret.'

'Did you regret it?' her inquisitive questioning is coming back in full swing.

He sighs and takes a moment to have another mouth full of food. 'I don't know. I feel different now from what I felt then.' He admits.

'As in you have seen people who have waited longer and wished you did the same?'

'No, I mean we've talked about this before and I've never really been sure that I loved Gen, but at the time, I really thought that I did so it just seemed right. We had been dating for almost 2 years by then and I couldn't see myself being with anyone else. I thought that I belonged to her.'

'But not with her?'

'Yeah, but I didn't figure that out for a while.'

'Until your seal was broken?' she teases him.

'Yeah…' he admits. 'Or maybe until I met someone who I really loved.' He flashes his charming smile at her.

'Oh look at you, that's pretty grand and romantic.' She smiles back at him.

He rolls his eyes and turns back to his food. She can tell from the tension in his neck and the side glances from him that he is still not completely reassured and to be honest, she isn't either.

'Covey, you know I don't want you to do anything that you don't want to do or that you aren't ready for, right?' he peers at her.

'I know, I just hope it doesn't bother you when it takes a while.'

He drops his knife and fork on the plate and wraps his arms around her. He plants a few kisses on her neck before he says, 'it doesn't bother me at all, as long as you are ok with it.'

'I am. I just don't know when it's going to happen.'

'But it'll happen, right?' Peter widens his eyes at her.

'Of course.'

'And with me?'

'Peter!'

'What? I'm just checking.'

She shakes her head and rolls her eyes at him as he plants a few more kisses on her neck before picking up his cutlery again.

'You're still the one driving the bus.' He lets her know. She turns and gives him a quick peck on the lips.

Saying goodbye is hard that afternoon, but at least they have the hope of knowing that they will see each other next weekend. Her and Trina decided that it was probably best for her not to come next weekend all the way back home as she will need to be there the weekend after for Peter's grand final. She still wants to make sure they have a meal to celebrate, so they have decided to meet halfway between themselves for dinner next Saturday. Having a dinner means that Peter will be able to come since he is going to have a full day of training.

She gives Peter a passionate kiss to wish him good luck with the next few weeks of hard training. He rolls his eyes in annoyance about the fact that the season is still going but she can tell that he is thrilled to be in this position. When he gets into his car, he rolls down the window and she gives him one last kiss before he drives away. Her heart pulls as she watches but she remembers back to the amazing weekend they have had and she feels a bit better.

 _A/n: Yay! Look at these fast updates!_

 _Ok, FEEDBACK TIME! I need to know how everyone is responding to the more spicy and sexy scene? Like don't expect a full M rated scene next time, but how do we like that tone? I am fully happy to take it back to PG and leave it to the imagination or continue on with giving a bit more juicy details. I just need everyone to let me know what they like more and I will adhere! So please if you have any opinion or desire for this story, I would love to hear!_

 _I honestly wasn't expecting to update this fast, but I am having so much fun writing PK/LJ that I couldn't help myself. I love hearing from you all about how much better your day gets when you see an update or the excitement you have to see it when you wake up! Honestly it just warms my heart and makes me want to update even faster! So definitely keep up with all of that!_

 _Again, I appreciate any and every review! I love hearing from all of you just to let me know that there are still people reading it and enjoying it. Every review makes me feel a little better and a little more motivated to get up the next chapter!_

 _I really hope you enjoy this chapter and I can reveal that the story is going to be a little longer than 20 chapters, but not sure how much more after that (maybe 25). I know this might seem a bit tame of a chap-chap but trust me, there is plenty more drama to come! XXXX_


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 16

' _John Ambrose McClaren is calling you.'_

Lara Jean feels herself grow a little tense as she reads the phone screen. She knows that she has to pick up and her moral compass is definitely telling her that it is the right thing to do, but it's just so much easier to let it ring out. She looks down at her phone feeling incredibly conflicted by what to do, but with a sigh, she answers.

'Hey John Ambrose!' she greets him.

'Hey Lara Jean, I feel like we haven't spoken in so long isn't that weird?' he says.

'Yeah it's super weird.' She lies. She feels bad but she doesn't want to break to him that her and Peter are back together over the phone.

'So what are you doing this weekend? Are you coming to Ethan's party?' he asks excitedly.

Lara Jean clenches her jaw. She really has to navigate what she says next carefully. She is going to Ethan's party which means that John is likely going to be there so she can't lie and say that she isn't, but she is also going after she sees Trina and Peter close by. She knows she will need to be selective with what she tells him.

'Yeah I am! Are you?'

'Yeah of course. Those guys wouldn't let me miss it for the world. Do you need a lift at all?' he asks nicely.

'Oh no it's all good. I'm actually doing lunch with Trina in the neighbourhood over from the party that afternoon so I'll be around there anyway.'

'What about coming back the next day?'

She actually was looking for a lift the next day. Bonnie, Jen, Selena and Alex were all going to the party but they weren't staying the night at Ethan's house. She was luckily invited to stay because she is so close with his girlfriend and friends, but was hoping to come with them instead. Though now John was offering she was thinking that would be a much better option. She wasn't fully comfortable barging in on everyone else's plans and it would be awkward if she was stuck in a car with Ethan and his girlfriend just third wheeling. At least with John she knows they would have a lot to talk about and it's also a worse case scenario that she tells him then about her and Peter if she hadn't before then.

'Why would you be coming to UNC the next day?'

'I'm supposed to be meeting with my family for their tour, remember? Mum and Dad are getting brunch with some old UNC buddies of theirs, so I'm meeting them on campus once I get back from the party.'

'Oh well I mean if you are coming back that direction, it would be great if you could drop me back.'

Her heart beats a little faster as the words come out of her mouth. She still doesn't know if she is going to tell Peter yet but she knows that she definitely should and can't help the feeling of guilt in her bones.

'Great, we can finally catch up after everything.' He chuckles as he says it, trying to lighten the mood.

'Yeah we definitely will.' She lets her voice decrescendo lower to indicate to him that she is ready for the phone call to wrap it up.

'Where are you going for lunch with Trina?' he asks, clearly ignoring her hints.

'Ummmm, just that little café spot about 20 minutes from Ethan's house. Café 43.'

'Oh that's a good one.'

'Yeah that's what Ethan told me so I'll guess I'll have to judge that. What would you recommend?'

'Hmmm I don't know if I can recommend you anything, my palette is probably too sophisticated for you.' He teases her.

She lets out a dramatic gasp. 'You underestimate me John. Who is the creator of your favourite cake of all time?'

'Ok, fair. Look, if you are in the mood for something sweet then the pancakes are a must, but if you want something a bit more savoury then the Hero's breakfast is what you want.'

She nods, taking note of his suggestions. 'Ok, they better be good otherwise I'll be wanting a refund from you.'

He laughs. 'Honestly that place is so cheap that I could probably agree to that.'

'Really?' she perks up.

'No, I'm kidding. Maybe we should stop their on the way back to UNC, just in case you didn't like what you got the first time.'

'Wow, you really like this place if you want me to give it two chances.'

'What can I say? Chances aren't worth it unless you give them twice.'

Lara Jean freezes on the spot. She isn't sure what he has meant by that. She is reading another meaning to what he has just said, but she doesn't know if that's because she is just feeling paranoid about their conversation or if it is what he meant.

'If you say so.' She tries to say effortlessly.

'Well if you want I could even pick you up from the lunch place. You weren't planning on doing anything after the lunch and before the party?'

Her heart quickens. That would be an awful idea. She can already imagine the look on Peter's face once he would see her leaving with John, but then the alternative is having John see Peter's face when she arrives. She really didn't think this through enough, she tells herself. How was she supposed to decide on this? Peter is such a social person that he definitely would want to come inside and meet everyone which would mean surprising John with this in front of his close friends which would be unfair. Though forcing Peter to watch her drive away with John again would be so painful particularly when they are still quite new to this all.

'It is ok if I get back to you on that one. I was hoping Trina could drop me actually, but if she doesn't bring her car then I might need to take you up on that offer.' She says. It is partially true that if Trina has a car then this is all sorted though she is quite sure that Trina will probably just get a lift with Peter which brings them back to square one.

'Yeah that's easy. Just let me know by Friday night. Axtually I take it back, let me know whenever I'll be ready.'

'That's a lot of commitment.'

'Don't worry, I can handle it.'

She has to hold her tongue as she becomes aware that this may turn more flirtatious and suggestion then she is at all intending.

'Ok so I'll see you sometime on Saturday.'

'Ok, bye Lara Jean.'

'Bye.'

She lets out a sigh after she hangs up the phone and falls back onto her bed. Her shoulders are still as tense as they were when she first realised that John was calling. She isn't sure what she can do to make herself feel better except for calling Peter. Maybe if she talks it through with him then he can suggest something to her and make this all better.

She leans over and presses his name, immediately it starts ringing. She holds the phone against her ear as she waits with much anticipation for him to pick up. She has no idea what to tell him but she is hoping that as soon as she hears his voice then she will know. To her disappointment the call rings out and it goes straight to his voicemail. She doesn't leave a message but places the phone on her chest and lets out a big sigh. Her heart pulls as she gets annoyed at this long distance relationship again, she wishes that he could just be here. He could climb through her window and let her know that everything was going to be ok. She has almost decided that she isn't going to feel sad anymore and is about to get out of bed, when she feels her phone vibrating. Her heart leaps when she sees Peter calling.

'Peter!' she exclaims answering.

'Hey Covey, I didn't realise you were free to talk. I was going to give you at least another house to study until I called you.' He explains, his voice sounds low and tired.

'You weren't going to call me for another hour?' she sounds hurt.

'Only so you wouldn't get cranky at me for interrupting your study. You know how you get sometimes.' The exhaustion and sadness in his voice isn't hard to miss.

'Yeah that's true. Are you ok? How was your day?'

Peter lets out a big sigh. 'It wasn't too great.'

Her face falls. There goes her chance of being able to tell him about this weekend and about John. 'What happened?'

'My charger on my phone decided not to work last night, I must have accidentally bumped it at one point so my phone died and the alarm on it didn't go off. Usually I could wake up early naturally but because we were up so late, I was wiped out. So I ended up missing the morning workout and slept through my first class. I then had to rush to get the notes off one of my classmates and everything was just so disorganised because he had me chasing him across campus to find them. Then I had training and I got in massive trouble for not being at the morning workout, even though it's not compulsory, I haven't missed one since the season started and literally none of the other freshman go. So he had me running laps the whole time, then he threated to pull me from the starting line up if I missed another lacrosse thing this week. Then after all this, they scheduled an evening conditioning session on Saturday night so I'm barely going to be able to see you this Saturday.' He has to stop and take a breath after getting so worked up about telling her about his day.

'That sounds awful.'

'I also think my knee is getting worse, which couldn't be more awful timing given we just have the biggest game of the entire season left.' She hears something crash and assumes he threw something across the room.

'That really sucks.' She sympathises with him.

'Yeah can you just tell me something good and make my day better by just being on the phone with me?' he asks sweetly.

There is no way she can tell him about John yet. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day for him. 'Ok. What do you want me to tell you?'

She hears him let out a grateful breath of the other side of the phone and is sure that he is now smiling. She tries to bury the guilt building up in her as they continue to talk.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

She has told John that she will be needing a lift from lunch as she doesn't have any other way to get there. Peter says he has to leave at 3pm no later because he has to be in the gym by 6pm. She was a little heartbroken to learn she would only have 3 hours with Trina but couldn't argue and understood why the arrangements had to be made. John was supposed to pick her up at 3:30pm so she was hoping that he would miss Peter, although she knows that she has to tell Peter before Saturday and tell John on the day as well.

Her and Peter are having their nightly phone call when she decides that she finally needs to tell him.

'Can I talk to you about something?' she asks, cautiously.

'Are we not talking now?' he chuckles at her.

'No we are. I'm just wanting to talk about something more serious.'

'Ok….' He says slowly.

'What is your position on John Ambrose and I riding in the same car together?'

She hears him suck in a quick breath. 'What do you mean?'

She cuts to the chase. 'So John Ambrose has offered to drop me and pick me up from this party on Saturday night. I said yes because I've got no other way to get there or get home without impinging on other people who I don't know as well.'

'What? You agreed?' his voice is urgent.

'Yes, he has a tour at UNC on Sunday so he can drop me back.'

'Well that's just convenient.' Peter says, sarcastically. Lara Jean hates when he does that.

'Peter, what do you want me to do get an uber all the way back to UNC by myself?'

'Can you do that?'

'Peter…'

'Fine! It's just frustrating. I mean, I could take you back.'

'Absolutely not. You are already on your coaches last nerve so you can't miss any practice and it would just be totally unreasonable for you to drive almost 8 hours just to pick me up and drop me back from a party.'

'Does Sundance Kid know we are together?'

She goes quiet which she is sure is enough to answer her question.

'Covey, you haven't even told him.' Peter enrages at her.

'I was going to, I just wanted to let him know in person.'

'Let him know in person? So give him the hope of having almost 3 hours to make a move on you?'

'I don't even think he is into me.'

Covey, you don't know what someone being into someone looks like.'

'Yes I do.'

'No you don't! You didn't know when Sanderson was into you or when John was into you the first time when you were pen pals and remember how I had to straight up tell you that I liked you because you had no idea I was into you.'

'Fine. But it's only one sided.'

Peter groans. 'Why do I just feel like that this isn't ok?'

'I can't answer that for you.'

Silence settles between them. Lara Jean hears him sigh multiple times over the phone. She knows that there is a part of him that really wants to get mad now, but he is trying to hold back. Whenever it comes to John, it's always enough to make him want t explode but knowing the circumstances, he is probably trying to stay calm.

'Ok, but can you just call me straight after you get back?' he finally admits.

'I will.' She tells him.

She can still hear the tension in his voice and feels bad that she is doing this to him.

'Ok I'll see you on Saturday then.'

'Ok I'll see you then.'

They then hang up and her heart feels heavy. She was hoping that as soon as she told him that she would feel so much better and things would be light and easy between them but that's not the case at all.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Saturday finally comes and she is packing her bags to go to the bus when Peter calls her.

'Hey I'll be outside your dorm in a few minutes.' He says, when she picks up.

'What? What are you doing here?' she asks, very confused at how this is happening. This isn't at all a part of their plans for the day.

'I'm going to pick you up. I'm driving past there anyway because I had to pick up some things.'

'Some things for your mum?'

'Yeah sure.' He answers vaguely.

'Ok, I'll go downstairs and wait.'

She is shocked by the sudden change of events but is nevertheless very happy to be able to see him and have a few more hours with him alone before Trina comes. She was sure that they were coming up together but there must have been a change in plans. Her brain takes a moment to consider whether it would be too late to ask Trina to drop her at the party, but knowing that everything with John is already organised she thinks better of it. She grabs the bag that she is bringing for tonight complete with her own togs and towel, as well as the container with rice balls that she made for Peter. She was going to make him cookies or another sort of baked good that he loves, but she realised how tortuous it would be for him to have them in his room while he was on such a strict diet this week. She knows how much Peter loves these rice balls and that they will fit perfectly with his diet for the week. He has been so stressed and wound up by how intense the training and discipline is getting with lacrosse this week that she is sure that this will something nice that can make him feel better and hopefully lift his mood. She is also hoping that it will help him feel a bit better about tonight an tomorrow knowing that she is putting this much effort into him and still thinking about him.

She sees the black audi pull up and excitedly runs out to his car. She opens up the door and jumps in. As soon as she is in, she puts her bags on the ground at her feet and leans into kiss Peter. He accepts her kiss happily. She feels his hand reach over to gasp her neck and deepen the kiss but she quickly pulls away. They can't be doing that in daylight in the middle of the car park, she thinks.

'Hello!' she says, leaning her forehead against his.

'Hi Covey.' He answers. He strokes the side of her face with his fingertips.

'Are you ready?' he asks, when they lean away from each other and she puts her seatbelt on.

'Yep! I think I got everything I could possibly need.' She concludes.

He nods and then reaches over and grabs her hand. She is happy that they are able to enjoy being together instead of fighting or arguing about what is happening later that day.

The drive is very enjoyable as they chat about the things that have been happening lately. Peter complains about all the trainings he has had to do and how his teammates are getting more and more agitated about the grand final. She tells him about all her classes this week and how close they are getting to finals and everything. They never take their hands away from each other and Peter squeezes her hand every so often making her feel grateful to be able to have him here. It's crazy to think that they are able to actually see each other so much more now when they are as paranoid about it and aren't putting their own schedules first. Maybe they are finally getting the hang of things.

They pull up at the café. Lara Jean can't see Trina's car in the carpark yet so assumes that she is on her way. She was going to text her to get her location but then decided not to as she doesn't want her to be texting while driving.

'Oh, let me put my rice balls in your bag before I forget.' She tells Peter, taking them out of her bag.

'Aw, you made me rice balls?' he says with a sweet smile on his face.

'Yep! I thought you might like them.' She leans over to accept his kiss.

'Honestly they might be the only thing that gets me through this week. Thank you.' He turns his head and plants a kiss on her cheek as he thanks her.

She has a silly smile on her face as she reaches around to get his bag out. Peter has already gotten out of the car as she takes the balls out of her bag and opens his. The first thing she sees is a whole bunch of papers in his bag. She doesn't want them to get wet because of the coldness of the rice balls, so she takes them out to place the container at the very bottom. She doesn't give them much of a glance as she places them on the driver's seat and puts the container on the bottom of his bag. She then layers his jacket over them to be a barrier from the container and the papers. She leans over to put the papers back in when the seal on one of them catches her eye. It's the University of North Carolina seal.

Peter is waiting at the back of the car, keeping an eye out for Trina so she takes the opportunity to snoop through the papers. Usually she wouldn't feel comfortable invading his privacy like this but surely UNC has enough to do with her that it is ok. She ruffles through the papers, one is an application for transfer, another one about sporting scholarships and more about the sport programs at UNC. The last piece of paper is a word document that has today's date on it as well as a time about 1.5 hours before Peter picked her up. It's detailing what happened in a meeting that he has with the UNC student advisor. It has all the steps that he has to take to transfer and how he might be able to apply for a scholarship for his junior year. She shuffles through the papers again, making sure that this isn't just maybe for Owen or for a friend that he has, but all the sections are filled in with Peter's details.

'Covey, what's taking you so long?' Peter knocks on the back windshield as he walks towards her door.

She knows that she has to confront him about this. Peter opens the car door for her with a smile but his face falls when he registers what is in her hands and the information she now knows.

'Peter, when were we going to talk about this?' she asks, looking down at the papers. He has filled out all the forms as if he was planning on doing this without her. He even lied to her about what he was doing at UNC this morning.

'Covey…' he starts with a sad look on his face. They both stop and quickly turn away from each other when they see Trina's car pull up across from them.

'We have to talk about this later.' She tells him. He gives her a guilty look, knowing fully well that this is probably going to be on her mind for the rest of the afternoon.

'Trina! Happy late birthday!' Lara Jean greets her running towards her and giving her a big hug.

'Lara Jean, I'm so happy to see you!' she squeezes her in her hug.

'Peter!' Trina says, leaning up to hug him after letting go of Lara Jean.

'Hi Trina.' He flashes her a grin and hugs her back.

Lara Jean smiles at them but she can see the tension in her neck after they have just had their discussion. She knows that she needs to make this right before they start talking to Trina. Trina will be able to see straight through them and will know immediately if they are having any problems which isn't what she wants to show her when as far as Trina knows they have just gotten back together.

Trina wraps her arm around Lara Jean's shoulders as Lara Jean stretches her arm around behind her ad offers her hand to Peter. He takes it and squeezes it. She looks back at him and can see some relief in his eyes. She isn't mad or angry at him, how could she be? She just wishes that he would have talked her about this before and let her know what was going on.

As they eat with Trina, she isn't at all being subtle about the glances she exchanges between Lara Jean and Peter. She lets out a little smile every time she sees them interact with each other. It is very sweet and Lara Jean can tell that she is secretly ecstatic to be able to have Peter Kavinsky around again.

They spend time talking about a lot of things about how Kitty is going and her dad surviving without having all the children there. Her heart grows heavy when Trina describes the sense of loneliness that lurks around her father as he gets used to the new environment. He has really missed having Lara Jean around but he understands that she is having a good time. Peter tells her all about his lacrosse and Trina insists on bringing everyone along to see his upcoming grand final. Peter beams at her when she says that and it makes Lara Jean very happy to see.

3pm comes faster than any of them anticipated. Trina and Peter both get into their cars after saying their farewells and final birthday wishes. Lara Jean has no idea when her and Peter will ever get to talk about all of this, but she knows that he has to leave now. Trina had to leave at the same time as well because it would take her another half an hour or more to get from UVA to their house. Lara Jean stands there as she waves good bye to both of them and waits for John. Peter lingered on her for a while as they were saying goodbye, she knows that he was hoping that they could share a kiss but Lara Jean just felt so uncomfortable doing that around Trina. She always hated PDA and it always felt more awkward when in front of her family.

She walks back to the bench just outside of the restaurant and is just scrolling through her phone to kill some time. Though quickly she sees a car pull up in front of her in her peripheral vision. She looks up and sees Peter and his car in front of her.

'Hey?' she is very confused at what he is doing here. He has to get back to practice soon.

'Hey, jump in and we'll go for a drive.' He states. Its not a suggestion, just something that she has to do.

She opens the car door and gets in. Peter moved the papers she left on the driver's seat to the passenger seat, so she has to pick them up in her hands before she sits down.

'Peter, why didn't you tell me about this?' she asks him, as he looks over his shoulder to check for traffic.

'I was going to. I swear I was. I just didn't want you to try and stop me.' He admits to her.

'Why do you think I would stop you?' she needs him to answer this questions for himself.

'Because I'm on a full scholarship for lacrosse at UVA and maybe you don't want me here.'

'Of course I want you here.' She puts her hand on his cheek. 'But Peter there is so much more to think about.'

'That's not what you said last weekend.'

'I was drunk last weekend. I wasn't thinking rationally.'

'So take it away. Take away the scholarship, the words my mum told you before, our break up and if all of that is gone, do you want me to go to UNC?'

'Peter…' she starts.

'Yes or No, Covey.'

She takes a deep breath and looks at him. 'Yes, of course yes. But Peter, I just don't think that it is supposed to happen.'

His face goes small. 'Why?' he sounds so lost and hopeless.

'Peter, it's amazing that you have a full scholarship at UVA for lacrosse. It shows not just that you are good at it but also that you love it and that is something which is really important. If you come to UNC then you will lose a year playing and then you'll be a junior by the time you could want to be on a team and they wouldn't give you a full scholarship then either. You have come so far with your lacrosse that you don't want to waste it.'

'Do you think my lacrosse is more important than you?'

'It's not. But you can't invest everything you have into one person. That would just turn our relationship toxic if I'm the only thing you value in your life. You know your mum would struggle to have you at UNC and that you would as well. It would all be new all over again and it would be you learning more how to fit into my life instead of us taking it on together.'

'So you're happy to fit McClaren into your life and not me?' he sounds hurt in his voice.

She sighs. She has no idea that there was so much on his mind and so much he was uncertain about. 'John Ambrose isn't just going to fit into my life. Far from that, I don't want him to anyway. The only person I want is you.'

'But you don't want me at UNC.'

'Peter, someone has to say it and as much as I appreciate the gesture. There is so much going on for you at UVA. We are almost finished this year and then we'll only have 3 years after that.'

'3 years is a long time.'

'And you don't think we can do it?'

His eyes get soft as he looks at me. 'I don't know if I can. That's why I want to move.'

'You can. I believe that and I know you believe it to. I love you.'

His expression relaxes, and she knows that she has convinced him. In the end it will be his decision, but it will be something that she hopes he will be smarter about. She knows there would be no way that his mum could ever forgive her or she put her in the position to struggle financially for Peter because of her.

'In the end, it's my decision, Covey.' Peter tells her. Half of his face is in the shade of one of the buildings near them.

She reaches over and grabs her hand and gives it a squeeze.

'I know it is. I just want to make sure you consider everything before making it.'

He gives her a little smile and then zones out as they arrive back at the spot where John is picking her up from. She quickly gets out of the car and hears Peter yelp at her not giving him and kiss or saying goodbye. He narrows his eyes at her as she walks around the front of the car. She goes to his window as he puts it down and rests on arms on the door.

'I love you.' She says, leaning into kiss him.

He reacts quickly to the kiss, opening his mouth and deepening it. She is so lost in it until she remembers where they are and then breaks away. His eyes are still closed as his lips search for hers again.

' I have to go.' She concedes with a sigh.

He opens his eyes. 'I love you with all my heart, Lara Jean Song Covey.'

She can't resist leaning in and kissing him again though she has to quickly pull away before he has a chance to make it ever harder for her to leave.

'Call me later?' He asks.

'How late is late? What is I'm intoxicated?' She teases.

He pouts at her. 'I don't care. I'll have my ringtone on loud so it'll wake me up and you know you're hilarious when you're drunk.'

She pretends to let out as exasperated sigh. 'Fine but you better entertain me for as long as I want.'

He flashes a grin at her. 'Of course.'

Then with that he drives away. Her heart aches a little as she watches the Audi disappear into the distance but she knows it won't be long until they see each other again. She was planning on calling peter tonight anyway. She knows that he is probably feeling quite angsty about John and if she doesn't reassure him then that might turn worse and she would hate for him to have that stress, especially now.

She is so zoned out into her thoughts that she doesn't see John arrive in his car in the carpark.

'Hey Lara Jean, you coming?' He gets out of the car and opens the passenger door for her.

She shakes her head to get out of her trance. 'Oh right, yeah coming!' She grabs her bag at her feet and runs over to him.

'I'll get that.' John reaches and grabs her duffle from her, putting it on the backseat.

She stands there awkwardly as he does it.

'Aren't you gonna give me a hug?' He teases her after putting down the bag.

She lets out a forced laugh and then accepts his hug. She feels her back tense as his arms scrap against her skin.

'You ok?' He gives her a confused smile as they break away.

'Yeah yeah, I'm good.' She says nodding quickly to help her case.

'If you say so.' He answer unconvinced.

She gets into the seat as he walks around to the driver's side. To her, she can understand why she is acting this way and why it suddenly feels weird to be hugging him, but she knows that to him she would be acting weird. He doesn't really know much else from a few weeks ago when they were getting really close and she was even telling herself that she would probably want to date him come sophomore year. Now with Peter, she knows that she needs to tell him and stop leading him on and she promises herself that she will explain everything tonight.

'How was your lunch?' John asks her, as they start driving.

'Good actually. It was fun seeing Trina even though it wasn't her actual birthday.' She gazes out the window as she answers.

'Is that one of the hardest parts? Not being there for the important events?' His eyes are focussed on the road.

She takes a moment to answer. There were so many events that she was now missing out on because of being at UNC. She missed Trina's birthday, Jamie learning his new tricks, Kitty taking her first bus by herself, her Dad's birthday and so many more when she took a moment to think about it all. She had tried not to consider this, shove it into the back of her mind as far as it could go so it wouldn't make her sad, but now it was like a tsunami of emotion crashing into her.

'Yeah it is.' She manages to squeak.

John glances over at her, waiting for her to say more.

'But eventually you get used to it. At first you start counting down the days until you will see them again and you focus on all of the things that you are missing, but eventually that fades away. It isn't a single moment either but a cumulation of moments. One day you'll forget something is happening within a week, the next time it might be the next day and then eventually you will have realised that time is passing and you are no longer consumed by what is going on at home but instead living in the moment. It creeps up on you and then sometimes the homesickness hits you like a train for a night or so, but then things tend to pick up again. It's hard to understand but you'll probably understand next year.' She finally explains, keeping her eyes on the landscape out the window as she does.

'Yeah I probably will.' He gives her a smile which she catches out of the corner of her eye.

They then drive in silence until they reach the destination. It isn't an awkward silence though or even one that hangs in the air, it's the comfortable one where they are both lost in their own thoughts. Lara Jean isn't sure what John is thinking about because she is stressing about how she can tell him about Peter. She wants to tell him now while it is quiet but she isn't sure how he is going to react and they still have an almost 2 hours drive together tomorrow, and she doesn't want things to be weird between them. She almost works up the courage to break it to him but then they arrive and the moment is gone.

'Here I'll put your bag in the same room as mine.' John says, taking her bag from her.

'Nuh-uh, I'm coming with you to put it down. I don't want to lose it over the course of the night.' She urges.

He chuckles at her insistence and hands her back her bag. She takes it and follows him up the stairs. They go to the guest room near the attic, hoping that it will be a room that people won't be able to find so they can crash there without any unwelcomed visitors.

'Are you good if we share the bed?' John asks her sheepishly.

She draws in a quick breath, feeling her entire body tense. 'Um, yeah sure, but don't be offended if I put a wall of pillows up between us.' She tries to laugh though is entirely intending to do that.

He laughs with her. 'If it makes you more comfortable, then I'm all for it.' He says quickly, then turns away before she can met his smile. She isn't sure why he turned away so quickly, whether he was maybe slightly hurt at what she said or just keen to get back to the party.

They both then make their ways down the stairs to where the drinks are.

'How big of a night are you going to have?' she asks him, as they pour their spirits into red cups.

'Haven't decided yet. You?' he peers at her.

'Haven't decided yet. I'll probably know more when Selena, Bonnie and Alex get here.' She answers.

'Oh that's only 3. I thought 4 of your friends were coming.'

'No, Jen has come down with the flu suddenly and can't make it. So it'll just be us four.'

'Ah, do they have any boyfriends coming with them?'

Lara Jean pauses for a moment. She isn't really sure why John is curious about this, maybe he is trying to get an answer out of her or a clarification on her own relationship status.

'Um, Bonnie has a thing with a guy, Alex is more of a casual girl but Selena is single.' She looks down at her cup, knowing that she hasn't mentioned herself and she has no intention to.

'Ah, that's cool.' John looks away from her as well as silence falls between them.

To try distract herself from the awkwardness that is gradually growing between them, she pays close attention to her phone. She has messages from Peter and her friends. Bonnie is letting her know that they are about 5 minutes away, the message was sent about 4 minutes ago so her heart leaps at the fact that they should be here soon. Peter is wondering if John arrived and she got to the party ok, she replies with a yes and a kissy face just to tease him.

'Lara Jean!' she hears a voice call out.

She turns and sees her friends bounding towards her at the door.

'Friends!' she shrieks.

'Friends!' 'Friends!' 'Friends!' they all shriek back at different times, they then collapse in laughter at themselves.

'How are we this crazy and we aren't even on the booze yet?' Selena exclaims.

They all link their arms through each other and go into one of the rooms, giggling as they do.

'I've got a surprise for everyone.' Alex announces.

Lara Jean, who is quite puzzled as to why she was dragged into this room with them, watches Amy pull out a brown paper bag which is clearly folded around the shape of a bottle. Whatever plans she had for a chill night are gone.

'Wait a minute.' She tries to argue.

'No Lara Jean, don't even start with us. We are at a house party which is quite small and probably full of people we know or at least we'll know at least 70% of the people. You're crashing here and we're going to sneakily crash with you. So there are almost no dangers tonight with having a good time.' Alex points a finger at her, wagging it as she explains her theory as to why Lara Jean has to drink with them.

'Anyway, since we won't see you all next weekend and then you'll be studying almost every weekend after that, it means this is one of the last times we can party together before the end of semester and exams.' Bonnie whines.

'Fine.' Lara Jean groans.

'Ok show us your surprise.' Selena pops her head over Lara Jean's shoulder. Now that Lara Jean had decided that she was going to drink, Selena was definitely going to join her. If she hadn't then Selena would have probably not wanted to either. Lara Jean and Selena always tend to follow each other's leads when it comes to parties. They both have the same concerns about getting drunks around too many strangers and at places where they don't know how they are going to get home, so when they both decide it is ok, then the night always seems to be a bit better.

'TA-DA!' Alex cheers as she rips of the paper bag and pulls out a bottle. On the label in black are big words printing out: FIREBALL.

'My gosh! You got it! I've never tried it but apparently its amazing!' Bonnie exclaims, reaching up to take the bottle from Alex.

'Yep from the big dog himself and we've got the whole bottle.' Alex proudly announces.

'Apparently it's really good to drink with ice.' Bonnie quips in again.

Selena and Lara Jean exchange glances. They have never tried this drink before, only heard many stories about how it has lead to some crazy night. Bonnie darts out of the room as Selena and Lara Jean read over the back label.

'It tastes so good. Like the alcohol is there but with the ice and the cinnamon taste, it is so yummy that you barely notice.' Alex explains.

'That's a bit of a double edged sword.' Lara Jean notices.

Alex rolls her eyes. 'Come on, good stories always start with some shots of fireball.' With that, Selena and Lara Jean have to shrug and agree.

Bonnie comes back into the room carrying five cups. Four of them are empty and one is filled with ice.

'Lara Jean, finish your drink.' Alex commands.

'But I just got it!' she protests.

'Too bad. Now.'

Lara Jean sighs and does a mental countdown from three in her head, before downing the rest of her drink. She can already feel some of the spirits making her body a bit lighter. Bonnie distributes the ice cubes between the cups and Alex pours the drink into it. Lara Jean looks down at the golden liquid hoping that for once it is an alcohol that taste pleasant. Selena, next to her, smells the drink but Lara Jean doesn't dare. She has had enough bad experiences from smelling a drink first to know that it's usually a bad idea.

'Ok, on three.' Alex instructs.

'What on three?' Selena asks, her eyes wide.

'Shoot it back.'

'Can't we enjoy it.'

'Not the first three.'

'The first THREE?'

'Selena, do it.'

'One….'

Lara Jean gives Selena a comforting pat on her shoulder she feels the same way.

'Two…'

Bonnie and Alex give each other evil smiles as they bring their lips to their cups.

'Three!' Alex's countdown is muffled into her cup as her and Bonnie whip their cups upwards. Selena and Lara Jean soon follow. The liquid goes down her throat, there is a soft and sweet taste that wipes over her tastebuds. The slight aftertaste of alcohol makes her shiver but overall it taste wonderful. The ice helps the bad aftertaste go away quickly and she thinks that she has found the main drink that she really enjoys on it's own.

'Again?' she asks.

Alex and Bonnie applaud her. Selena gives her a death stare. Alex distributes the liquid again. They don't bother counting down this time, they just drink it down.

'ok, this is definitely the last one.' Selena declares as soon as they all finish.

Lara Jean nods in agreement as her body starts to feel even lighter.

'Yeah why did we even shot this, again?' Lara Jean asks. She would have rather been able to drink it moderately and at her own pace.

Alex rolls her eyes at her. 'Because do you know how targeted we would be if anyone saw us with this liquid gold?' she holds up the Fireball bottle as if placing it on a pedestal.

'Right.' Lara Jean and Selena say to each other.

'Yeah you guys can't tell anyone that we have this. It was a present from my brother after I covered for his ass the whole spring break and it costs heaps, so I don't know when we'll ever have the chance to have it again.' Alex explains to them.

They nod in agreement as she fills up their cups again.

'Last one.' They all whisper.

Then they whip back their cups. All good stories start with a shot of Fireball, but what happens when they are started with three.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The four of them are sitting by the pool. There are a bunch of pillow strewn on the grass next to it, which they have all taken residence of. Lara Jean is feeling all the effects of inducing such a vast amount of alcohol in such a small amount of time hit her, but she is enjoying it. They are all just chatting about whatever comes to mind when a familiar figure approaches them.

'Lara Jean, where have you been?' John asks her, he takes a sit on one of the free pillows next to them.

'Just hanging out, Johnny boy.' She declares.

'So we decided to have a big night, did we?' he laughs at her.

'I didn't decide.' She tries to defend herself. 'These three forced me to.' She gestures to the other three lying next to her.

Selena pops her head up. 'Hey John!' she greets him.

'Hey Selena, are you on Lara Jean's level here?' he smiles at Lara Jean who is scowling at him.

'Oh I wish. We can't all be lightweights like Lara Jean.' She teases.

'Selena! I can't control it! And I'm at least a drink or two ahead of you.' Lara Jean whines.

'Sure sure.'

'I'm going to go back and get another drink, did you want me to get you one?' John offers to Selena.

'Actually I might just come with you, since I'm not sure what's there.' Selena gets up and wipes the grass off of the back of her jeans.

'Don't get into too much trouble.' She bosses Lara Jean as she walks over her.

Lara Jean pokes her tongue at Selena as she watches her and John walk back inside.

'Man, he has moved on quickly.' Bonnie claims.

'What do you mean?' Lara Jean turns to face her.

'Like as soon as you get back with Peter, he has moved straight onto Selena. Good on him for picking the single on though.'

'I told him Selena was single.'

'What? Why would you do that?' Bonnie sits upright as she asks Lara Jean, her eyes are wide.

'He asked I guess.' Lara Jean shrugs.

'Would you be good if they hooked up?'

'Well not tonight cause we are supposed to be crashing together.'

'Does Peter know that?'

'It doesn't matter.'

'What? Why?' Bonnie eyes are hard on Lara Jean.

'You guys are probably going to be in the bed with us anyway and I didn't want to make Peter upset. He has to be in a good mindset for his trainings this week and the game on Saturday, after that I'll tell him.' Lara Jean tries to justify.

'Whatever you say.' Bonnie shrugs and lies back down.

Lara Jean turns to lie on her stomach and stare out at the pool. As she does, she sees a gorgeous girl walk out of the water. She is in a bikini, flaunting a body that she has only ever dreamed of. Her waist comes in to a perfect tiny circumference and somehow despite being skinny there, she still manages to actually have boobs and a booty. Her hair is a light brown and goes just down past her shoulders. She has a perfect tan which accentuates the lines of her muscles along her stomach and on her legs. Somehow there isn't a freckle, a scar, a stretch mark or a patch of cellulite on her. Lara Jean can tell from the people around her that she isn't the only one in awe of the girl who has just walked out of the pool. She isn't from UNC though her face looks familiar. It isn't until they meet eyes and the girls gives her a judgemental look down before sneering at her that she realises who it is: it's Genevieve. Lara Jean follows her as she walks out and get a towel before going inside.

Her heart is racing at just seeing her and having that interaction. How much does Genevieve know? She knows that Peter and Genevieve are still close but are they close enough that he would have told her about them breaking up and then getting back together again? Would she be clued in to all of the struggles of their long distance relationship?

Lara Jean quickly jumps to her feet, muttering an excuse about going to the bathroom and walks inside. She finds the closest bathroom that she can. She takes a moment to try and relax. She takes deep breaths and tries to find her rationale again. It must be the alcohol which is inducing such a panic over seeing Genevieve. She looks down at her phone which she hasn't let her hands since she dashed away from beside the pool. Texting Peter is a concern on her mind. She knows that he probably won't react to having Gen at the same party but rather react to Lara Jean seeing Gen at the same party. She is sure that Gen probably won't ever bother talking to her or even acknowledge that she is there, so she decides to text Peter.

Lol Gen is here.

It is short and sweet. She includes the lol so that he knows that she isn't too worried or anxious having her here and that nothing bad has happened yet. She imagines that after this text he'll ask her tonight when she call him whether they talked and she'll casually say no they just saw each other in passing and that's the end. It's better than him finding out through Gen that they have seen each other and then being worried that Lara Jean didn't tell him for a reason. She knows she is overthinking it all but her lack of judgement at the moment is urging her to just fill in any cracks that could possibly show from this encounter between her and Peter.

Her hopes all fall short though, when she walks out of the bathroom and runs straight into Gen. She has twisted her towel around her waist so that her bikini top and open stomach are still showing. Her hair drips on either side of her shoulders.

'Lara Jean, fancy seeing you here?' she greets her. The sweetness in her voice is as fake and thick as anything, just like condensed milk.

'Hi Genevieve. Yeah I'm actually friends with Ethan. I didn't know you knew him?' she answers, the same sweetness in her voice.

Genevieve lets out a fake giggle. 'No I have no idea who Ethan is. I'm just a plus one.'

'Oh good for you.' Lara Jean lets her voice fall down as a way of trying to wrap up the conversation.

'Sorry to hear about you and Peter.' Genevieve takes a long swig of the drink in her hand.

Lara Jean grows tense at her words. She knows that Genevieve is a mean drunk and she really doesn't want to push it or be a victim of it. From the way she is leaning against the wall and the loopy smile on her face, she can tell that she is definitely drunk enough to be getting mean right now.

'How did you find out?' Lara Jean asks. She purposefully doesn't confirm anything, she just wants to know if Peter told her.

'Peter told me.'

'Really?'

'No, Johnny boy did.' Genevieve lets out a laugh. 'You should have seen your face when I said Peter though, all pale and scared.' She mocks her.

Lara Jean has to resist the urge to roll her eyes. 'What can I say? Things happen.'

'Hmmmm, it must have been hard though.'

For a moment Lara Jean believes that Genevieve is actually being considerate and caring for her feelings and how her relationship with Peter was. 'Yeah I guess our feelings weren't strong enough to get through the distance.' She admits.

Genevieve lets out a laugh. It sounds almost like a honk from a goose. 'What? No that's not what I'm talking about at all. God you're so weird.'

Lara Jean gives her a puzzled look.

'I meant it must have been hard because of how good the sex is. I mean if there is one thing that Peter can do better than lacrosse, it's….' Genevieve gives her a cheeky smile and points towards the twist in her towel is right between her hips.

Lara Jean curses her lack of being able to hold a Poker Face and her drunkenness which has caused her face to show ever more expression. Her mouth drops and her eyes grow big as she registers what Genevieve is really talking about. She even takes a step back in shock.

'Wait! You two never did it?' Genevieve leans forward as if telling her a secret.

Lara Jean doesn't say anything but she knows that her face betrays her. Genevieve lets out a laugh again. At this point it is starting to resemble the evil crackle of the Wicked Witch of the West. Lara Jean tries to move past her as she is preoccupied laughing.

'No no no, where do you think you're going? I'm not done with you yet.' Genevieve snarls. Lara Jean can immediately tell that the mean Genevieve is coming out and wishes she wasn't as drunk so she could stand on her feet better and make a getaway.

'If this is the case, then sounds like I should be giving Peter a call then. He's probably spent the last few years having a very close relationship with his hand that I'm _sure_ he wants to replace.' She narrows her eyes at Lara Jean and steps forwards. Her hands are firmly on her shoulder keeping her in place and forcing her to listen to her words. 'You should have heard how he moaned when I was on him.'

Lara Jean can feel tears grouping in her eyes as Genevieve leans in closer and whispers in her ear. 'He used to crazy when I kissed this one spot on his right hip and don't even get me started on behind his ear, just brushing my lips against it drove him insane.'

Genevieve pulls back from her, giving her a smile laced with contempt, pity and pretence. 'I bet you guys never even made it to third base, which is so peculiar given Peter couldn't go a day without release.' She raises her eyebrows suggestively.

'Oh well, at least he has me now. I'm sure he'll even drive down here as soon as I text him. Cause I'll always be the first and nobody ever forgets that. The first to give it to him, to teach him what he likes, to explore with him and to have him become addicted to me. I don't think they'll ever be anyone to make him feel the way I do. His right hip, behind his ears, his left inner thigh, his hair, I'll always know the things that drive him crazy.' With that, Genevieve turns on her heel flicking her hair behind her and walking into the living room. 'Great talking to you.' She waves over her shoulder, clearly feeling happy at being able to make someone feel miserable and awful after talking to her.

That's it, Lara Jean thinks to herself. Quickly she runs up the stairs to the room where her and John were going to sleep in and gets her bag. She swings it over her shoulder as she bolts outside and out the front door. She hears footsteps and calling coming after her.

'Lara Jean, where are you going?'

'Lara Jean, stop!'

'What's happened?'

She feels a hand on her shoulder and is jerked back. She looks up and sees Bonnie and Alex in front of her.

'Lara Jean what's wrong?' Bonnie says looking her deep in her eyes.

Suddenly everything just catches up to her and it all comes out at once. She just collaspses into a ball of tears in front of them. She can't stop the words that Genevieve said coming into her head. She was absolutely right. Lara Jean wanted Peter to play the same role in her life which Genevieve had played in his. For her, it was always him so that she could always remember him as being someone special in her life at this moment in time and that was how it must be for him too as well. He'll always be connected to her and she'll have so much over him that she will never had. She's never been with anyone the way she has been with Peter and she never though about it otherwise, until Gen just threw it in her face like that. What was she expecting? That Peter and her would finally sleep together and solve everything. That he wouldn't realise that she wasn't what he wanted and then try go back to Genevieve. All of her words were hanging in her head and the alcohol wasn't allowing her any time to realise her emotions aside from crying. All she felt was sadness just bombarding her.

Bonnie and Alex were rubbing her back trying to shush her as she cried. They soon realised that she was probably too intoxicated to be able to form an answer for them and would hardly be able to without bursting into tears again. So they grabbed each other arms and helped her into the house.

'Here, go to sleep and we can talk about it in the morning.' Bonnie says to her, as she lies down on the bed in the top room.

'I don't want to be alone.' She whimpers.

'It's ok. We'll be here. We'll just lie next to you and watch a movie.' Alex explains, as she pulls up a remote and starts flicking through the Netflix on the tv against the wall.

'I don't want you guys to miss the party though.'

'Don't worry about it, the party is lame anyways. We would rather just be here for you.' Bonnie says.

Lara Jean gives them both a hug as she lies down. She tries to calm her breathing and quieten her sobs into the pillow. She looks down and sees a text from Peter. She doesn't even read it because her heart tenses as she reads his name. She throws her phone into her bag, throwing him with it. She can't deal with him now, but she doesn't even know when she will be able to.

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Lara Jean's eyelids feel heavier than they ever have before the next morning. She can feel their dryness from shedding so many tears and their tiredness from the big night and the alcohol. She doesn't want them to open. She doesn't want to have to face the world with the new discoveries and truths that she holds. She settles on at least turning her body. She was expecting to end up lying on top of another person either Bonnie or Alex next to her, but she doesn't feel anything. She eventually wills her eyelids to open and looks around the room. No one is in the room. It looks just how she thinks it looked the next before, her bag and John's bags are still there except they are now joined by a blanket and pillow on the floor. She jumps when she hears a knock at the door.

A smile break over her face as she watches John struggling to walk in with a tray on food in his hands.

'Oh damn it! I was going to surprise you.' He whines, as he walks over to the bed.

'What's this?' she asks shyly.

'It's breakfast! I thought you might need some after last night.' He gives her a sweet smile and sits across from her.

'Did you sleep in here?' she eyes him curiously.

He lets out a nervous laugh and lets rubs the back of his neck. 'Yeah well I came up here expecting to see a bed with a pillow fort but instead found about 4 girls squeezed into the one bed. Not wanting to make anyone uncomfortable or end up pushing someone off, I just grabbed a spare pillow and blanket and went on the floor.'

Lara Jean laughs at how sheepishly he describes everything before holding her head in her hands. 'I'm so sorry. We should have slept on the floor instead of you.'

'Oh no it was totally fine. I heard that you were a bit upset anyway so it was all good.'

She blushes when he reveals that he knows about her meltdown last night. She takes a bite of the toast which she has just spread jam on trying to avoid talking about it.

'Yeah I think that alcohol got to me.' She lies.

'Really? It looked like a bit more than that.' He peers at her.

She sighs. 'Genevieve was here last night.'

'Yeah I saw. Did say some mean things to you as well?'

'Yeah she did. Wait what did she say to you?'

'She found out my secret and wouldn't stop teasing me about it.'

'What secret?' Lara Jean takes another bite and then looks over at him. He shifts uncomfortably and rubs the back of his head again.

'I can't tell you.' He said.

'What? Come on!'

'Well what was Gen mean to you about?'

'You can't not tell me something but expect me to tell you the same thing.'

'Ok I'll tell you but you have to promise to tell me.'

Lara Jean thinks about it for a moment. She is pretty sure she can tell John. It might even feel good to talk about it.

'Fine. But you first.'

'Ok, I still don't have much experience.' His cheeks are scalded red.

'Experience? Like work experience? How is that mean?'

'No, like sexual experience?'

'Ahhhh, how experienced are we talking about?' Lara Jean pries, pushing her questions. She knows that John is aware of how her questions can be.

'Fine, I'm still a virgin.'

Lara Jean drops her piece of toast onto her plate and her jaw springs open. 'What?'

John groans. 'I can't believe I told you.'

'But what about Dippy? Or what was her name? Dipti?' her eyes are still almost bulgding out of her head as she asks.

'I mean we got close, don't get me wrong. But then Stormy died, then there was the stress of college, then we had graduation and Beach week, then during the summer we weren't sure if we were going to last and she didn't want to do it for the sake of trying to stay together and then we broke up before it happened.'

Lara Jean picks up her toast again and takes another bite. 'Seriously? I never would have picked it.'

'Ok enough talk about me. What was Gen being mean to you about?' he pushes, trying to change the subject as quickly as possible as he was getting very embarrassed.

'It was similar actually.' Lara Jean admits.

'How so?' John leans forward with soft eyes.

'She was teasing me about the fact that she had been somewhere with Peter that I hadn't.' she looks down at her toasts and quickly adds. 'Somewhere physical: sex.'

She figures that she made John spell it out for her, so she should do that same for him and she knows that he would probably push her with the same questions.

'Oh that's dog.' He exclaims.

'Yeah it isn't exactly uplifting to hear another girl describe your boyfriends top turn-on spots.' She sighs.

'Ex-boyfriend, sorry.' She quickly adds. The words barely slip out of her mouth before she realised what has just happened. She has just called Peter, her boyfriend, her ex-boyfriend. Not because she saw John's face change or because she suddenly remembered that she hadn't told him, but because she instinctively just believed that she had accidentally called him the wrong thing.

'Yeah that is awkward.' John agrees.

Lara Jean nods as she finishes off the rest of her toast. It is now starting to feel a bit heavier in her stomach.

'I'm ready to go whenever you are, by the way. I'll just need to brush my teeth.' She tries to change the subject looking at their bags and remembering what they have to do today.

'Yeah sure. I guess that the other three left pretty early to take the bus so you want to meet them soon.'

'Yeah even though I got lucky with grabbing a lift from you, I'm sure they'll still want to figure out what was even going on last night with me.'

He nods in agreement before taking his bag to find another room to get changed in.

She goes to the ensuite of the room which they didn't even realise was there until this morning. She hasn't showed since yesterday morning so decides to shower. She saw her phone in her bag as she got out her toiletries but couldn't convince herself to check it and have to scroll through all the notification from Peter. She takes a long shower, using the citrus body wash that she just brought and taking time to wash all the make up off her face. She brushes her teeth, trying to figure out what to say to Peter but she just can't stop feeling inadequate and upset as Gen's words creep back into her thoughts.

She repacks her bag and is about to walk downstairs when she finally sits on the bed and opens her phone. There are a few calls from Peter. After her message about Gen, he has sent.

Oh cool, if she gets drunk tho stay away cause she gets mean

Did you talk to her?

How is your night going?

I'm going to bed, but my ringtone is on full blast

I've just woken up and it's almost 3, you haven't called yet, are you ok?

Call me when you get this

Are you awake yet?

Hey? Can you at least text me when you leave to go back to UNC? I've got practice now.

The last text was only sent a few minutes ago. She feels bad seeing all of his texts waiting for her call, but she knows that she was not in a state to call him last night. She probably would have spent hours on the phone sobbing to him and he might have even driven down to see her. Something that would have definitely given him a late night and made him even more tired this week for his game. She sends a quick text to Bonnie, Alex and Selena telling them she is leaving and then to Peter:

Leaving now.

No smiley face, no hearts, no nothing. She just doesn't want him to worry but she doesn't have it within herself to lie straight to him and pretend nothing is wrong. Genevieve has really gotten to her. It feels like she has gotten underneath her skin, constantly making her uncomfortable. She thinks about the things that she already knew. She knew that just behind Peter's ears, there were spots that drove him crazy. She has kissed him there multiple times and felt him shiver, the times she even sucked or licked him there and his breath would hitch in his throat. She never considered that someone like Genevieve knew that or had the audacity to throw it in her face like that. Everything about her was only for Peter. The spot that she had on her neck which he would attack whenever he could, the scar she had on her hip that he would run his thumb over, there were so many parts of her that only he had touched and that was special to her. It wasn't just anyone but it was her Peter K. Was that how he felt about Genevieve? Would she always be second best to her?

Her and John ride home in mostly silence but at one point during the trip John turns and looks at her and he says 'I get it Lara Jean. I know it's definitely different but I just how violated it must feel to have Gen do that to you. And even though society says it's a bit embarrassing, I'm glad that you and I are people who are still old-fashioned and still want it to be special.'

She can only muster a smile in return to him. A thought creeps into her, if she was with John she wouldn't have to worry about any of this. No worries about another girl knowing everything before her, no more Genevieve throwing this in her face. Maybe things would be easier.

She doesn't tell John about Peter on the drive home. She barely talks to Peter that night aside from texting him that she got home safe. She was looking forward to seeing Peter on the weekend for his grand final, but now she is dreading it and she is dreading seeing him.

 _A/N: GUESS WHO'S BACK? BACK AGAIN? I'M BACK! Hello everyone! Have you missed me? I have taken a much needed break from this story. I was going to post a few days ago but I really wasn't happy with that chapter and it was quite short, so I am very glad that I left it a bit and have returned with this! Are you stressed? Are you on edge? Was this cliffhanger what you were expecting? Let me know! Hmmmmmm, am I going to break them up again to have them resume a relationship when they are 28 years old? Am I just teasing a break up and now they'll come back stronger than ever? Maybe I'm thinking of coupling Gen/Peter and John/LJ? Idk, lol nah I won't be that mean (or will I?). Please please please review! It makes me so much more motivated and so much more likely to update faster! It will ABSOLUTELY persuade me where to go with the story, so keep that in mind (heheheheheh!). I hope you all had a good Xmas as well and a really good NEW YEAR! xxxxx_


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

It's already Wednesday and Lara Jean isn't sure what she is doing about Peter. She has constantly been making excuses about why she isn't able to see him and why she can't call soon, but she has really just been hiding. More than once he has asked what is wrong and why she is acting weird, but she can't bring herself to tell him. Tonight is looking like it might be one of those nights when she is going to spend a lot of time deflecting his calls and texts.

Covey. Are you going to talk to me tonight?

She looks down at his text message. She hates that it is like this between them now.

I'm in the library. I can't take a call here. It'll be too loud.

She sighs as she types out the message and sends it to him.

Ok Covey.

That's the only reply that she gets. She is surprised that he has suddenly given up like this. It was only about 5pm which meant that he had some time before he was expected to do a recovery session with his team.

Lara Jean lies back on her bed, staring up at her phone. She waits for Peter to text her. Surely he has to say something. Why isn't he trying harder? She criticises herself in her head as she has these thoughts in her head. She is being selfish by holding Peter away at arms length but then expecting him to try as hard as possible to reach her.

It is as she is staring at the blank screen of her phone that she eventually drifts off to sleep. The stress of hiding so much from Peter making her exhausted.

She hasn't realised how long she has been asleep for until there is a knocking at her door. Bonnie was hanging out with her boyfriend so she is definitely unsure of who it is.

She opens the door and is surprised to see John Ambrose McClaren at her door.

'John! What are you doing here?' she asks in surprise.

'I was just hanging around and thought I'd pop in to give you back your jumper. I've got to head back to W&M soon though, so I can't stay long.' He says.

They both lean in and share a quick hug.

'Oh I completely forgot about this.'

'I assumed so, since you left it on the floor of my car. I wasn't sure if you would need it soon at all.'

'It's been a bit hot lately, but it's good just having it back. How did the tour with your parents go?'

'It was good actually. They love the place so much and are definitely very supportive of me transferring.'

'Oh that's good.' She says.

It falls silent between them. She is suddenly sure that she has to tell him.

'Ok well I better go.'

'John, before you go I should tell you something.'

'Cool, what it is?'

'I'm back with Peter.' She lets out a sigh of relief as the words finally come out. She keeps her head down to avoid his gaze.

John chuckles at her. 'Yeah I know.'

'What? How did you find out?'

'The she-devil told me.'

'Genevieve?'

'Yeah. I get why you didn't tell me though and I figured you would tell me on the drive home, but then when you told me about what she said to you I could understand why you wouldn't want to talk about it.'

She gives him a small smile. 'Thanks, I was going to, but yeah after that night, I was just not feeling great about anything.'

'All good. Look honestly I can't say I wasn't glad to hear that you and Kavinsky broke up a while ago and for a moment there I thought we really had a chance, but I know that if you and him do truly go separate ways one day then you'll need more than a few months to get over him. What you guys have is pretty great and maybe you won't have it in another few years but for now, I knew that I wouldn't be able to compete.'

'I'm sorry John. I really thought we could have our chance as well.'

John shrugs. Then almost look uncomfortable for a moment. 'In saying all this, I should probably tell you something as well.'

'Ok…?' Lara Jean answer, unsure of what more he could say.

'I'm actually kind of into Selena at the moment. If that's ok?'

'What?'

'I actually was here hanging out with her for the day and thought I would drop off your jumper while I'm here.'

'Oh yeah that's totally fine.'

'It's not weird, is it?'

'No, I mean we've never dated or anything and I think Selena and you would go well together.'

'You think so?'

'Yeah.'

A smile breaks across John's face as she confirms this for him.

'Thanks Lara Jean.' He says. He turns to go to the door to leave.

Before he goes, he quickly turns back. 'By the way, the things that Gen said to you. They don't matter. I'm sure Peter has never felt for her the way he feels about you and nothing that she said can change that. She's probably just jealous that he has real emotions for her unlike the pure physical relationship that they had.'

Lara Jean nods subtly as he turns to leave. She isn't sure what Peter and Genevieve's relationship was really about. Peter told her even just after he broke up with Gen that he was never really sure if he ever loved her. He has then told her multiple times that he never felt what he feels with her, when he was with Genevieve. In Peter's head, the feelings he has for Lara Jean will never be replicated with any other girl. She isn't so sure but she also knows that she doesn't have anything to compare her feelings for him to, so maybe that is the truth.

She lies back down on her bed with a sigh. She knows that she should be studying but she can't compel herself to get up. She feels like she is back into her junior year again. A time when she was so insecure and unsure of herself. When everything about her relationship with Peter was compared to how she thought his relationship was with Genevieve. She thought that she was over all of this. That she couldn't care less about Genevieve and that it was all just about her and Peter, but when she was saying those things to her the other night it just all came flooding back. She has to put her pillow over her head when she realises how stupid she is being. How could she possibly think this way? Peter loved her for her and nothing else. He had waited almost three years for her and had never pushed her at all. Why was she so insecure about this? Even as she thought about how stupid she was, the same weight bearing on her chest telling her that she would never compare to Genevieve is still there. She tries to roll over and go back to sleep. Eventually sleep comes to her though it isn't a very restful night.

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It's Thursday night and she is texting her family and Peter to let them know about her arrangements. Even with things being weird between them, she could never miss one of the most important games. It's Peter's first ever grand final for UVA. She doesn't have class on Friday afternoon, so she is getting a lift down with Ethan since he is going to be there to watch his twin brother, Douglas. She is in a conversation with Peter. She is feeling better since telling John and realising that he is after Selena now is also a relief to her since she knows that she hasn't then hurt him too much. She also thinks that Selena will be good for him, as she knows John is transferring to a Politics major when he gets here and that is what Selena does as well so she can already imagine them arguing with each other and challenging their points in the same way that Ravi and Margot do. It's getting late as she is making arrangements with everyone. Her Dad isn't replying since he has gone to sleep much earlier and she knows that he will be disappointed if she sends him anymore messages now, revealing that she still isn't asleep. Peter is replying, though she can feel the distance between them from the short texts.

I'm going to bed. I'll see you on Saturday.

Good luck at training tomorrow.

She texts Peter. They have decided that she won't see him tomorrow as he has a bunch of recovery and has a whole carb-loading party tomorrow night with the team. It would be too much for his mum to drive up and drop his car off, only for him to drive back down again and for only an hour or two.

Thanks Covey. It'll be good to see you.

She assumes that this is the end of their conversation. So she turns off her light just above her, which was the only light in the room given that Bonnie had called it a night next to her, long before she had. She nestles down into her blankets and it slowly blinking her eyes, as her eyelids grow heavier with tiredness. Just before she falls asleep though, her phone lights up. She reaches over and sees that Peter has texted her again. It's a big chunk of text which he usually never sends her.

I can tell that something is on your mind. I don't know if it was Gen or John or me which has caused this, but something has been up since that party on the weekend. I don't want to push you or force you to tell what it is about but I just want you to know that I am here for you no matter what and you can talk to me about anything. I hope we can finally talk about everything this weekend. I love you Covey.

She feels a smile on her face as she read his text. She is hoping that she can finally talk to him as well, when she won't be worried or pressured by the fact that he needs to keep his mindset straight for the lacrosse game and when they can finally be face to face.

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Her Friday morning classes come and go quite quickly then before she knows it, she is in the car with Ethan on their way up to Virginia. They sit in mostly silence making a few attempts at conversation here and there, but both of them are pretty exhausted from their classes and the long drive. She thanks him when they arrive out the front of her house and gets her bag, running towards the door. Kitty will still be at school and Trina at work but she knows her dad is home.

'Hi Daddy!' she cries as she opens the door.

'Lara Jean!' he calls to her, before embracing her in a tight hug.

It feels like they haven't seen each other for so long. She really has missed him and her family.

That night they order Korean food and even get Margot to do a skype 'virtual dinner' with them. It feels strange to be with everyone on what is a normal night. Kitty is still in her clothes from school and Trina in her athletic gear, it feels like she is supposed to slot in here, not like she is only here for a short visit. Kitty takes up the majority of the conversation. Chatting away about the end of her school year and how everything is going. Somehow she has a dramatic story to fill every minute of time that passes, but Lara Jean doesn't mind, she has missed how opened and expressive Kitty was able to be with her. She tries to make note to make time to do virtual dinners with her family. She is usually so busy that she doesn't have time, but she knows that now she feels she has more control over her schedule and should be able to fit it in.

She goes to bed that night wearing one of her favourite night gowns that she hadn't brought with her to college. She felt that it was too old-fashioned to have around college but that's why it was one of her favourites so she allowed herself to wear it that night. She is lying down in bed just about to put down the book that she is reading when she hears a knock at the window.

She checks her phone and can't see any texts from Peter, so wonders who it could be. She goes over and peeps behind the curtain to see Peter at her window, immediately she pulls it up to let him in.

'Peter, what are you doing here? You are supposed to be getting ready for your game.' She exclaims, as he staggers in.

'I am getting ready.' He answers, giving her a smile.

'How is this getting ready?' she quizzes him, she tries to cover her chest as she realises she isn't wearing a bra.

'You sound like you're not happy to see me, Covey.' He raises his eyebrows at her.

She lets out a breath. She is very happy to see him and feels her heart jump having him right in front of her.

'Of course I'm happy to see you.' She tells him.

'Well you have a strange way of showing it.'

She steps towards him, putting her hands on his shoulders and looking up at him. 'Is this better?'

'Not yet.' He smirks.

She gets up on her tiptoes and plants a kiss on his lips, she has barely pulled away before she feels her hand on her back pushing her closer and his lips capturing hers in a deeper kiss.

When they pull away from each other, they are both breathless.

'That was what I wanted.' He whispers.

She looks up at him expecting to see him smiling down at her, but instead is met with his furrowed brow and an intense, conflicted look in his eyes.

'What?' she asks, taking a few steps back to be sitting on her bed.

He walks over and sits at her desk. 'Can you finally tell me why you have been acting so weird?'

She feels her heart race at his question. She didn't think they would be talking about this now. 'I'm not acting weird.' She tries to deny.

'Covey, don't give me that. You know I'm not dumb.' He scoffs at her.

She lets out a sigh. 'I'll tell you after your game tomorrow, I don't want it to distract you.'

'It's been distracting me all week!' he raises his voice a little bit at her and then glances guilty at her door as he realises.

'Sorry.' He says quickly. 'But I know something is up and honestly that's distracting me more than anything else could.'

'I don't know Peter.' She starts. He might be saying that but with her own uncertainty about what has happening and knowing how annoyed Peter can get at the things that Gen does, she thinks that it will be worse telling him.

'Covey trust me, anything is better than feeling I'm not worth it for you.' His voice is raw and his eyes are sad.

She stays quiet, so he continues. 'I haven't stopped thinking about you all week. I'm off my game at the moment, because I have no idea what's going on. I have no idea what has happened but I just know something has. I don't know, maybe your feelings are changing…then seeing John…' he trails off.

Lara Jean gets to her feet quickly and walks over to him. She puts her hands on either side of his face, caressing the sides of his sharp jawline. 'Peter Kavinsky, how could you ever think that is true?' she asks him firmly.

She leans down and gives him a small kiss on the lips. 'You are always going to be worth it today and even John knows that my feelings for you aren't going to be able to change overnight, or even within a week or a month. I'll need years to get over you.' She tells him honestly.

His eyes seems to light up a little more as she says this.

'Then why can't you tell me what's wrong?' he asks. She can hear the lostness in his voice. He places her hands on her waist, pulling her closer to him so he can look more intently into her eyes.

She slightly turns him so his legs aren't under the desk and she can sit on his lap. She hooks her legs over his, letting them hanging off the side. She wraps one of her arms around the front of his torse while the other buries into his hair. His arms instinctively go around her waist, holding her close and holding her steady.

She lets her hand absentmindedly run through his hair as she thinks of the best way to tell him what is on her mind.

'What's wrong?' he asks again, he plants a tender kiss on her neck as he does.

She finally brings her eyes to look at his. His eyes are searching hers for some kind of answer or telling sign of what she is about to say.

'Genevieve said some things to me.' She bites her lip nervously as she reveals it.

Already Peter's eyes roll to the back of his head in annoyance as he listens to her. 'What did she say to you?' His voice is protective, knowing that whatever it was, it can't be good.

'She just brought up things that your relationship with hers had that ours doesn't.' Lara Jean divulges carefully.

Peter's face looks confused. 'What could she have possibly brought up that you make you think that's true?'

'It doesn't matter.' She tries to deflect the question, feeling uncomfortable having this conversation.

'Covey, you have to tell me. For the life of me, I can't think of a single thing that she could have mentioned, let alone something that you would have believed.'

She looks down, falling silent again.

Peter lets out a sigh when she doesn't tell him straight away. 'You heard me say it before, I'm not sure I ever loved Gen, but what I do know is that I have never loved the girl the way that I love you. There hasn't been anyone come into my life who has bring such joy, comfort and love to me.'

'I think my sense of humour is pretty memorable as well.' She mumbles.

He chuckles at her. 'And there's that. Your cute quirkiness and humour reeled me in for sure, but everything else is what tells me that there won't be another girl for me.'

She tips her head towards his so that their noses are slightly touching. She slowly tilts her head so that she can kiss him but before she can, he says 'Tell me first.'

She pulls back from him and meets his determined eyes. She knows from past experience that he isn't going to let her get away with anything until she kisses him. Her arms drops away from his shoulder and she rests her hand in her lap, looking down at it as she tries to avoid his eyes. He slowly runs his hand against her hip, bringing it to meet her hand in her lap. He wraps his fingers around her, stroking the top of her hand with his thumb comfortingly.

'Covey.' She can hear the reassurance in his voice. He isn't pushing her, but rather just waiting and letting her know that he wants to hear anything she has to say.

Lara Jean lets out a sigh before she whispers, 'Genevieve was teasing me about your sex life.'

Peter's eyebrows shoot up as he hears what she says. His face registers with surprise, then a flash of anger before settling on frustration. He lets out a sigh now and lets his head fall on her shoulder, nuzzling into her neck.

'I was afraid of this.' He whispers, equally as soft.

Now it's her turn to be shocked and she isn't really sure what he means by this. 'What do you mean you were afraid?'

'That all this shit in my past with her was going to get between us.'

Now it hits her. No wonder this all felt familiar, this was what Peter had feared when they had broken up in Junior year. At that point in their relationship, she was more concerned about levelling up to Genevieve as a girlfriend, but now she sees that Peter was right and that he thought she would be affected by the sexual relationship that he and Gen had because of her innocence. She remembers telling him that she never cared about any of that, because she didn't. She always knew that Peter and her would get there in their own time and that Gen wouldn't be someone to worry about when that time came, but here she was.

'You know I don't care about that.' She responds.

'Well clearly you do.' He says sadly, his head still on her shoulder.

She is glad that he is hugging her, so she knows that this is something they are going through together instead of standing across the room from each other.

'I don't know. I didn't think I did, but just when she threw it in my face like that…' she trails off.

He lifts his head up from her shoulder and cups her cheeks, stroking the side of her face. 'Covey, what see said to you doesn't mean anything. The relationship that she and I had was so different to what you and I have at the moment. She was someone who I kept around because I wasn't sure how to be with anyone else and we had so much history together and I knew so much about her, despite almost everyone around me telling me that she wasn't good for me. Then I met you and you not only broke the seal, but completely stole my heart, which to be honest you still held a part of since I first started liking you when we had our first kiss. I know we haven't gotten to that stage of our relationship yet, but I can promise you that it will be different. What Gen said that she had, will be nothing in comparison to what we will.'

She feels tears fall from her eyes as she hears his words. He wipes them away with his fingertips.

'Back in Junior Year when I was barely 17, I was afraid that what happened between her and I would be enough to make you go away and not want to be with me, but now I know that those things don't matter. We are adults now. She was my high school relationship, but you are my life relationship.'

He slowly leans forward and kiss her on the lips. When they break away, Lara Jean feels a sob in her throat.

'I'm so sorry Peter.' She exclaims, now burying her face into his chest. She can feel the tears running down her face quickly.

He has his hand on the back of her neck, running it through her hair the way she likes it as he tries to soothe her and comfort her.

'Covey, what are you talking about?' he whispers, as he continues running his hands in her hair. He moves his head slightly to place a kiss on his temple.

'I just get so insecure about things all the time and I don't know why.' She splutters it all out at once.

Peter pulls his arms together around her, resting his lips on her hair.

'Are you sure you don't know why?' he asks carefully.

She lets out a shaky breath, then the words just flow out of her. 'I think maybe I see Genevieve and I'm brought back to high school and how it felt when I never thought that you could be mine and that we never had a chance.'

Peter lets out a sigh and plants another kiss in her hair. 'Covey, I don't know where you get these stupid ideas from.'

She pushes herself away from him to look at his very amused face. 'What?' she was expecting comfort and support from him not humour and amusement.

He holds onto her tight though, not letting her move far. 'I can't believe you ever think for a minute that I could never be yours. It's me who is the one who needs to remind themselves everyday that we're together. I love you and you are so amazing, in all your quirkiness. Never doubt yourself or me for that matter.'

She nods slowly at him.

'Promise me that you won't let this annoy you again, or at least you'll tell me about it straight away. You are doing such amazing things at college at the moment, you don't have anytime for that high school drama. You and I have both grown so much from it all and are completely different people to who we were, ok?' he strokes her hair again.

'Ok.' She whispers, nodding her head again. 'I don't want either of us to shut down again and not tell each other how we are feeling, even when we are really scared.'

He cups her cheek and leans in slowly to kiss her. 'I absolutely agree.' He says mid-kiss.

She wraps her hands around his face again to deepen the kiss. She is so consumed in it, she barely notices as he slides his arms under her legs to left her up and take her over to her bed. They are sitting knee to knee on the bed, as he begins to slowly move from her lips down her jawline with his kisses.

'Peter…' she breathes, her fingers burying in his hair pulling him in closer to her.

His hands are exploring all over her back. Her nightgown had hitched up when he had carried her over and is still wrinkled up as she is sitting though, she doesn't care. Eventually his hands manage to unravel the night gown and make their way under, so she can feel his fingers pressing into the bare skin of her spine. He runs them up and down as if playing a cello. She pulls him back to her lips and deepens the kiss even more, her tongue dancing with his. His hands move to grip her shoulder blades, urgently pressing her against him. He starts to roll back, pulling her down with him until he is lying down on her bed with his legs still hanging off the side. Her legs are now fully resting on him as is her full body weight. She takes advantage of being on top and starts to explore down his jawline, going past his throat and planting a few kisses just behind his ears where he likes it.

'I can't believe I never thought you had a killer instinct.' He breathes out. His hands are still running up and down her back. He is pulling up her nightgown from behind, but it still covers from the front.

'What makes you say that?' she teases, now fully attacking his sweet spot with her lips and tongue.

He lets out a playful growl as he pulls her closer and turns them over on her bed. He pulls away from her, looking intensely into her eyes.

'Cause you're honestly going to be the death of me.' He whispers to her. He captures his lips in a kiss again, but this time he is taking her breath away. Kisses like these she wished that she could bottle up and save forever. They were both utterly consumed in each other and the urgency, there wasn't another care in the world.

She breaks away for a moment to reach for the hem of his shirt to take it off him, but her eyes catch the 'UVA Lacrosse' symbol and label on his shirt as she does. She immediately stops as her thoughts come back to her.

'You should do.' She says, quickly, pulling his hands out from under her night gown and fixing it's length.

He looks very lost and confused. 'Covey, what did I do?' she can hear the hurt in his voice.

She smiles brightly at him to let him know that everything is ok and he smiles back. She gives him a quick kiss on the lips. 'You have a game tomorrow that you have to be ready for. You'll barely get enough sleep as is once you get back to UVA.'

'Right… about that…' Peter starts, looking down as he scruffs the back of his head.

'What?' Lara Jean crosses her arms in front of her, she has a feeling she knows what he is about to say but she wants to tease him anyway.

'Ummmm, I was kinda planning on staying here, if that's ok…' he is blushing red as he admits this.

'Uh-huh.' She snaps at him, trying hard to hide her smile.

'I just have to drive Owen and Mum to the game tomorrow from here, so thought I would drop over so I could be in the neighbourhood. I could go home, but Mum is probably just going to stress me out about the game and wonder why I'm not at UVA.'

'Won't it look a bit presumptuous with you turning up to take them to UVA at 3am?'

'Are you going to kick me out at 3am?'

'Maybe.'

He is starting to get a concerned look on his face.

'I'm kidding.' She finally breaks and gives him a playful push. 'Of course you can stay.'

He breaks out in a big smile and pulls her close. 'You really had me there, Covey.'

'What can I say, I guess I'm good at pretending.' They both share a smile.

'Well I mean you weren't that good, since pretend became reality pretty soon after.'

'Hey I was a great pretend girlfriend.'

'But then you just had to fall for me like every other girl.' Peter dramatically acts wistfully.

She rolls her eyes at him. 'You just keep telling yourself that.'

'I will.' He declares, as he scoots back on her bed and gets under the covers.

She just pretends to scowl at him and shake her head, but she can't do it for long as he gives her a bright smile and opens his arms, welcoming her. She nestles her against her pillow as he nuzzles his nose against her neck. He curves around her and his arms link under hers, playing with her hands.

'I missed this.' He says with a sigh.

'We shared a bed two weeks ago.' She informs him.

'Yeah that was too long ago.' He plants a kiss on her neck.

She doesn't want to tell him that them seeing each other so much was really a one off and wasn't something that usually happens but she didn't want to pop this bubble of bliss they were in. It would be summer soon anyway and they would have the whole time to spend with each other. They both have very restful nights for the first time in a while as everything seems right in the universe.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

She wakes up to the noise of Peter moving around. She turns around and sees him hopping around trying to put his shoes back on.

'You weren't going to say goodbye?' she whines.

'I didn't want to wake you.' He excuses.

She sits up with a very prominent pout on her face and crosses her arms across her chest. He looks at her tenderly.

'Are you really mad at me?' he cocks one eyebrow at her.

'Yes I am.' She declares. She knows that she wasn't sitting down she probably would have stomped her foot as well.

He finishes putting his shoes on and clasps her face between his hand giving her a quick kiss. She grabs his shirt and gently tugs him back when he tries to pull away.

'Your dad is going to be awake soon.' He cautions.

'I don't care.' She pulls him in for another kiss.

'I'll see you at the game?' Peter asks, when they break away.

'Of course. Everyone is coming!' she exclaims.

He breaks out in a big smile when she says that. He always loves having an audience in the crowd though Lara Jean is sure that it isn't a surprise that her whole family loved the excuse to come see a college grand final.

'Can you come down and give me a good luck kiss before the game?' he asks sweetly.

'Am I allowed down there?'

He shrugs his shoulders. 'We can try.'

'Maybe.' She says. Just before he steps outside she has to check something. 'Your number is still 17, right?'

'Yeah, why?'

'No reason…'

He gives her a curious glance before he climbs out the window.

Lara Jean decides to get a bit more sleep before waking up for the day.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

When she hears her Dad's and Kitty's voices coming from the kitchen, she decides that it is time to wake up. She ventures off down the stairs, her happiness and excitement is blatantly obvious.

'Good Morning Daddy. Good Morning Kitten.' She joyfully announces when she gets to the kitchen.

'Good morning Lara Jean.' Her dad greets her cheerfully and gives her a kiss on the cheek.

'Why are you in such a good mood?' Kitty grumbles.

'Why wouldn't I be? Peter is playing in the National Collegiate Athletic Association Division One Men's Lacrosse Championship Grand Final.' Lara Jean explains, making sure to make use of all of the words in the game title. She's get been referring to it as the grand final or championship, but it makes her proud to be able to state the full name and realise actually how incredible this achievement is.

'That's too many words for the morning.' Kitty complains.

Lara Jean rolls her eyes at them. 'So are we all set for today?'

Her dad flips a pancake onto her plate. 'Absolutely. Not that I wouldn't be glad if UNC made it, but I like not having to cheer for my opposition yet.'

She scowls at him. 'Yeah you're lucky I'm back with Peter otherwise you might not have had this chance to cheer on the winning team.'

'I probably would have gone anyway.'

'Would you have come if it was UNC?'

Her Dad shrugs but gives a telling smile as he turns back to the cooktop. She pretends to growl at him. Her and her dad have had a lot of fun teasing each other about the rivalry between UVA and UNC. She remembers when she revealed to him that he had to go for UNC now that she was the only person he knew at that college and after she had broken up with Peter, he even admitted that he would, but now he definitely glad to have an excuse to go back to his old stomping ground and cheer on his OG team.

'What happens if I get into UVA? Will you still have to go for UNC?' Kitty asks, perking up a bit more after eating some pancake.

'Yes.'

'No.'

Both Lara Jean and her dad answer at the same time. Her dad sheepishly turns away again.

'Why did you two answer differently?' Kitty pipes up.

'That's enough for the questions Katherine.' Her dad declares.

Kitty begrudgingly nods and accepts, before she pops her head up again to ask another. 'So what are we wearing today?'

'Well I have a few UVA things that you guys can borrow.' Lara Jean suggests, between bites.

'Yeah? Like what?' Kitty asks.

'Umm, I have at least one t-shirt, a sweatshirt, a cap and some shorts I think.' She muses.

'Why exactly do you have those?' Her dad turns around and eyes her.

Her cheeks turn red when she realises what he must be thinking. What reason would she have to have a full outfit from UVA?

'There just from a few times, Peter has loaned me some clothes after it's been raining or we've been swimming at a party, I swear.' Lara Jean confesses.

'Mmm-hmmm.' Her dad takes her excuse with a cocked eyebrow and turns back to the pan.

Kitty leans over and mouths to her 'Really?'

She gently pushes her away so that she won't push anymore. She doesn't need Kitty putting her nose into place it doesn't belong.

'Can I wear a t-shirt and cap then?' Kitty asks.

'Yeah that should work, then maybe Trina can wear the sweatshirt, it'll definitely be big on her because it's massive on me.' Lara Jean says.

'What will you wear then?'

'Uhhh, I've got something planned, don't worry…' Lara Jean trails off. They will know soon enough, she just doesn't want to have to go through the whole process of describing it in detail to them.

'We can even write Peter's jersey number on your faces as well.' Lara Jean suggests.

'I thought that was just something that their girlfriends did.' Kitty responds.

Lara Jean bites her lip as she thinks about Kitty's answer, she didn't think it was just a girlfriend thing. At the UVA v UNC game, there were whole rows of family members who had their relative's number painted on their face. She remembers seeing Peter watch and look at them wistfully. Owen always refused to do anything like that cause he thought it was cheesy and his mum complained that paint usually caused her a bad skin reaction.

'No we are all going to do it to support him, but remember it's number 17.'

'What time do we want to get there?' Her dad asks, switching off the stove so he can start eating his pancake.

'Maybe like an hour or 2 before hand, that way we can get good seats and meet up with people.'

Her dad nods in response and pulls out his phone to text Trina.

'Ok we'll be ready 3 hours before then.'

She smiles at his commitment knowing that it is sweet of him to be so proud of Peter as well and want to be there for such a big moment.

Time passes quickly and soon Kitty and Lara Jean are running around getting the final touches ready for the game. Her hair is pulled back into two low ponytails complete with long orange and blue ribbons. She has a 17 painted on both of her cheeks and have even done some blue and orange eye make up to match. Kitty's face is covered is a massive number 17 that goes through her eyes and comes just below her chin. It is blue and outlined in orange to make it even more obvious. Her hair is tied back to braids, to make sure no pieces get caught in the paint on her face. The t-shirt practically fits her as a dress, so she opts to just wear it with a pair of denim shorts and sneakers, which really make her look like one of those supporters on Instagram who look committed to a team but still cute. Trina chooses not to wear the sweatshirt, which secretly thrills Lara Jean as she realised she maybe wasn't fully comfortable with Trina wearing her favourite piece of clothing of Peter's. She is instead just wearing a orange top and a skirt that look blue, complete with some ribbons in her pony tail. Her dad has embarrassingly gone full out with it though. Wearing his old UVA shirt and shorts that are probably a bit smaller now than what they used to be and he had his face completely painted orange and blue. Lara Jean laughs at him but she knows that Peter will appreciate it. She is wearing a shirt which she has made specifically for today. She went out to the craft store with Alex and got iron-on numbers 1 and 7, as well as all the letters in KAVINSKY. They then had to use the crappy iron in their dorm to stick them all onto the shirt. The shirt that she has is the first one that Peter ever gave to her and it was one, she just threw on as a joke to tease him and he insisted that she keep it. Bonnie had later told her that to guys it's a way of marking their territory, but she honestly didn't mind. She loved how it smelled like him and was something she was able to decorate especially for this grand final. It already had a lot of memories attached to it and she wanted to give it more. She was just wearing cut offs under the shirt and a pair of beige sandals.

The drive to the game is exciting. Her dad keeps trying to teach them all old UVA war cries. While Lara Jean has conceded that she'll have to cheer on her rival school, she hasn't quite managed to convince herself that she will be able to do their traditional war cries as well. That seems like a bad betrayal of UNC.

Trina eventually convinces him to give it a rest and they listen to the radio as they arrive. She has texted a selfie of herself to the group chat. Alex has commented about their traumatic experience of finding the letters and numbers finally paying off, Bonnie has reminisced how cute she looks, Jen has sent love hearts but no reply from Selena despite her reading the texts. Lara Jean isn't sure what is going on but thinks it might be about John. She makes note to talk to Selena as soon as she is back so that they can clear the air between them.

They arrive and already massive crowds are forming around the field. Though they still manage to find a good spot in the middle but just to the left. None of the teams are out on the field yet as they are probably talking through all of their game plans. She spots Ethan and his family right at the front and goes to talk to them.

'LJ! What up?' Ethan cheers when she gets to him and they hug.

'Not much. Is that your brother's number?' She says peering at the number 13 on his cheek.

'You bet. You got a 17 I see, eyeing a junior are we?' he teases.

'No it's my boyfriend Peter's number. He's also a freshman.'

'What? A freshman with that number? Damn he must be good.'

'Well I'm probably a bit too biased to answer that.'

They both share a laugh before Ethan asks 'So are you coming to the party tonight?'

'Am we allowed to?' she asks confused.

He shrugs. 'Yeah I mean they'll probably just be little freshmen manning the door, or I'll even pose as Douglas to be let in, but my dad's financing most of it, so we probably have a good chance of entering.' He winks at Lara Jean.

'Ok, yeah I'd be down.'

'Cool, I'll text you where to meet and we can go together.'

She nods and they hug. Just as she leaves she sees the UVA team run on the field. She sees Peter run all the way across the field, signalling for her to come down. She takes this as the call to come down and give him his good luck kiss. She quickly scoots past a whole lot of people and runs down the stairs to meet him. When she gets down there, he pulls her under the bleachers. There are already a few other UVA Lacrosse players there with their girlfriends, but they don't care.

'How are you feeling?' she asks, her arms lifting up to wrap around his neck. She can feel the nervous tension in her back.

'Yeah I'm good.' He lies.

She doesn't pull him up on it, as she knows he is probably trying to tell himself the same thing as well.

'Like my outfit?' she asks, giving him a twirl so he can see.

He lets out a laugh and a massive smile when he sees the back of it with his name and jersey number. He scoops her up in his arms and spins her around so that her legs lift up. She holds on to his neck tightly. He stops spinning them and then throws her up with the air, knowing that it always makes her laugh. She always adores how much Peter appreciates just the little things she does for him. They mean so much even if they can hurt him so easily.

'I love it.' He whispers against her lips.

She runs her hand from the nape of his neck, along his smooth cheek and up to his eyebrow. She strokes the hairs slowly and the feel like silk against his skin. He is looking at her intently as she watches her hand. She is trying to take this moment in. The moment where they aren't so unsure any more and have made it through all the uncertainty to reach right now. She wants to remember this, so when times ever get tough between them she has perfect moments such as this one to rely on and keep them fighting for each other.

'Thanks for holding in there with me, Covey.' He says. She can hear kindness, gratitude and almost bittersweet sentiment in his voice.

'Thanks for letting me.' She answers. She means it. When they broke up and had all that time apart, almost 6 months of it, she thought maybe he was able to cut her off just like he had with his dad. Maybe she has hurt him enough after all their years of being together that he figured out that she wasn't enough to stay in his life. But he never thought that way and that's how she is able to standing with him now. Because instead of blaming it all on her and not going anything about it, he chose to listen to her and fight for them. He chose to want her to give him another chance and honestly he made it so easy for her. It's as much because of him as it is because of her that they are together again.

She leans up and gives him a kiss on the lips. She wants to have just a few moments with him to reassure him that she loves him so much and nothing that happens in the game could change that for her. He responds straight away prying her mouth open with his tongue and deepening the kiss. His arms are still wrapped around her waist, holding her towards him which she is very glad about because she would have for sure lost her balance in the kiss. Any reassurance to him she is giving, she knows he is giving it right back. Stroking his thumb against her back and cupping her face with other hand, to let her know that he isn't going anywhere either.

'KAVINSKY!' They hear someone in a booming voice say from outside the bleachers.

Immediately they break away. She nuzzles her nose against his. Neither of them wanting to leave.

'Good Luck Peter K.' she wishes him.

'I'll see you after the game Covey. I love you.' He brushes his lips against hers and he sets her back to her feet on the ground.

'I love you too.' She says, before they share one last glance of love and hope and he runs off onto the field.

She stays a few more moment under the bleachers. They hadn't noticed that everyone else around the had left earlier, so she is now on her own. She takes a second to adjust her hair and her shirt, as well as catch the breath she knows that she lost when Peter was here. When she is feeling content with everything, she goes back up to the stands.

Her family are all getting jittery as well. They all stand up and cheer when Peter comes near them to warm up. He has a massive smile on his face, when he sees them all decked out in the colours and all wearing the number 17 painted in some way on their face. Her heart squeezes as she notices him constantly looking over at them and breaking out into a smile every time. She hasn't seen Owen or Mrs Kavinsky come up yet, but just before the game starts, she sees them in plain outfits standing on the grass outside. She can't blame them or judge them for this, which she knows. She understands that everyone has different families. Mrs Kavinsky, Owen and Peter will be able to spend hours talking about the game plays and every minute of the game that passed, which is something her family would never be able to do, that's why they are cheering so hard now but probably won't be able to remember much once the game is over. It's not a surprise to her when she sees that Peter isn't starting. He had mentioned that a lot of the seniors had kicked up a fuss about wanting all of them to start on for the their first championship and their last ever game. The coach reluctantly agreed on the condition that he could sub them at any time. Peter had said he reckoned he probably wouldn't get on until about 20 minutes in, after a bunch of the better junior and sophomore players had been put on. She had relayed this on to her Dad, Trina and Kitty, so they were all cheering madly when they saw him going on after only 5 minutes. Peter is absolutely ready to go as he sprint onto the field. He is playing in an attacking position, which is his favourite because then he gets to score all the goals (his words). The first half goes incredibly quickly. Peter plays amazingly though and even Kitty notes that he is a completely different player since they saw him at the start of the year. He is weaving through the players with ease and intercepting their passes constantly. Unfortunately though, the other team, Yale, had managed to get more goals and so they were ahead by 8 points. They watch from the stands as the UVA talks quite tensely about their next plays. Yale is looking stressed as well which gives away that they are also slightly worried about the score. The buzzer for the end of the half time break goes off and the teams run back on the field. They cheer with everyone else when they see Peter running on again. He must be exhausted after running so much, but she knows that he is so determined and persistent that there won't be a lot stopping him. He eventually gets his first goal and all four of them go ballistic for him. They are jumping up and down screaming at the tops of their lungs. He gives them a big wave as he runs back into position. It was then that Lara Jean saw that Mrs Kavinsky and Owen finally noticed where they were sitting and that they were there. She looked down and waved at Owen who waved back, but Mrs Kavinsky just politely pretended not to see her or her family.

'Cold.' Kitty muttered under her breath.

Lara Jean just ignored it. That was going to be something that she would need to handle later.

The scoreboard is now just 4 points holding Yale ahead of UVA with 10 minutes left on the clock. Both teams are frantically trying to get possession of the ball. With 5 minutes left, UVA managed to get a goal in from the designated area which gave them 2 points. Then with 2 minutes they got another. There was only a minute left in the game and they just needed to get one more point. With so much excitement and anxiety, they watch as Yale tries to pass between two defending players and Peter leaps between them catching the ball with incredible skill. He goes charging for the goal.

'Go Kavinsky Go!' Lara Jean yells.

'Come on Peter.' Kitty shrieks.

'Let's go UVA!' Trina cheers.

'PUT IT IN THE NET!' Her dad screams.

They are all yelling simultaneously along with the rest of the stands. Everyone around them from UVA is up on their feet, jumping up and down with anticipation yelling out the number 17. They watch with 10 seconds to go as Peter quickly whips back his lacrosse stick and launches the ball into the top left corner. The goalies jumps for it but its just slips through his fingers. The next second the buzzer goes off and everyone absolutely loses it.

'AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!' Trina, Kitty, her Dad and her just yell each other as they leap into each other arms hugging.

Her dad even turns around and starts hugging a bunch of student behind him, but they happily reciprocate during their celebrations.

She finally takes a moment to find Peter out on the field. She can't see him but the team has all tackled each other so she assumes that Peter is under all of them. They all stand up and he finally pops up only to be inundated with hugs and claps on his back from the rest of the team. One of the senior even throws him up in the air in same way he just did to her before. It brings her a lot of laughter watching Peter be at the receiving of something he constantly does to her. He is almost about to turn his head towards them, but then someone else comes up and hugs him. A lot of the UVA crowd has just stormed onto the field running after the team. Her whole family laughs as the team pours the entire container of Gatorade over the coach. They all then lift the captain up on their shoulders as he gets handed the championship trophy. The marshal and referee then call for the crowd to calm down so that the medal can be handed out. The Yale captain is given a microphone as one of the organiser's arms is filled with gold plated medals hanging from red ribbon. He runs through all the names of the Lacrosse players on his team, placing the medal over all of their heads before they shake hands with the coach and manager. Then the coach presents him with his medal and does a great speech about how well they have played. They all clap along with the Yale fans in appreciation to the team especially as they were poised to win for the majority of the game. It then comes to UVA and the crowd barely stops cheering before their captain steps up to present the medals that this time, are hanging from a blue ribbon. He runs through all the names. Lara Jean makes sure to cheer loudly for Douglas as well when she sees the number 13 jersey being called. Then they all stand up and cheer an insane amount for Peter, he even raises his hands and does a little spin, which makes the crowd cheer even louder. He is then tackled by his team for doing that. Lara Jean notices a whole group of girls in front of her whispering and whooping for Peter, a few of them have even turned their signs around and have written their numbers on it and are yelling out his name while pointing at the sign. She lets out a laugh as she watches Peter blush a dark red, trying to ignore that particular attention. She really couldn't care less what those girls were doing because she knew all the effort that Peter put in and how much more special this winning goal was after he started at the bottom at the start of the season. He gets swarmed by people around him as she notices him trying to look over their heads and find her. She consider staying where she is for a bit longer until they can meet eyes but after a while decides that she can hopefully just see him later. She is walking down the bleachers with Kitty, Trina and her dad, when she catches sight of Peter running up the other end of the stands. They had walked across the top to come down the ones they are on now, so she assumes that Peter is running up those to try and see her.

'Oh I'll just go find Peter.' She tells them, before quickly trying to break through the crowd to go back up.

She realises that Peter was easily able to get through everyone as they all would have parted to let the player of the match go past, whereas she really needs to try push people and focus on going upwards since no one wants to move out of the wave for her. After being elbowed in the face several times and having to wait heaps for big groups of people to pass, she finally makes it up to the bleachers. She scans all the people waiting but she can't see Peter anywhere. There is another group standing where her and her family were and she can't see past them. She supposed that Peter is behind them. She darts through more people trying to get to the top so she can run across and see him, but once she reaches where her family was. There is no sign of Peter.

'Covey!' she hears someone yell out to her. She looks down and sees Peter right in the middle of the crowd around the bleaches under her.

'Peter!' she yells excitedly back.

She quickly manoeuvres her way through the remaining people in the stands, quickly jumping down the stairs to where Peter was. It's much easier going to the same direction as the mass crowd. As she is taking the final flight of stairs to looks to where she was supposed to see Peter still standing but to her confusion, he is no longer there. She whips her head around and catches a glimpse of his head, going up the top flight of stairs on the other side of the bleaches.

'Darn it!' she curses under her breath as she turns around again to try go up the stairs to meet him.

At this rate, she was never going to get to congratulate Peter. She manages to run up the stairs and doesn't stop running or take a second to look up until she reaches the very top of the bleaches again. She whips her head around quickly and then sees Peter's back, as he is running down the stairs again.

'Kavinsky, Stop!' she yells at him. Her voice breaks as her throat starts to get sore from screaming so much over the last hour.

He stops in his tracks and turns around. 'There you are!' he remarks.

Most people have filed out of the bleachers now, so it's just them. It makes it easier for her to run down the stairs towards him. They both accidentally underestimate the row the other person is in and end up a row apart, so she launches herself over the seats into his arms which are ready to catch her. She wraps them tightly around his waist as he spins them both around again. They are both laughing with joy as he does. For both of them, this is such a happy and proud moment.

'I'm so proud of you. You were the man of the match, Peter K.' she tells him.

His smile somehow manages to get even wider at her compliment.

'I couldn't have done it without you.' He whispers, presses their noses together.

'Sure you could have. I didn't do anything that game.'

'I know, but just having you and your family watching made it so much more enjoyable and made me want to work so much harder so we would have something to celebrate.' He goes quiet for a moment before he continues. 'I didn't realise that it isn't just the game that I love to play which means a lot, but it's the people who I play it for and the people who I get to celebrate it with. Winning and playing well doesn't mean anything unless you have someone there who understands everything you've been through and what it's taken to get here.'

She nuzzles her nose against him. 'With or without the goal, even with or without the win, actually heck with or without the game, I would still love you, Peter Kavinsky.'

'I know. You just make everyone is my life mean so much more to me.'

Her breath catches in her throat. It's not often that he says such thoughtful things to her, even without meaning them, so she is almost caught off guard by this new side, but at the same time she can totally understand everything that he is saying and how he is saying it, because it's how she feels as well. She remembers back to the Yule Ball that she planned and while it was amazing for everyone else to comment on the decorations, it was the way that Peter's eyes sparkled when he looked up and how he kept saying 'wow' as he glanced around the room. Those reactions were more important and meant more to her, than everyone else's combined.

He puts his hand under her chin so that their lips can meet and gives her a sweet kiss. She places one of her hands over his as she twists her head slightly to deepen the kiss and be closer to him. She feel so intoxicated by his kiss, the happiness they share and even how he smells at the moment. She has never thought that Peter smelt bad after Lacrosse, but instead she enjoyed how his Dove soap, cologne and the grass all combined to create his own unique aroma after lacrosse which she loved. It all consumes her and she feels like she could kiss this boy for hours. Even now she barely can keep track of the time passing or anyone around him. She has gone from being one of the people who saw his first lacrosse game when he started playing when he was just 11 to being someone witnessing his greatness at the sport today. It was the same determination he had to keep dancing and keep singing despite all the other boys quitting and giving up that she saw on the field when he kept running. These little things she fell in love with them when she was in 7th grade and she wrote about them in the letter than she gave him. The letter that started all of this and it warms her heart to know that those same qualities still exist, they have now just grown and matured in way she never imagined. He is well and truly her Peter K. The Handsomest Boys of Handsome Boys and the one person she thinks she could understand better than anyone in her life and person who understand her in the same way. All of her insecurities and reservations about their relationship feel like a past memory as she is sharing this moment with him, knowing that he will always be hers and she will be his.

They break away and she runs her hands down the sides of his face. The look in his eyes shows that he is thinking the exact same way about her. It's the look he has always saved for her and the one which she knows he has never given a girl before. They stay up on the bleachers for a while sharing kisses and sentiments before they walk down the stairs hand in hand, big smiles on both of their faces. There is still small crowd but it is mostly filled with the friends and families of the players. Her and Peter wave to Ethan and Douglas where their families are congratulating him. She sees her dad, Kitty and Trina by the entrance so they walk over to say hello. Peter gives them all one-armed hugs refusing to let go of her hand and then he ruffles Kitty's hair and throws an arms around her.

'I think your little sister is a little obsessed with me.' He teases her.

'No I'm not.' Kitty stands.

'I don't know…you do have my jersey number painted over your face. That seems a little obsessive.'

'Maybe I just did it because I knew you would have the winning goal.'

'How would you know that?'

'I didn't. I actually assumed you wouldn't have any time on the field since you sucked so much the last time we saw you. The number was to help with your self-esteem.' Kitty gives it right back to him.

'Kitty!' Lara Jean exclaims, shaking her head at her.

'Still better than you.'

'I doubt that.'

'Really?' Peter has a mischievous glint in his eyes as he looks at Kitty. He then grabs her and flips her upside down holding her by the ankles.

'Take it back.' He commands her.

'No.' she says between giggles.

Her dad and Trina are laughing at they way they are interacting, ignoring Kitty's pleas to help her.

'Say I'm your dream guy.' Peter teases her.

'What does that have to do with Lacrosse?'

'Just say it.'

'Fine. You're my dream guy.'

'I didn't catch that.'

Kitty groans as Peter teases her. He is now spinning her around by her ankles.

'Peter.' They all hear a stern voice behind them. Lara Jean immediately knows who it is and from the tension in Peter's back, she is sure that he knows who is it as well.

He puts Kitty on the ground and grabs Lara Jean's hand again.

'Congratulations.' Mrs Kavinsky says to him.

'Thanks mum.' He answer, still holding her hand.

'Owen, do you have something to say to your brother?' She nudges Owen who is standing on his phone next to her.

'Yeah great job Peter.' He gives him a thumbs up as well which Lara Jean smiles at.

'Will you be coming home with us tonight?' Mrs Kavinsky asks. She has a little side glance at Lara Jean which fills her with dread.

Peter's eyes flicker down. 'I'm not sure yet. I'll see how I'm holding up after the celebrations. Ideally I would like to drop Lara Jean home and then spend the night, though I may also just end up in my dorm.' Peter admits.

Mrs Kavinsky nods. 'That's fine. Just let me know.'

Lara Jean drops Peter's hand, as Mrs Kavinsky leans forward to hug Peter. He hugs her back. She notices them whispering something to each other so she looks away towards Kitty who is still getting mad at their dad for not helping her against Peter.

'Lara Jean.' Mrs Kavinsky acknowledges her with a glance before turning back to walk away with Owen.

The sick feeling in her stomach is still there. She wants to ask Peter is he has mentioned anything to his mum about them or about him staying the night or if she has somehow found out, but she doesn't say anything and decides to grill him later.

'I'm just going to go send off Mum and Owen, meet here when I get back?' Peter asks her, holding both of her hands.

She nods in response and watches as he runs off after them. She turns to her dad, Trina and Kitty.

'So what do you want to do now?' she asks them.

'Well we assume you'll be going to the celebratory parties with Peter.' Trina says slowly.

'Oh I mean I was going to but I can hang out with you guys instead.' She suggests.

'No no no, go have fun and don't worry about a curfew for tonight. You are a college girl now and I don't want you to spend your night worrying getting back from UVA on time instead of having fun.' Her Dad tells her.

'Are you sure, Daddy? I really don't mind coming home at 1am.'

'No I insist. Have fun, that kid deserves it. Anyway we are staying at Trina's sister's house since she lives in Charlottesville and I don't think she wants to hear you coming back at 1am. Will you be able to make your way back home? If you can't, we can come pick you up as well.' He proposes.

'Umm, I think I should be ok. I'll catch an uber with someone or Peter said he might be able to drop me home.' She answers.

'Might.' Her dad emphasises, obviously having overheard the conversation that he had with his mum. 'Just make sure you are home by 7am because that's about when we will be getting back.'

'Trust me, I'll be home way before then.' Lara Jean promises.

She gives them all a final hug before she turns to wait for Peter.

She doesn't have to wait long. He comes running towards her and wraps her in a hug as soon as he sees her.

'Do you need to go back to your room to shower?' she asks him, looking up at him.

'Nah it's tradition to go to the party in uniform.' He laughs as he tells hers.

'Of course it is.' She says sarcastically.

He leans down and gives her a kiss on the forehead before grabbing her hand.

'Wait am I allowed to be there?' she tugs on his hand so he would stop trying to lead her away.

'Of course you are.' He tugs back at her hand. 'Though you'll have to be there as my girlfriend and not a UNC girl, ok?' he cocks an eyebrow.

'I don't know if I can do that. Renouncing my school in that way seems so harsh.' She teases.

'For me?' he stares down at her with puppy eyes that he knows she can't resist.

'Fine. But I'll have to let Ethan know that I'm not going to be meeting him anymore.'

'Ethan? Is that Douglas' twin?'

'Yeah.'

'I didn't know you guys were friends.'

'It's how I turned up at that party remember?' she smiles at him.

'Ahhhh right.' He says, wrapping his arm around her shoulder and guiding her with him to the party.

When they arrives, she sees Ethan and Douglas there, so assumes that this is the party that he was probably talking about. Peter is made to chug a bunch of beers as soon as he walks in. So she also assumes she'll be finding her own way home. She gets handed a drink from Ethan which in his classic style tastes like it is 70% alcohol, 30% mixer instead of the other way around. She still makes good of it though and manages to finish it within the first hour.

'Covey, come do shots with me.' She hears Peter call across to her.

She weaves between people to walk over to him. 'What?'

'Do a shot with me!' he says happily.

'Oh Peter, I've already had a bit.'

He looks down at pouts at her. 'Awww, Covey, but we've never done shots together before. It's an important step in any relationship.' He whines.

She rolls her eyes at him and his drunkenness. 'Fine' she concedes.

They settle on fireball after Peter is to traumatised to do vodka and she isn't game enough to do tequila. She remembers how much she liked fireball before so think it is a good choice.

'3…' Peter starts.

'2…' she continues.

'1..' they both say, throwing their hands and the shot glasses back towards their mouths.

'Covey that was so good.' Peter exclaims, wrapping an arm around her and tightly squeezing.

She smiles at him and even boops him on his nose. 'Thank you, but now no more for me for the night.' She bargains. She still has to be sober enough to find a way home.

'Yeah me neither to be honest, I don't want to christen my room yet by throwing up tonight.'

They spend the rest of the night by each other's sides. Her and Peter have calculated a covert way of disposing of his drinks. He'll be handed a beer by someone and quickly swap it with the water she usually has in her hands, while she pour the rest in the plant behind them. At first she felt guilty about poisoning the plant, but then Peter pointed out that it was fake so now she pours it freely, just feeling slightly bad for the person who may eventually discover all the beer at the bottom of it.

After a while of standing around and talking to people, they hear the song 'Style' come on and immediately make their way to the dance floor. Even though it has a somewhat slow beat, it still is quite a pop song but that doesn't stop Peter from encircling his arm around her waist and grabbing her hand trying to sway. They sway to the strong beats of the song.

'You got that James Dean daydream look in your eye…' Peter sings in her ear. 'And I got that red lip classic thing that you like.' His voice sounds so clean and sweet.

'I didn't know you wore lipstick?' she teases him.

'And when we go crashing down, we come back every time.' He looks intensely in her eyes. 'Cause we never go out of style, we never go out of style.' He presses his lips just below her ear as he keeps singing.

'Will you always come back to me?' she asks him softly.

Hi gives her a cheeky smile, before spinning her out and then back into him, so her back is against him chest.

'Always.' He declares, nuzzles his face into between her neck and shoulder.

They stay like that for a moment before he twirls her out again so they can face each other. She remembers dancing to this song with him at Prom and at all the parties they used to go to in high school, she sometimes wonders if it would be their song if the beat was a little slower. It's nice to think that after all this time, the song means so much to them.

'Only true Swifties will know this one.' Someone announces over the music.

Being the massive Taylor Swift fan that she is, she immediately recognises the song 'Long Live'. She smiles when she sees quite a few drunk girls around her jumping up and down in excitement at a song from the very much underrated, but iconic era 'Speak Now'.

As the girls around them start belting out the first few lines, Peter says, 'This isn't really a party or pop song, is it?'

'Shhhhhh, listen.' She instructs him, now pulling on his shoulder to sway with her. She doesn't know how many times she has sung these lyrics over and over again, but now she feels like she is finally starting to understand them and their meaning.

' _-stood with shaking hands, the crowds in stands went wild.'_ Taylor's voice flitters through the air.

'Yes, Kavinsky, the best freshman player ever!' she pretends to cheer for him just like everyone else was cheering for him today.

' _You held your head like a hero, on a history book page, it was the end of a decade, but the start of an age.'_

She knows up at him and can see a smile spread on his face as he listens to the words. 'Am I your hero today?' he asks her.

'Of course.' She tells him, before launching into the chorus.

Peter chuckles at her and looks at her with such love as she starts acting along to the lyrics and singing them as best she can. She makes sure to do very animated facial expressions so he knows exactly how much she loves this song.

' _I said remember this feeling, I passed the pictures around, Of all the years that we stood there on the sidelines, Wishing for right now.'_

'What do you want right now to be?' he asks her.

'Whatever you want it to be. Whatever feels right.' She tells him.

He smiles at her as the bridge starts playing and then he leans down and captures her lips in a kiss. They keep dancing around for a few more songs until the dance floor gets bit rowdy with drunk people. After about the fourth person almost elbowed her in the face, Peter led her away from the dance floor.

Suddenly Peter looks at his phone then is in a panic. 'Oh fuck, it's 2am now. Your dad is going to kill me. We have to leave right now.' He grabs her hand and starts charging towards the door.

'Peter. Peter. PETER!' she has to call to him over the music so he stops and turns to her.

'I don't have a curfew tonight. I just need to find my way home by 7am.' She tells him, leaning up to his ear so he can hear.

He has a big smile on his face as he looks down at her. 'Really?'

'Yeah.' She smiles widely back at him.

'Can you stay the night with me in my dorm? Tomorrow morning I'll probably be sober enough to drive you home, since we stopped drinking a while ago.' His eyes are bright and hopeful.

Her hearts skips a beat as she thinks about tonight. 'Ok.' She admits, she then gets on her tiptoes and leans up to kiss him.

He meets her lips and tries to deeper the kiss, but she pulls away from him before he can.

'Peter, where surrounded by all your friends!" she tells him, when he pouts down at her.

'Fine.' He sighs. 'Lets go now then.'

'Are you sure?' she grabs his arm to make sure. It's his celebration so she doesn't want him leaving it early if he doesn't want to.

'Absolutely.' He answer. He grabs her hand again and pulls her towards the door. He is high-fiving and farewelling his teammates as they leave. Though most of them are too drunk to even recognise who he is let alone that he is leaving.

He quickly pulls her out of the party and gets out his phone to call an uber.

'3 minutes away.' He tells her.

'Oh that's…' she is cut off by his lip crashing against hers.

He puts his hand on either side of her head against the wall. She leans her back against it to stop herself from falling or slipping. He is kissing her like they haven't seen each other in weeks.

The 3 minutes go quickly and before she knows it, he is pulling her towards the car that has pulled up. They slide into the back seat and Peter wraps his arm around her shoulders and his other arm pulls her close by her waist, she leans her head against his chest. He slings his arm around her chest as she comes closer.

'I can feel your heart beating.' He comments.

'Really?' she somewhat squeaks.

'It's beating really fast. Are you ok?'

She nods. 'Yeah I think it's just the alcohol.' She lies.

His hands start fiddling with the hem of her shirt as he kisses her neck. 'I really do love seeing you in this.' He admits.

'Hmm-mmm.' Is the only thing she can get out without giving away how she is feeling.

They ride in quiet, just wrapped around each other as they are driven to the UVA dorms. Peter still just playing with the end of her shirt. Eventually they arrive at his dorm and he leads her upstairs by the hand.

'I'm still so awake.' He complains when they reach his room.

She gets on her tiptoes as soon as he shuts the door and kisses him deeply. He is surprised at first but soon he is kissing her back with the same intensity. He picks her up and places her on her bed, she is on her knees so that they are the same height. He works his way down her neck and to her chest. She can feel his hands on the hem of her shirt and reaching up further near her belly button. She puts her arms up signalling to him to take off her shirt. He smiles at her and chuckles at her way of indicating this to him. She then goes straight for the hem of his shirt, pulling it up with as much force as she can so that it gets up to his shoulders.

'Woah, woah, give me a second to catch up.' He jokes with her, but she can see that he is shocked by her sudden feistiness.

With his bare skin against hers, she starts kissing down his jawline and his throat. She runs her hands along his chiselled sides, appreciating them as she can. She can hear his breath shorten and get shaky, as her hands get lower to the waistline of his shorts. He then manages to weave his arms under hers, stopping her from going further and now giving his hands a chance to explore. She has to break away from kissing him, which immediately positions him to go for her neck with his lips. He brings his hands to the bottom of her bra, as he kisses her collarbone. She leans in closer to him to tell him that it's ok and gives him permission. He cups her chest under the fabric of her bra, then slides his hands to her back to undo her bra clasp.

'Are you sure? Are you drunk?' he fires questions at her quickly as he loses breath. They haven't gotten this far before.

She smiles at him. 'Yes I'm sure Peter and I don't want you to stop there either.' She reveals to him.

His eyebrows immediately shoot up as he register what she is saying. 'Covey, are you sure?'

She strokes his face as she reads his confused expression. 'Peter, I am sure.'

'Is this because of what Gen said? Because Covey, we don't need that. Our relationship is fine as it is.'

'I don't want to do this because of Gen.' she is looking deeply into his eyes.

'Why then?' he is searching for the reason, although by now he should be well aware of exactly why.

She plants a kiss on his right side of his chest. 'Because I love you.'

She plants a kiss on his left side. 'Because we've known each other since we were kids and yet we are still so important to each other.'

She then moves to his right side, kissing his collarbone. 'Because you brought me into this world and it was scary at first but then I started to like it and I wanted to say next to you forever.'

She goes to his left collarbone. 'Because when we went to New York it seemed like we had the world to explore and it seemed possible with you.'

She switches to his right and puts a kiss on his neck. 'Because I understand you and you understand me better than anyone.'

To the left. 'Because you are one of the most special people to me in the world.'

Then the right. 'Because I've always been you're number one girl.'

Then she goes to his cheeks. 'Because you love me for all my funniness and my quirky cuteness.'

She feels his lips turn up into a smile as she goes to the next cheek. 'Because you know what the looks on my face and what they mean and you can read my emotions in just a single glance.'

She then looks him straight in the eyes as she kisses his lips. She breaks away for a moment. 'Because you are my Peter K and there is no one else it should be.'

Peter's fingertips are lightly resting against her sides. His eyes are so tender and full of love as he looks down at her. She can tell that she has finally convinced him as he leans close to her.

'I love you so much Lara Jean.' He breathes.

With that, he captures her lips into a deep kiss. Then slowly slides his hands back to her bra clasp. He does it in a single go, which she has to chuckle at. Of course he did, she thinks to herself.

With their bare chests pressed against each other, he slowly leans them down and hovers over her. Her heart is racing and his is as well, which she can feel against his chest.

'Are you nervous?' he asks her, fumbling with the buttons of her shorts.

'No.' she tells him, running her hands through his hair.

He pulls down her shorts, planting kisses aside her waistline, just above her panties and then down her legs as he tugs them off her. Each kiss gives her shivers. He then works his way back up, running his lips along her inner thigh which make her jerk in surprise. As soon as she jerks, Peter pops his head up and comes close to her.

'Do you trust me?' he asks her softly.

She kisses him on his mouth, then everywhere around it that she can reach while being so close to him. 'Yes.'

He pulls just out of reach of her lips and strokes her hair. 'Lara Jean, I can't tell you that it won't hurt, but I'm going to do whatever I can to make it better, ok?' his eyes are searching hers.

She nods and puts her hands on his head, to pull herself towards him to kiss him. 'I love you Peter.' She reassures him. She always knew that it was probably going to hurt, at least Chris and Margot had told her as much, but she also knew that Peter would do whatever he could to relax her and make it easier, something she was sure he would be an expert at. He deepens the kiss between them, making her heart race. She is excited to finally go to this new place with Peter and to see where their passion can lead them without having to stop.

He works his way down her neck and then starts to pay close attention to her chest. She lets out her first moan of the night, one that was followed by many.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

'I think this is easily the best day of my life.' Peter announces.

She turns her face into his bare chest to let out a giggle. She can hear him laugh as well over his racing heartbeat.

'That's fair, I think.' She agrees with him.

She is splayed out on top of him, they are chest to chest with their legs entangled in each others. She is still trying to get her heartbeat to settle, but is having no luck. Peter has mentioned more than once that he can feels her beating quickly. She snuggles her head closer to him. She can't believe that this moment has finally happened. She always knew that it would and always knew that it would be Peter but after everything, it lifts her heart to know that it has actually happened. She could never imagine sharing anything like her and Peter did with anyone else.

'What are you thinking about?' Peter asks her, searching her eyes.

'You.' She admits. She knows that it will be making his ego thrive to hear her say that, but she doesn't care.

'Really? What about me?' he kisses the top of her head, as he runs her hands over her back. One of them resting on her lower back, just before the point where if he went any lower she would probably start shaking a little.

'Just how funny it is that my first kiss has been all my other firsts as well.' She tells him, reaching up to stroke his face.

She sees how his face drops a little as she says that and he looks guilty. She realises she has hurt his feelings by saying that. 'Not that you have to be, but I'm just glad it's you.' She tries again.

'Sometimes I wish you were my first.' He whispers.

'I don't.'

He looks at her strangely.

'I don't think I was ready for you back then and neither were you. Anyways, who knows if I would have liked you if you were actually within my reach.' She hints at the conversation they had on the ski trip where he accused her of only going for guys she couldn't have because she was scared. He turned out to be true and in trying to prove him wrong, they ended up together.

He smiles at her thinking about the same moment as well. 'Are you ready for this new chapter together?' he asks her.

Is she? She honestly doesn't know. She used to be so afraid of sex becoming something normal that they would do often, but now she honestly can't wait. She didn't realise how close she would feel to Peter during it or how sweet he would be to her, whispering I love you, caressing and paying attention to every inch of her skin. It was a side to him which she doesn't really get to see, but the way he made her feel so good and the way she needed him, was something that she could know see why he missed the feeling so much and wanted it from her. She was glad now to have gotten to this part of their relationship.

'I think so. Do you think you can still remember all your moves?' she teases him.

'Argh you're so mean to me.' He pouts.

'What? No! I'm just concerned, you know it has been a while..'

'You don't have to tell me.' He puts on a pained face as if acting like she has taken some part of his life away.

She scowls at him and as he is concerned with being dramatic, she launches her hands at his stomach. He lets out a very un-Peter shriek as she tickles him.

'That's it, Covey!' he declares, flipping them over so that he is one tickling her now.

He goes for her stomach and she screams as he pinches her bare skin.

'Peter…' she whines between giggles.

She finally wedges her hands out from under him and holds them above her head. 'Truce?' she asks.

'I don't know, every time you say that you end up tickling me again.' He says hovering over her.

'Not this time.' She professes softly, stroking his cheek.

He leans into her touch, then brings his hand down the side of her body before he hangs his head down to kiss her. It's a sweet kiss, long enough for him to gently flick his tongue but short enough to not give her time to react. He is moving down her neck going closer to her collarbone. She feels her body bend towards his in reaction. She can feel his hand flittering over her thigh, making it's way up her leg. A moan escapes her lips and she leans into him. She turns her head to the side giving him more access to her neck but as she does she catches a glimpse of a light up clock in his room.

'Peter, it's past 4am!' she exclaims.

'So?' his voice is muffled in her neck, as his hands keep moving and his lips keep kissing.

'We have to go to sleep otherwise you'll be too tired to drive me back.' She explains.

Peter groans. 'No. We're just getting started.'

'Peter…' she whines again, trying to push him off her. He finally gets up onto his forearms looking over her. He pushes back a piece of her hair behind her ear.

'The Lacrosse season is over, so you know what that means?' She gives him a mischievous smile as he raises his eyebrows.

She wraps her arms around his neck, pulling her chest up to touch his. 'It means you can come to UNC next weekend and we can spend the whole time together with _no distractions_.' She emphasises, brushing her lips against his.

She knows that she'll definitely be doing a lot of study next weekend, which she'll probably be able to force Peter to do as well, but at least they can spend two nights and three days together without having to worry about dropping her home or him getting back to training.

'I like the sounds of that, Covey.' Peter gives her a smile. He then drops himself against the side of his bed, pulling her back against his chest.

'I've set an alarm for 6am, that way we have an hour to get back.' She tells him. He kisses her neck and nods.

He nestles his head just above hers. She feels strange having their bare skin against each other, but there is something about being skin to skin with him that makes lying there even better. She can't quite describe it, but she can tell from the way his fingertips are brushing along her skin, tracing over its softness that he feels the same way.

'I love you Peter.' She whispers to him.

'I love you too, Lara Jean.' He whispers back.

With that, they fall asleep no longer scared for a single moment what the future holds for them as long as they are together.

 _A/N: HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! Hahahahahahaha, sorry for worrying everyone back there for a moment, but I definitely wasn't going to break up PK/LJ once is enough for me (or is it?). There will definitely be more rough patches for them in the story but I don't think a break up is on the cards, so you can all take a breather. I actually didn't have any TS references in the entire chapter, but after watching the Reputation tour film on Netflix, I decided I had to put in at least a few especially given that the title is a lyric from one of my favourite songs. I love hearing everyone's feedback and even though I was teasing, I actually really did like hearing what everyone was saying and what they thought of Lara Jean. I definitely don't think that she is too concerned or insecure about Gen anymore, but it was more just out vulnerable she was when Gen was throwing the sexual stuff into her face because she was so innocent to that. Also I do have a soft spot for John (even though I actually have no clue how they are going to portray him in the sequel given they skipped over his whole back story), so pairing him with another girl in LJs group I am hoping is going to let them stay as friends and also take him out of the game._

 _Just an FYI this story is probably going to be finished soon, but there are a few more timeline jumps to happen and go through, because who doesn't love a cute story ending up little PKs and LJs running around?_

 _Also I've had an idea to maybe said another fic, like reimagining moments between the 2_ _nd_ _book and 3_ _rd_ _book that happened, would anyone actually read anything like that? Or bad idea?_

 _As usual I love seeing all your reviews and any feedback that you have. It makes me post so much faster and just makes me feel more confidence in my writing so churning out longer chapters for you guys. Any feedback is super appreciated! Good luck to everyone in 2019 also! xxx_


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

'Rawwrrrrr….' Peter growls in her ear, as he lifts up her right foot which is wrapped up in a socks that has blue dots and orange tiger faces on it.

'Ah I'm not that flexible.' She cries as he tries to pull her leg closer to him and she feels a sting down the back of her hamstring.

'That's not what it looked like last night.' He whispers seductively in her ear.

She elbows him in the chest as he tries to lean closer to her. 'Settle petal.' She warns him.

'Or what?' he has a challenge in his eyes.

She meets it, turning herself to face him. 'Or….' She starts, before leaning her face closer to his. His eyes are glancing down at her lips.

'ALERT ALERT! I AM COMING INTO THE LOUNGE ROOM! I AM COMING INTO THE LOUNGE ROOM!' Kitty yells, causing them to break apart.

Lara Jean lies her head back down on Peter's chest. They are lying on the couch in the living room of her house. The windows from the kitchen are letting in a cool breeze which is comforting against the heat.

'Everything is fine, _Katherine._ ´ Lara Jean reports as they watch Kitty come into the room.

Kitty has constantly been announcing herself even when Peter isn't over. Lara Jean can tell she is mainly doing it to get a reaction out of her and also to get attention.

'Oh man, do you two really have matching socks? Ugh, that's so disgusting.' Kitty says, eyeing the tiger socks that both her and Peter have on their feet.

Lara Jean looks at Peter rolling her eyes at Kitty's attitude.

Peter grins at her. 'Oh is someone jealous?' he teases Kitty.

'Nuh-uh. What would I be jealous of? The fact that you two have the relationship of elementary schoolers?'

'So you are jealous!' Lara Jean pipes in. 'I mean if you really want to match us as well I'm sure our great-aunt can send you a pair.'

'I already got heaps while I was over there.' Kitty snaps, sitting down on the beanbag in front of them.

'But did any of them have tigers?' Peter questions.

'No….' Kitty mutters.

'Well then none of your pairs are as good as ours, are they?' he says.

'How did you even manage to find socks that fit Peter?' Kitty asks Lara Jean.

'It was a challenge. It was that day when you went with our grandma to that clinic or something. Margot and I literally visited about every single sock shop. No one could believe the size foot we were trying to find tiger socks for. They had plenty of plain coloured ones that were for adults but none for man-children.' Peter pouts as she calls him that. 'Eventually though we found a whole shop full of sizes and colours, so I was able to bring him back more than just tigers.'

'Yeah I'm surprised anyone was willing to give socks to a person with feet that big.' Kitty teases.

'Why are you too being so nasty about my feet?' Peter whimpers.

'It's not our fault you have weird feet. Honestly I'm surprised you haven't stunk out a room full of people with them yet or you even manage to find anything other than disabled socks to fit them.' Kitty really lays into him.

'Ok Kitty, I think we get the point.' Lara Jean defends. She is fine with teasing Peter, but Kitty seems to be getting a bit harsh.

'Nah it's ok. I take it as a compliment.' Peter beams at Kitty, there is a cheeky sparkle in his eyes.

'Why?' she peers at him.

He gets a dopey look on his face, which absolutely tells Lara Jean he is about to say something bad. 'Well you know what a big foot size means.'

Both Lara Jean and Kitty shriek at him, taking the pillows closest to them and hitting him over the head with them. He yelps helplessly as they attack him.

'You can't say things like that Peter!' Lara Jean scowls him, whacking his hard in the face.

He goes to put his arms up to cover his face but then Kitty sends her pillow straight into his stomach causing him to groan in pain and lean over.

'That's so yuck!' Kitty complains.

'Ok ok ok..' Peter says, he makes a grab for Lara Jean's pillow taking a hit from Kitty into his chest, then he gets his other arm around Kitty and lifts her up.

'Kitty you aren't supposed to know what that means.' Lara Jean blames her. Peter has a tight grip on her pillow that she can't overpower.

'What? You know I watch a lot of HBO.' She defends. 'Anyway he is one who said it.'

'And that was wrong.' Lara Jean scowls at Peter to let him know that he stuffed up. He gives her a guilty look and raises his hands in defence.

'What are you guys going to watch?' she asks, curiously. Peter and Lara Jean on the couch almost always means they are about to watch a movie.

'Dumplin'' Lara Jean announces proudly. 'Do you want to watch it with us?'

Kitty shrugs but they take it as a yes, given she pulls out the beanbag and sits on it.

Just as they are starting the movie, Kitty pipes up, 'So is Peter staying the night?'

Lara Jean is so shocked that she lets out a cough. Peter chuckles and gives her an amused look. Trina and her dad had gone to Atlanta for a doctor conference this weekend. They had just left this morning and nothing had been said about Peter, to Lara Jean's relief.

'Ummmmm.' Lara Jean starts. Was Peter staying the night? Probably, he was going to sneak through the window anyway.

'I mean I'm just saying I don't care if he does or doesn't. I won't say anything.' Kitty hints.

Lara Jean rolls her eyes. Peter gives her a quizzical look at her reaction. She doesn't say anything though because she now knows exactly what Kitty is up to. She just wants to have a secret or blackmail on Lara Jean to use against her and probably against Peter as well. Knowing Kitty she'll also hold it over her head for months, even years if she can.

'No he won't.' She finally decides. Peter frowns at her, his eyebrows furrowed together. She touches his face, trying to turn his cheek up into a smile.

'Why not?' Kitty asks.

'Yeah, why not? The kid said she is fine with it.' Peter finally contributes, but not the way she wanted him to.

'I'm not a kid.' Kitty snaps. Peter waves her off.

'Because I'm not going to give you something to use against me with Daddy or against Peter to make him give you lifts everywhere.' Lara Jean reveals.

Kitty pouts at her. Lara Jean immediately regrets telling her the truth as she sees tears start to pool in Kitty's eyes. 'That's not what I was going to do.' She cries out.

Lara Jean looks at Peter for sympathy, but he is just giving her a strange look, which from what she can gather definitely means he doesn't agree with her.

'Really? So if he did stay over, how could I trust you to never tell Daddy or use it as a way to blackmail me?' Lara Jean narrows her eyes at her.

'Because I'm your sister!' Kitty yells at her. Tears have finally fallen from her eyes. She turns on her heel and runs up to her room. She slams the door, but not before her sobs echo through the house.

Her jaw almost hits the ground. She has never known Kitty to ever be emotional or sentimental like this. Peter who has officially decided to play neutral, snuggles his head against her chest. She knows that he is trying to comfort her and relax her incredibly tense body right now. She feel a wave of guilt wash over her. She is supposed to be helping Kitty and enjoying the time together this summer, not fighting and making her go to her room crying.

'What was that all about?' Peter asks, wrapping his arms around her.

She starts playing with the ends of his hair as she thinks. She knows that he isn't asking about their conversation, but rather Kitty's reaction. 'I have no idea.' She admits. 'Should I go up there and talk to her?' She leans up to move, but Peter keeps holding on to her.

'Give her a little bit, I think. It's not like she can leave the house without coming through here first.' He advises.

She lies back down, burying her fingers in his hair. The softness and silkiness of it feels nice against her fingers and it allows her to absentmindedly fidget while she mulls over what just happened.

'Maybe she feels annoyed that I'm making decisions for you because she really missed you.' She suggests to Peter, twisting a lock of his hair around her finger.

'I don't think so, I mean I saw that kids almost every week.'

She goes back to her thoughts trying to think of another reason.

'Did she somehow find out about us sleeping together and is upset you didn't tell her?' Peter suggests, glancing up at her.

Her body stiffens slightly when he says that, she is still getting used to the fact that she and Peter have in fact had sex, a lot more than once by now.

'Maybe? But I don't know how she would find out. I don't keep a diary like Margot did where I would write it down.'

'Did Margot tell you?'

'Not exactly…'

'How did you find out then?'

'I may have found something when I was snooping for clothes.'

His eyes widen and he sits up a little, but then he just shakes his head and nestles down on her chest again. 'Now I see how someone as apparently "sweet" as you is related to the mastermind that is Kitty.'

She shrugs at his revelation. 'But you've never written about it in your letters and I've never written about it anyway. On top of that, we've never even done stuff when Kitty or anyone else was around. So I don't think she knows.'

'That's true, she probably wouldn't have asked if I was staying over either if she thought that we'd be having sex right next to her room.'

She hits his chest. 'Owwww!' he says, flinching.

'We wouldn't be doing _anything_ if she was the house, let alone her room.' She informs him.

He grumbles something about convincing her to leave. Peter had in fact practically become Kitty's uber in his ways of getting her out of the house to spend time with Lara Jean. She was curious about his antics and so swore this weekend that she wasn't going to leave the house once to Peter's dismay.

'Do you think I've waited long enough?'

'Yeah I think so.'

Peter gets up to go with her, but she shakes her head. 'I think I should talk to her alone first.'

He nods understandingly, then sits back down on the couch. 'Don't take too long though, I'll be getting bored.' He flashes a grin at her and she rolls her eyes.

She turns and walks up the stairs and towards Kitty's room. She can't hear her sobbing anymore which is good. Seeing good ol' heartless Kitty sobbing always makes Lara Jean want to cry as she is used to being the emotional one in the family.

'Kitty.' She whispers, knocking on her door.

'Go away.' Her tearful voice comes back.

'Come on Kitty, can you just tell me what's wrong? I think we both know there is more to this than just Peter staying the night.' Lara Jean comfortingly says as she sits on her bed, near Kitty's legs.

Kitty slowly sits up, looking down at her hands in her lap. 'I just wish you felt like you could tell me things again. Things that are kept just between us as sisters and not assume I'm going to go straight to Daddy or use it as blackmail.'

'What do you mean? I tell you things all the time.'

'No you don't!' Kitty breaks out. 'I always overhear you and Margot on skype talking about things that only the two of you know and you never tell us. It's why you'll always say things like 'never mind' or 'that's just margot', when I know that you guys have shared something private with each other.'

'Kitty it's not like that. Just when we are at college and have boyfriends, we understand each other a lot more.'

'But I used to understand you too. I liked being included in things only between us. Ever since you've been at college it's just been lonely here. I used to hang with you and Peter some days after school and you used to include me in the gossip of your high school and even the things between you two, but now you don't.' A few more tears fall from Kitty's face.

Lara Jean lets out a sigh. She can feel tears grouping in her eyes as well. This was her biggest fear. Leaving behind Kitty and not being able to look out for her. When she had her heart set on UVA, a big compelling factor was that she would still be around for Kitty and that Kitty wouldn't suddenly lose both of her sisters. When she chose UNC she thought she could make it work with the distance, but maybe she was wrong. She was supposed to spend more time with Kitty, but after spring break, her time then got filled with Peter and studying. She realises though that this isn't what Kitty is talking about. She feels left out between Margot and Lara Jean, even though she comes down from UNC more than Margot does from Scotland. It's the relationship as sisters and how they have let the water and the distance come between them. Lara Jean remembers it happening when Margot moved away and honestly if she didn't have all the love letter and fake dating drama going on like she did, she would probably be feeling exactly how Kitty is: alone and abandoned. Kitty just wants to be included in the big girl stuff again and to feel close to her.

'I'm sorry, Kitten. I forgot how much this was going to affect you.' She says, apologetically.

'It's ok. Just know that when I said 11, I meant it.' Kitty whispers.

A tear falls from Lara Jean's eye. 'I know, I know. I promise I'll include on more things now. You just have to sister-swear that you won't tell Daddy, ok?'

Kitty nods excitedly and a small smile comes back. 'So is Peter going to stay the night?'

'Please Kitty, he has been climbing through my window every night since summer started.' Lara Jean reveals.

Kitty's jaw drops. 'What? Is that why he has been willing to drop me at so many sleepovers?'

Lara Jean lets out an embarassed giggle and then nods slowly. 'But I think he would appreciate not having to do the climb tonight if he can.'

'Wait so he has been visiting every night and he hasn't come to see me!' Kitty says, shocked.

OH no, Lara Jean thinks, now she has probably made Kitty mad at Peter.

'Of course not. He can't risk walking past Daddy's door. Daddy would kill us if he found out.'

'I'm sure he would be fine.'

'He would be very disappointed though.'

'That's true.'

It goes silent between them. 'Can I at least have a hug?' Lara Jean asks.

Kitty nods and scoots closer to her. Lara Jean wraps her arms around her and puts a soft kiss on her head. Kitty squirms but Lara Jean holds tighter onto her baby sister.

'Can I ask you something secret?' Kitty asks, popping her head up.

'Anything.'

'Are you and Peter doing it?'

Lara Jean lets out a gasp. She can't believe that Kitty would straight up ask her something like this. She wasn't going to ever tell her until she maybe came for advice or brought it up when she was going to college or Beach Week. She is turning red and about to answer when there is a knock at the door. She lets out a sigh of relief when she sees Peter peeping in.

'Have you two made up yet?' he asks.

Lara Jean smiles. He has the most perfect timing, because she knows Kitty would never ask that question in front of him. Even from her cheeks that are turning red, she can tell that Kitty is a little embarrassed that maybe Peter overheard her.

'Yes we have.' Lara Jean announces happily. 'Hence we are hugging.'

'Yay!' Peter exclaims, he then runs in and comes behind Lara Jean, hugging her from behind. His arms are so long that they manage to reach around and hug Kitty as well. He ruffles her hair just the way he always does when he teases her.

'Stop it! Man, why do you always do that?' Kitty complains.

'Cause I can't have your hair looking actually decent, can I?' he jokes.

Kitty rolls her eyes at him, wiggles out of the hug and then jumps off her bed and leaves her room to go in the direction of the bathroom.

Peter now wraps his arms around Lara Jean's waist and kisses her neck. 'So am I staying the night?' he asks, suggestively.

'Yep, but Peter I have to warn you.' She leans close to him seductively and starts kissing along his jawline as it's the only spot on him that she can reach. She hears his breath catch in his throat as she kisses him.

'What, Covey?' he asks. His voice cracking at the end is a telling sign he is starting to get worked up.

'I'm gonna cuddle you so hard!' She whispers in his ear.

He finally registers the words she said and frowns at her. She kisses him on the cheek before throwing her legs back and flinging herself off Kitty's bed.

'Not as hard as I'm gonna cuddle you!' he finally responds.

'Oi, don't be doing anything in my room!' Kitty's voice comes down the corridor.

'We're not!' Lara Jean hisses back. She flashes a smile at Peter and then walks out of Kitty's room dragging him by the hand with her.

They go back downstairs and watch their movie. As usual Peter keeps trying to talk during the movie, so her and Kitty have to keep shushing him every time he does which in turns he pouts and gets annoyed about.

'I don't get it, like that Bo character is literally only in two scenes, how is he the new 'Netflix heart-throb'?' Peter complains. He is lying back, his head is in Lara Jean's lap.

'Yeah I don't know. I mean the 8 ball stuff was cute and the whole beautiful thing was pretty great too, but like I'm sad they didn't flesh it out more. I think there was more of it in the book though.' Lara Jean says, she reaches back and grabs her phone to start goggling the book. Maybe there is a copy of it available at a bookstore close by.

'Argh none of that stuff matter. The only thing that is important is that he was hot which he was!' Kitty groans at them. She goes and lets Jamie outside.

'Whatever.' Lara Jean calls to her.

'I was right though, like he wasn't a great romantic lead, was he?' Peter peers up at her, searching her face.

She has to let out a laugh. 'No he wasn't. I'm so proud I've finally converted you into someone who actually pays attention in these movies!' she tweaks his nose as she teases him.

'Well I gotta do something since you make me watch all the time.' He grumbles.

'I like that you've taken up one of my interests. It shows me the kind, caring and genuine side you have. You are a nice boy, Peter K.' She uses her phase and his name which she knows he can't resist smiling at.

She pats his head as he grins back at her.

He is still all smiley that night when the three of them are sitting at the table eating pizza. She had almost forgotten how amazingly he responds to positive reinforcements and love hearing compliments, especially from her. He even keeps arguing with Kitty the whole night about the romantic lead. It warms her heart.

Eventually Kitty totters off to bed. Even though Lara Jean knows that she is probably just going to be watching things on her laptop until the early hours of the morning. It isn't too late so her and Peter decide to watch a few episodes of Brooklyn 99.

'Is Kitty ok?' Peter asks her. They are sitting down, she has her legs in his lap, or rather he pulled them towards him when sat across from him, much to his dismay.

'Yeah I think she has just been a bit lonely this year. It's hard for her to adjust to being the only child.' She tells him.

He nods understandingly. 'Yeah Owen has been going through a bit of that as well.'

'Really? What's up with him?'

'I haven't talked to him straight up, but my mum has just told me how he has been particularly snappy with her lately and just spending a lot of time in his room and never wants to do anything with her. She just feels a bit rejected that sometimes the only time he'll be around her is when she forces him to or takes something away from him.

She reaches over and grabs his hand. He squeezes it in response. She knows that Peter is quite protective of his mum, particular because of how their dad left them. He had mentioned before that Owen hadn't seen the full extent that their parents fought since he was still quite young, but in the hours after Owen had fallen asleep, Peter witnessed a lot of the heartache that his mum went through.

'You should probably talk to him.'

'Yeah I have. I've given him shit about having such a bad attitude to Mum and being a dick to her.'

'No, I mean about how he is feeling and maybe why he is acting up.'

Peter scruffs the back of his head, thinking about her words. 'Yeah I know. A part of me just thinks that it's because I'm not home enough to keep him in line or at least let him take his angst out on me, like I did on him growing up, but yeah there might also be something else.'

'Just talk to him. Maybe you can understand where he is coming from and can better communicate to him how he needs to treat your mum in a way that doesn't need you to be constantly calling him out on it.'

Peter shrugs. 'I'll see.'

She doesn't want to say anything more as she knows his mind is probably going to end up coming up with all sorts of ideas about how he needs to be the man of the house and all. That kind of pressure isn't anything that she wants to put on him or have up for discussion.

After watching a few episodes, she decides that she is tired and wants to go to sleep. She feels like she is flying as her and Peter are able to hold hands as they walk up the staircase to her room for the night. It's nice to finally have this freedom to be able to do this and not worrying about being caught by anyone else in the house. Peter looks so out of place as he walks up the stairs to her room. Even once they get into her bedroom, he stands by the door awkwardly not really sure of what to do, a rarity for Peter, that is sure.

Both of them are already wearing what they'll wear to bed, so she sits down on top of the covers and holds her hands out for him. He reluctantly walks over and grabs her hands in his, giving them a squeeze as he always does.

'What's wrong?' she asks him.

He lets go of her hands and slides his hands down her arms to her shoulders. Hers do the same but only reach a point on his bicep.

'It just feels a bit weird.' He admits.

'But it feels right.'

'When do you think we'll be able to do this with your dad at home?'

She shrugs. 'Maybe a few years, definitely after college I think.'

'Maybe after we get married.' Peter grimaces.

'I don't know.' She shrugs.

She lies down in her bed, taking him with her. She goes to her usual sleep position where she lies on her stomach with her head tucked to the side. Her bed at home is much bigger, so they can lie down with space between them unlike at college. She is thinking more about getting to sleep instead of being in the easiest position for Peter to cuddle her. They had spent a lot of the night on the couch cuddling and she also wanted to let him know that she could survive without having his arms around her for the night. Even just having him next to her was enough. As she gets comfortable though, she feels Peter moving and shifting. He even gets on his forearms, crawling over her so he can be on the side closest to her wall. He squirms down, and lies in the same position she is in, his arm is draped over her. She feels his fingers gently rubbing her other shoulder.

'If you want to have your own space to sleep you can, you know?' she muffles into the pillow.

'That defeats the whole purpose of having you in the same bed.' He leans over and whispers in her ear, kissing just behind her earlobe.

She is glad he is behind her so he can't see her cheeks flush pink.

As she floats off to sleep, she feels Peter's arm slowly slip down to her waist which he grabs to pull her closer. It bring a smile to her face as she is taken by her dreams.

Beep. Beep. Beeep. Beeeeep.

'Peter…' she groans when she hears his alarm at 5am go off beside her ear.

'Sorry.' He mumbles. In his sleepy haze, he gets out of her bed and goes to her desk to get his shoes.

'Covey!' He mutters. 'Did you move my shoes?'

'What shoes?' she asks, turning over to go back to sleep.

'My shoes I always leave them here after I climb through the window.'

'I don't know.' Her voice is dampened by the pillow she is leaning into.

She feels a weight on the other side of the bed. She peeks open one eye and seeing Peter on his knees, leaning over her. His voice is urgent and even a little frustrated.

'Lara Jean, I have to find my shoes before your dad catches me here and doesn't let you go to sleep with the door closed again.' He whispers rapidly.

She lets out a sigh and looks around her room. Peter is right his shoes aren't here. Where would they be? He always leaves them beside her desk unless he comes through… 'Oh right,' she says under her breath.

'What?' Peter still has his face close to hers, searching her eyes in panic.

She puts her hands on either side of his face and gives him a small kiss on the lips. 'You're adorable.' She tells him.

Peter tries to suppress his smile, but can't resist. 'I know I am.' He says with confidence. 'But instead of reminding me, I need you to help me get out of my imminent death.'

She wraps her arms around him and violently pulls him down to her as hard as she can. With a grunt he comes tumbling down clearly surprised.

'Ummm, ok? This is weird.' He says as she squeezes him tightly against her.

She holds him close, then lets her eyes shut, imagining falling back asleep.

'Covey, as much as I appreciate the affection, I gotta go.' He informs her carefully, trying to gently pull his head away from her.

She has an iron grip on him though and isn't budging. 'Nope.' She teases him. She has realised what is going on, but clearly he is still too sleepy to figure it out. It definitely takes him a cup of coffee or two before he can think logically.

'I have to find my shoes.' He groans.

'Your shoes are downstairs.' She finally reveals to him.

She releases him from her hold, when he brings his head up to give her a confused expression.

'Why are they downstairs?'

'Because Daddy and Trina aren't here and Kitty said you could stay over, remember?' she pinches his cheek as she tells him.

He raises his eyebrows as he finally catches on. 'And you didn't tell me, cause you enjoy seeing me be in pain and in fear of being killed?'

'Yep!' she has a big smile on her face.

He narrows his eyes are her and then he lets out a playful growl as he lies on her like a pancake and starts tickling her. She shrieks when he does. She can't get her arms out from under him though because he is so much heavier than her.

'Say sorry, Covey!' he demands from her.

'Sorry.' She wheezes between laughs.

Peter keep tickling her and holding her down.

'Peter, I said sorry.' She pleads.

Peter finally stops. He puts his forearms on either side of her and splits his legs over her, so that he isn't putting his full body weight on her. He gives her a smile and leans down to kiss her.

She accepts his kiss happily, but then she feels him try to deepen it and nudges him away.

'No, I want to keep sleeping.' She whines.

'But we're already awake, we might as well make good use of our time.' He argues.

'Nope, I say sleep.' She announces. Peter groans, he knows all too well that once she has made up her mind about sleep, there isn't a lot that can change it.

She turns so that her back is against his chest. He automatically wraps his arms around her waist, pulling her closer. She shuts her eyes, ready to fall back to sleep.

She is hardly dozing for a minute, when she feels Peter's lips on the back of her neck.

'Peter…' she warns.

'You want to sleep and I want to kiss you, so I'll compromise for kissing you like this.'

She has to roll her eyes at him. He was almost just as stubborn as she was. She closes her eyes again trying to go to sleep, but Peter's lips are still on hers. He inches his way from the back of her neck to just below her ear, he then takes her ear lobe in his mouth and starts slightly sucking. She lets out a shaky breath and she feels him smile against her skin. She doesn't let herself open her eyes yet though. He works his way up, kissing her cheek and then even kissing her eyelid, before he goes back down. He is at her collarbone when she feels one of his hands start to move. At first, it's just his fingers tracing along her skin, but then his hand furthest away from the bed moves to the side of her hip. He keeps making feather-light movements with his fingertips against her skin which send shivers down her body. His hand moves down until it is at the waistband of her shorts. A small gasp leaves her lips as his fingers touch her sensitive skin. His lips are devouring the skin on her neck, sucking and kissing in various spots. His other hand has now moved up under her shirt, making the same movements. He works his way up her sternum until his hand is resting just between her breasts.

'Are you sure you want to sleep?' he whispers into her ear.

Seeing as she is admitting defeat when it comes to the sleep, she realises she needs to take her own ground in some way.

'No I don't.' she looks at him with a challenge in her eyes.

He jerks in surprise when he feels her fingers creeping up under his shirt. She brushes her fingers back and forth, just above the waistband of his boxers. Eventually she lets her hand slide down into his boxers. Peter's breath hitches as she grabs what she wants. Peter edges his hands under the waistband of her shorts and underwear, slithering his fingers across until they get to her middle. His other hand is now grasping under her shirt, his thumb rubbing against her nipple. Just before either of them start moving, she feels his lips inching towards hers so she turns her head to meet him. He captures her is a passionate kiss. Their tongues dancing with each other, teasing what is about to come. She is just about to start pumping as Peter positions her hand lower… but then they hear the sound of a toilet flushing.

'Shit!' Lara Jean curses, she rips her hand out of his boxers and tears his hands from her which causes him to yelp in surprise. She is in such shock, she completely jumps out of the bed and goes to the other side of her room.

Peter's face looks incredibly startled and unsure of what just happened. He already has his hands out defensively in front of him. He opens his mouth to say something but then they hear a knock at the door.

'Hey are you guys awake?' Kitty's voice comes through. Lara Jean secretly curses Kitty for waking up early this morning. She must have gotten up to let Jamie outside and then heard Lara Jean running out of the bed.

'Yep we're awake.' Lara Jean flips her hair over her head and ties it up in a ponytail with a hair tie just sitting on her desk to make it looks like messy and conspicuous.

Peter gives her a look like 'why did you do that?', but it's too late as Kitty walks in. She is rubbing her eyes in her pyjamas. She walks in and sits on Lara Jean's bed near Peter's legs. It's the exact spot she was in just before this when they were doing _things._

'Can we have banana pancakes?' she asks wearily.

'Yep, we can. Banana pancakes sound good, I'll go make them now.' Lara Jean rapidly answers, then turns on her heel and goes straight downstairs.

She hears Kitty and Peter talking a bit between themselves, but she doesn't pay attention as she swiftly jumps down the last two steps in one go. As soon as she is safely in the kitchen, she spreads her hands out on the bench and puts her head between her arms, taking deep breaths. She needs to get a hold of herself, after getting so worked up and flustered. She starts measuring out the flour when she hears footsteps coming down the stairs. She looks up and sees Peter, but quickly goes back to the flour before they can meet eyes. The last thing she needs is to look at him and then feel flustered all over again thinking about what they were just doing. It doesn't feel weird or strange to her to have done it, not at all. She just can't believe that they were doing that in her room with Kitty just next door. The last thing she would have needed was for her to walk in and freak out. She remembers how much she freaked out when she found out about Margot and Josh and how weird it felt knowing that it had happened, so she didn't want reason to weird out Kitty every time Peter was there. She knows it might be something to get used to, but her private moments with Peter being interrupted and violated like that just sit wrong with her.

She can sense him moving his head lower, trying to catch her eye but she doesn't look at him. He now wearing jeans and a navy shirt, having changed out of his boxers and UVA t-shirt.

'What can I do?' he asks. She doesn't have to look at him to know that he is smirking.

'it's all good. I got it.' She answer quickly, turning her head away to get the bananas, milk and eggs.

'Come on, let me help.' He asks. He grabs out one of the aprons from the drawer and puts it on. The looks down at the apron and can't help but giggle at the cupcake that is printed on it. She senses Peter sigh in relief as she laughs.

'No, I said it's fine.' Her words comes out snappier than she means them to be. She is really just still feeling flustered and her nervous energy is coming out on him.

'Covey?' Peter inquires, moving towards her.

'I'm going to take Jamie for a walk around the block, will the pancakes be done when I get back?' Kitty asks, skewering the tension between her and Peter.

'Yep, give me ten minutes.' Lara Jean answers.

Kitty nods then goes skipping off with Jamie on his leash, happily trotting beside her.

As Lara Jean is watching them walk towards the door, she jerks in surprise when she feels hands on her waist and a whisper against her ear.

'Talk to me, Covey.' Peter reassures her. He snakes his arms around her waist and nestles his head on her shoulder, hugging her close from behind.

'That was too close.' She says, looking up at him.

He nods understandingly and plants a kiss on her neck. She feels herself relax and lean into him. He pulls back a piece of her hair. 'Yeah it was.' He agrees.

She leans her head back and turn so her cheek is touching his. His rubs his cheek against hers, one of his favourite things to do and in some way it's comforting.

'Don't you dare grow a beard.' She says under her breath so he can hear.

He chuckles. 'What you like me baby-faced?'

'Yeah I like that you are smooth. It's also probably because of all those face masks that I make you do, so you're welcome.'

'Nope, I'm not thanking you for that torture.'

'The torture of what having hydrated, brightened and toned skin?' she teases.

He laughs at her. Quite a lot. Burying his face into her shoulder. She likes feeling his entire chest move as he laughs. 'Man, sometimes I forget how funny you are.' He comments.

'Funny and quirky.' She turns smiling up at him.

He leans down to kiss her, after seeing her cautioning look though, he only gives her a peck. 'Only a week until we'll have the full weekend to ourselves.'

'Not really ourselves.'

'I'll make it ourselves.' He smiles at her.

Next weekend was the Fourth of July weekend. Ever since Korea, Peter has been pestering her about making sure she wasn't doing anything that weekend so that they could finally go to Steve Bledell's holiday house and he could teach her how to wakeboard. When they got back together, he went straight back to the same routine of insuring that she would be available. After spending a lot of time pleading to her Dad, she was grateful for Margot for helping her out to convince him, he said she was allowed to go. He had tried to make her promise that her and Peter would be in separate rooms, but once Margot reminded him about their argument a couple of years back about sharing a bed in college with Ravi, he decided that he would rather not know anything. Lara Jean was incredibly relieved because the last thing she wanted to do was promise something to her dad that she would end up breaking or that would make the weekend less enjoyable. The entire lacrosse group of guys were all going. Apparently Steve's holiday house is a massive mansion and has almost 8 rooms in it, so they are all almost getting a room each. Everyone has decided to reunite the Beach Week gang again. So there is going to be one room for Pammy and Darrell, one for Gabe and his girlfriend, one for Kaila, one for Harley, one for Steve, one for her and Peter, then a college friend of Steve's and his girlfriend have another. Lara Jean didn't know who had the last room, but Peter just told her that it was for Emily Nussbaum and her boyfriend, Blake. If she hadn't just had the confrontation with Genevieve, then she wouldn't have cared much but after this, the thought of one of her former minions going back to her with information makes her uneasy. Peter doesn't have to work at his mum's store the next day and neither Lara Jean at Belleview, so Peter managed to convince Steve to let them stay another day by themselves, as long as they promise to lock up and have everything clean. Lara Jean had gotten to know Steve over the last few years when she and Peter dated, so she is sure that he knows that she'll definitely make sure the place is clean which is probably why he is letting them stay. Apparently Gabe tried to convince him to do the same thing last year and he wouldn't budge. She wished that she had been able to have this kind of summer with Peter last year. While Korea was incredible and she had a great time with her sisters, she can't deny that maybe if they had that extra month, that extra 30 days together, maybe they would have lasted longer. Maybe he could have been more sure of them, but they can't change the past and they just get to enjoy an amazing summer now.

'Only one more week.' She sighs into him.

'One more week.' He repeat, his hands roaming.

The weekend should hopefully be enough for them to get it out of their systems. There haven't been many alone moments for them this summer. While Peter has been constantly trying to herd Kitty out of the house, it's usually only able to last for an hour until her Dad is home or even less when Trina is popping by. At his house, Owen is on summer vacation as well and seems to very much like staying in the house and playing videogames. While they definitely try to make the most of their time, they both don't want to rush anything while it's still so early. She can't forget the main reason why she wanted to wait so long with Peter. At first, it was just a matter of being really, really sure about who it was with, but if she was being honest, she knew that she was sure of Peter as soon as he gave her back her necklace and got her back after everything. It eventually became about making sure that it would always be special and important to them. Even after having a few more weekends and getting more 'practiced', she still treasures that it hasn't become ordinary or commonplace for her and Peter yet. It's still a moment where she feels closest to him and that she feels at her most vulnerable, but also at her most beautiful and her most confident. Forcing that to become rushed just because they have a second alone isn't something that she or Peter wants yet. Maybe once it becomes something they do more often, it would lose it's uniqueness and importance, but for right now, she still holds those moments close to her heart.

'Are you sure you're going to feel comfortable getting it on with your friends around?' she mocks him.

He smirks. 'Um, first of all, no one says "let's get it on" anymore, Little Miss Marvin Gaye Junior. Secondly, what makes you think my friends are going to be around? We got the top level room, baby!' he cheers.

'Ok what blackmail are you holding over Steve's head? How did you get him to give you that?'

His hands start fidgeting near her belly button. 'Well it's actually the smallest room in the house, so no one really wanted it, but it's my favourite one.'

She is about to ask him why but then Kitty comes back with Jamie.

'Are my banana pancakes ready?' she asks, perching on the island bench.

Lara Jean looks down horrified that she had completely forgot to do her task. 'Umm they're almost ready?'

'You haven't even started cooking them!' Kitty complains.

'Sorry I got distracted…' she tries to excuse herself. She really needs to ban Peter from the kitchen in the future.

'Distracted by what?'

She looks over at Peter who flashes her a grin. 'Sorry I have a tendency to do that to women.'

They both groan at him as Lara Jean tries to push him out of the kitchen. He lets her do it, simply saying, 'I'll get you back for this, Covey!'

They decide to eat their pancakes on the patio outside. It's still early but since it's summer and the sun rises earlier, they get to catch a glimpse of it rising over the roofs of the neighbours houses. Peter is sitting between them, he has already finished his pancakes. Lara Jean is trying to eat hers while holding his hand under the table. Kitty is trying to get Jamie's ball from Peter's other hand even though he has a much better arm than she has. Peter takes it and throws it out on the field and Jamie goes barking after it. As Kitty whines, he ruffles her hair and gives her a tickle on the neck which makes her laugh. As she laughs, he squeezes Lara Jean's hand. He looks over at her the warm canary light from the sun hitting his brown golden eyes and splashing across the side of his gorgeous face. He gives her a wink and she can't help but smile back. It's a moment where everything is peaceful and calm and perfect in the world.

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'Covey, it's only 4 days, you don't need that much stuff.' Peter's disapproving advice is not helping anything.

She is currently sitting on top of her suitcase, trying to get it to shut. 'Can you help me zip this up instead of standing there judging me?'

Peter sighs, then walks over. 'Ok put your full body weight on it. Like crouch on top of it.'

She follows his instructs. After using his shoulders to balance herself and walking like a crab around the lid of her suitcase, Peter finally manages to yank the zip closed.

'You better not have any plans of buying anything.' Peter warns her.

'No promises.' She teases, leaning forward and giving him a peck on the lips.

She would have felt bad about making him carry her all of her stuff down the stairs, but he had complained how he was missing so many workouts this weekend so she figured that he would enjoy the heavy lifting. He takes her bags down to the car as she goes to the kitchen to say goodbye to Trina, Kitty and her dad.

'Have the best time and we'll pass on good wishes from you to your family.' Trina says, hugging her.

'I can't believe you are ditching me to go wakeboarding.' Kitty complains.

'Maybe you can come another time.' Lara Jean suggests, though she knows it is unlikely and Kitty knows it as well.

'Lara Jean, I know that you are going to have fun and everything but I just need to give you something. Can you come with me?' her dad says, leading her to the living room. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Trina ushering Kitty out into the backyard, meaning she is probably in on it.

'Now I don't want to make any assumptions or anything, but I just thought I would give this to you.' He hands her a box which is wrapped with a ribbon on top of it.

'Daddy, what is this?' she asks. She has no idea why he would be giving her a gift at all or what is going on.

'It's just something for you. I know we haven't exactly talked about it but once you open it, I'm sure we can talk about it more later.' He says.

'Can I open it now?'

'No.' he answers too quickly. 'I don't want you to open it with me here.' He says firmly. She is no more confused than ever about what this could be.

'Ok, I'll see you in a few days.' She says, hugging him.

'Bye honey. Have fun.'

Then she is out the door and in the passenger seat of Peter's Audi. He brought her donuts just like old times and also a large filled water bottle, knowing how sugary they are and how bad her self-discipline is. She has one in one hand as she turns over the box from her dad in the other.

'What's that?' Peter asks, glancing between it and the road.

'I don't know yet.' She puts down the donut and wipes her hands on the serviette, picking up the box with her clean hands.

She unravels the ribbon. She can feel Peter peering over her shoulder. She then undoes the tape on one side of it, she unfolds the paper and gets a good look at the side of the box. Her cheeks immediately turn red when she sees what it is.

'Oh my gosh!' she yelps.

'What? What is it?' Peter puts his hand over her knee.

'It's contraception.' She whines, pulling the box filled with contraceptive pills out of the wrapping.

Peter lets out a roaring laugh at this situation. She crosses her arms and pouts at him.

'Hey I'm sorry.' He says, though he has a massive smile on his face. 'Though I am a little relieved though.'

'Relieved that what? My dad is making assumption about our sex life.' She says angrily. She feels so embarrassed.

'No, it's good that you can get on the Pill. Now it'll be a bit safer.'

She rolls her eyes at him. Of course it is a good thing and she had been meaning to look into it and ask Margot about getting on it, but she hadn't wanted to have the conversation with her dad.

Peter lightly squeezes her thigh to reassure her. 'He also doesn't necessarily know anything. He is probably just using his good intention and balanced judgement to see that his daughter and her boyfriend are head over heels in love for each other, have been together for almost 3 years, are working through a long distance relationship and they are about to drive away to spend 3 nights together having spent many other nights together at college. He just wants you to be safe and have your own control I think.'

She relaxes a little at his words. 'You're head over heels for me, huh?' she teases.

'What can I say? I have a thing for girls who jump me in the hallway like absolute maniacs.' He flashes his perfect Peter grin at her which makes her heart fly then he takes her hand, bringing it to his lips and kissing all of her knuckles.

'You're cheesy.'

'You're head over heels for it.' He throws back.

'Maybe.' She shrugs.

They arrives at Steve's house and she is shook by how amazing it all looks. She can't believe that she was impressed by John Ambrose's house because it pales in comparison to this one. It has a traditional façade and was only two storeys, but it stretched across the property taking up the space of what would be used for almost three houses in her neighbourhood. Peter takes her hand and leads her up the stairs to where they are going to be sleeping. It is the only room on the almost third level of the house. She walks up and the room is roughly the size of her own. It is filled with a queen-sized bed, a mirror and a piece of artwork on the wall. There are blinds closed against one of the walls. She walks over to it and opens them up revealing an amazing view of the lake in front of them. There is even a small alcove ensuite for them as well. She honestly can't see any reason why she would want to leave. Peter announces that he is hungry, so takes her downstairs. As they go down, they pop into a few of the other rooms to get a good look at them. Most of them are at least triple the size of their room and have an additional space which has a tv and a couch. A lot of their connecting ensites either have big bath tubs or luxurious showers; however, none of them have a view like theirs.

'If you want, we can probably take a different room before people arrive. Like if you want one that is bigger, or more fancy, or anything.' Peter asks her. He glances at her with a flicker of concern on his face as she looks around the massive rooms in awe.

'Never. I love ours, I think the view outweighs the size of any of them.' she says to him.

'That's why it's my favourite too.' He admits. 'That and it was where I had to stay all last year, so that I could FaceTime you without heaps of background noise and it was where I mostly hid when the parties weren't as fun with you or when I was missing you.

Her mouth forms an O as she registers his words. She pulls his hand towards her and wraps her arms around his waist. He is confused by the act, but still puts his arms around her, kissing her hair. It makes her sad to imagine poor Peter not having fun at something like this or sitting in that room by himself thinking about her. She had to admit that there were many nights in Korea where she would be doing something fun such as in the middle of her cooking class or shopping with her Grandma and she would see something or hear something and immediately she would think of Peter and wish he could be with her. She remembers when he first went on his training weekend and she missed him so much. Her heart felt so heavy during their last week in Korea and she couldn't even hide how much she wanted to see Peter then.

'Well I'm here now.' She smiles up at him.

'Yeah you are.' He beams at her. She gets on her tiptoes expectantly and he brings his lips to hers. Its one of those sweet kisses that he knows she loves so much. The one where their tongues just graze against each other's and his lips are warm and soft against hers.

'Oi lovebirds, are you coming or what?' Gabe bellows from the kitchen.

'Be right there.' Peter calls back, he grabs her hand and leads her into the kitchen.

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She flops onto her bed, feeling absolutely exhausted from the day that they have had. Not only did they have the massive drive up to Steve's house that morning, but then they spent almost the whole afternoon out on his boat. Her arms and back were aching from Peter teaching her how to wakeboard. She has sat in the boat at first and watched him do it. As expected it was an absolute natural at it and made it look so easy and so comfortable. She honestly didn't think it looked that hard at all. After about her 6th faceplant into the water though, she definitely knew she has underestimated the activity. Peter had made good on his promise. At first he explained to here everything while she was sitting in the boat. How she had to lean back in the water with her legs up, holding the handle between her knees and only straightening her legs and turning the board when she felt the pull of the boat. She thought she had understood, but as soon as she was in the water, she kept trying to stand too quickly so her board would sink and when the boat would pull her, her body would go flying over the front of the boat and bellyflop into the water. Peter kept trying to instruct her from the boat about standing up slower but no matter how many times she tried she couldn't get it. She was relieved when Steve drove the boat around towards her and she saw Peter whipping on a lifejacket to get into the water with her. She was able to conserve a bit more of her draining energy by letting Peter hold on up in the water. He treaded water right beside her, holding her up and then commanding her on the exact moment to stand up. Even as she kept falling a few times as she failed to rotate the board around over the water, Peter kept paddling after her in the water, ready to hold her up for her next go and always saying 'don't worry Covey, you'll get it this time.' When she finally was able to stand up and ride the wakeboard, she could hear Peter's whooping from the water, which caused her grin to grow even bigger. Everyone on the boat was cheering for her as well when she stood up. Poor Peter was left floating out in the lake though, as Steve took her for a run around. She was so excited when they got back to Peter that she let go of the rope and went straight to hug him, accidentally whacking him in the face the board still attached to her feet. He forgave her quickly though, getting equally excited about her achievement and promising that they would come back the next day. Gabe and Darrell then had their turns on the wakeboard. They had been here so many times that they were almost better than Peter, though they didn't stay up for long as they both kept trying to do jumps and tricks that made them stack all the time. Pammy then wanted to learn how to do it. Darrell had been doing a similar thing to Peter and trying to teach her from the boat, and then kept giving her instructions from it when she was in the water. He had gotten in the water to try teach her, but then she accidentally flipped while trying to balance the board in the water and ended up giving Darrell a blood nose. After that, we all decided to call it a day as Darrell needed to get ice for his injury. Lara Jean felt sympathetic to Pammy who was trying to hide her disappointed face after not being able to get up that day.

As they motored towards the house, her and Peter sat up the front of the boat with his arm around her. She had to put her head right into his neck, so that the wind stopped whipping her hair right into Peter's face. The sun was just starting to go down over the lake, it's warmth hitting her face as the wind blew over their bodies. She reached down grabbing Peter's hand over her shoulder and the other one resting on his lap. He turns his head, planting a kiss on her temple and squeezing her hands. She looks over and sees Gabe and Darrell arguing about something while Pammy is gazing off with her hair blowing back in the wind. Peter has never felt self-conscious or judged or anything when it comes to cuddling, hugging or kissing her in front of his friends. It's one of her favourite things about him that he's not afraid to show this side of him in front of his friends. She had once asked him why he was so ok with PDA in front of them and he just said that it's because they all know that she is the best thing to ever happen to him.

Her mind snaps back to reality after reminiscing about her day when she hears the door to the room open. She drops her head to the side to see Peter leaning against the doorway smiling at her. She lifts her head up slightly and taps the space on the bed next to her. He casually leans away from the door, closing the door behind him before jumping in the space next to her. The bed is so big that he doesn't even touch her when he lies next to her.

'What did you think of today? Describe it to me like I wasn't there.' He asks hers.

She turns over on side to face him and he does the same.

'I had so much fun. I didn't think that I would enjoy wakeboarding as much as I thought I would and I was lucky that I had a very good teacher.' She smiles at him.

'I know it's not everyday that you get a smoking hot, wakeboarding expert to show you the ropes.'

She rolls her eyes at him. 'You're not that hot.'

He gives her the look like 'Oh really?', then he does his intense stare into her eyes, holding her eye contact that always makes her heart race and her brain forget whatever she was thinking about.

'But I'm so sore.' She remarks, turning around from his look before she melts on the spot, stretching her arms back.

'Yeah I'm exhausted.'

'I don't even want to shower.' She sighs.

'Not even with me?' he asks suggestively.

She gives him a look. Actually she could be down for that, she thinks to herself.

'Only if you can carry me, though I don't know with those noodle arms of yours.' She mocks.

He growls in annoyance, before reaching around her and holding her right up to his chest as he stands up. She wraps her legs firmly around his waist to help him hold her up and buries her face into his shoulder. She feels like are Koala Bear whenever Peter carries her like this in a hug. Granted, when they are making out, it feels like a very different story, but now it feels sweet and just like she belongs there. Like Peter could carry her into any adventure that she wants and she would be ok, no she would be incredibly confident about it. He sets her down on the small edge of the vanity.

'Arms up!' he teases her like she is a three year old. She pouts at him but still raises her arms over her head. Peter pulls her shirt up over her head and her arms flinging it on the floor of the bathroom.

He pulls away from her slightly and then holds his arms straight up in the air with a dopey grin on his face. She has to laugh at him as she heaves his shirt over his head. He has to take a step back and leans over so that she can wiggle it over the tops of him arms. As soon as she gets it off him, she surprises him by hooking her fingers around the two belt loops closest to the fly of his jeans and tugging him towards her. She captures his gasp between her lips in a kiss. He quickly catches on, kissing her back and running his legs along her thigh as she opens her mouth and welcomes his tongue in. His hands dance their way up to the waistline of her legging, his thumbs dragging across her inner thigh as they do. She wraps her arms around his neck, using all her upper body strength to push herself up for a moment so that Peter can pull her legging and panties down her thighs. His head angles towards her neck and his lips leave a trail from her collarbone to the top of her bra, as he yanks her bottoms off her legs. Her fingers buried in his hair, hold his head close against her chest as he begins to suck and lick against her sensitive skin. Once he has managed to unhook everything from her feet, she pulls his head towards her to passionately kiss him again. His hands comes up to her bra and start fiddling with the bra clasp. She feels it release and fall down her shoulders. She now realises that she is wearing a lot less clothing than he is, so she lets her hands roam down his chest towards his jeans. His breath slightly hitches, when she traces his v-muscile lines and pries her fingers inside his waistband. She moves her fingers closer to each other in his jeans, until they reach the button and fly. She pops open the open, ripping the jeans apart to unzip them then yanks them down. She gets them to the bottom of his boxers before her hands can't reach any further, so she goes back up for his boxers and pushes them to the same place. Improvising, she then brings her legs up so her feet are able to push down his clothing to his ankles. Both of them are breathing fast as he pulls back to step out of his clothes and she goes to the shower.

The hot water steams up the bathroom. The feeling of it running down her skin compliments the feeling that Peter just gave her before perfectly. She is letting the water fall down the strands of her hair, when she feels hands on her waist. Peter gently nudges her to wall and steps under the water, he then leans in and kisses her. She can feel the water running down his back as she holds him close. He moves away from the shower head and brings her with him, then reaches around behind her to grab something. He has his coconut shampoo in his hand which he squirts into his palm. He then reaches above her and starts massaging it into her hair, running her hands through her scalp just the way she likes it. It feels so good that she lets her eyes close and just enjoys the sensation of his fingers in her hair. When she senses that he is done, she takes the shampoo from him and throws her arms up to reach his hair. It's so soft against her fingers. She pays close attention to him, making circles with her fingers and moving her hands around his head. He sighs in content and closes his eyes for a moment as well which encourages her to continue. His hands are grasping her waist, slightly squeezing as he relishes in this moment. When his hair is truly cleaned by the shampoo, she gets a funny thought and starts flicking her hair towards the centre of his head and then pulling upwards. She does it a few more times, until Peter's hair is standing in a mohawk on his head.

She can't stop laughing as he looks down at her disapprovingly. He doesn't know what it looks like but he can probably guess. 'Are you entertained?' he smirks.

'Very much so.' She giggles back.

He smiles at her, then wraps his arms around her to walk them back under the shower. He holds her waist as she leans her head back and rinses the shampoo from her hair. The water falls in a way that it flows over her ears but avoids her face. With her eyes closed and ears consumed by the water, all she can feel is Peter and all she smells is him and coconut. He bends his head down and shakes his hair around as he washes out the soap. She can't help but laugh at how differently boys wash their hair. They then move on to conditioning each other hair before taking the soap and rubbing each other's body, getting all the lake water and sweat from the day off of them.

Peter gets out first quickly running a towel through his hair before wrapping it around his waist. He then wraps a towel around her shoulders, planting soft kisses on her shoulder and neck as he dries her down. She twists her hair up in a towel turban and then follows Peter to the bedroom. She puts her on nightgown straight away which makes Peter pout.

'Like you have enough energy to do anything, right now.' She scowls him.

He nods in defeat. 'Tomorrow.' He says his voice full of promise.

He slips into his boxers but opts to go without a shirt. They are on the highest level of the house, which is also the hottest. Luckily they have air-con but Peter thinks that it sill gets hot anyway. Her nightgown is her shortest one, just reaching her upper thigh, she used to wear it with shorts underneath but now has found another purpose for it. Peter's eyes go wide when he sees her in it and mutters, 'Oh god' under his breath.

They crawl into bed together. There is so much sexual energy between them. After barely having any time alone in the last month, then that steamy shower and now lying next to each other with the skins of their legs brushing together. A part of her really just wants to jump him, However, the thought of even turning around and getting on top of him makes her tired. Tomorrow, she tells herself.

'Good night Covey.' She hears Peter's voice say from behind her.

'Good night Peter.' She wishes him.

Then easily they both fall asleep.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

She isn't sure what time it is when she wakes up the next morning. She is woken up what she thinks is the sound of the door closing to their room. She is still dozing though when she hears it so doesn't really bother checking. When she is sure that she hears it open again, she peeks open one of her eyes. She sees Peter coming back into the room all excited.

'Covey, wake up.' He whispers to her. He starts kissing her all over her face. Moving around at random between her forehead, her nose, chin, cheek, eyelid, side of mouth, temple, etc.

She finally opens her eyes and looks up at him. 'What?' she whines.

He has a playful look on his face as he crashes his lips against her. She kisses back straight away and their tongues start battling with each other. He hovers over her and lets his hands road up her night gown. She loves the feeling of his bare chest against her.

'Peter.' She whispers urgently, breaking away from him. He immediately just goes for her neck, not stopping.

'Peter.' She tries again. 'Everyone else is probably awake right now, we can't do this.'

He looks up at her with a goofy smile on his face. 'Nah, they all just went out on the boat. I told them I was looking after you because you were so sore and had a migraine from falling yesterday.'

She can't help but smile back at him. 'But wait aren't Emily and Blake arriving today?'

'Not until later.' He informs her. 'Come on, Covey, don't tell me you don't want to do this.'

She plays hard to get. 'Mmmmmm, I don't know I mean I was looking forward to going out today.'

His face falls as he hears what she is saying. 'Argh fine.' He declares, then he gets off of her and waits by the bed. 'But you better not try touch me too much today, or I might die from this frustration.'

She is so touched by him, managing to control himself and willing to do what she wants and go out even though they have the entire house to themselves and got incredibly riled up last night. Though she can't pretend anymore when she suddenly laughs out loud.

He looks at her confused, before he narrows his eyes at her. 'You were testing me, weren't you?' he growls. He jumps back into the bed and immediately starts punishing her with tickles.

Now she is laughing even harder. He lifts up her nightgown going straight for the sensitive skin on her stomach. She recoils but she isn't quick enough for him. He is dominating her. He ends up ripping her night gown off her head so that he can truly attack her with his tickles. She is wheezing as she struggles to breath through her laughter. He even starts to playfully bite her neck, as his fingers ripple against her stomach. She yelps but then starts laughing again.

'So what if I was?' she teases him breathless.

'I can't believe you would do that to me! After all the time I spent teaching you how to wakeboard.' He scowls her lightheartedly.

'But the look on your face was so priceless.' She pleads.

'What the look of pain?'

'Yeah.' He attacks her even harder.

'Ahhhh stop!' she cries out. She manages to get her hands around his fingers to stop him. She knows that it's not her hands that are stopping it but rather the hunger in her eyes as she looks at him, panting.

'So are you going to spend all this time looking at me or are we actually going to take advantage of this?' she teases him. His eyes darken as he immediately leans down attacking her neck. She lets go of his hands and goes straight for his boxers. For once Peter is the first one undressed and she thinks she should make him wear this outfit to bed more often.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

She is floating around the kitchen with a massive smile on her face as she finds the ingredients for pancakes. She is even humming along to the song 'Summer Loving' as she moves around. She is wearing Peter's UVA shirt that he initially intended to wear to bed, but luckily chose not to. She loves the feel of the cotton against her skin and how it gets reaches the top of her thigh, swinging as she moves. It also smells just like him, a combination of his cologne and the detergent his mum uses. At first he thought it was weird, but now he has just come accustomed to her sometimes swapping his UVA T-Shirts so that she can have one that smells more like him when the other one loses it's scent after washing it. Although he commented on it being weird once, when he once spent the night at her house after drinking a few too many beers that night, he admitted that he liked it when she brought those t-shirts back because then they come back smelling like her. She has never pulled him up on it though, she likes Peter not knowing that she knows one of his secret thoughts.

She is pouring the batter into one pancake on the stove when she feels Peter behind her. He wraps his arms around her and start humming along with her, swaying them to the beat of the song. He buries his face into her neck, still humming as she smiles.

'I thought you hated that movie?' she peers at him.

'I do, but you don't.' he shrugs.

'Can you sing it for me?' she gives him her best puppy eyes.

He lets out a sigh but she can feel him smiling against her shoulder. He pokes his head up, resting his chin on her shoulder.

'Summer loving, had me a blast, Summer loving happened so fast..' his voice is so beautiful and clean.

'Met a girl crazy for me..' he playfully smirks at her and kisses her neck. 'Met a boy cute as can be.' He sings in a high-pitch voice to imitate a girl.

'Summer days drifting away to oh oh the summer nights.' He sings, swaying her along.

She turns to put the cooked pancake on the plate behind her, until she feels a hand on her arm.

'Oh wello wello wello.' He jokes, pulling and twirling her into his chest.

She lets out a laugh.

'Tell me more tell me more.' She jokingly sings, as he takes her hand and secures his arms around her waist and waltzes them around.

'Did you get very far.' He pulls her up so she is sitting on the kitchen bench.

'Tell me more tell me more.'

'Like does he have a car.' He leans in and captures her lips in a kiss.

She can't believe that they have barely been here for 24 hours and she already has so many amazing memories and happiness with him here. The kiss starts playful but then turns passionate. Peter is just in his jeans and has opted for no shirt again as they laze around before anyone comes back. She pulls her knees up and hold him close to her. His hand is on her face, tilting it more so they can deepen the kiss.

They are both gently moving up against each other when they hear the front door open. The front door has a direct view into the kitchen and where they are. They don't have time to break apart completely, just stop kissing though she is sure that whoever is coming in has already seen them both looking very indecent and in a very risqué position.

She locks eyes with Emily Nussbaum, who has just walked in with her boyfriend Blake. A part of her is extremely embarrassed while there is a little voice in her head that feels proud for her knowing that Emily is going to go straight back to Gen and tell her about today's events, proving to her that she is no longer a virgin and that again her and Peter's relationship has gotten through any games that she is playing. This voice is what gives her confidence.

'Hey Emily, Hey Blake.' She greets them. She feels Peter's shocked eyes on her. He was probably prepping himself to say something to take the attention away from her and to stop her from being embarrassed. He is even more surprised when she reaches forward brings Peter into a hug, showing off some PDA.

'Hey guys, we're just going to go to our room.' Blake says. He then picks up both bags and walks up the stairs. Emily had her jaw wide open as she was judging everything about what had just happened.

As soon as they leave, she turns back to Peter who is still in shock. 'Damn Covey, you're such a player.' He teases her.

'Oh you have no idea.' His eyes go wide, as she jumps off the counter and goes running up the stairs.

She hears his feet quickly following her. Her smile is immediately plastered back onto her face. She can't wait until the future when this is going to be every day for her and Peter. Maybe not the lake and the boat and the big house, but the waking up, the lying in bed together, cooking together and always making each other happy.

 _A/N: What is this another chapter? And wait, an even longer chapter? Yes it is! Thank you so much to everyone's new year wishes and to all the reviews! I honestly love receiving reviews and feedback and things people want to see! Something I have definitely tried to do in this chapter! Morning fluff? Check. Rubbing Gen's face into the fact she isn't a virgin? Check. More Coveys? Check. So I really do appreciate it all and any ideas I love to incorporate because as much as I enjoy writing this, I definitely want to let everyone enjoy reading it as well!_

 _Also how are we taking the more spice? Should I tone it down? Honestly, I am very happy to just kinda start it off a bit and then be just add in the ellipses if people are finding it too awkward or jarring in this story. But just thought you guys maybe like a bit of description? It's more than any other chapter, so seriously please let me know if you like it or not, otherwise I'll probably just be convinced everyone hates it and then stop!_

 _Ok not sure about other fanfic any more, but stay tuned. I might even just do a few one shots, cause like I have so many ideas but not sure any of them are enough to actually write a story from. Or maybe I'll just go to the start and rewrite the high school stuff idk? Just keep your eyes peeled and I would appreciate it so much if you read it!_

 _Thanks so much to you all for your support! I'm sad as well that this story is coming to an end. Again to the silent readers, it would be great to hear how you guys are feeling as well since there won't be much longer to this story. So yeah hope you all love this chapter and please review, favourite, follow, anything! xxx_


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

It's not long before they are back to their long distance relationship. There is no denying that there is something left unsaid between them as they say their goodbyes. She has just finished packing up Margot's car. Peter is standing with his hands in his UVA Lacrosse sweatshirt looking down at her. He gives her a dazzling smile but it doesn't reach his eyes and his shoulders are still hunched over. She knows what he is thinking about – he is remembering what happened just a few weeks after this farewell last year, she knows this because she is thinking about it too. Without any hesitation, she walks straight up to him, wrapping her arms around his middle and trying to bury herself away into his chest. He reacts immediately, putting her arms around her and snuggling against her neck.

'It'll be ok, Covey. We have cars this time.' He whispers into her ear.

'Can you promise me that?' She manages to whisper, her voice cracking and the tears that were once threatening to spill now falling freely.

He pulls back from her, despite her tightening of her arms. He cups her face, looking down at her. 'I promise.'

She has to smile. He is back to his full certain and sure of himself personality, one she missed so much last year. He has no a shadow of doubt in his eyes as he looks down at her. She almost struggles to hold onto here own thoughts of resistance when she looks at him.

'How can you be so upbeat at a time like this?' She grumbles against his chest, as he pulls her back closer to him.

He lets out a chuckle and she feels his smile against her hair. 'There's nothing not to be upbeat about. You are going back to all your friends and all of your hobbies, we both have cars and we'll see each other as much as we can now. We aren't the same people we were a year ago. Not at all.' He firms assures her.

She can't help but smile at his confidence and how much better he makes her feel. She leans back and looks up at him. 'When am I going to see you next then?'

'Miss me already?' he smirks.

She lightly whacks his chest. 'No, I just need something to look forward to so I don't spend my whole first week being sad.'

'I'll be there in two weeks. We have another training camp this weekend, but I don't have class on Friday so I can stay three days.'

She pouts. 'That's so far away.'

He rolls his eyes at her. 'And you tell me I'm the needy one.' He teases.

'I'm sorry, who is demanding lemon cookies be sent to him for every lacrosse game?' She mocks him back.

'If your cookies weren't so amazing, then I wouldn't have to.'

He leans down and captures her lips in a kiss. She is grateful that Daddy and Trina left her and Peter to themselves to say their goodbyes because she wouldn't have wanted them to see this kiss. Her fingers are pulling on Peter's head, tugging him down to her as much as she can. She wishes she could take him with her. She wishes they would never have to break apart, but she knows that their lives haven't turned out that way and soon they will be able to be together all the time; however now wasn't that time. She tries to burn the way he kisses her into her mind all over again as if she is wanting to remember it for the first time. His lips are always so soft against hers and the way he pulls her closer to him and wraps his arms around her like a cocoon make her feel so safe and that she wouldn't rather be anywhere else. She doesn't know how much time passes but eventually they break apart, both knowing she needs to get away soon to drive up there. She is way ahead of the schedule that a normal student would use if travelling like her to UNC, but she is so nervous about driving that she made sure she wouldn't need to be rushing or stressing by having so much time.

'I love you with all my heart, Lara Jean.' Peter whispers against her as they hold their foreheads together.

With her arm, she reaches up and traces his eyebrow, it feels like silk. She wants to remember exactly how the thin hairs feel under her thumb. 'I love you too.'

'Call me when you get there?'

'Of course.'

'Two weeks, Covey.'

'I know. I can't wait.'

'I miss you already.'

She pulls back a little from him and sees the sunlight hitting his brown eyes. He gives her a look she knows he hasn't given any other girl before. The one where she can see all of his love for her and the one that makes her feel slightly uneasy knowing she could almost make him do whatever she asked and she could hurt him more than anyone else could. It's a look filled with vulnerability, desire and adoration, so different from his usual easy-going, confident stare.

'It won't be like this forever.' She tells him, her voice filled with promise.

'Yeah? What's going to be next?' he grabs her hand, swinging it between them as he walks her around to her car door.

'Our first apartment.' She declares.

Peter's eyes spark with happiness as he tilts his head at her. 'Really?'

She nods. 'Mm-hmm.'

'What if you're still at UNC? Doing your masters?'

'Then you'll have to there with me.'

'What if I'm travelling the country playing lacrosse?'

'Then I'll be there.'

'What if we're living in New York? A doorman in the foyer greeting us through those twirly doors?' He opens up her door for her and rests his arm on the top.

'Then we'll be together, though that definitely won't be our first apartment.'

'No? I reckon we could do it.'

'You might want to manage your expectations, Kavinsky.' She rolls her eyes, getting into her car.

He closes the door behind her. 'You might want to dream a little bigger, Covey.'

She smiles at him, through the open window. He rests his forearms on top of where the window rolls out from. She tries to stop herself from gawking at his protruding veins and muscles that are undoubtedly pulsing as he rests them there. He leans forward and they kiss for one last time. She feels all of his emotions and his passion in the kiss, she kisses back with the same desperation and energy.

'See ya, Covey.' Peter smirks breaking away from her.

'Catch ya later, Kavinsky.' She hears him chuckle and watches him out of her rearview mirror until he disappears entirely.

Her mind is now swirling with all sorts of ideas. She can almost picture greeting a doorman in their New York apartment every morning as she goes to work, Peter and her walking around Central Park during their Sunday afternoon, riding the subway together tucked under his arm to stop her from falling as the brakes are hit, exploring all the bakeries in all the streets… Her imagination runs wild. She is reminded of the thought she had when her and Peter first imagined their lives in New York, that anything seems possible with him by her side.

 **XXXXXXXXXXXX**

The two weeks pass faster than she thought they would have. She is rundown attending meetings with her baking club and also organising events for the Harry Potter club. She has to help out with getting more people to join both clubs as well as the Korean society. This has all been done while also juggling her classes and making time for her friends in her dorm and of course, Peter. She keeps up with it all though. Managing to call Peter earlier in the night when she knows she has meetings to go to or her friends want to hang out with her. Peter also insists that she call him whenever she is walking through campus by herself. It has meant that they have plenty more opportunities to talk. She was against it at first, wanting her own independence, but when Peter started sending her all sorts of links of girls kidnapped or assaulted on campus when walking back by themselves, she was quickly very agreeable with the arrangement. It has also saved her a few times when a few guys have offered to walk her back to her dorm, though she is usually ok with it, one of them has been acting a bit weird towards her and even walked her back one night while she had Peter on the phone. Peter said he was going to make sure he 'accidentally' ran into him when he was down to show him who her boyfriend was.

It's now Friday morning and she and Alex are wandering around the Mall looking for the Victoria's Secret. Peter texted saying he had just left when she finished class and Alex (who is now her roommate), reminded her of her dire underwear situation which led them to this impromptu shopping trip.

'Alex, I don't even know if I can afford these.' Lara Jean whines, as they walk into the store and she catches a glimpse at some of the prices.

'LJ, come on you gotta have some of your allowance still left, maybe you should even consider getting a job.' Alex rolls her eyes at her.

'Yeah cause I have so much free time on my hands.' She sarcastically answers.

Alex shakes her head and keeps browsing. 'These are nice.' She holds up a pair of red lace panties, that wouldn't hide anything.

'I have to leave something up to imagination.' She blushes.

Alex laughs. 'I honestly can't believe that you aren't a virgin anymore and it took you so long to tell me.'

'Shush!' Lara Jean snaps, as if she was afraid her dad or Kitty could be near by. 'It's not something that just happens to fall into conversation.' She tries to defend herself.

'Sure, sure… I just still can't believe it. When I picked you as a roommate I was banking on the fact that you were waiting till marriage but I guess not anymore.'

'When did I say I was waiting until marriage?' she opens up one of the drawers to browse more styles.

'Like not exactly but you were waiting until you were at least 21 right and very much in love?'

'How do you remember this stuff?'

'My memory is almost as good as yours.'

'Yeah I mean my sister and I had that pact we would wait, but that kind of got forgotten about when she broke it with Josh.'

'Oooooo, she broke it with Josh? Would you have still done it if the pact was in play?'

Lara Jean stops and thinks for a moment. She feels treacherous thoughts coming into her head when she thinks about this. Would she have broken it for Peter? She knows she wouldn't have broken it if she was in the same circumstances as Margot. When she thinks back to who Peter was in high school and even who she was while they were in high school, she knows that she wasn't ready. When they first got together she was way too consumed with thoughts of Genevieve to be able to take that step and do it for herself being she wanted to as opposed to doing it because she was scared. Even when they got through all that in senior year, she still saw Peter as her handsome boy friend who she was lucky enough to have. The most popular boy in the school who chose her over every single other girl. At Beach Week, it felt more right for her because she wanted to hold on to the feeling that he gave her not because he was the most popular boy and she was more of a wood nymph, but because he was Peter Kavinsky the boy she had known her whole life and had fallen in love with and she was Lara Jean Song Covey, his first kiss, the one he remembers from sixth grade and the one who he let into his life more than anyone else before. Then through all their changes in freshman year, she wasn't sure who she was and who he was either, but through breaking up and getting back together she finally saw him for him. She didn't see him as just being easy going and confident, but someone who worked hard and constantly took himself seriously so that he could be so confident in himself because he earned. He didn't just love her because they had been friends forever and she was so peculiar to him, but because she brought out another side of him and understood him better than anyone, it was once they went through all this that she knew without a doubt that there was only one more thing to give to him. She knew there was no one else she would ever want to take this step with.

Her mind betrays her when she thinks of Josh and Margot. How they were so young. Margot was a senior and Josh was a junior. They had barely been through the things that her and Peter had, yet Margot was sure enough to break their pact. They didn't even manage to stay together after high school and Margot knew they wouldn't, but she still broke their pact.

'You're thinking about this a lot.' Alex notes.

She nods. 'I think I would have still done it. Peter and I have been through so much that only makes us stronger. We aren't just in this for a short term, but as long as we can be. We aren't afraid to talk about our future together, I don't see a future without him in it….'

'But…?' Alex prompts.

'But my sister did and she still broke it.'

'Saw a future without her guy.'

'Yeah, she knew they were going to break up at the end of the year.'

'I guess she wanted to close the chapter on him, probably trying to lose the whole virgin label before college. I can relate.'

Alex walks off and Lara Jean can't stop her mind from wandering still. It's so strange that when they made that pact they were so alike, maybe her and Margot started changing even earlier than she anticipated.

'LJ, these?' Alex asks from the other side of the store.

Lara Jean takes one look at them and instantly knows they are perfect.

'That's them.'

She can feel her heart already fluttering when she thinks about how Peter is going to react to seeing her in them.

XXXXXXXXXX

Peter texts her that he is on his way. She feels her heart racing a bit more with excitement to think that he is finally going to be here. Her baking club is hosting a class tonight in cake making and decorating, Peter begged to come after he found out they were learning how to layer chocolate and caramel within the cake. The juniors she met on the New York trip last year said it was absolutely fine and were looking forward to having a new face, but she knows they are secretly more excited to meet Peter who they had only seen in photos on her Instagram. She almost didn't post the photos of them together, especially after they had broken up and everything, but the photo that they got while sitting together on the back of Steve Bledell's yacht was too perfect for her not to. Their hair was being severely windblown and water was splashing everywhere, but she had the brightest smile on her face that she was wearing at the camera while Peter had his arm around her and was leaning close to her to whisper something in her ear. She is almost positive that he was betting on how long Gabe would manage to be standing, but the way he looks down at her while she smiles is something she wanted to show off to everyone. It was a look that he usually gave her when hanging out with his friends, it was him always insuring that she was having a good time and having something to smile about. Peter looked the photo as well and wanted to post it on his account but instead decided on a photo of just her. She sometimes doesn't get why he likes individual photos of her so much, but can't deny she feels incredibly flattered and thinks it is very sweet of him. Her photo though became the most liked photo on her account by a long way. So many people were commenting particularly as she had the caption 'the sun only shines this bright when I'm with you.' Peter had promptly been the first like as he had been refreshing her page constantly beside her and made sure to comment an 'I love you' with plenty of hearts. It was so adorable from their little bubble in their room together as they giggled and smiled while tangled in each other's limbs and sheets, but as soon as she was constantly being bombarded by everyone talking about how cute they were and how they were #couplegoals, she was doubting the picture a little more. Now so many girls in her clubs were all asking her about Peter, how long they had been dating and where he was, which she didn't mind but she really liked just being her own person. She knows it will wear off still, but it's something she hasn't had to deal with since high school and she didn't realise how grateful she was to be away from it until now.

Her phone vibrates in her lap and Peter announces his arrival. She quickly jumps up and runs down the steps in order to meet him at his car. She sees him getting out of his driver's seat after parking out the front of her dorm. It's almost dark now, but at least it's Friday. Peter has lacrosse training and gym in the morning before having class until 2pm, but having his car on campus means he gets to leave straight away and be here before the night. When he turns around, she can see the bags under his eyes and a tired gaze in his eyes. He finally sees her and his eyes sparkle with excitement, she can't contain herself anymore and goes running over to him. She launches herself at him and he catches her easily, spinning her around so her legs lift up a little.

'Covey, I missed you so much.' He breathes into her shoulder.

'I missed you so much as well. Two weeks already seems too long.' She answers. They had tried to talk about what would be the best duration for them to go without seeing each other. Peter made a very compelling case for only a week at a time but they both knew that wouldn't be an option. She had smiled though when she noticed how he had the same persevering approach as he had in high school. Two weeks was what they wanted, but they both knew it was a dream to think they could sustain it as things got busier. Peter's games were still pretty sporadic at the moment and training wasn't as intense as the freshmen were still being transitioned into the higher level of sport, but soon that would change. Even for Lara Jean, her clubs were all introducing more members and easing them into the semester before more events would be happening and attendance would be of higher importance. It also was the same for their classes in that their assessment would start popping up soon meaning they couldn't afford to spent almost 8 hours driving. They decided at the end to just see what they could do. Start off with two and see each other as much as they could before it all got too much and they would understand when they had to have more time between their visits.

Peter keeps his arms wound around her tightly. She feels him inhale her as he rests his head on her shoulder. His smiles against her shoulder which she knows is because he has picked up on the coconut scent of her hair which he loves. She had gotten a coconut hair mask with coconut oil and coconut milk to do specifically before he arrived. Her bathroom reeked of the overpoweringly sweet scent when she showered but it was pretty worth it knowing how much Peter would love it.

'Your hair smells so nice.' He comments. He breathes her in again.

'I know.'

'You planned this didn't you? Wanted to make sure you could make me as weak as possible, huh?' he eyes her, as he pulls away.

She smirks at him. 'What if I did?'

He raises his eyebrows at her. 'I wouldn't care.' He then cups her face and leans down capturing her lips in a kiss. Their lips meet innocently at first, before she feels his hands snake to the back of her neck trying to deepen the kiss.

'Peter!' She exclaims, pushing away from him.

'Where are you going?' He immediately closes the difference so their chests are touching again.

'Not in front of all these people.' She shushes to him, swatting his hand away as he reaches for her.

He pouts, though she gives him a look of matter-of-fact knowing fully well that he is very much aware of how much she hates PDA. He throws his head back with a sigh. 'Fine, let's go to your dorm then.' He excitedly comes behind her wrapping his arm around her waist.

'You need your bags.' She laughs at him.

'Oh right!' His head whips back to his car. 'Nah they can come later.' He declares, he wraps his other arm around her shoulders and starts nuzzling at her hair.

'You really like those coconuts huh?' She peers at him out of the corner of her eye.

'Mmm-hmmm.' A fog settles over his face as he breathes in again. 'I mean you have much better coconuts I like more but this scent is cool too.'

With that, she promptly turns away from him. 'Peter!' She shrieks. Trust him to ruin the moment with something sexual.

'What? You do!'

'Just get your stuff.' She rolls her eyes at him and starts walking towards her room.

Peter catches up easily, swinging his bag over his shoulder then putting an arm around her. 'Here I thought you'd be happy to see me.'

She pauses and looks up him, getting up on her tiptoes to give him a kiss. 'I'm always happy to see you.' Then she grabs his hand and leads him up to her room.

XXXXXXXXXX

They are walking over to the kitchen for the baking meeting. Her and Peter have their hands linked, something she can tell Peter is very happy about from the way he keeps swinging their arms back and forth with so much unnecessary momentum. As soon as they walk in, almost everyone turns to look at her. The baking club has always had a majority of women so whenever a male comes in, there is usually a lull of silence at the surprise gender, but because Peter is such a good looking male, there is a massive silence from everyone. She catches so many of her friends making wide eyes and their jaws dropping.

Peter smirks at them. 'Hey Everyone, I'm Peter Kavinsky.' He waves, wrapping an arm around Lara Jean's waist.

He gives them his dazzling grin, which she can tell makes a few girls lose their train of thought. Overall he is definitely enjoying this attention even if it just for a moment. She puts a hand on his arm and directs him towards the bench that she works out. Most of the eyes stay on them as he takes in the room.

'This is cool.' Peter remarks, looking at a bunch of the utensils they will be using.

'Be careful.' She scolds him. Last thing she needs is him dropping something. He dropped her sifter over the summer and it completely broke while she was in the middle of making macaroons, she gave him the silent treatment until he drove her to the shops to buy her a new one.

Having Peter at the meeting is surprising more fun than she could have imagined. He is very clumsy with a piping bag, but he follows her directions very well. Although he tries to throw ingredients at her whenever he gets a chance, there is no denying that she spends most of the time laughing with him. When one of the other girls comes over to scold them for making too much noise, Peter easily charms her over with his smile and she ends up encouraging Lara Jean and him to keep having fun.

By the time the cake is all done and sitting in front of them. Her cheeks are hurting from smiling so much.

'Can I have a piece?' Peter asks her, reaching forward towards the cake with a knife.

'Not yet!' she shrieks. He jumps back away from the cake in surprise. 'I need a photo.'

He rolls his eyes, as she starts kneeling down. She tries to get the perfect shot but none of the lighting seems to be working.

'Can we move it more under the light?'

'Covey, the photo doesn't matter.'

'Yes it does! I need it for my Instagram.'

'I am sure they won't care about bad lighting.'

'They might not but I do.' She tries to angle more.

Peter eventually sighs and pulls out his phone, turning on the flashlight. 'Tell me what to do.'

They spend the next time minutes trying to get the perfect shot, though it isn't as good as she hoped for, it gets close enough.

'Now can I eat it?' Peter groans.

'Why are you so hungry? We just ate before.'

He scoffs. 'Yeah but a man's still gotta carb-load.' He winks at her.

'Peter!'

'What?'

'Keep saying things like that and all those carbs will be turning to fat.' She rolls her eyes at him.

'Is that a challenge?' he eyes her down. She knows exactly what he is doing, he is turning on his charming stare to make sure she breaks and melts under his gaze.

'Maybe.' She shrugs.

Neither of them get to say more as the guest baker is talking at the front. Lara Jean tries to listen to what she is saying but she senses Peter moving closer to her. Soon he standing right beside her.

'Don't even think about it.' She says not taking her eyes off the other baker.

He smirks at her, placing his hands on her hips and pulling her against him. He rests his head against her shoulder as he starts letting his hands roam along her waistline. She tries to ignore it, but can't deny how his touch is making her heart race. He subtly brings his thumbs under her shirt, tracing her belly button. She feels herself suck in a quick breath which makes him chuckle against her shoulder. She should have known better than to question Peter's ability to make her swoon and lose her own sense of though.

She has to shake her head the way that he drags her back to her dorm, skipping along beside her every so often. He makes her laugh at how adorably dorky he is about being so happy with her. She knows though that it's definitely the sugar going to his head given he is usually banned from it during the Lacrosse season. He keeps stopping her, gathering her up in his arms and twirling her around or just constantly pecking her on the lips as they walk. It makes it seems like they have all the time in the world together. As if their lives have been paused for one night and the only thing they have is each other.

There is something in the air as they walk up to her room. Alex is staying over in Jen's room tonight as they are having a movie night with Bonnie and Selena. She tried not to feel bad when Alex dragged her feet out complaining about Peter coming. Peter stops bouncing around and grows wary of her. It's not that they haven't gotten used to this part of their relationship, but more that being able to do this has spurred something between them they haven't had before. It makes them feel closer and more intimate than ever before and it's always a special moment for them. She wonders if this will ever wear off, the pounding of her heart as he leans close to her and how her brains turns to fog as they kiss. The anticipation and excitement is building between them as she opens her door. Her hands shake as she turns the door handle. She walks in slowly, suddenly afraid that her legs will wobble and give way underneath her.

'We don't have to do anything, Covey.' Peter smirks at her, though she can see the slight worry and uncertainty in his eyes.

She pulls his hand so that he comes closer to her. He responds quickly holding her arms, his hands just on her elbows. He is trying to keep a distance from her so that she doesn't feel pressured. But she doesn't feel pressured. Not at all. She wants him more than anything, despite her nervousness. She just finds herself getting nervous to be with him all over and the feeling she gets of knowing that he is completely hers.

He lets go of her for a moment when she pulls her arms back reaching for her sweater dress which was perfect for the fall night. She yanks the material over her head and lets it drop on the floor. Peter's eyes are glued to the blue lingerie she is wearing, his jaw slightly more open. He quickly clears his throat, running his hand through his hair nervously as he tries to take his eyes off her. It's so peculiar seeing him flustered like this. She is blushing slightly, but more and more she becomes more comfortable with the enticing affect that she has on Peter when standing in front of him like this. It's almost tantalisingly slow, watching him step towards her again, wrapping his arms around her waist.

She looks up at him and whispers. 'Do I look like I don't want to do anything?'

He chuckles slightly, before his face drops again as he takes her in. Despite standing in front of him in barely any clothing his eyes are glued on her face. He cups his hand around her, stroking the side of her face. He looks at her with such awe and love as his eyes trace over all of her features. She lasts a few seconds until she begins to blush under his gaze, something that makes him only want to hold her attention more. His cool hands are the perfect antidote to the blood rushing to her cheeks.

'You're so perfect.' He tells her.

'I try.' She teases him, unsure of how else to react to this declaration. Peter is very often more easy going and confident, not feeling the need to constantly compliment her, so it's a shock when he does, particularly at a moment like this.

He laughs lightly at her, before capturing her mouth in a kiss. As soon as his lips touch hers, he surges up a little more. The sweet moment now being transformed into something else entirely. He grasps her thigh, lifting her off the ground and holding her legs around his hips. She reaches for his shirt, which she takes off with help. It gets added to the pile of clothes as they share one of the many special moments of their night to come.

XXXXXXXXXX

The year goes quickly her and Peter are of course still going strong despite everything though. He makes special trips up to UNC to see her as often as he can and she is able to drive down and see him and her family a lot as well. She comes back to watch Kitty in her first musical, 'Cats', where she plays a very fitting character that has plenty of lines that match her own feisty personality. It's during that trip that Kitty also gets her first period and Peter sprains his ankle.

Her and her family had just gotten home from watching Kitty's musical. Trina and Lara Jean had gotten tickets to another night of the showing after they loved the opening so much. Lara Jean hadn't had a chance to see Peter at all that weekend though. She hadn't seen him for almost a month, not since Christmas break anyway. Though they had been texting constantly, there didn't seem to be enough time for them to finally meet up. She had gone to the opening night, then Peter had gym training, then she was catching up with Selena who was a few hours away, then Peter had extended family visiting, then Trina dragged her to a SoulCycle and it just went on and on, until they couldn't find a single moment free for both of them. It was her last night and she had just about given up all hope of being able to see Peter before she went back. Kitty was exhausted from performing over the last 3 nights and Trina and her dad had gone to stay with Trina's sister after they had gone back to her house following the performance. It was when she was snuggled up with a book, feeling sorry for herself about not seeing Peter that she heard a knock at the window. She knew it was Peter and in her excitement ran to greet him. She almost pushed him out the window as she hugged him and he wasn't even fully in, by the time her lips were frantically searching for his.

'Woah Covey, keen are we?' he smirked at her, as she kept prying at his shirt.

She rolled her eyes and pressed her lips against his neck, trailing them along his jugular to his jawline. His breath caught slightly in his throat as she did, letting her know he was just as keen as she was. It was these moments she loved the most. She felt utterly consumed by him, his scent wafting around her as his body pressed against her and as he slipped into her, she loved to watch his eyelids flutter closed softly breaking his intense stare as their breathing grew heavier together. Everything with Peter always felt so incredible. She could feel his desire for her radiating off of him as he meticulously attended to her every need insuring that it was as much a pleasure for her as it was for him. Her favourite thing was how he would pause to bring her up to him to insure they hit their climax together. It's how they got to that moment. His head was resting on her clavicle, as she felt his heavy breathing by her skin. He kissed her neck a few times, not in the same way as before but in a sweet way as if saying thank you. He leaned up to look at her and pulled himself up to his elbows. They were both trying to get their breathing back to normal as they gazed as each other. He reached across her, pulling her now wet hair from her sweaty face and tucking it behind her ear, then gave her a quick kiss on the lips.

Pulling back from him, she couldn't help but hold his face between her hands. Her desire for him had been overriding her thoughts before and she forgot how much she had missed him, how much her heart ached when she could finally see his face. He must have been thinking the same thing as his eyes hadn't left hers either. When she almost couldn't bear another second of not having his lips on her, she heard it.

'LARA JEAN!' Kitty screamed.

Shocks went through her body, as she pushed Peter off her and he quickly tried to escape her bed. He got tangled in the sheets trying to twist his body out of them too quickly, bringing Lara Jean to the ground with him.

'Peter, I didn't lock the door.' Lara Jean whispers to him hastily.

Hs eyes widen, as he squirms again. Kitty is still calling her name, which means she'll be barging into her room, any minute now. The thought of her witnessing anything between Lara Jean and Peter is enough to make Lara Jean want to run and hide. Eventually they get out from the under the sheets, Peter trying as hard as he can to get dressed quickly as she throws whatever clothes she can at him.

'Covey, good aim!' Peter whispers sarcastically to her, when she throws his shirt into his face when he is trying to get on his jeans.

'Aiming isn't really on my mind right now, Kavinsky.' She fires back under her breath.

She glares at him which immediately makes him look guilty about joking at a time like this. They both scramble to put on clothes, despite Peter trying to calm her down, her nerves are on edge at the sound of Kitty's scream.

'She probably just accidentally liked a boy's Instagram from 2 years ago.' Peter suggests, pulling his shirt over his head.

'I don't know, but she'll be in here any minute.'

He doesn't even get a chance to put his shoes on, before Lara Jean hears Kitty's door open down the hall and decides to push Peter out of the window. He barely manages to get a peck on the lips before the door handle moves.

'Kitty!' she exclaims. She winces as she hears a commotion of noise outside her window obviously from Peter.

Kitty looks wide eyed at Lara Jean. 'I'm DYING!' she professes, falling to her knees.

Usually Lara Jean would roll her eyes at her little sister's hysterics, but right now she is grateful she it given she hasn't noticed the state of Lara Jean's hair, her room or the noises from the yard.

'What's happened?'

'There's all this blood in my bed.'

Lara Jean has to hold back a smile. 'Welcome to Womanhood, Kitty.'

'No it's not my period. It's worse than that.' She proclaims.

Kitty pulls her to her room and points to the pool of blood in her bed. 'That's too much for a period.'

Lara Jean chuckles. 'Nah, that's just one night.'

'What?' Kitty shrieks.

Lara Jean laughs a little to herself as she walks back to her room to help Kitty.

Little did she know that the commotion out her window was Peter, slipping off the roof and twisting his ankle. He hadn't broken it, thank goodness, but had managed to sprain it. He was out for the next two games, but said he would do it all over again in a heartbeat. Something that made Lara Jean both flattered and embarrassed. It was so humiliating having to look at the boot on his ankle for so long. Whenever he caught her staring he would give her a wink and a smirk that brought her right back to the events from that injury, usually making her hot and heavy while they were in public or talking to someone they knew. Kitty kept asking about it to which Peter responded with a very weak _'I fell'_. She was so grateful it was just the 2 games, she knew that if it was anymore then they would have struggled to stay positive. Peter loves his lacrosse so much that to have it ripped away from him now would have resulted in a whole identity crisis which she doesn't know if she could cope with.

At the end of their sophomore year, everything feels so much more stressful. It doesn't help that Lara Jean still has exams after Peter and her friends finish theirs. She has enjoyed having their company and support to study so is missing it more than ever now. Peter organises to come down and stay the night before her last exam. She feels so relieved knowing he can help calm her nerves the night before and can drive her back to home as soon as she finishes and packs up.

She is lunging her stuff over the library, trying to ignore all the sweat on her face from having to walk so far in the heat when her phone rings. She lets it ring out, hoping to call whoever it is back later. It rings again though which makes her more curious but not enough to drop everything and answer. The third time it rings is when she cracks and finds a table to dump her things on before answering.

She pulls out her phone and sees Peter is calling her. Weird that he is calling her this early since she is going to be seeing him that night. 'Peter?' She answers.

'Hey Lara Jean.' His voice is unrecognisable.

While she knows that it's him but she has never heard this tone before nervous, upset even a little mad.

'Are you calling me to tell me you'll be here even earlier?' She jokes but secretly trying to give him a hint. He has the whole day off.

He sighs. 'Yeah about that... I can't make it tonight, but I'll be there first thing tomorrow.'

Her heart drops. The main thing keeping her through her studies today was knowing that she would be falling asleep in his arms tonight. 'What happened?' She asks in a small voice.

'It has nothing to do with you I promise. You have no idea how badly I want to come down but the coach wants to meet with me.'

'What? Why?'

'I have no idea but I don't think it's good.'

'You've had your best season and the team won mainly because of you not to mention how much you helped freshmen why wouldn't it be good?' She asks sensing his uncertainty of lacrosse coming back.

'I know but why would he want to talk? I'm scared, like what if they're taking away my scholarship? What if they don't want me on the team anymore? I just have no clue.' She can sense his fear and how afraid he is right now. His voice shakes and cracks slightly as he talks about his fears. She can imagine him vigorously running his hands through his hair.

'Peter, just breathe.' She instructs him. 'It's going to be ok. They aren't going to do any of that. I promise you that ok?'

'Ok Covey.' Though she can hear the uncertainty in his voice.

'What time is the meeting?'

'It's a 6pm call.'

'Ok that's only another 6 hours away. I have to study but call me after?'

'Of course. Good luck studying.'

'Thanks I love you.'

'I love you too.'

She felt a rush of shame of not being able to reassure Peter more. She knows when it comes to his lacrosse, there is much more that he is as dedicated to or invested in. If he loses that she can't even imagine how hard it will be for him to find his footing again, it's become so integral to his sense of self. For her she doesn't really care, she loves him with or without lacrosse but it's convincing him of that which would be the struggle. She spends the rest of the day studying hard with her phone facing upwards in case she hears anything more from Peter. He doesn't text her though or even ring her. It's almost 8pm when she hasn't heard anything from him. She messages him a few times and tries to call but he doesn't reply and he doesn't answer. She wonders what could have happened. Immediately her mind thinks of the worst thing. Peter always shuts her out when things go wrong, if he did lose his scholarship like he said then he definitely wouldn't be wanting to talk to her and would be overthinking everything. She is starting to worry about him and how he is feeling when she finally gets a message.

Peter: Talk later.

Good luck

I love you

She tries calling him but he doesn't pick up so eventually she sends an I love you back and gets back to her studying. It's nibbling away at her how he isn't telling her something but she decides to deal with it tomorrow. It's about 10:30pm when she decides to go to bed. She could do more study but ultimately she'll probably do better on her test if she gets enough sleep. She tries to call Peter one last time but it doesn't go through again so she gives up.

She isn't sure what time it is when she is woken up by someone shifting her slightly.

Her eyes open a little to see Peter trying to wiggle his way between her and the wall on her bed. 'Peter!' She exclaims happily, her voice still thick with sleep.

'Hey Covey, shhhhh go back to sleep.' He strokes her hair once he manages to fit himself behind her. He pulls her against his chest, resting his hand on her hip.

The next morning she wakes up with a jolt and is beginning to believe she hallucinated the events from the night before. The space next to her bed is empty and shows no signs of being slept in. She presses her face against that side of the pillow and smiles as she inhales Peter's Dove Soap and his mother's detergent. It's the one thing that is keeping her sane. She sees her exam flashcards next to her desk and picks them up to start perusing before her exam. She isn't even 10 cards in when she hears someone trying to open the door. She jumps to her feet to open it and sees Peter struggling with a paper bag in his hands and two coffees.

'Surprise!' he greets her.

'Yay, thanks Peter!' she says excitedly, she jumps up to kiss him.

His face goes a little sour and he turns his head. 'Sorry I've still got morning breath.'

She wants to tell him that she doesn't care and she has it as well, but there is something on his face that seems to stop her. A shiftiness lie he is guilty or repulsed by her. She decides not to push it.

'Ready to ace your exam?' he gives her a big smile and little squeeze of her knee.

'Yep!" She smiles at him. She can tell something is wrong with him but will discuss it with him after the exam.

XXXXX

The exam isn't as bad as she thought it would be. There are many similar questions that she had revised the day before which she hopes she got correct. She is walking out of the exam with Jen by her side who is going on about her answers.

'So what do you have planned for the rest of the day?' Jen asks, finally finishing her rant about knowing how to do a question despite not doing it in the exam.

'I've gotta chat to Peter then he's taking me home.' She smiles.

'Oh chat to him about what?' Jen prods.

She sighs. She doesn't want to breach his privacy and indulge Jen with details, but at the same time she needs to be sure that she isn't overreacting or reading into anything.

'He just… so he was supposed to drive up yesterday afternoon, but then he had an unexpected meeting with his lacrosse coach…' she starts.

'Wait, but the season finished weeks ago.'

'Yeah he didn't know why. He said he would come today, but then he showed up in the middle of last night and came to cuddle with me, but then this morning he got me breakfast and everything then refused to kiss me or anything.' She explains.

'Like middle of the night?'

'Like it was probably later than midnight.'

'That's not good.'

'What? Why?' Lara Jean, feels her voice rising a little but keep looking at Jen.

'I don't know, I mean he has a weird meeting with a coach that is very unexpected and not at all rational to be having, then suddenly shows up to see you in the middle of the night, then acts all nice to you but doesn't want to touch you intimately or kiss… You might want to find another lift back if you chat before going home.'

She goes cold. 'You don't think?'

'Did you talk to him before the meeting?'

'Yeah, he sounded like scared and uncertain.'

'That's how they all do.'

'You don't think….?' A question hangs in the air between them.

'I don't know, LJ, but the signs aren't good.'

She takes a shaky breath now knowing she definitely needs to talk to Peter. He wouldn't do this to them. There was no way. After everything that his dad did to his mum and his family, he couldn't do that to her, but then she remembers that the main male figure in his life was his dad. Who did he have to look up to? Who's behave would he be most likely to repeat? She feels her legs pumping a little faster as she tries to get to her dorm, before she wants to hide away.

'Covey, you're done!' Peter greets her, throwing his arms up.

'I am!' She says excitedly and runs to hug him. She pulls away slightly and looks at his expectedly.

'I'm proud of you.' He looks down at her, but his eyes aren't meeting hers.

'Aren't you going to give me a celebratory kiss?'

He shifts on his legs and looks down. 'I actually think I'm coming down with something and don't want to give it to you…' he starts.

Immediately she is on her feet. 'That's bullshit and you know it.'

His eyes widen at her reaction, particularly how she is swearing at him. 'Covey…'

'No! Don't "Covey" me! Peter just tell me the truth! Who is she?' she demands.

His eyebrows furrow. 'Who is who?'

'The girl who you cheated on me with which is why you are acting so guilty and are refusing to kiss me.'

'What? You think I cheated on you?' he raises his eyebrows and voice goes high.

'Well I can't see any other explanation.'

He sighs, though she notices he hasn't answered the question. 'I had a meeting with the coach.'

'Sure….' She rolls her eyes. 'Because it makes sense to be meeting despite the season being over and the next is months away.'

'Wait…'

'I can't believe I thought you were scared about lacrosse, clearly you were just scared I was going to find out.' She rambles.

'Hey…' he tries again.

'How could you do this to us? I mean really you couldn't have just come down earlier, then maybe you wouldn't have..'

'He offered me Team Captain, Covey!' Peter blurts out at her.

She goes still and looks at Peter with wide eyes. 'What?'

He ruffs the back of his head. 'I got called into a meeting because they wanted to know if I was keen to be UVA's first junior to be named Lacrosse Captain.'

'Peter, that's amazing.' She releases with a smile.

He shrugs, but hides his smile. 'I came as soon as I finished talking with some of the team. I wanted to be here as soon as I could because they need a decision by tomorrow.'

'A decision? You're taking it, right?'

He throws his arms out. 'I don't know.'

'Peter, why wouldn't you?'

He takes a step forward and brings his arms around her. 'Why do you think? Captain is a lot more responsibility and time, something I don't have a lot of with you…'

'You'll be fine.'

'It'll be even more time apart. Maybe only seeing each other on breaks or every month.' He supposes.

'But…'

'Not to mention the expectation to get the team to the Grand Final and the Championship again…'

'Peter…'

'Then you know how much I like to practice with the Freshers.'

'You're taking it.' She tells him firmly.

She engulfs her arms around her and rests her head against his chest. 'You are the only man on that team capable of leading and you are the best person for that position. You are going to be captain and we are going to be fine. I love you.'

He nods. 'I love you too…. With all my heart.'

He presses his face into her shoulder. 'I don't know what I would do without you.'

In that moment, she isn't sure either, but she definitely knows that Junior year is going to be a whole other story.

 _A/N: Lol, I'm back for a chapter then I'm gone again! I'm going to be stepping away from Fanfic for a while just because I'm back at uni and it's very hectic at the moment, so I don't really have time to be doing this, but I wanted to give you one last chapter before that happened. I am definitely going to be back to finish this story, I literally already have half of the epilogue done, but not for a while. I'll be keeping up the writing so expect lots when I'm back, but for a bit I'll be gone._

 _In the meantime, It would mean so much if you reviewed and favourited/followed, despite my long absence. I am sure it'll have me back even sooner! I am always so happy to get feedback and hope you love this chappy as much as I did!_


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